Get our new book Overcoming Infidelity: 10 Conversations to Help Heal the Hurt here:

- Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1668230496

- Barnes and Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/overcoming-infidelity-carl-lentz/1149403061?ean=9781668230510

- Simon and Schuster: https://www.simonandschuster.com.au/books/Overcoming-Infidelity/Carl-Lentz/9781668230510

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Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]

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A listener writes in about something she has never fully admitted before. She

was never physically attracted to her husband. She chose him because he loved

Jesus and she believed he would be a good husband and father. They have never

had a good sex life. And now, after his infidelity, the attraction is completely

gone and she does not know where to go from here.

Carl and Laura break down the two pillars that build genuine sexual attraction,

security and mystery, and explain exactly how infidelity destroys both. Carl

shares why your wife's nervous system is a direct mirror of your tone and

consistency over time. Laura walks through her four-question matrix for

identifying exactly why attraction is gone, because the reason determines the

path. From the difference between companionate love and erotic love, to why

admiration is the most underrated on-ramp to desire, this episode delivers the

kind of counsel most people cannot find anywhere else.

This episode will challenge anyone who has ever confused being a good person

with being a desirable partner.

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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

----

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Supported by Plana - https://plana.org/

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get our new book Overcoming Infidelity: 10 Conversations to Help Heal the Hurt here:

• Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1668230496
• Barnes and Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/overcoming-infidelity-carl-lentz/1149403061?ean=9781668230510
• Simon and Schuster: https://www.simonandschuster.com.au/books/Overcoming-Infidelity/Carl-Lentz/9781668230510

---

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]

In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura announce something they have been building for years, their book Overcoming Infidelity: 10 Conversations to Help Heal the Hurt, and then open the inbox and answer three of the most painful emails they have ever received. No filter. No soft answers. Just honest, experience-backed responses from two people who have lived this.

Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey through betrayal, rebuilding, and recovery, Carl and Laura tackle three gut-wrenching listener questions and do not flinch. A teenage daughter who discovered her mother's affair, confronted it, and now fears she will never have a safe marriage of her own. A wife whose husband had an affair at work a year and a half ago and still shows up every day to the same office as the woman he cheated with. And a woman married to a pastor who had an emotional affair with a church volunteer, blamed his wife for it, quit marriage counseling because the therapist focused too much on the affair, and is now asking for a divorce while still messaging other women.

Carl unpacks the word "qualifier," a term from sexual addiction recovery, and why no contact is not optional, it is the floor. He delivers the truth every man in this situation needs to hear: if your wife's safety is not worth you moving heaven and earth, you need to be honest about what that means. Laura shares what it actually looked like when she chose to stay, not from weakness but from power, and the exact moment she made clear she was moving on with her life with or without him.

From why the person who discovers the affair never caused the explosion, to what it means when a man says "you pushed me to this," to why your wife's nervous system is a direct mirror of your honesty and consistency over time, this episode delivers the kind of counsel most people cannot find anywhere else.

This episode will challenge anyone who believes that stopping the behavior is the same thing as doing the work.

─────────────────────

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ 

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]

—

In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle five questions most couples are too afraid to say out loud: Is watching pornographic Instagram accounts cheating? What do you do when your husband's porn addiction has shut down your sex life completely? How do you find a godly partner after everything you've been through? Is your wife overreacting after an emotional affair – and can you even ask that? And does it really take this long to be fully honest after betrayal?

The answer to all of them will challenge everything you think you know about loyalty, intimacy, and what real honesty actually costs.

Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey through betrayal, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: most couples aren't fighting about the wrong things. They're avoiding the right conversation entirely. Whether it's a husband defending his Instagram habits, a wife starving for physical closeness while her husband battles porn-induced erectile dysfunction, or a betrayed spouse wondering if her reaction is too much – the pattern is always the same. Clarity gets delayed. Pain gets prolonged. And both people slowly stop trusting.

