Why do boys....do what they do?

Bringing up boys brings up all kinds of questions! Jen & Janet have answers.

Photo by Pixabay

Tamara asks:
Why do boys communicate through physical touch/aggression and use sarcasm for communication rather than regular conversation?
Katrina worries that her son may be alienating himself from his friends -- and missing out on social opportunities -- because he's so dedicated to his sport. She says:
I'm afraid he's distancing himself from his friends and will one day find himself without them. How do I bring it up without seeming like a nag??
Elena wants help answering her son's question:
My older son complained that, “all the girls wear ‘girl power’ shirts… why don’t they have ‘boy power’-type shirts?”
and says:
 My son wants to feel powerful and able to say it without being considered a pompous ass. But… how? Are there any “boy power” slogans and tees that don’t undermine others or make him look like our family doesn’t respect the accomplishments of all types of people??
Jessy asks:
Will raising a strong-willed boy be too challenging for elder and sick parents to handle when he reaches teenage age?
In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:

 	* Boy communication
 	* Sarcasm vs. disrespect
 	* Roughhousing & aggression
 	* Whether parents should push boys to socialize
 	* Helping boys navigate girl power
 	* Raising strong-willed boys
 	* Parenting when you're not physically or emotionally well
 	* Intergenerational friendships
 	* Asking for help

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
Teacher Tom Talks About Boys, Emotion, & Play -- ON BOYS episode (mentioned at 14:37)

The Art of Roughhousing (w Dr. Lawrence Cohen) -- ON BOYS episode (mentioned at 15:48)

Boys Get Eating Disorders Too -- ON BOYS episode featuring Oona Hanson (mentioned at 20:56)

Helping Boys Develop Healthy Body Image -- ON BOYS episode

Gender Equality, Boys, & Men -- ON BOYS episode featuring Richard V. Reeves (mentioned at 25:34)

This Boy Can Tshirts -- super awesome shirts that'll make boys feel great!

My Boy Can with Sassy Harvey -- ON BOYS podcast (mentioned at 30:03)

Parenting Through Health Challenges -- ON BOYS podcast featuring Jen Singer (mentioned at 33:31)
Need help with your boys?
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Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy 

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Listener Q & A: Boy Communication, Socialization, & Girl Power

Real Talk about Parenting, Teaching, and Reaching Tomorrow’s Men

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Health & Fitness

Protein, creatine, & performance enhancing drugs are common in boy world. In fact, most teen boys experiment with them at some point. Approximately 80% of teenage boys say they’ve used a protein supplement within the last 12 months, says Kyle Ganson, an assistant professor who researches boys and body image. “There’s a very broad list of performance enhancers, including dietary supplements and other substances that are perfectly legal and readily available to young people,” Kyle says. These substances are “purported to help you with your performance, with building strength, and with your appearance, but there’s not a lot of research on them and a lot of nuance to them.” Whether they’re looking for this info or not, boys are likely to encounter it online. There are a plethora of social media influencers who hawk supplements and explicitly discuss their workout routines, nutrition, and dietary supplements. Not all of that information is accurate. In many cases, these influencers gain financially when they promote supplements. Understanding boys’ motivation to use these substances is key to supporting them. An abstinence-only approach isn’t likely to work — and not necessary, in most cases, Kyle says. It’s better to engage boys in conversation and help them meet their goals. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Kyle discuss:Protein supplements, creatine, amino acids, pre-workout supplements, & energy drinksSteroids & synthetic hormones, including testosteroneHow media influences (& creates) unrealistic body image ideals for boysWhy boys use performance enhancing supplementsHelping boys find accurate informationTypical paths to supplement useTalking to boys about performance enhancing substancesMasculine norms & muscle-building behaviorsRegulation (& lack of regulation!) of supplements & performance enhancing drugs
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) & Muscle Dysmorphia — previous ON BOYS episode w Kyle Boys & Body Image – ON BOYS episode Zac Efron Admits Bulking Up for Baywatch “Messed” Him Up Rob McElhenney from “Always Sunny” Reveals How He Got So Ripped Safety Reporting Portal — site consumers can use to report adverse eventsSponsor Spotlight: My Life in a BookSponsor Spotlight: Factor Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off    Sponsor Spotlight: WinonaMenopause care made easy! Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order. 
Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com   Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month.  


