This episode contains discussion of sexual violence, domestic abuse, coercive control, and their economic consequences. Please listen when you have space. Come back when you're ready.

This episode is a companion to EP13: The 12% Survivor Tax. Start there if you haven't listened yet. Join the conversation on substack https://substack.com/@jkfrederick

In this episode

Why Finland has the data the UK doesn't

The IFS research draws on Finnish administrative data, police records linked directly to individual earnings. The UK can't do this yet. Which means for decades we've been estimating the cost of gender-based violence, not measuring it. The Home Office put it at £66bn in 2019. The NAO revised that to £84bn by 2025, with no effective whole-system response.

What actually triggers the 12%

The income drop isn't only caused by direct physical violence. Women who cohabit with a man previously abusive to other women suffer identical losses even without recorded abuse in their own relationship. Coercive control, financial sabotage, isolation, job interference. Your only crime, if you can call it that, is that you didn't know.

The workplace finding that says everything

When a woman is assaulted at work, she loses her job. When a man is assaulted the perpetrator loses theirs. Same act. Different outcome. In female-managed organisations, perpetrators are more likely to be dismissed. In male-managed ones, the female employee leaves. Which tells you everything about why keeping women out of power was never accidental.

The 17% — and what it means

Rape survivors suffer a 17% earnings drop five years after the assault. That is larger than the economic penalty of a year in prison in the United States. The victim is penalised more heavily, economically, than the convicted criminal.

Is the 12% really permanent?

Permanent is what happens when conditions stay the same. But when women have financial autonomy, abuse rates fall. When the gender pay gap narrows, domestic violence reduces. When police bring criminal charges — not just risk assessments — reoffending falls by almost 40%. The 12% is not a fixed law of nature. It is the price of a system not functioning as it should.

The intergenerational cost

The tax doesn't stop with you. Exposure to domestic violence reduces educational attainment for children. Childhood abuse leads to lower employment and earnings in adulthood. The cycle carries forward unless it is deliberately broken.

Women's financial autonomy as violence prevention

The data keeps returning to the same answer across countries and decades. The more economic power a woman has, the less vulnerable she is. Financial autonomy is not a nice idea. It is a violence prevention strategy.

A note on race and ethnicity

The research is drawn from Finland, a country far less ethnically diverse than the UK. For women from African, Caribbean, Asian and other global majority backgrounds, twelve percent is likely the starting point. The real number here is probably higher.

Reflections

Where in your own life have you absorbed a cost that was never yours to carry?

What would it mean to name that as structural rather than personal?

The research points to financial autonomy as a protective factor. What does that bring up for you?

If the mess is the system and not the thinking — what changes in how you see your own story?

What question is this episode leaving you with?

Research referenced

IFS — Economic Consequences of Gender-Based Violence. 26 March 2026.

Adams et al., 2024a — 12% income drop and 6.7pp employment fall. Coercive control without physical violence produces identical losses.

Adams et al., 2024b — Workplace assault findings. Outcome depends on gender of victim and gender of management.

Adams et al., 2026 — Rape survivors, 17% earnings drop at five years. Higher court case clearance rates reduce economic harm.

Black et al., 2023 — Criminal charges reduce reoffending by 40%. Risk assessments alone do not. Greater Manchester Police data.

Amaral et al., 2023 — Arrest reduces future 999 calls by 50%. West Midlands data.

Aizer, 2010 — Narrowing the gender pay gap reduces domestic violence. US data.

Bhuller et al., 2024 — Domestic violence exposure reduces children's educational attainment. Norway.

NAO, 2025 — UK domestic abuse costs risen to £84bn. No effective whole-system response documented.

Home Office, 2019 — UK domestic abuse costs estimated at £66bn

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jkfrederick.substack.com

On the 26th of March 2026, the Institute for Fiscal Studies — one of the UK's most respected independent economic research institutions published a report on the economic consequences of gender-based violence. The headline finding: a permanent 12% drop in income for survivors of domestic abuse. Not temporary. Permanent.

In this episode, J'K responds to that report in real time. She connects the number to her own experience on both sides of employment navigating therapy, PTSD, court cases, and the daily performance of being fine. She traces a straight line from a legal doctrine written in 1736 to a report published this week. And she asks the question the data now makes impossible to avoid: who has been paying, and for how long?

