Gaming is a BIG part of boys’ lives today!

So, it’s no surprise that our March 14 conversation with Dr. K, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer, is our Listener Fav of 2024.

Dr. K (full name: Alok Kanojia) is a psychiatrist, dad, and life-long gamer. He knows video games and know what works. He also has deep compassion for gamers & their families. If you haven’t yet read his book, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids, we highly recommend it!

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids, by Alok Kanojia (aka Dr. K)

www.healthygamer.gg — Dr. K’s website

Why are Video Games So Important to Boys? — ON BOYS episode

The Evolution of Esports — ON BOYS episode

Video Game Addiction — ON BOYS episode

Emily Edlynn on a Healthier Approach to Tech — ON BOYS episode

The Link Between Freedom & Video Games — BuildingBoys blog post

Why Boys Play Video Games – BuildingBoys blog post

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Sponsor Spotlight: Boys Are Great

Boy-affirming merch!

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How often do we really listen to boys & young men?

Not nearly often enough! There’s been a lot of chatter lately about boys & young men, masculinity, and the growing gender gap in politics – and very little public input from boys & young men themselves. In this episode, Jen & Janet talk with Lance Walker, a 26 yr old man from Utah. Like so many males his age, Lance has learned that boys’ and men’s perspectives aren’t always welcome. As he says, “We are never given license to speak.”

We encourage you to listen as he describes his experiences in school (including being started on ADHD medication in 3rd grade) and in the world.

Takeaways:

• Boys’ perspectives on masculinity are often overlooked.
• There is a stigma associated with boys expressing their feelings.
• Open dialogue about gender dynamics is essential.
• Boys need to be included in conversations about their experiences.
• Understanding the role of community in boys’ development is important.
• Boys often feel shame in expressing their struggles.
• The future of gender discussions requires sensitivity and awareness. The emotional journey of becoming a man is complex and often fraught with societal expectations.
• Shame and responsibility are significant themes in discussions about masculinity.
• Perceptions of men as threats can lead to feelings of fear and vulnerability.
• Boys are often seen as needing to fit into a rigid educational model that may not suit them.
• Cultural perspectives on masculinity can shape how boys view themselves and their roles in society.
• Dialogue and understanding are crucial in addressing the challenges faced by boys and young men.
• The importance of recognizing boys as human beings with their own experiences and emotions.
• Educational systems may need to adapt to better engage boys in learning.
• There is a need for more voices from young men in discussions about masculinity and societal expectations.
• The conversation around masculinity must include diverse perspectives to foster understanding and growth.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Lance’s Substack

ADHD with Ryan Wexelblatt the ADHD Dude — ON BOYS episode

Talking to Tween & Teen Boys — ON BOYS episode

Sports & Masculinity — ON BOYS episode

Sponsor Spotlight: IXL

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Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh

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Sponsor Spotlight: Boys Are Great

Boy-affirming merch!

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We gotta talk about male suicide and mental health.

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, you can call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for help in the United States. Call 988 or 800-273-TALK (8255). The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is open 24 hours a day, every day. Services are also available en espanol.

More than 39,000 boys and young men die of suicide in the United States each year. The male suicide rate is 4 times that of females’ – and that fact isn’t widely known. Although there’s been a lot of discussion of the youth mental health crisis and suicidal ideation in recent years, few people are talking about the fact that most of those who die of suicide are boys and young men.

Anthony Tricarico  was one of them. He was a “beautiful shooting star,” a young entrepreneur who loved snowboarding and bought a Camaro at age 16. Anthony died by suicide earlier this year, at age 16 1/2. From the outside looking in, Anthony had it all: a loving family, lots of friends, great grades, talent, and personality. His death was a shock to the community, as people realized, “If this could happen to Anthony, it could happen to any of us,” said his father, Neal Tricarico. 

Takeaways:

• Autistic people/those on the autism spectrum are at increased risk of suicide
• COVID-19 has had a profound impact on youth mental health.
• There is often a disconnect between autism support and mental health services.
• Support systems for families in crisis are often lacking.
• Seasonal changes can significantly affect mental health.
• Parental control is limited; love does not guarantee safety.
• Community support can provide immense comfort during grief.
• The importance of love and connection transcends loss.
• Achievements do not equate to fulfillment in children.
• Open conversations about mental health are essential.
• Creating a movement can honor lost loved ones and raise awareness.
• Grief can lead to profound spiritual growth and connection.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

AnneMoss Rogers on Suicide Prevention & Struggling Teens — ON BOYS episode

Loving Someone With Suicidal Thoughts — ON BOYS episode

What You Need to Know About Boys & Suicide — ON BOYS episode

NAMI — National Alliance on Mental Illness (has support groups for parents!)

Suicide & Autism — a report from the UK

Neal's contact info:

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: @nealtricarico

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/neal.tricarico/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nealtricarico/

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Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh

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Sponsor Spotlight: Boys Are Great

Boy-affirming merch!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

If you heard anything at all about the 2024 U.S. presidential election, you likely encountered the term "gender gap." 