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Protein, Creatine, & Performance Enhancing Drugs

Advocating for boys is one way to help boys and men thrive. At present, there are no governmental commissions working on behalf of boys and men in the United States. Not at the federal level & not at the state level. Even though boys lag behind girls in academic achievement and boys & men experience suicide, murder, drug & alcohol addiction, homelessness, incarceration, & early death at disproportionately high rates. And even though there are multiple commissions dedicated to addressing & advancing the needs of girls and women. Blair Daly, founder of the Washington Initiative for Boys & Men (WIBM) is working to change that. “The male population, I think, can be described as an under-advocated-for population group,” Blair says. “There’s very little organized advocacy.” That’s why he created WIBM, which combines advocacy journalism and grassroots political action to draw attention to the unique needs of boys and men in Washington state. As a result, Washington state may become the first state in the US to establish a Commission on Boys & Men. “Without a focus on the male population, we think a lot is being missed,” Blair says. Advocacy is necessary to focus attention on (& find solutions for) issues that disproportionately harm boys & men. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Blair discuss:Why boys need advocacyChallenges in advocating for boys & menDeveloping and demonstrating diverse support for boysHow to talk about boys’ issuesThe power of local advocacyWhy moms of boys are such great advocates for boysHow to start advocating for boys
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Washington Initiative for Boys & Men 7 Democrats, 7 Republicans Sponsor 2024 Commission on Boys & Men Legislation — article highlighting the diverse support for a WA Commission on Boys & Men Updated one-pager about WA legislation to develop a Commission on Boys & Men What is the Washington Initiative for Boys & Men? Blair Daly Explains — YouTube video Boys Moms as Boy Advocates — ON BOYS episode featuring Gemma Gaudette 50/50 Shared Parenting — ON BOYS episode Real Talk about Fentanyl, Opioids, & Marijuana — ON BOYS episode Talk with Boys Like a PRO (about anything & everything!) — Jen & Janet’s upcoming course (starts May 7, 2024)Sponsor Spotlight: My Life in a BookSponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: Factor Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off  

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Armoire and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style
* Check out Homethreads and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: www.homethreads.com
* Check out My Life in a Book and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: 
* Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefined


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Advocating for Boys

Gifted & twice-exceptional boys often struggle in school, despite their intelligence & talents. In fact, boys who are gifted or twice-exceptional (which means they are gifted & have a learning disability) are considered “problem kids.” Teachers (and other adults) may make boredom as lack of focus, or assume that poor grades indicate lack of intelligence. For many 2E boys, their learning disabilities overshadow their giftedness; for others, their giftedness hides their learning disabilities, says Deborah (Deb) Gennarelli, a gifted education specialist who is also the author of Twice-Exceptional Boys: A Roadmap to Getting it Right.  Intensity is part of giftedness — a part that frequently presents challenges for gifted & 2E boys. “Intensity is treated different in boys than in girls in this culture,” Deb says. Teachers & parents may punish or try to “fix” boys’ intensity, which typically only creates more problems. Gifted & 2E boys need support to thrive. “We can’t ignore the fact that students that have high intelligence look at things in different ways, behave in different ways, learn in different ways,” Deb says. “With the right support, these boys can go from surviving to thriving.” In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Deb discuss:Myths & misconceptions about gifted & 2E boysSpecial challenges for gifted & 2E boysWhy many smart boys struggle in schoolAdvocating for gifted & 2E boysParenting gifted & 2E boys
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Twice-Exceptional Boys: A Roadmap to Getting it Right, by Deborah Gennarelli, M.Ed. www.deborahgennarelli.com — Deb’s website Twice-Exceptional Boys (w Ramsey Hootman) — ON BOYS episode When Your Kid is the Classroom Problem Child — heartbreaking The Cut article about a 2E boy Twice Exceptional Students — info from the National Association for Gifted Children Twice Exceptional — classic Building Boys post Talk with Boys Like a PRO (about anything & everything!) — Jen & Janet’s upcoming course (starts May 7, 2024)
Sponsor Spotlight: My Life in a BookSponsor Spotlight: Factor Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off  Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreadsMake your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off. Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Jen’s Feb. Armoire haul 


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Gifted & Twice-Exceptional (2E) Boys

