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Live For Yourself And Live By Your Values With Dr. Benjamin Ritter
“It’s a path. That’s it. Keep walking.”
Episode summary:
In this episode, Nick speaks with Dr. Benjamin Ritter about living for yourself and how values tie into everything we do or do not do.
What to listen for:
“There are two things there, I think, that happens with novelty. One is the FOMO and the second is getting bored with something before you’re finished with it. I think what’s more what I’m more prone to is just getting bored with things and so what I’ve had to learn is to reconnect with the meaning that I feel from the things that I’m doing and the overall purpose and impact that they’re having.”
“I think everything, every problem, is a personal problem. I can tell you all the tactics that, you know, I can throw them at your head. I think they’re all online. Doing them, understanding them, incorporating them, letting them become part of who you are takes that understanding of the human.”
“If you ever define yourself as being a certain type of person, you have now limited yourself forever. ”
About Dr. Benjamin Ritter:
Dr. Benjamin Ritter, founder of Live for Yourself Consulting, is a leadership and career coach, Talent Development Executive, values geek, international speaker, online course instructor, and podcaster (The Executive, and The Live for Yourself Revolution) who’s passionate about guiding leaders to be the leader of their own career and create a career they love.
Check out Episode #71 with Greg Shephard and Episode # 47 with Matt LeBris to hear more on the topic of personal leadership.
Resources:
Interested in starting your own podcast or need help with one you already have? Send Nick an email or schedule a time to discuss your podcast today!
Thank you for listening!
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Click Here To View The Episode Transcript
Nick McGowan (00:01.014)
Hello and welcome to the mindset and self mastery show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan. Today on the show, I’ve got Dr. Benjamin Ritter. Ben, what’s going on, man? How you doing?
Dr Benjamin Ritter (00:14.478)
I am doing pretty great. I mentioned I had a little bit of a headache doing some running today, but it does not keep me from getting the job done. This is that part of self-mastery.
Nick McGowan (00:25.122)
That is, yeah, that especially when you push through the shit. I know, uh, we were both joking, like when you get over your mid thirties, it’s like stuff like that happens. Just like when you wake up in your morning and you’re like, Oh my God, my back is killing me. What did I do? Oh, I slept. I just laid in a spot for seven hours. That’s what I did wrong. So we try to figure out, is it dehydration? Is it this, is it that? And realistically, Ben, it might just be that you’re old, man. You’re getting there.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (00:51.882)
It’s funny, the other day I did like a hard yoga session, went for a run, did some legs, and all of a sudden out of nowhere, I was walking around with some friends at night and my hip flexor was just incredibly painful. Like could not even walk normal painful, could not lift my leg up. You know, when you sit in a car and you gotta try to get out of the car painful. I was like, okay, something bad happened. This is not good. Go to bed, wake up.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (01:21.046)
It’s gone. Like an hour later, it comes back. I’m like, whatever, I’m going to yoga, go to yoga, go for a run. It’s gone. I was like, you know what?
Dr Benjamin Ritter (01:33.538)
don’t understand it, don’t need to understand it, but I need to know how to take care of myself and potentially figure out how to work past it, work through it and work around it. I think that it’s a good lesson for life overall.
Nick McGowan (01:42.796)
Mm-hmm.
Nick McGowan (01:46.302)
Oh yeah, absolutely. And especially with the dumb stuff that you can’t really expect. You know, just like if you wake up in the middle of the night and you stub your toe going to the bathroom, you’re like, all I wanted to do is just relieve myself and go back to sleep and not break a toe. But there are people that will just let it use them, no matter what it is. If it’s something like that, or you wake up and you’re like, I’m in pain. I remember even growing up, there were parents of friends that I had that were always in some sort of pain, where there was something for them to always complain about.
Nick McGowan (02:14.87)
But it’s really a mindset thing, I think, at that point to go, well, do I want to deal with this or do I actually not want to deal with it and actually do something about it? Now, I know that’s not what we’re here to talk about, but, you know, that’s how it is, right?