More than half of female voters (53%) voted for Kamala Harris; more than half of male voters (also 55%) voted for Donald Trump. Among young voters, the gender gap was even more pronounced: 61% of women aged 18-29 voted for Harris, compared to 49% of males.

Societal and political gender gaps are widening in other countries as well. Mark Sutton, director of The Boys Initiative & author of How Democrats Can Win Back Men, joins us to explore the factors underlying the gender gap and ways we can help boys and men thrive alongside girls and women.

Takeaways:

• The gender gap in voting reflects deeper cultural divides.
• Men's issues are often overlooked in political discourse.
• Human well-being should be a shared goal across genders.
• Health disparities show men dying younger than women.
• Political parties need to address the needs of all voters.
• Support for women's health should not exclude men's health.
• There is a growing discontent with both major political parties.
• Unity among moderate voters can lead to positive change.
• The future of gender representation is evolving positively. Support for women in leadership is crucial.
• Local involvement in politics can make a difference.
• Cultural backlash can lead to divisive movements.
• Understanding different perspectives is essential.
• The male vote plays a significant role in elections.
• Engaging in conversations about gender is necessary.
• Listening to others can foster better understanding.
• Systemic issues affect boys and young men.
• Advocacy for children's needs is a nonpartisan issue.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Men & the 2024 Election -- Mark's Substack

How Democrats Can Win Back Men: Why Understanding Male Voters & Their Issues is Vital for Democratic Victory -- Mark's book

The Boys Initiative

 

Sponsor Spotlight: IXL

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Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh

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 Sponsor Spotlight: Boys Are Great

Boy-affirming merch!

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How can we support our boys’ well-being during a youth mental health crisis? How can we help them navigate life in this digital age?

Katey McPherson has been working on these issues for years. Since we last talked in 2019, she and others have helped the state of Arizona pass a bundle of laws intended to decrease youth suicide. She’s also helped countless schools, communities, and families learn how they can support youth mental health in the current digital age.

In this episode, Janet & Katey discuss:

• How to keep kids safe (safer?) when using school-issued computers & other digital devices
• Targeting of kids on social media and online gaming platforms
• Kids’ online relationships
• Tech tools to help you monitor your kids’ online activities
• School shootings (and how we can prevent them)
• Talking to kids about suicidal thoughts
• Increasing the likelihood that your child will talk to you about tough things
• Supporting youth mental health

Takeaways:

• We are facing significant challenges affecting our youth’s mental health.
• Legislative changes can lead to improved suicide prevention resources.
• Parents must understand the limitations of school-issued devices at home.
• Social media can exacerbate feelings of exclusion and anxiety in youth.
• Community support is crucial in preventing school violence.
• Suicidal ideation often precedes violent actions in youth.
• Open communication about mental health is essential for parents.
• AI is becoming a critical tool in monitoring student safety.
• It’s never too late to implement changes in parenting strategies.
• Youth need coping strategies to deal with emotional pain.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

The Hope Institute

What You Need to Know About Boys & Suicide (w Katey McPherson) — ON BOYS episode

Red Flags, Safety Nets, & School Shootings — BuildingBoys post

Katey's website is currently under construction. If you'd like to reach her, you can email her at [email protected]

Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh

Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS 

 

Sponsor Spotlight: IXL

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Do you know what the “man box” is?

Your boys do, whether they know the term or not. The “man box” is the set of expectations, perceptions, and behaviors that are considered “manly” in our society.

In this episode, Jen, Janet, and Ted Bunch, Chief Development Officer of A Call to Men, explore the complexities boys face in a world that still clings to outdated ideas about masculinity. Ted shares his perspective on how we can empower boys to live authentically, develop respectful relationships, and move beyond the limitations of the “Man Box,” which often keep boys from becoming their true selves.

Ted Bunch

Together, they discuss ways parents and caregivers can help boys embrace their emotions, communicate openly, and understand the importance of consent. Ted also addresses tough topics, including the impact of pornography, the cultural confusion surrounding sexual consent, and how societal expectations can distort boys’ perceptions of masculinity. Through honest, practical conversations, this episode gives listeners the tools to support boys as they navigate these challenges and to foster connections that build character, respect, and self-awareness.

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Ted discuss:

• How to help boys find and express their authentic selves
• The pervasive “Man Box” and how to break free of it
• Why boys struggle to define consent—and how to help
• Pornography’s impact on boys’ relationships
• Conversations dads and caregivers need to have with boys
• Encouraging boys to recognize the effects of their actions on others
• Understanding and addressing the impact of sexual abuse on boys

 

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

A Call to Men — includes helpful information & data, as well as links to their programs

Tony Porter’s TED Talk about the Man Box

What I’ve Learned Since My Son Came Out — article by Ted, mentioned at 38:37

The New Masculinity — ON BOYS episode

Empowering Boys to Challenge Rape Culture — ON BOYS episode

Gender Norms Limit Boys (& Girls!) — ON BOYS episode

Sponsor Spotlight: IXL

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Puberty, perimenopause, and neurodivergence affects brains and bodies.

And in two or more of those things are going on in our household at the same time…well, things can get particularly challenging, says Amy Lang, founder of Birds & Bees & Kids.