Laura shares what it's like to carry shame you didn't earn, and why a wife's confidence has nothing to do with her husband's addiction. Carl delivers the message most betraying spouses need to hear: you don't get to decide what your partner can handle. Full disclosure isn't a punishment. It's the only road back.

From the "If it's not a big deal, stop doing it" challenge that silences every deflection, to why two weeks is approximately enough time to finish a Netflix show – not repair a marriage – to the 24-hour honesty rule that rebuilt theirs, this episode delivers practical truth for anyone willing to stop surviving and start connecting.

This episode will challenge any couple still negotiating how much truth is enough.

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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

—

Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]

In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura do something brand new: they open the inbox and answer real questions from real people navigating the hardest seasons of their marriages. No scripts. No filter. Just honest, experience-backed responses to the emails and DMs that have been flooding in for years.

Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey through betrayal, rebuilding, and recovery, Carl and Laura tackle four gut-wrenching listener questions—and don't hold back. From a wife whose husband is weaponizing scripture after years of infidelity, to a man whose wife refuses to cut off the affair partner, to a woman whose unfaithful husband expects love after doing the bare minimum—this episode exposes the patterns that keep broken marriages stuck and the truths that set people free.

Laura shares the exact daily check-in framework—physically, emotionally, spiritually, and sexually—that became a cornerstone of their rebuilding process, including the words that were completely off the table. Carl delivers the standard every betrayer needs to hear: not cheating anymore doesn't earn you credit. That's the minimum. The minimum is over and above.

From why "God hates divorce" is not a weapon, to the "two truths" tool that has carried Laura through five years of healing, to why consistency over years matters more than heroic effort over months—this episode delivers the kind of counsel most people can't find anywhere else.

This episode will challenge anyone who believes change is proven by words instead of time, fruit, and evidence.

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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

-

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

—

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

-

Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 We're Doing Something New

02:17 What Are Daily Check-Ins After Betrayal?

05:58 The Words We Banned From Our Check-Ins

09:30 When Should Reconciliation Stop Being An Option?

13:04 How Do You Actually Know Someone Has Changed?

17:06 God Behind Bars Partnership

17:39 Should Contact With The Affair Partner Be Cut Off?

23:40 Feelings Don't Lead – Principles Do

25:41 My Husband Isn't Going Above And Beyond

30:11 Plana Partnership

30:33 Is There Hope For Change After Betrayal?

35:43 The Two Truths Tool That Changed Everything

39:18 Consistency Is The Only Proof That Matters

46:54 Final Thoughts: Nobody Is Too Far Gone

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]

—

In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle the question most couples never ask out loud: Do I even know what I need anymore? And have I actually told them? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about needs, resentment, and why so many marriages slowly drift apart.

Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding after Laura couldn't name a single personal need for months, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: couples don't fail because they have needs. They fail because needs go unspoken, then assumed, then resented. And that quiet drift is destroying more marriages than any loud fight ever could.

Laura shares what it took to finally identify her own needs after years of putting everyone else first and why it took months before she felt safe enough to voice them. Carl delivers the challenge most husbands avoid: if you're waiting for your wife to validate you but you haven't validated yourself, you're handing her a weight nobody was meant to carry.

From why your needs must be updated like an iPhone, to the definition of validation that changes everything, to why withholding encouragement from your spouse leaves them vulnerable to hear it from someone else, this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want to stop assuming and start connecting.

This episode will challenge any marriage that's been running on old information while wondering why nothing feels right anymore.