Dr Benjamin Ritter (02:25.342)
I mean, this is a it’s a good segue into all the things we probably will talk about. I was on a different work computer today. I got the blue screen of death, got kicked out of a facilitation I was doing. Stuff happens. You wait, you log back in or use your other computer. You log in through your phone and the world still turns.
Nick McGowan (02:34.721)
Oh.
Nick McGowan (02:38.972)
Yeah.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (02:46.09)
world still turns. I work with a lot of high powered executives that are really worried about perfectionism and getting stuff done and really working to they till they feel like they really can’t work anymore. You know, getting stressed about things they can’t control and work. Work is just there to have some fun and make some money. And I think we, and that find some joy, right? Friendsome impact. I think we get a little too stressed out and I’m it happens to me about things that honestly don’t even matter.
Nick McGowan (02:50.818)
Yeah.
Nick McGowan (03:03.339)
Yeah.
Nick McGowan (03:13.046)
Yeah, we were talking a little bit about that before we actually hit record. Are there some people like if you have to reschedule or something where they just kind of lose their minds or completely lose interest and other people are like, yeah, it’s whatever. And I appreciate what you said. Like we’re not saving lives right now. Like we’re having conversations. These conversations could save lives, one could even say. However, we’re not delivering babies or saving lives and you should be able to kind of move about the cabin freely, I guess, in a sense.
Nick McGowan (03:41.61)
I do think there are a lot of people that really find it difficult for themselves to be able to wrap their heads around what it is that they have a problem with. And they just kind of like to complain or like to be in pain about that certain thing instead of doing something about it. But let’s actually kick this off properly, Ben. So why don’t you tell us what you do and maybe something that people don’t know about you that’s a little odd or bizarre.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (04:06.646)
Well, I have a background in organizational leadership and talent development that involves executive and career coaching. Been doing this for about a decade for, since I got out of my doctorate though, it was about six years ago. That’s when we started focusing on working with leaders to help them become the leader of their own career. We’re really, you know, we really focus on leadership coaching that puts your career first. So a lot of leadership coaches will just focus on executive presence, executive communication, how to give feedback, how to delegate, how to coach. Well, that’s.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (04:35.95)
That’s what we do, but we don’t do that first. We go into with the, go into kind of what is, what is the career that this client wants? What is the brand that they want to represent outside of their job? How do we train them to be self leaders within this professional world that they operate in, that we all operate in and let go of some limiting beliefs that they might have. I also help create organizations that allow people to thrive in this way. And something that I love and some people might think that that’s weird.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (05:03.975)
It won’t be the weird thing that I share. I’ll pause for a second and see if you have any questions about what I do before I dive into the weirdness.
Nick McGowan (05:12.607)
Well, as a fellow podcaster, I appreciate that you always give space and you know how to be able to have these conversations. That’s something else you didn’t add to the list. But
Nick McGowan (05:23.142)
There’s a lot that we can get into specifically about how you got into wanting to help leaders and your path to being able to get there and then some of the things that you can do because I Believe a lot of the people that listen to this show are leaders in some way they’re either leaders in their family and In the office or in their own businesses or nonprofits or whatever it is, but
Nick McGowan (05:42.93)
I believe that we’re all looking for some way to be able to grow and be leaders, at least of ourself, which is true self mastery. Now what’s that weird thing that people don’t know about you? That’s a little odd or bizarre.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (05:55.15)
few different weird things. The one I’m gonna pick because it’s coming up and I’m trying to figure out how I’m gonna get my camper van to go do this weird thing down to this area. I’m looking at the propane tank that’s built in and I’m like, I don’t know how much I trust you, but we’re gonna get that checked out. So I went to Burning Man. There was a…
Dr Benjamin Ritter (06:16.19)
event called Renegade Burn. It was kind of when they did not have the official Burning Man. It was when things started to open up but events weren’t still that official. So I went out there and experienced what it was like to be in the middle of the Playa without any sort of organization or rules and then went back for the official one and now going back again. And it is an adult playground and I’m actually going to be leading a workshop there on living for yourself this go-round. So excited for that and some people might not know that about me.