Like it or not, fentanyl, other opioids, and marijuana are part of our boys’ world. “It is very easy to get drugs on social media,” says Michelle Leopold, a mother who’s son, Trevor, died after taking a pill he purchase online. Ignoring these uncomfortable fact isn’t helpful. We have to educate ourselves and educate our boys. Here’s why:Marijuana harms young brainsToday’s marijuana and marijuana-based products are far stronger than those of the past. “It’s so important to learn about today’s marijuana,”Michelle says. Although marijuana and THC products are now legal in many states, study after study has shown that these products are not safe for developing brains.Fentanyl killsIn 2019, Trevor, age 18, swallowed a blue pill he thought was oxycodone. It wasn’t. Despite its markings, there was no oxycodone in the pill. The pill Trevor purchased was a counterfeit pill, & it contained fentanyl, a narcotic that’s 100 times more powerful than morphine, 50 times more powerful than heroin—and lethal at just a few grains. Trevor didn’t get high; Trevor died. According to the US. Dept of Justice, over 150 people die every day from overdoses related to synthetic opioids like fentanyl. As many as 7 in 10 counterfeit pills — pills sold online & purported to be oxycodone or other “prescription” meds — may now contain a lethal dose of fentanyl. “People now need to assume that any drug they don’t get from their pharmacist has fentanyl in it,” Michelle says. “The odds are not in your favor.”  “I am going to use Trevor’s story to prevent other parents from losing their children.” — Michelle LeopoldIn this episode, Jen, Janet, & Michelle discuss:How marijuana can affect teens & familiesRecognizing signs of drug useCannabinoid hyperemesis syndromeParenting a child who is using substancesJust Say KNOW vs. Just Say NoWhere teens and young adults are getting drugs & pillsGetting & using naloxone (Narcan)Recognizing & responding to an overdose
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Marijuana to Fentanyl: My Son is More Than a Statistic — post by Michelle www.wearenotalone.community — Michelle’s blog (packed w info!) Addiction Inoculation w Jessica Lahey — ON BOYS episode Troubled Boys (w Kenneth R Rosen) — ON BOYS episode Another View of Wilderness Therapy — ON BOYS episode http://drugfree.org/  and toll-free Helpline (1-855-DRUGFREE / 1-855-378-4373)  TheNewDrugTalk.org SAMHSA National Helpline 1-800-662-4357 (Confidential free help, from public health agencies, to find substance use treatment and information) SongForCharlie.org  https://www.dea.gov/onepill dancesafe.org (Fentanyl Test Strips and Drug Checking Kits) Adding Naloxone to Your First Aid Kit — Decipher Your Health post (NOTE: Jen now has naloxone in her home) shatterproof.org — includes a Narcan training video Al-Anon — support for family & friends of people w alcohol use disorder Nar-Anon — support for family & friends of people who use narcoticsSponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Jen’s Feb. Armoire haul
 Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreads Make your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off. 
Sponsor Spotlight: Factor Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off   


Our Sponsors:
* Check out Armoire and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style
* Check out Homethreads and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: www.homethreads.com
* Check out My Life in a Book and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: 
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Real Talk About Fentanyl, Opioids, & Marijuana

50/50 shared parenting is good for boys & good for parents.  But it’s not yet the norm, despite decades of research demonstrating the value of shared parenting. “It’s one part sexism and one part misunderstanding of the latest social science around what it best for kids,” says Emma Johnson, author of The 50/50 Solution: The Surprising Simple Choice that Makes Moms, Dads, and Kids Happier & Healthier After a Divorce. “”Thankfully, we are barreling toward a better future. No one’s really been able to quantify where or how often 50/50 is happening, but it’s definitely better than when I divorced 15 years ago.”Why 50/50 parenting should be the defaultChildren (and parents) thrive when they have regular, close connection. The exact number of minutes or days children and parents spend together isn’t as important as regular, routine interaction — and that’s what 50/50 shared parenting schedules provide. “Kids then know, intellectually, emotionally, and in their hearts that my mom and dad are both in it to win it. No one’s going to check out, slip out, or move away. No one’s got the upper hand,” Emma says. Shared parenting also gives both parents time to practice parenting and time to focus on work, adult connections, and self-care. And seeing both parents actively involved in parenting and work broadens children’s ideas of work and family. As Emma writes in her book, “An equal 50/50 parenting presumption is the one policy change that could dramatically help tens of millions of children, their families, and communities, without any additional funding.” In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Emma discuss:Benefits of shared parenting for parents & childrenThe role of sexism in parenting – & parenting decisions post-divorceWhy you need to let go of the idea of being the “better” parentParental gatekeepingSharing caregiving and financial responsibilityCo-parenting when your separation or divorce was not amicableSocietal benefits of 50/50 parenting
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:The 50/50 Solution: The Surprising Simple Choice that Makes Moms, Dads, and Kids Happier & Healthier After a Divorce, by Emma Johnson Single Parenting w Wealthy Single Mommy Emma Johnson –– ON BOYS episode Parenting Boys Thru Divorce — ON BOYS episode Is Shared Parenting Best for Boys After Divorce? — BuildingBoys post Moms for Shared Parenting –– an activist organization promoting equally shared parenting Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Jen’s Feb. Armoire haul
 Sponsor Spotlight: Winona Menopause care made easy! Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order.   Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreadsMake your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off.  
 


Our Sponsors:
* Check out Armoire and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style
* Check out Homethreads and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: www.homethreads.com
* Check out My Life in a Book and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: 
* Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefined


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Listener Q & A: Boy Communication, Socialization, & Girl Power

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