KEY TOPICS

— The IFS report published 26th March 2026 and why it matters

— The 12% permanent income drop and what career scarring actually means

— The history of UK law written without women in mind — from 1736 to 2026

— The survivor tax as it falls on anyone surviving the unbearable and still showing up

— The employed experience: return-to-work pressure, mask-switching, and performing fine

— The freelance experience: invisible stress, no safety net, delivering anyway

— The Commitment Gap: why strategies exist but infrastructure does not

— IWD 2026: two themes, eighteen days apart — Give to Gain versus Rights, Justice, Action

— Safe leave, financial discretion, and named accountability in the workplace

— The Flow 60 framework and operating on a 58% deficit

— Dr Maya Angelou on defeat, rising, and knowing your own strength

— Reclaiming the 12%: from surviving the dark night to lighting it up

RESOURCES & REFERENCES

IFS Report — Economic Consequences of Gender-Based Violence (26th March 2026)

ifs.org.uk/articles/economic-consequences-gender-based-violence

Institute for Fiscal Studies — Homepage

ifs.org.uk

R v R [1991] UKHL 12 — House of Lords judgment abolishing the marital rape exemption

bailii.org/uk/cases/UKHL/1991/12.html

Istanbul Convention — Council of Europe key facts

coe.int/en/web/istanbul-convention/key-facts

UK ratification of the Istanbul Convention — House of Lords Library

lordslibrary.parliament.uk/istanbul-convention

UK VAWG Strategy — Freedom from Violence and Abuse (December 2025)

gov.uk/government/publications/violence-against-women-and-girls-strategy

The Commitment Gap — J'K Frederick, The Convening (2026) linkedin.com/in/jkfrederick

Domestic Abuse Safe Leave Bill — Parliamentary debate June 2025

bills.parliament.uk

SEO KEYWORDS

survivor tax · IFS domestic abuse report 2026 · 12% income drop domestic abuse · performing fine at work · burnout women UK · domestic abuse workplace policy · trauma and work performance · safe leave UK · VAWG strategy 2025 · commitment gap accountability · Istanbul Convention UK · give to gain IWD 2026 · career scarring domestic abuse · workplace crisis domestic abuse · J'K Frederick Like Me Officially

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I did not know there were two International Women's Days until I started asking questions.

When I came across the 2026 IWD theme, Give to Gain, I felt exhausted. Not inspired. Exhausted. And I needed to understand why.

So I pulled on the loose thread of my curiosity. What I found sitting underneath that theme, behind the purple banners and the cupped hands and the hashtag, is what this episode is about.

Who created Give to Gain? Who benefits from it? What does it mean that the organisation running the most visible International Women's Day platform is a private consultancy, not the United Nations? And why are some of the companies most visibly promoting this theme the same ones filing unexplained gender pay gaps?

This is not an anti-IWD episode. It is an invitation to think. To ask. To know the difference between a campaign that demands justice and one that asks women to give more.

I may be totally wrong. And I am okay with that. But what if I'm not wrong?

THEMES EXPLORED IN THIS EPISODE:

• The true origins of International Women's Day — 1908, 1909, and why March 8th was fixed in 1921 to honour the women of Petrograd

• The two IWD organisations happening on the same day, and why most people only know about one

• Who created the Give to Gain theme and who runs internationalwomensday.com

• The gender pay gap data behind the organisations publicly promoting the theme

• What the images on the Give to Gain campaign page communicate

• Purple washing, gaslighting, and performative allyship — the language for what you might already be feeling

• What it means to be a critical thinker in your own story

LISTENING CONTEXT:

This episode contains references to historical labour exploitation, gender-based violence statistics, and systemic inequality. There are no graphic descriptions. If something lands differently than expected, that is worth paying attention to.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• UN Women — official IWD 2026 theme: Rights. Justice. Action. For All Women and Girls — unwomen.org

• UK Gender Pay Gap Service — gender-pay-gap.service.gov.uk

• Angela Priestley, Women's Agenda (Australia) — 'Don't Give to Gain and get duped again this International Women's Day'

• Novara Media — 'internationalwomensday.com Is a Corporate Hijack'

• internationalwomensday.com — IWD 2026 Give to Gain Theme Page

• Aurora Ventures — aurora-ventures.com

This episode is for anyone who has ever followed a campaign without questioning it. For anyone who has felt something was off but could not name it. For anyone ready to think critically, in their own story, about what they consume and why.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jkfrederick.substack.com

EPISODE 11: WHO AM I? The Search for Identity

SHOW NOTES

Why do we keep taking personality tests? And what are we really searching for when we do?