Nick McGowan (06:33.824)
Hmm.
Nick McGowan (06:45.314)
No, I’m sure different people have different thoughts when they think of Burning Man and different things that they just automatically assume. I’ve personally never been to Burning Man. I’ve had friends that have gone, friends that have also gone to different variations of it, or I believe there’s one that’s in New Mexico that is like the original one or something close to it or whatever.
Nick McGowan (07:06.934)
But I think it’s super cool that you do that. And it’s, from what I know of you, it makes a ton of sense for you to be like, and now I’m actually setting up a class there and we’re gonna teach people and work through stuff. But what led you to go to Burning Man? And being honestly, what led you to be able to set it up for a class to do at one of these? Like, what are you hoping to get out of it?
Dr Benjamin Ritter (07:30.038)
Well, my top values are health, openness, adventure. It kind of all relates to that type of an event, community. So Burning Man itself lives off of a set of principles. It is.
Nick McGowan (07:40.694)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (07:45.662)
It is not a festival when some people call it. It is more, it’s an event. It’s a community that gets built for a couple of weeks out in the middle of nowhere. It has its own postal code. It’s focused on development and growth and connection and experiences and novelty.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (08:05.21)
And so for me personally, it hits all the boxes of the things that I wanted to at least experience within my life. I’m someone that looks for novelty, that looks for growth, that looks for uniqueness. You ask me if I want to go to a local DJ show or a bar and just kind of hang out, I’m going to say probably not. And unless it’s going to be some of my best friends there and I’m going to the volume is going to be low enough where I can have a conversation.
Nick McGowan (08:29.314)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (08:30.422)
Like I organize these monthly happy hours now because I want to create community. And they’re in places where we, they’re like, contrived to build that community and get people to connect and to talk and not be distracted. And so going to this type of event is something that was on my list. I had some friends that are already there and part of a really cool camp that builds from scratch from the ground up fully autonomous electric vehicles. And so they have a build.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (08:58.962)
actually factory out in San Jose. They’re called TechnoGecko. They’re part of a non-profit called Dream Makers which provides the ability to learn about STEM, decarbonization, and engineering for free which is super cool. And to be able to get my hands dirty and to learn about what a drivetrain is and even just everything is just using a
Nick McGowan (09:17.463)
Hehehe
Dr Benjamin Ritter (09:22.442)
you know, just painting a certain way and the wrong ways to paint and the right ways to paint. They’re just like really great skills to know and a great community to be a part of. And so they invited me to join and I went down and really, really liked it. And so now I kind of helped do some fundraising for them. I throw different events and I might even reach out to you to see if there’s anything you want to donate, but uh,
Dr Benjamin Ritter (09:43.478)
It’s been a nice experience so far. Now, is that going to be an experience I’m going to want to do forever? Well, the novelty wear off while I find somewhere else that I want to spend my time, money and, and energy. Cause those are limited resources where at least time and time is out of those. I don’t know, but something new this year would be having a workshop and part of, part of the camp itself is that it can submit different workshops and, and such that it wants to give to the community that is there. And.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (10:10.198)
This is something that I want to give. I have a, I think a gift and a talent. It’s something that I love to do and hopefully get some people to explore some of the things that they’re holding themselves back from.
Nick McGowan (10:20.45)
I find it interesting that, you know, it could be really easy for me to just ask you a bunch of questions specifically about those events and things about the event. But because this show is mainly about our mindset and how we manage our lives pretty much, I’m always interested to know how have you gotten to that point where you’re like, the novelty is what I look for. I know that the novelty can wear off, but you’re going from thing to thing to thing. And how do you manage?