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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

—-

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

—

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Am I Too Needy? Maybe That's The Point

01:16 Why "You Complete Me" Is A Terrible Operating System

03:34 Half Your Fights Are Really About This

05:00 Your Needs Must Be Updated Like An iPhone

07:12 Couples Don't Fail Because Of Needs

09:22 Laura Couldn't Name A Single Need For Months

11:51 God Behind Bars Partnership

13:07 Own Your Needs First Then Share The Remainder

19:23 How Do We Handle The Need For Validation

19:54 Plana Partnership

22:45 Why A Wife's Voice Is Uniquely Powerful

27:10 The Connection Between Empty Tanks And Affairs

31:37 Final Thoughts: Become The Needy Couple

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]

-

In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle a question that arrived in their inbox and it's one millions of women are silently asking: What happened to me? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about marriage, identity, and what it really means to put others first.

Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding after Laura lost herself in the role of "first responder" to their family, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: many women haven't lost their voice. They've learned it wasn't safe to use it. And that quiet disappearance is destroying more marriages than any loud fight ever could.

Laura shares the moment everything shifted, standing on a beach telling Carl she was done waiting for him to change. Carl delivers the hard truth most husbands avoid: if you say you want a strong wife but shut her down when she speaks, you don't want a partner. You want a convenience.

From rethinking what it means to put others first, to the three questions that reveal whether you're actually growing, to the warning label every husband needs before saying he wants an empowered wife, this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want both people to thrive.

This episode will challenge any marriage that's been running on one person's dreams while the other quietly disappears.

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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 The Question That Broke Us Open

02:41 The Cocktail That Makes Women Disappear

06:13 Empowered Woman First, Wife And Mother Flows From It

09:00 The Beach Moment That Changed Everything

11:22 Rethink What Putting Others First Really Means

15:50 Where To Actually Start

18:08 God Behind Bars Partnership

21:32 Three Ways To Measure Your Growth

24:10 Do You Really Want An Empowered Woman

27:32 Warning Label For Husbands

30:07 Final Thoughts: Build A Marriage You Both Enjoy

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]

In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle a question most couples are too afraid to ask out loud: What do you do when your spouse hasn't initiated sex in over a decade? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about intimacy, desire, and what's really going on beneath the surface.

Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding after devastating betrayal, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: a sexless marriage isn't actually about sex. It's about safety, avoidance, and what the nervous system has learned to protect itself from. And those patterns are quietly destroying more marriages than the fights ever could.

Laura shares why women often fear initiation and what that internal dialogue actually sounds like. Carl delivers the conversation most couples avoid: if your spouse has shut down sexually, their nervous system has learned avoidance as protection—and shaming them won't fix it.

From the three avenues every couple must explore (invisible hurdles, relational disconnect, and the meaning of sex in your marriage) to the two-month "pressure reset" that rebuilt their own intimacy—this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want to stop surviving and start connecting.

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This episode will challenge any couple who believes the problem is just about frequency when it's really about safety, honesty, and friendship.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 The Sexless Marriage Epidemic

01:57 Why We're Not Marriage Experts

03:14 The Question That Started It All

04:44 Why The Church Doesn't Talk About This

08:05 Redefining What's "Normal" For Your Marriage

12:48 Three Questions That Actually Unlock Answers

14:24 God Behind Bars Partnership

15:59 Why Your Spouse Stopped Initiating

17:22 Go Higher Than Sex

18:52 How To Start The Conversation (Without Accusations)

21:49 Avenue 1: The Invisible Hurdles

24:52 Avenue 2: The Relational Disconnect

27:32 Be Kinder, Get More Action

29:11 Plana Partnership

30:24 Avenue 3: What Sex Means To You

33:45 The Two-Month Pressure Reset

37:16 When Your Needs Aren't The Priority

40:55 Why Having This Conversation Makes You Brave

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]

In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle the question every married couple avoids: What is my spouse not telling me—and what am I afraid to ask? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about knowing your partner.

Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding trust, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the moment curiosity dies, assumptions take over. And those assumptions are quietly destroying more marriages than the fights ever could.

Laura shares what she discovered when Carl checked her phone algorithm—and why the things we linger on reveal more than the things we say. Carl delivers the challenge most couples avoid: if swapping phones with your spouse sends a jolt through your body, that's not about technology. That's about distance and secrecy.