In this episode, I explore the cultural obsession with identity, the origins of personality tests like MBTI, DISC, Human Design, and the Enneagram, and why external validation can never replace self-trust.

I share my own experience of taking personality tests after childhood sexual abuse fractured my sense of self — and what I've learned about rebuilding trust in my own knowing.

This episode is for anyone who's ever taken a personality test and wondered why they keep going back. For anyone who's searching for confirmation of who they are. For anyone learning to trust their own knowing.

THEMES EXPLORED IN THIS EPISODE:

• The etymology of "identity" and how the meaning shifted from "sameness" to "individuality" in the 1950s

• Why survivors of childhood trauma often seek external validation through tests and labels

• The origins of MBTI, DISC, Human Design, and Enneagram — and why they're considered pseudoscience

• The Barnum effect: why personality tests feel so accurate even when they're not

• The neuroscience of betrayal: how the amygdala tags trauma memories and disrupts self-concept clarity

• Why personality can change over time — and why tests can't capture growth

• The difference between using a tool and depending on one

• How to rebuild self-trust after it's been fractured by abuse, doubt, or external judgment

• The practice of looking inward first before seeking external confirmation

LISTENING CONTEXT:

This episode discusses childhood sexual abuse, grooming, self-harm, and the impact of trauma on identity. If you're a survivor, please listen with care and take breaks if needed.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Erik Erikson's work on identity formation (1950s)

• Research on self-concept clarity and childhood sexual abuse

• The Barnum effect (Bertram Forer, 1948)

• René Mõttus on personality change over time

• Daniel Gilbert on being "works in progress"

This episode is for anyone who's ever taken a personality test and wondered why they keep going back. For anyone who's searching for confirmation of who they are. For anyone learning to trust their own knowing.

---

EPISODE LENGTH: 40 minutes

CONTENT WARNING: Mention of Childhood sexual abuse, grooming, self-harm, trauma - nothing explicit.

KEYWORDS: identity crisis, personality tests, MBTI, Enneagram, Human Design, DISC, StrengthsFinder, childhood sexual abuse, trauma and identity, self-concept clarity, external validation, self-trust, Barnum effect, pseudoscience, who am I, finding yourself, knowing yourself, trauma recovery, post-traumatic growth, healing from abuse, survivor identity, personal development, self-discovery, authenticity

© Like Me Officially Podcast | J'K | 2026

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When the Epstein files dropped, something happened in my body before my mind had even caught up. Head fuzzy. Stomach dropping. A tightening — like a recognition. That's what re-triggering feels like. Not abstract. Physical. Immediate.

This episode isn't about the files. It's about the pattern underneath them. Twenty minutes of commentary on the perpetrator. Five seconds on the people who were harmed. Every single time — Epstein, Diddy, R. Kelly, Prince Andrew — the same imbalance. Power gets the story. Survivors get a sentence.

I wanted to shift that. To redirect the curiosity. To ask: who deserves the attention? And what does it cost when we give it to the wrong people?

This is also about what happens in the body when high-profile cases break. About capacity and healing not being linear. About forgiveness as something you do daily — for yourself, not for them. And about the five minutes it takes to check in on someone who might be struggling silently right now.

THEMES EXPLORED IN THIS EPISODE

The imbalance of attention Why perpetrators dominate the narrative while survivors are reduced to footnotes. The proportion of coverage matters — and it reveals what we actually value.

Shock and awe as information overload How the sheer volume of files, names, and commentary disconnects and disengages people rather than activating them. Naomi Klein's The Shock Doctrine applied to survivor stories.