Nick McGowan (10:46.118)
not only being able to keep your mindset in a good place with things, but to understand when you’re actually just getting stuck in the novelty or looking for sort of a dopamine hit in a sense, just because of the novelty and maybe accepting things that are, that you shouldn’t be accepting or saying yes, those things. And this is primarily for the audience that goes through.
Nick McGowan (11:07.498)
those different situations where they find it hard to say no to things because they want that novelty or where they want the different experiences and they don’t want to miss out on it.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (11:17.014)
There’s two things there I think that happen with novelty. It’s one is the FOMO and the second is getting bored with something before you’re finished with it. I think what’s more what I’m more prone to is just getting bored with things and so what I’ve had to learn is to reconnect with the meaning that I feel from the things that I’m doing and the overall purpose and impact that they’re having.
Nick McGowan (11:21.011)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (11:43.754)
Also making commitments for timelines for how long I’m going to commit to something has been really helpful as well. So one is internal and one is more of a kind of a tracker and accountability aspect, and then constantly also trying to see if there’s things that you can learn within the space that you’re a part of. Like, I don’t know if I’m going to get tired of coaching, but I’m not going to get tired of people becoming happier at work and being more proactive in their career.
Nick McGowan (11:54.947)
Hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (12:13.226)
And so maybe it’s a different application of that interest.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (12:19.178)
now I may be interested in a different industry. I work with clients on this too. They go, I can’t go to this industry. I’m gonna lose everything I’ve done in this industry. Well, do you wanna, if you were an engineer, do you now wanna be a creative director? They’re like, no, I still wanna be an engineer. Well, you’re not really doing anything different. You’re actually building a career. You’re moving forwards in your career. You’re leveraging your skills and then you’re applying them to your interests. So that I think is totally fine.
Nick McGowan (12:29.036)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (12:46.922)
And that is one way to take advantage of novelty while leveraging your skills. Now with the FOMO piece, that’s, that’s a little bit more tough. Cause we have to ask ourselves, where is that coming from? Is it a need, need for validation? Is it a need for greater connection? Are you running from something or running towards something? Do you want a life that isn’t real? Cause what you see online is not what you experience in real life.
Nick McGowan (12:51.734)
Hmm.
Nick McGowan (12:59.725)
Yeah.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (13:18.458)
And, and are you devaluing present because you think that there’s something else that you could be experiencing right now. There’s some interesting studies on happiness, very little to do with what you’re doing, a lot more to do with how connected you are to what you’re doing and how present you are. And so for me personally, I mean, I’ve, I’ve worked in one more thing, I’ve worked in hospitality for 10 years. I’ve been up for many, many sunrises.
Nick McGowan (13:37.794)
Yeah.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (13:46.546)
you know, and I’ve been in front of a lot of music. And so those types of things don’t interest me as much anymore, but they used to. And I have friends in my life that are younger than me, about a decade younger than me. And that’s where they want to spend their time. And I see them out and I really want to spend time doing what they’re doing. And it’s not actually that I want to spend time with them. The problem is.
Nick McGowan (14:08.192)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (14:09.55)
They currently haven’t had the level of experiences that I’ve had in life. And so they’re not ready to move on from those experiences. And if I want to spend time with them, I have to find other ways, spend time with them that I’m going to enjoy and accept the fact that that’s not something that I, that what they’re doing isn’t something that I want to actually be doing with my time.
Nick McGowan (14:29.89)
Hmm. So with what you’re doing specifically for leaders, there’s
Nick McGowan (14:36.374)
the FOMO, but also the imposter syndrome that has a, it’s like a crazy cocktail that some people can feel like they have to take every single day. They’re missing out on all these things and they feel like they have to hit all these targets that are super hard to hit and not actually real. So along the lines of that FOMO, in accordance with what you actually do, how do you walk people through that and how do you help them be able to get to the awareness for themselves, even in those moments?
