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In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle a question most couples are too afraid to ask out loud: What do you do when your spouse hasn't initiated sex in over a decade? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about intimacy, desire, and what's really going on beneath the surface.

Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding after devastating betrayal, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: a sexless marriage isn't actually about sex. It's about safety, avoidance, and what the nervous system has learned to protect itself from. And those patterns are quietly destroying more marriages than the fights ever could.

Laura shares why women often fear initiation and what that internal dialogue actually sounds like. Carl delivers the conversation most couples avoid: if your spouse has shut down sexually, their nervous system has learned avoidance as protection—and shaming them won't fix it.

From the three avenues every couple must explore (invisible hurdles, relational disconnect, and the meaning of sex in your marriage) to the two-month "pressure reset" that rebuilt their own intimacy—this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want to stop surviving and start connecting.

—-

This episode will challenge any couple who believes the problem is just about frequency when it's really about safety, honesty, and friendship.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

—

CHAPTERS:

00:00 The Sexless Marriage Epidemic

01:57 Why We're Not Marriage Experts

03:14 The Question That Started It All

04:44 Why The Church Doesn't Talk About This

08:05 Redefining What's "Normal" For Your Marriage

12:48 Three Questions That Actually Unlock Answers

14:24 God Behind Bars Partnership

15:59 Why Your Spouse Stopped Initiating

17:22 Go Higher Than Sex

18:52 How To Start The Conversation (Without Accusations)

21:49 Avenue 1: The Invisible Hurdles

24:52 Avenue 2: The Relational Disconnect

27:32 Be Kinder, Get More Action

29:11 Plana Partnership

30:24 Avenue 3: What Sex Means To You

33:45 The Two-Month Pressure Reset

37:16 When Your Needs Aren't The Priority

40:55 Why Having This Conversation Makes You Brave

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In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle the question every married couple avoids: What is my spouse not telling me—and what am I afraid to ask? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about knowing your partner.

Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding trust, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the moment curiosity dies, assumptions take over. And those assumptions are quietly destroying more marriages than the fights ever could.

Laura shares what she discovered when Carl checked her phone algorithm—and why the things we linger on reveal more than the things we say. Carl delivers the challenge most couples avoid: if swapping phones with your spouse sends a jolt through your body, that's not about technology. That's about distance and secrecy.

From the power of staying curious about someone you've known for decades, to why the unsaid things don't disappear—they just show up in ways you don't want—this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want to stop assuming and start connecting.

This episode will challenge any couple who believes they already know everything about each other.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

CHAPTERS:

00:00 One Way To Shift Your Marriage Fast

01:57 The Gift Of Not Fully Knowing Your Spouse

03:45 Laura's Australian Childhood

06:05 When Curiosity Dies Assumptions Take Over

07:00 God Behind Bars Partnership

07:45 The Algorithm Discovery That Started It All

10:17 The Phone Swap Challenge

13:15 Why This Game Scares People

15:01 The Thing You've Never Said Out Loud

17:04 What The Unsaid Does To Your Marriage

19:14 How To Create Safety For Vulnerability

21:08 Why Men Struggle To Open Up

22:17 Falling In Love With The Work

23:16 Plana Partnership

25:00 Why You Should Fight More Not Less

27:28 Fighting For Clarity Not Victory

29:24 Final Thoughts For Couples Ready To Go Deeper

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In this solo episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz challenges everything you think you know about New Year's resolutions and personal growth. The secret to a powerfully peaceful year is not doing more. It is doing less.

Drawing from his own experience in rehab, Carl shares the moment a therapist told a room full of successful men one simple instruction. Make your bed. If you cannot do that, book your ticket back. That one idea reveals the truth about keystone habits and why one small thing done consistently raises every area of your life.

Carl delivers three powerful shifts anyone can make right now. Pick one habit to build. Pick one avoidance to embrace. Pick one grievance to release. He unpacks the neuroscience showing that approaching feared things reduces anxiety by 70 percent within days, and why holding bitterness only punishes you while the person you resent has already moved on.

This episode will challenge anyone who believes real change requires a hundred new commitments.