Redirecting curiosity These were children in environments with powerful adults. The real question isn't "why didn't they leave" — it's "who failed to protect them, and what are those people doing now to be accountable?"

Re-triggering and the body's memory Trauma isn't just stored in the mind — it lives in the body. When cases like this break, survivors everywhere feel it physically. That's not weakness. That's how trauma works.

Capacity is personal and non-linear Healing doesn't move in stages. It shifts. It grows. What you couldn't hold last year, you might hold now. And that's not failure — that's the actual shape of recovery.

Gratitude — not for the harm, for the survival The difference between gratitude for suffering and gratitude in spite of it. One asks too much. The other is quiet, profound defiance.

Justice and accountability are not the same river When the system fails, accountability becomes something you hold yourself to. And the opportunity for institutions, organisations, and individuals to act transparently — right now — for the sake of survivors first.

Five minutes — the ask You don't need an hour. You don't need perfect words. Five minutes to check in. To ask: are you alright? And then — listen.

LISTENING CONTEXT

This episode examines how media spectacle retraumatises survivors and invites us to redirect our attention from power to people.

If you know someone who might be struggling silently right now check in. Five minutes could mean everything.

RESOURCES

If something in this episode stirred more than you expected,or if you're holding space for someone who might be struggling,there are support services listed below.

United Kingdom

Rape Crisis England & Wales — 0808 500 2222 (24/7) — 247sexualabusesupport.org.uk

The Survivors Trust — 08088 010 818 — thesurvivorstrust.org

SurvivorsUK (men and non-binary people) — 0808 801 0332 — survivorsuk.org

NAPAC (adult survivors of childhood abuse) — napac.org.uk

Galop (LGBTQ+ survivors) — 0800 999 5428 — galop.org.uk

Victim Support — 0808 16 89 111 (24/7) — victimsupport.org.uk

United States

RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline — 800.656.HOPE (4673) — rainn.org

Crisis Text Line — Text HOME to 741741

Italy

Telefono Rosa — 06 37 51 82 82 — telefonorosa.it

D.i.Re — direcontrolaviolenza.it

Germany

Hilfetelefon Gewalt gegen Frauen — 08000 116 016 (free, 24/7, multilingual) — hilfetelefon.de

Spain

016 Violencia de Género Helpline — Call: 016 (free, 24/7)

Ghana

DOVVSU (Domestic Violence and Victim Support Unit) — 18555

Nigeria

STAND to End Rape — 0809 596 7000 — standtoendrape.org

Cece Yara Foundation (child sexual abuse) — ceceyara.org

United Arab Emirates

Dubai Foundation for Women and Children — 800 111 (free, 24/7) — dfwac.ae

Denmark

Børns Vilkår BørneTelefonen — 116 111 (free, 24/7) — bornsvilkar.dk

Sweden

Nationellt Centrum för Kvinnofrid (NCK) — 020-50 50 50 — nck.uu.se

Hong Kong

RainLily — 2375 5322 — rainlily.org.hk

France

3919 Violences Femmes Info — Call: 3919 (free, 24/7)

Bulgaria

Animus Association — 02 983 0005 — animusassociation.org

Poland

Niebieska Linia (Blue Line) — 116 123 — niebieskalinia.pl

Russia

ANNA National Centre for the Prevention of Violence — 8-800-7000-600 (free)

Anywhere in the World

findahelpline.com — global directory of verified crisis helplines

RAINN International Resources — rainn.org/international-sexual-assault-resources

REFERENCES

Brené Brown — Daring Greatly, empathy vs sympathy, chosen vulnerability vs forced exposure

Naomi Klein — The Shock Doctrine, information overload and disconnection

Bessel van der Kolk — The Body Keeps the Score, trauma stored in the body

The Five Minute Journal — UJ Ramdas and Alex Ikonn

Research on post-traumatic growth and non-linear recovery from trauma

Department of Justice Epstein Files — 9,500 documents withdrawn after improper redactions exposed survivors

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jkfrederick.substack.com

What No One Tells You About Disclosing

Disclosure isn’t always the neat turning point people imagine.

It isn’t catharsis.It isn’t relief.It’s risk.

In this episode, I share what happened when I disclosed childhood sexual abuse at thirteen, what I expected, what actually happened, and what that moment taught me about silence, shame, belief, and accountability.