Dr Benjamin Ritter (15:03.162)
And most of the leaders I work with want, you know, it’s a hundred X their income. They want the new car, they want the new house, they want to not work. They want all these things they think that they want. They want to achieve more, because that’s what that motivates them. Achievement motivates them. And it’s, there’s two parts to really understanding, well, more than two, but just for the sake of our conversation.
Nick McGowan (15:15.267)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (15:30.838)
So it’s highlighting what’s really important to them. So actually taking them through their values and having them define them and explore and then align them to the left. So what actions represent these values? So highlighting where meaning comes from, what they truly value. The second piece though is actually trying to understand what amount of money they really need and what amount of time they’re willing to spend earning that amount of money.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (15:57.118)
and what things they really want. Because hey, if you want that really awesome, beautiful car because you love cars and that car is the price of a house, then that’s your choice. But let’s talk about the reasons why you want it. Let’s talk about the amount of money it’s gonna cost. Let’s figure out how to earn that type of money. Let’s talk about the time it’s gonna take to make that money. Let’s talk about the experiences you’re gonna have with that car when you get it. Like there’s a lot of different aspects or factors that come from wanting things that
Dr Benjamin Ritter (16:26.402)
are materialistic. And so part of it is, okay, why do you really want this? And what do you really care about? And then if you want this, this is what you’re going to have to do to get it. So walking them through that, that procedure, I don’t care what you want. I just care that you acknowledge why you want it and how you’re going to have to work towards getting it. Because the last thing we want is to sit in envy, to sit in lust, and to sit wanting things that we actually aren’t going to go after or have, because that’s just a waste of time.
Nick McGowan (16:57.539)
It can be really easy to be able to lie to ourselves about what we want, thinking of this is what I wanted before, or this is really about what my winning strategy tells me will get me ahead in life.
Nick McGowan (17:10.866)
when we go through that, it can be good to be able to talk with somebody about it. But do you also have people that at times are like, yeah, I hear you. But no, I really want this thing because I really, really want it. And you can tell that they’re not able to get past that layer. They need to be able to understand that. Well, you want it because you think of you’ll have prestige or whatever it may be where you may have love or whatever, and they just can’t really get there. How do you help those people actually get to that point without being like, look, you’re fucking missing it. We need to get here.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (17:41.174)
It’s not my job to tell you. I mean, I can tell you that you’re missing it, but if you want something, then you should go get it. Life, it’s called live for yourself consulting. I want you to live for yourself. Now it should be aligned to your values. So if your values are integrity and trust and health, but you feel to make the amount of money you need, you need to work for a tobacco manufacturer and you have to work.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (18:10.73)
90 hours a week, whatever. You basically have to sacrifice your values to achieve what you want to earn in life. And you’re stressed and you don’t know why. You’re not sleeping and you don’t know why. You can’t have a real conversation or connect to people and you don’t know why. My job is to throw that in your face and say, look at this. This is what you say you want. This is who you are. This is what’s happening in your life. This is the cause of it, the instigator of it. Do you want to change that? If you don’t want to change that, then there’s why we’re not working together.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (18:39.818)
Because people I worked with are the ones that want to change that. And so, but if you really want that new car, I have great go for that car. And you’re willing to sacrifice the time with your family or relationships or to put added burden and stress on yourself at work to go achieve it. Great. That’s fine. Let’s make those conscious choices. Now, most of the time you actually don’t have to make a whole ton of sacrifice to get what you want. I think one of the big things I work with leaders on is how to actually be productive and efficient.
Nick McGowan (18:43.554)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (19:10.618)
And a lot of it depends on letting go of expectations for yourself and worrying about how other people are going to think about you. I think that’s a little bit bigger than what we’re talking about. Because, hey, if you, again, if you want that thing, go after that thing. I think it’s important that we feel accomplished, even if it’s for validation, for some materialistic things, as long as we’re doing it in a way that serves us.