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Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

---

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

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In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down with Blaine Bartell for round two of a conversation that sparked hundreds of messages from pastors in secret crisis. Blaine, a former megachurch pastor who led one of America's largest youth ministries, reveals the unspoken rule destroying leaders from the inside: "Thou shalt not get caught." For the first time, he shares the shocking moment when a well-known pastor looked him in the eye after his exposure and said, "You know what the difference is between you and me? You got caught." They dive deep into a buried Focus on the Family study revealing 68% of pastors struggle with porn, why that number is likely closer to 85% today, and why the church has created a system that disciplines men into secrecy rather than healing. From the identity shift that finally broke his 23-year addiction to why porn is never the real problem, this conversation exposes the epidemic nobody in church will talk about. Whether you're a pastor hiding in plain sight, a man who can't break free no matter how hard you try, or someone who loves a person trapped in secret shame, this episode offers a roadmap to the freedom of having nothing left to hide.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Blaine at: https://blainebartell.com/

Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.com

Supported by Plana - https://plana.org/

CHAPTERS:

00:00 - INTRO: "Thou Shalt Not Get Caught"

01:08 - Blaine's Story: 23 Years of Secret Addiction Behind Ministry Success

05:10 - Good Friday 2010: The Day Everything Was Exposed

09:50 - "You Got Caught. I Didn't." — What a Megachurch Pastor Told Him

14:52 - The Buried Study: Focus on the Family Found 68% of Pastors Struggle

20:26 - "When We Punish Honesty, We Disciple Secrecy"

23:45 - God Behind Bars Partnership

25:33 - How Jesus Restored Peter: Breakfast, Relationship, Mission

32:54 - Stop Raking Leaves: Why Porn Isn't the Real Problem

36:55 - "I Am a Beloved Son" — The 6 Words That Changed Everything

38:17 - Plana Partnership

41:10 - The New Pornography: DMs, Text Threads, and What Pastors Hide

47:07 - The Greatest Gift: Going to Sleep Without Secrets

56:16 - 4 Steps to Freedom and Sacred Rituals

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In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down with his 21-year-old daughter Ava for the conversation most dads are too afraid to have. What does my daughter actually need from me? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about strength, protection, and what it actually takes to lead your daughter well.

Drawing from their own journey of rebuilding after public failure, Carl and Ava expose an uncomfortable truth. Your daughter's inner world is far deeper than you realize. And two things can be true at once. A dad can be trying his best AND his daughter can be starving for real connection.

Ava shares what she needed most as a little girl but never said, including the moments Carl's "strength" actually created fear instead of safety. Carl delivers the perspective most dads never hear. What it is actually like to let your daughter see you broken, and why that vulnerability became the foundation of their relationship today.

From the power of the words that follow "you are" to why your best parenting will feel like friction in the moment, to the question every dad should ask his daughter, this episode delivers practical truths for fathers who want to stop performing and start connecting.

This episode will challenge any dad who believes he needs to have it all figured out.

Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ 

Follow Ava at https://www.instagram.com/avaangellentz/

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

CHAPTERS 

00:00 The Conversation Most Dads Avoid

02:40 This Is Not Pressure It Is Presence 

05:18 What Ava Needed Most As A Little Girl 

10:07 Why Vulnerability Made Them Closer 

14:37 God Behind Bars Partnership 

16:02 The Worst Advice Dads Receive 

19:26 Your Words Become Her Inner Voice 

22:00 The Dad Mistake That Creates Fear Not Safety 

25:00 When Trust Is Crushed Daughters Need Honesty 

29:50 Confrontation Is Not The Enemy Of Connection 

31:01 Truth 1 Her Inner World Is Deeper Than You Know 

34:24 Plana Partnership 

36:22 Truth 2 Your Best Parenting Feels Like Friction 

38:59 Truth 3 Humanity Strengthens Leadership 

43:26 Truth 4 The Power Of You Are 

45:07 Truth 5 Legacy Should Always Be Growing 

46:59 What Daughters Wish Their Dads Would Ask 

49:49 Final Words For Dads Ready To Lead Differently 

54:06 Whatever You Avoid Controls You

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---

In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the conversation most couples recovering from betrayal are too afraid to have. What do we do about sex? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about protection, connection, and what it actually takes to rebuild.

Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth. Intimacy is not a reward system. It is a connection system. And two things can be true at once. A betrayed wife can be protecting herself AND the relationship can be starving for connection.

