You’re Doing All the Right Things… Right?

You’ve taken responsibility. You’re journaling your gratitude, setting goals, and showing up for your mental health. You’ve crossed your T’s, dotted your I’s, and committed to doing “the work.”

And it feels good, right? Because action equals progress.

Or… does it?

The surprising truth: some of the things we do with the best of intentions — to feel better, stay productive, or support others — can quietly backfire. Without realizing it, we may be making our mental health worse, not better.

“Self-sabotage doesn’t always look like destruction. Sometimes, it looks like over-functioning.”

In this post, we’re going to explore the small, sneaky ways we get in our own way — and what you can do today to stop the cycle.

🎧 Want the full conversation? Check out the latest episode of Mental Health Bites Mental Health Bites (you can listen right here in substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube).

Five Sneaky Habits That Undermine Your Mental Health

Taking action feels right. It gives your brain the satisfaction of “doing something,” which tricks you into thinking you’re making progress. But not all action is helpful. Some habits feel productive — but slowly drain your time, energy, and emotional stability.

1. Doomscrolling

You tell yourself you’re staying informed. But studies show that even a few minutes of doomscrolling can trigger anxiety, increase cortisol, and leave you with a stress response that lingers far beyond the screen.

Your brain can’t tell the difference between real danger and headlines.It just stays on high alert.

2. Overhelping

You want to be a good friend, partner, or parent. But overhelping — especially when it comes at the expense of your own needs — leads to burnout, resentment, and emotional depletion.

We’re praised for being selfless. But without boundaries, generosity becomes self-erasure.

3. Toxic Positivity

Forcing yourself to “look on the bright side” may seem healthy… but suppressing difficult emotions only intensifies them.

“Emotions don’t disappear when ignored — they go underground and fester.”

True mental health comes from allowing your full range of emotions — not silencing them.

4. Reassurance-Seeking

Asking for a second opinion can feel safe. But when you’re constantly checking in with others — “Are you mad at me?”, “Did I do that right?” — you’re outsourcing your self-trust.

This habit feels calming in the moment, but it keeps anxiety looping and makes you more dependent on external validation.

5. Multitasking

Spoiler alert: your brain hates multitasking.

Despite what hustle culture tells us, switching rapidly between tasks increases errors, drains your focus, and impairs emotional regulation. The more scattered your attention, the harder it becomes to feel grounded.

Why We Keep Doing This (Even When It Hurts)

So… why do we engage in these behaviors when they so often make us feel worse?

The answer: your brain is trying to protect you.

We’re wired to seek control and reduce uncertainty. Checking the news, staying busy, and saying yes to everything offer a false sense of control — one that soothes us in the moment, but quietly undermines our well-being.

Social pressure plays a big role too. We’re rewarded for being productive, positive, and selfless. And because our brains crave belonging, we’re willing to sacrifice personal peace to maintain social approval.

“Validation from others feels like safety. But too much of it costs us our authenticity.”

Try This: The Daily Mental Health Check-In

Let’s make this actionable.

Here’s one technique I recommend to start disrupting these habits gently — without judgment:

Every evening, ask yourself:

1. What filled me up today?2. What drained me today?3. What’s one small shift I can make tomorrow to change the balance?

Example:

* Filled me up: Walking my dog, a deep chat with a friend

* Drained me: 45 minutes of doomscrolling, saying yes to a non-urgent work project

* Shift tomorrow: Set a 10-minute news timer, say no to extra tasks after 5 PM

Over time, these check-ins help you gently course correct — before small stressors spiral into bigger problems.

Final Thought

It’s hard to resist the pressure to do more.

But sometimes the most radical thing you can do for your mental health… is pause.

Rest is not laziness. Saying no is not selfish. And letting go of habits that look “productive” but feel depleting? That’s healing.

If this message resonated, send it to someone who needs a mental health tune-up.

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About me:

Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.

Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.

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