Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

In this episode, Janet shares updates from parents whose concerns she has addressed in recent episodes — one about a preschooler’s escalating meltdowns at drop-off; another about a toddler pulling her own hair when overwhelmed; and a third about a two-and-a-half-year-old becoming increasingly fearful of seemingly random things. The parents’ follow-up letters offer a candid look at what helped, what changed, and what these parents discovered when they approached their children’s struggles in a new way.

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You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: ⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ⁠

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A parent writes that her mother is constantly asking her bright 17-month-old to perform and grows frustrated when he doesn’t oblige. The truth is, we often think connecting with kids means entertaining them, getting them to laugh or, as in this grandparent's case, encouraging them to show us what they can do. Yet, real connection is much easier and more organic than that. It is about paying attention, listening, and genuinely taking in who our children are. Janet explores why asking children to perform can get in the way of deeper connection—and how doing less and trusting more  can foster more authentic relationships.

Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to ⁠https://heypolo.com/unruffled⁠ or use code UNRUFFLED and get 70% off your first year!

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠.

You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ⁠

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When school starts, our children’s days can quickly fill with classes, activities, homework, and screens, crowding out opportunities that are critical to their development and emotional health: play. A parent wonders whether full-time school means sacrificing the slower, more playful childhood she wants for her son. Janet reassures this parent that she can have both, explaining how we can continue to prioritize play, and why this matters.  

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Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/unruffled or use code UNRUFFLED and get 70% off your first year!

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠.

You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: ⁠https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ

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Many of us imagine late afternoons or evenings with our children as the perfect time to wind down and connect after a busy day. Unfortunately, this is often precisely when our children need to unload the day’s stresses. Which means that instead of enjoying restorative quality time together, we're faced with challenging behavior, high emotions, and discontent. In this encore episode, Janet unpacks some of the reasons why evenings can be so difficult for kids and what we can do to help them (and ourselves!).  

You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ

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A four-year-old melting down at school drop-off... A 21-month-old who's started pulling her own hair when she's frustrated or overwhelmed... Two very different situations—but the same missing piece. Janet explains why our instinct to soothe, distract, or push past our kids' hard feelings during transitions often backfires, and why doing the opposite—openly "going there" to explore the situational discomforts kids may experience, even when we can't fix them—is what actually helps kids feel less alone and more able to move through them.

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/unruffled or use code UNRUFFLED and get 70% off your first year!

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What do we do when our child erupts into a full-blown tantrum—suddenly becoming what author Loryn Brantz calls a "spicy nugget"? The award-winning author and illustrator returns to Unruffled to talk about her new children's book, "I Am a Spicy Nugget." Loryn and Janet unpack what actually happens in those moments—for the child, and for the adult trying not to make it worse—including what's happening for kids when they become overwhelmed, and why the best response may be to do less, not more, and let the storm pass. Loryn's book is inspired by her own experiences raising sometimes-spicy kids.

Loryn's book "I Am a Spicy Nugget" is at: https://bit.ly/4cH7VgN

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

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A two-and-a-half-year-old has become increasingly anxious and fearful. She often becomes overwhelmed but can't explain what's wrong beyond saying she's scared, and she wants to be picked up or removed from the situation. Her mom wonders where comfort ends and reinforcing the fear begins: “How do we give her the comfort and security she clearly needs while helping her learn that she can feel scared and still be safe?” Janet explores what may really be going on and how parents can respond

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

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How frustrating is it when our kids won't listen! A parent describes her exhausting visit to a relative's house that wasn't baby-proofed. Her 15-month old son became fixated on climbing stairs. She tried to use what she understands as gentle discipline to keep him safe, but after repeatedly saying, "I won't let you..." and then resorting to removing him from the stairs, she grew frustrated, took him outside for a walk, and then "spent most of it chastising myself for completely failing.” Janet explains that far from failing, this parent is merely missing something, and she offers a simple reframe that will make setting boundaries much simpler, more effective, and less frustrating for all concerned.

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A parent is shaken when her five-year-old begins talking about death and saying she wants to die. Is this a warning sign? Shouldn't she be alarmed? Janet explains why these frightening statements—while they should always be taken seriously—are often very different from what parents fear, and why our instinct to reassure, explain, or shut the conversation down can unintentionally make things worse. She shares a compassionate approach that helps children feel safe enough to work through even their most unsettling thoughts.

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

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A parent describes her 3.5-year-old as fun, loud, and opinionated at home, but "painfully shy in every other social setting," even with relatives and peers she knows well. She's greeted with enthusiasm but won't join in. Instead, she asks her parent to play with her. This issue is especially noticeable at gymnastics, where she'll happily do an activity, then suddenly refuse to continue. No amount of encouragement will get her to budge. "It's like once she clams up, she can't get out of it." With preschool just around the corner, this parent wonders how she can help her daughter feel more comfortable around other children. Janet offers an alternative perspective on this child's behavior and explains how it will further this mom's goal to help her daughter "feel confident and happy and proud of who she is." 

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

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