Laura shares why she chose to pursue intimacy with Carl despite the trauma, including the moment she shook so badly he had to leave the room. Carl delivers the perspective most men never hear. What it is actually like to rebuild your sexuality without any hope of intimacy at home, and why white-knuckling is not recovery.

From the Gottman framework of Atone, Attune, Attach, to the 5-level ladder for rebuilding physical connection, to why compliance is not intimacy and consent is, this episode delivers practical frameworks for couples who want to stop avoiding the hardest conversation in recovery.

This episode will challenge any couple who believes removing intimacy has no cost.

---

Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

---

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

---

CHAPTERS

00:00 The Conversation Betrayed Couples Avoid

02:40 This Is Not Pressure It Is Options

05:18 What Recovery Actually Looks Like For The Man

10:07 Why Laura Chose Intimacy Despite The Trauma

14:37 God Behind Bars Partnership

16:02 The Worst Christian Advice Women Receive

19:26 The Science Of Bonding Stress And Well-Being

22:00 The Best Way To Stop Fighting

25:00 When Trust Is Crushed Couples Need Reconnection

29:50 Healthy Sex Is Not A Replacement For Recovery

31:01 The Gottman Framework Atone Attune Attach

34:24 Plana Partnership

36:22 Attunement Tuning The Guitar Before You Play

38:59 Non-Sexual Affection And The 5 Levels

43:26 Relearning Touch With No Goal And No Pressure

45:07 Erotic Connection Only When Both Can Say Yes

46:59 Weapon Reward Or Reconnection Which Are You Using

49:49 Final Reminders For Couples Rebuilding

54:06 Whatever You Avoid Controls You

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In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the question every couple secretly asks during the holidays: "Is this hard because we're healing—or hard because something is broken?" The answer will challenge everything you think you know about keeping the peace in your marriage.

Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the betrayed who obsesses and the betrayer who avoids are both destroying the peace faster than the affair ever could.

Laura shares why she had to stop being the "peace keeper" in her marriage and become a "clarity seeker"—even when it was messy. Carl delivers the challenge most men avoid: If you want your wife to trust you again, stop waiting for her to calm down before you get honest. An honest man tells on himself.

From the difference between "clearing things up" and "letting things go," to why resentment accumulation destroys more marriages than the original betrayal, to their personal story of surviving Carl's rehab during Christmas with three kids—this episode delivers practical frameworks you can use today.

This episode will challenge any couple who believes avoiding hard conversations is how you keep the peace.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com 

CHAPTERS:

00:00 - If You Dread The Holidays, This Is For You

01:57 - The Stats: 64% Depression Increase + 300% Conflict Amplification

04:32 - Carl In Rehab On Christmas: How We Survived

08:24 - The "Keep The Peace" Trap

11:33 - Peace Is NOT The Absence Of Conflict

14:53 - The 24-Hour Repair Rule (The #1 Marriage Predictor)

18:28 - Clear Some Things Up: The Framework

22:16 - Repair Attempts Within 24 Hours

25:02 - Vulnerable Ownership Lowers Defenses In 90 Seconds

28:09 - How To Bring Up An Issue Without Attacking

31:44 - Plana Partnership

32:10 - Clear Up The Rules Of Engagement

34:43 - The Power Of Short Accounts

38:59 - Let Some Things Go: Celebrating What Annoys You

40:14 - Laura's 4 Annoying Things About Carl

44:00 - Carl's 5 Annoying Things About Laura

49:07 - What Can You Let Go Of Today?

53:16 - Final Questions Before The Holidays End

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I visited Angola Prison, one of America's largest maximum security facilities, and what I witnessed broke me in the best way possible. This is Yogi. He's serving 65 years. He might be the freest man I've ever met.

I went with my friend Jake Bodin from God Behind Bars to experience the first-ever daddy-daughter dance inside a maximum security prison. Men serving 40 years to life, some who hadn't hugged their daughters in decades, slow dancing with their little girls.

I wasn't ready.

We walked through death row. We talked to men who will never leave. And what I found wasn't despair. It was faith, peace, and freedom I've rarely seen outside these walls.

Yogi got denied parole after doing everything right for 25 years. His response? "Maybe it's for one more."

One more person to reach. One more life to change.