Nick McGowan (19:34.442)
Hmm. Do you think there’s always a way that can serve you even if you’re not actually letting yourself go through the emotional layers and the traumatic layers to understand this is really why I want this thing, even if it’s somebody who’s like, well, I was beaten up in high school and I need to show and prove to myself that this is it when really the underlying thing is, is not having shame and understanding that you’re okay.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (19:58.318)
But who we, if it’s not detracting from your life or your relationships, we all are products of our upbringing and experiences and relationships. Like we, who am I, who I am is based on all the things that I’ve experienced in life. My life, unless my life is bad, it will not be any better for me understanding that.
Nick McGowan (20:11.703)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (20:18.35)
Like if I’m happy with my life and I’m not sad or stressed or frustrated or wondering why I’m stuck, like I don’t need to know all those things that happened to me. And if I’m able to be a master of myself, which is what we’re talking about, but I don’t think we’re talking about that. I think we’re slightly talking about the fact that I’m not happy with my life and what’s going on. Now, first step is great. So for example,
Nick McGowan (20:33.603)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (20:44.838)
I’m not happy with how my body looks or I’m not happy with the job that I have. Great. Go apply for another job. Okay. Well, okay. I can’t apply for a job. I’m working with a client. I can’t. I don’t feel I’m good enough to apply for these jobs. I’m reading through these descriptions and they don’t seem like I apply. I’m going to great. You know what? No one really
Dr Benjamin Ritter (21:07.406)
the descriptions don’t really matter except for how you write your resume. Don’t worry, I’ll write your resume for you. Let’s go apply for those jobs. Oh, thank you for answering that question. Person still doesn’t apply for those jobs. Okay, we talked to them and you go, what’s really going on? What happened in your life that made you not think that you’re good enough for yourself? And so there’s like layers. You don’t have to go to the past until the past decides to be the reason why you’re not moving forwards in life.
Nick McGowan (21:33.678)
Sure. Yeah, I get that.
Nick McGowan (21:37.986)
It’s not always about actually digging the stuff back up, but making sure that you clear the stuff out. And if there’s something that’s deeper there to be able to move through it. It’s interesting how we as leaders really feel like we have to be a certain way, even if it’s not something that we automatically take on, it’s just based on the system that we’ve been kind of taught and worked through. So do you have people that you work with that are really of an old, let’s say mindset or come from an old system mentality of, well, my dad taught me to be this way as a leader
Nick McGowan (22:07.12)
or I learned from some boss at some point, this is how you be a leader. And it’s just not working for them and kind of getting through it to figure out what works for them.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (22:18.55)
Everything I do with my clients is about defining who they are and then what they want their brand to be. And then how we can make that brand into a meaningful career. And all of us are who we are because of our past. Now, if you were to look at some of the CEOs I work with, especially from family owned businesses, they are 100% a product of their family environment.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (22:46.186)
My dad led this way, so I have to lead this way. And a lot of what we do is detaching themselves from that identity and redefining themselves as a CEO of the company that they are now. But you can say that for any position. I am the leader that I am because of all the books that I read, because of all the podcasts that I’ve listened to, because of the terrible leaders that I had growing up. And so it can be a good thing when we use comparison to grow instead of define us.
Nick McGowan (22:48.68)
Mm-hmm.
Nick McGowan (22:59.822)
sure.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (23:15.514)
And so all of us have expectations of leadership based on our experiences. But do we know what type of leader we want to be? And then if we do, it doesn’t matter what experiences we’ve had, because then we leverage those experiences to either motivate us or to not be that way or to learn from them. But that end goal is really important, that vision of who we are, that vision that we want to be. Self mastery comes from knowing where we want to go.
Nick McGowan (23:40.898)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (23:44.35)
not exactly maybe what we’ll get to, but at least where we want to go.