I explore:

- What disclosure really means - to open

- Why there's no perfect time to speak

- The damage caused by “Are you sure?”

- What happens when you are not believed

- How disclosure reveals capacity, not character

- The difference between system accountability and personal accountability

- Why silence never truly protects

This is not a story about victimhood.

It’s about meaning. It’s about ownership and choosing how you move forward when others can carry your truth.

A Note on Listening:

This episode discusses childhood sexual abuse and the experience of not being believed or protected after disclosing. No graphic details are shared, but the emotional weight is real. Listen when you're ready. Step away if you need to. You matter more than this episode.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jkfrederick.substack.com

On December 18, 2025, the UK published its Violence Against Women and Girls Strategy. A 10-year commitment to halve violence. Within hours, I saw the same pattern: applause, promises, and a missing piece I know too well, coordination infrastructure.

I’ve spent a decade watching strategies give hope, then quietly fail because there’s no accountability to deliver them. No one is tracking who does what. No consequence when responsibility scatters and disappears.

In this episode, I explore what happens when coordination fails—not in policy documents, but in people’s lives. The retelling. The gaps. The fragmentation. I experienced it when I reported. Hundreds of thousands have experienced it. That’s not a coincidence. That’s design.

I’m sharing what accountability infrastructure actually looks like, why the UK won’t build it, and what it means to lead from informed concern rather than stuck anger. This is about pattern recognition and what happens when we choose to use what we’ve learned to improve experiences for those who come after.

Take what resonates.

Leave the rest.

J’K

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jkfrederick.substack.com

Prevention doesn’t fail because we lack strategies.It fails because we refuse to be honest.

In this episode, I explore:

-What the manosphere really is — and what it isn’t

-How culture, profit, and silence intersect

-Why prevention can’t work without naming harm

-The myths we’re told about perpetrators

-Institutional power and moral accountability

-Unfinished stories, shame, and survival

-Where personal truth meets systemic failure

Listening note:This episode discusses sexual violence, online radicalisation, and institutional harm. Please listen at your own pace and take breaks if needed.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jkfrederick.substack.com

In this episode, I take a closer look at the UK’s 10-year strategy to end violence against women and girls through reflection, lived insight, and questioning rather than instruction.

Themes explored:

- Reduction versus eradication

- The gap between policy and lived reality

- Institutional responsibility and design failure

- Who gets protected — and who gets left behind

- Urgency, tolerance, and time

- The idea of “the village” beyond sentiment

Listening context:Best listened to with space. This is a reflective episode — not background noise.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jkfrederick.substack.com

In this episode:

- How entertainment teaches us to accept violence as normal

- The "dazzle" effect: when harm is wrapped in beauty

- From C-dramas to conflict minerals: the loop connecting entertainment, technology, and violence against women

- The Economy of Apathy: why corporations can afford to wait out our outrage

- What we can do when we finally see the pattern

Content Warning: This episode discusses sexual violence in media, drug-facilitated assault, exploitation in fashion/entertainment, human trafficking, and violence in the DRC.

Resources mentioned:

Organizations to Support:

DRC/Conflict Minerals:

Panzi Foundation: panzifoundation.org

ENOUGH Project: enoughproject.org

Global Witness: globalwitness.org

Anti-Trafficking (UK):

Unseen UK: unseenuk.org | Helpline: 08000 121 700

The Salvation Army (UK Anti-Trafficking): salvationarmy.org.uk

ECPAT UK: ecpat.org.uk

VAWG Support (UK):

Women's Aid: womensaid.org.uk | Helpline: 0808 2000 247

Rape Crisis England & Wales: rapecrisis.org.uk | Helpline: 0808 500 2222

Refuge: refuge.org.uk

Full UK Support Directory: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1mVbCZxYHt8ItGJUymJNi_Uk9hIC9Wa6E0n0SFMIvxaM/edit?usp=sharing

If you need help:

US National Human Trafficking Hotline: 1-888-373-7888

UK Modern Slavery Helpline: 08000 121 700

Samaritans (UK): 116 123

Listen wherever you get podcasts.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jkfrederick.substack.com