This episode will challenge how you think about freedom, faith, gratitude, and what it really means to be stuck.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

—

// SUPPORT GOD BEHIND BARS: https://godbehindbarsnow.com

__

🙏 PRAY FOR YOGI

He's been incarcerated for 25 years and leads men spiritually every single day at Angola. Add him to your prayer list.

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In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the question every couple secretly asks after betrayal: "Is this hard because we're healing—or hard because something is broken?" The answer will challenge everything you think you know about recovery.

Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the betrayed wife often has to work harder than the husband who cheated. Not because it's fair—it's absolutely not—but because staying stuck in suspicion will destroy you faster than the affair ever could.

Laura shares why she had to stop being the "police officer" in her marriage and become a "peaceful observer of change." Carl delivers the challenge most men avoid: if you want your wife to trust you again, stop waiting for her to ask the right questions. An honest man tells on himself.

From the difference between "spotlight work" and "shadow work," to why demanding honesty when you can't handle the answers creates a dangerous cycle, this episode delivers practical frameworks you can use today.

This episode will challenge any betrayed spouse who believes healing is the cheater's job alone.

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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

---

Supported by Plana

https://plana.org/

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## CHAPTERS:

00:00 - Is This The Right Kind of Hard?

05:33 - The "You Cheated" Trump Card

09:49 - Why This Takes Constant Work

13:04 - Spotlight Work vs Shadow Work

20:21 - The Betrayed Wife Has To Work Too

27:21 - Police Officer vs Peace Observer

38:59 - Plana Partnership

39:54 - What An Honest Man Will Tell You

51:22 - Patterns Over Promises

55:47 - The Right Kind of Difficult

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In this urgent conversation, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle an email that made them immediately stop everything and record: a woman whose husband has had over 200+ sexual encounters with prostitutes, massage parlors, and emotional affairs—yet he's calling HER controlling for asking him to stop chatting with younger women at the gym. Drawing from their own five years of rebuilding trust after infidelity, they expose the dangerous pattern that destroys second chances: the betrayer who refuses to see what's obvious. Carl reveals why any man who's broken his marriage vows cannot ask anything "outrageous" from his wife ("You could ask me to build a papier-mâché dragon and I'm doing it"), while Laura opens up about the exhausting reality of being told you're crazy when your intuition was right all along. They demolish the myth that boundaries after betrayal are "controlling" when the brutal truth is: if you cheated, you created this—every single boundary she asks for is sacred, not crazy. From why "I'm just being friendly" is the most dangerous phrase a cheating husband can say, to the therapist who tricked Carl into humility by making him assume everything he heard was right for one week, this episode validates every betrayed partner who's been gaslit into thinking their needs are unreasonable. They reveal why the betrayed person gets to be "selfish" for a season (and why that season might be 10 years), how tolerance is conditioned over time starting way before marriage, and why Carl still reports when there's a woman receptionist at his doctor's office five years later. The frame that changes everything: You can't rebuild trust while the behaviors that broke it are still being defended. And if you're the one who cheated and you're sitting there thinking "but she's being unreasonable" while defending your right to talk to other women, this conversation exposes why you're not ready to change and what that means for your marriage. Warning: This episode will challenge men who think they've apologized enough and may trigger those who've weaponized the word "controlling" to avoid accountability for their betrayal.

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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 - Urgent Pod: The Email That Made Us Record Immediately

03:33 - 200+ Affairs And He Says She's Being Ridiculous

07:16 - Nothing You're Asked Is Outrageous After Betrayal

11:48 - You Created This Pattern Over Hundreds Of Decisions

15:00 - The Receptionist Story: Why Carl Still Reports Everything

17:09 - You Can't Rebuild Trust While Defending Old Behaviors

22:00 - "I'm Just Being Friendly" Is Feeding An Old System

27:40 - Controlling vs. Protecting: How To Know The Difference

32:14 - Shaming vs. Setting Boundaries: The Dignity Question

36:07 - What You Tolerate: Trauma, Fear, And Fatigue

40:43 - What Pattern Of Mine Keeps Me Stuck In Their Pattern?

43:19 - The College Boyfriend Story: How Tolerance Gets Conditioned

45:40 - If Love Costs You Peace, Is It Love?

47:21 - The Question Every Husband Should Ask About Boundaries

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