Nick McGowan (23:47.15)
Mm-hmm Yeah, so with your background and how you got to this point Why don’t you tell us are there any like key pivotal moments that you walk through that you can feel looking back now? We’re you’re like that led me to what I’m doing today or was a major shift in the way that you lived your life
Dr Benjamin Ritter (24:06.114)
Couple of them. So, wanted to be a professional soccer player growing up. Took all my sense of self from how I performed on the field, did not perform really well. Developed some pretty terrible issues of self-confidence that led to an eating disorder, that led to an obsession with food.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (24:27.578)
Eventually lost soccer, lost my identity, still struggled with my mental health and confidence. So then just took it upon myself to learn how to cure myself and to identify, to define who I was. So I dove into personal development. I dove into mental health. I dove into social psychology. Lo and behold, four or five years later,
Dr Benjamin Ritter (24:50.846)
I am completely confident with who I am as an individual. I know my values. I founded support groups for people that were struggling with what I struggled with. I conquered everything that I felt was holding me back and I was exploring the world. So that taught me about the field of coaching and that led me to meet a person at a bar randomly who asked me to run their men’s programs across the United States. And so that led me to be a personal development coach, dating coach.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (25:20.622)
During that time I was trying to do different things in my career and I ended up networking. I met someone working behind a bar because I was earning some money trying to
Dr Benjamin Ritter (25:35.19)
trying to pay my way when I couldn’t find a full-time job. I met someone across the bar, ended up hiring me for my first full-time job in healthcare. I bring up healthcare because I was selected for an emerging leaders program when I really hated working where I was. I was really resentful towards the job itself. And that emerging leaders program put me in touch with a mentor who was doing similar work to what I’m doing today.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (25:57.662)
And everyone around me, I really did not respect. I had terrible leaders at the time. And the only person that I really looked up to was this person, this individual. So this human being who came from networking across from a bar that I was at the time, he showed me a potential career path that I didn’t know existed. And a way to fix the experiences I was having with my own professional development. So I asked him about how to do that type of work and that led me down this path.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (26:26.698)
And at the same time I was coaching and when I was got the nerve to leave the current job I was at from healthcare, I also had the nerve to leave my business because it was not something I was aligned with at the time, a different area of coaching and made the decision to go exploring again to what I actually really wanted to do with my talents and my skills and what I wanted to learn. That led me to a doctoral program.
Nick McGowan (26:38.904)
Hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (26:50.818)
That led me to studying values, which is something that I hold very dear to myself and job satisfaction, published some research and that also down, you know, been on that professional journey and that path ever since. And so now I kind of have this combination with how I work with clients of personal and professional development that encompasses the entire individual, which is why I say, you know, I’m leadership coaching that also focuses on your career.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (27:16.43)
But underlying all that is just an understanding of how we work as humans, which I think everything, every problem is a personal problem. I can tell you all the tactics that, you know, I can throw them at your head. I think they’re all online. Doing them, understanding them, incorporating them, letting them become part of who you are takes that understanding of the human.
Nick McGowan (27:43.363)
Do you get into personality typing as well and helping people understand what their personality is and maybe what their core woundings are and some of the things that they default back to?
Dr Benjamin Ritter (27:54.242)
I have some certifications and leadership assessments, but…
Dr Benjamin Ritter (28:01.93)
So assessments are wonderful because they give people the language to describe themselves.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (28:10.146)
but they’re about as good as tarot cards, in my opinion. They can be useful again, to give you the language to understand yourself. But 99% of the time, people do nothing with them. And so I’ve found more effectiveness by working with an individual on their perception of themselves, on feedback from the people around them, preferably a 360.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (28:36.778)
and then integrating development in that way. Because an assessment doesn’t, it may offer some strategies and some action steps. But if I walk up to you and you’re not ready to hear something and you’re not ready to work on something, doesn’t matter how many times I tell you that it’s part of who you are.