Amy & Janet discuss it all in this ON BOYS episode

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

The 3 Key Things Your Neurodivergent Boy Needs to Know about Sex (and 3 Things You Need to Know) 

Peri-menopause & Puberty: The Match Made in Heck – Get tickets here

Tue Nov 19, 2024 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM PST

Birds & Bees & Kids — Amy’s website

Resources recommended by Amy:

You Know, Sex: Bodies, Gender, Puberty, And Other Things

Sex Talks With Tweens: What To Say & How To Say It

Amaze.org/us

BARK (inside US)

Qustodio (monitoring outside US)

Sex Ed for Neurodiverse Kids  – ON BOYS episode w Amy Lang

Keeping Boys Safe Online (w Amy Lang) — ON BOYS episode

Talk to Boys About Sex (w Amy Lang) — ON BOYS episode

Puberty, Perimenopause, & Midlife Parenting — ON BOYS episode

Breakthrough Session for Family Coaching

Schedule your no-cost call with Janet at https://boysalive.com/call

Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh

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Raising boys isn’t easy. Living isn’t easy! But with patience, trust, and community support, it’s easier — & more pleasant.

In this wide-ranging conversation, Janet Allison & Jennifer L.W. Fink , the hosts of ON BOYS podcast, discuss the reality of raising boys in 2024.

Takeaways:

• Nobody has it all figured out.
• Letting there be room for not knowing is crucial.
• Learning to tolerate discomfort is part of the process.
• Trusting the unfolding of our children’s development is essential.
• You are a different parent than you were a year ago.
• Boy development is trustworthy and unique to each child.
• Watch your boys, not the clock; focus on their growth.
• Look at your kid, not the milestones set by society.
• Parenting is the greatest personal development course.
• Let go and let us be your safety net.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Dealing with Change, Anxiety, & Energy (Listener Q & A) — ON BOYS episode

Trust — BuildingBoys blog post

Trust Your Boys — BuildingBoys blog post

Breakthrough Session for Family Coaching

Schedule your no-cost call with Janet at https://boysalive.com/call

Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh

Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS 

 

Sponsor Spotlight: IXL

The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY

Sponsor Spotlight: Avoila

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Boys need support, not disdain

In June 2024, Andrew Reiner, author of Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity That Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency, published an article entitled “Our culture’s trashing of boys & men is having toxic consequences.”

In this episode, he and Jen discuss what boys need & we can best support boys.

Takeaways:

• Boys need support, not disdain.
• Cultural perceptions of masculinity can be harmful.
• Media often portrays boys negatively.
• Boys are falling behind in education.
• It’s important to understand boys’ emotional needs.
• Parents and educators play a crucial role.
• Challenging traditional masculinity is necessary.
• Creating safe spaces for boys is essential.
• Engaging boys in education requires new approaches.
• Researching boys’ experiences is vital for change.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

andrewreinerauthor.com –– Andrew’s website

Andrew Reiner: Building Boys’ Mental Health & Resiliency — ON BOYS episode

Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity that Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency, by Andrew Reiner

The Trouble with Boys Isn’t Boys — article by Andrew

Young, Male, & Adrift — article by Andrew

Boys are Great shop — boy-affirming merch!

Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh

Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS 

 

Sponsor Spotlight: IXL

The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY

Sponsor Spotlight: Avoila

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AI — artificial intelligence — is already a big part of our everyday lives.

We rely on it to help us get from one place to another. (GPS directions, anyone?) We use it to polish our prose. (Spell check and Grammarly, for instance.) Customer service chatbots and product recommendations based on previous purchases — all of these are built on AI.

The public release of ChatGPT, a AI system that using natural language processing, has accelerated the use of AI in modern life. Students routinely use it for school work — to dismay of some teachers. As AI becomes more integrated into the tools and technologies we use every day, understanding how it works—and how to use it responsibly—is becoming essential for both adults and children.

(AI, in fact, helped me rewrite that last sentence. Initially, it said, “Understanding AI & how to use it ethically is quickly becoming a necessary skill.)

In this episode, we talk with Angela Radcliffe, a mom of two, clinical research expert, and AI enthusiast who created Quantum Kids, Guardians of AI: Story Quest and Activity Book to help kids (and their parents) understand ethical uses of AI.

Takeaways:

• AI is rapidly evolving and impacting how children learn.
• Writing with AI can enhance creativity but requires careful guidance.
• Ethics in AI usage is crucial for responsible parenting.
• AI should be treated as a peer to foster collaboration.
• Teaching kindness and responsibility is essential in the age of AI.
• New ways of thinking may emerge from AI’s influence on education.
• Parents should actively engage with AI to understand its capabilities.
• Practical, fun uses of AI can help demystify the technology for families.
• Transparency and trust are vital in navigating AI’s impact.
• AI can be a valuable tool for enhancing everyday tasks and creativity.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Quantum Kids, Guardians of AI: Story Quest and Activity Book, created by Angela Radcliffe

What Teachers Told Me About AI in School

Teens Using AI to Create Deepfakes of Classmates Prompts New Bill 

Sponsor Spotlight: Avoila

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