From the power of staying curious about someone you've known for decades, to why the unsaid things don't disappear—they just show up in ways you don't want—this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want to stop assuming and start connecting.

This episode will challenge any couple who believes they already know everything about each other.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

CHAPTERS:

00:00 One Way To Shift Your Marriage Fast

01:57 The Gift Of Not Fully Knowing Your Spouse

03:45 Laura's Australian Childhood

06:05 When Curiosity Dies Assumptions Take Over

07:00 God Behind Bars Partnership

07:45 The Algorithm Discovery That Started It All

10:17 The Phone Swap Challenge

13:15 Why This Game Scares People

15:01 The Thing You've Never Said Out Loud

17:04 What The Unsaid Does To Your Marriage

19:14 How To Create Safety For Vulnerability

21:08 Why Men Struggle To Open Up

22:17 Falling In Love With The Work

23:16 Plana Partnership

25:00 Why You Should Fight More Not Less

27:28 Fighting For Clarity Not Victory

29:24 Final Thoughts For Couples Ready To Go Deeper

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]

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In this solo episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz challenges everything you think you know about New Year's resolutions and personal growth. The secret to a powerfully peaceful year is not doing more. It is doing less.

Drawing from his own experience in rehab, Carl shares the moment a therapist told a room full of successful men one simple instruction. Make your bed. If you cannot do that, book your ticket back. That one idea reveals the truth about keystone habits and why one small thing done consistently raises every area of your life.

Carl delivers three powerful shifts anyone can make right now. Pick one habit to build. Pick one avoidance to embrace. Pick one grievance to release. He unpacks the neuroscience showing that approaching feared things reduces anxiety by 70 percent within days, and why holding bitterness only punishes you while the person you resent has already moved on.

This episode will challenge anyone who believes real change requires a hundred new commitments.

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Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

---

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down with Blaine Bartell for round two of a conversation that sparked hundreds of messages from pastors in secret crisis. Blaine, a former megachurch pastor who led one of America's largest youth ministries, reveals the unspoken rule destroying leaders from the inside: "Thou shalt not get caught." For the first time, he shares the shocking moment when a well-known pastor looked him in the eye after his exposure and said, "You know what the difference is between you and me? You got caught." They dive deep into a buried Focus on the Family study revealing 68% of pastors struggle with porn, why that number is likely closer to 85% today, and why the church has created a system that disciplines men into secrecy rather than healing. From the identity shift that finally broke his 23-year addiction to why porn is never the real problem, this conversation exposes the epidemic nobody in church will talk about. Whether you're a pastor hiding in plain sight, a man who can't break free no matter how hard you try, or someone who loves a person trapped in secret shame, this episode offers a roadmap to the freedom of having nothing left to hide.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Blaine at: https://blainebartell.com/

Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.com

Supported by Plana - https://plana.org/

CHAPTERS:

00:00 - INTRO: "Thou Shalt Not Get Caught"

01:08 - Blaine's Story: 23 Years of Secret Addiction Behind Ministry Success

05:10 - Good Friday 2010: The Day Everything Was Exposed

09:50 - "You Got Caught. I Didn't." — What a Megachurch Pastor Told Him

14:52 - The Buried Study: Focus on the Family Found 68% of Pastors Struggle

20:26 - "When We Punish Honesty, We Disciple Secrecy"

23:45 - God Behind Bars Partnership

25:33 - How Jesus Restored Peter: Breakfast, Relationship, Mission

32:54 - Stop Raking Leaves: Why Porn Isn't the Real Problem

36:55 - "I Am a Beloved Son" — The 6 Words That Changed Everything

38:17 - Plana Partnership

41:10 - The New Pornography: DMs, Text Threads, and What Pastors Hide

47:07 - The Greatest Gift: Going to Sleep Without Secrets

56:16 - 4 Steps to Freedom and Sacred Rituals

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.