Nick McGowan (28:55.082)
Yeah. That makes sense. And especially for you to be able to understand, yeah, from the perspective of an assessment can tell you one thing or a handful of things that you can do something with it. It’s ultimately about understanding yourself and how you perceive things. Your perception is your reality anyway. So if somebody says, yeah, well, I, I still perceive it this way. Then even if there’s something else that’s tied to it, that’s still the way that they’re perceiving it. So it’s interesting you go that route.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (29:21.686)
The problem with assessments is that people use them as crutches. So coaching is a little different. Coaching goes, what do you want to accomplish? Great. Let’s work towards that. Okay. What’s getting in your way? Let’s work towards that. How do we develop you into an individual to continue on, even if you change what you want to accomplish based on what we’ve learned so far. Assessments go, this is who you are.
Nick McGowan (29:25.148)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (29:49.518)
That’s not what we want as a belief.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (29:54.45)
If you ever define yourself as being a certain type of person, you have now limited yourself forever. Can’t tell you how many times someone goes to me and they go, I’m just, I’m just an analytical type of person. I don’t, I’m not an empathetic. I can’t do this. Do that. I can’t do this. No, no, no. You 100% can.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (30:19.23)
And operating in our world requires you to flex a certain way if you want to reduce the stress of certain environments. As a leader, if you cannot flex, you will still be successful, but it’s going to be, you’re not going to be successful in certain companies. You’re going to struggle with certain relationships. You’re going to bang your head against the wall at times wondering why something isn’t working. We have to take away this concept that we’re just living in a box.
Nick McGowan (30:34.594)
Mm-hmm.
Nick McGowan (30:46.986)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (30:47.946)
I guess we could equate that to, what is it, Carol Dweck’s growth mindset or work there. I think we have to take that into consideration.
Nick McGowan (30:52.844)
Mm-hmm.
Nick McGowan (30:57.766)
Oh yeah. Especially if somebody uses anything as a crutch. Wow. I mean, we could look and say, well, we’re told that the sky is blue and that’s the color of it. That’s the common consensus between everybody. But really you should still kind of question that and specifically within ourselves to go, is this how I am? No matter what the actual personality is or whatever the thing is.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (31:19.682)
So I’ve gotten feedback at every single job I’ve ever worked at that I need to be more enthusiastic.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (31:31.306)
I get it. I don’t have I’m pretty calm at times. And don’t get very don’t get energized about a lot of things. And I could I could say back to them, well, sorry. I’m just this way. And that would be fine. I would be successful in my career.
Nick McGowan (31:35.383)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (31:58.466)
But for me to ignore that statement and to ignore the fact that I’m impacting people a certain way, when I can get really animated and turn it on and have so much fun in front of people and get on a stage and use my voice to my advantage and get people excited, I think for me not to do that is doing myself a disservice and limiting my potential in life.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (32:21.866)
Sorry if I messed up all your levels, but like I totally just wanted-
Nick McGowan (32:24.055)
No, you’re totally good. And that, it’s funny how you think that messes up the levels. You went up just a little bit. I mean, your energy changed a little bit and there was the intent there, but you’re good. Don’t get into the red zone. Don’t get distorted.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (32:30.018)
Okay. I was trying to be a little careful. I was watching the little bars.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (32:39.51)
Yeah, but I mean like jumping on stage and moving around, you know, doing, doing the rah kind of stuff people get, you have to know how it impacts people and you have to know you impact people. And part of it too is, you know, for that feedback is understanding where that feedback comes from is that feedback comes from the fact that people don’t understand how I feel sometimes. Then people don’t understand how you feel it makes them uncomfortable.
Nick McGowan (33:02.239)
Yeah, and they have an expectation. Oh, you’re supposed to be this way. I know I’ve experienced that growing up being from the Northeast, from Philadelphia. I figured that you have to be animated. You have to yell and scream and just curse constantly. I still curse constantly, but most everything else was all just a story that everybody kept telling themselves. So it’s interesting when somebody’s like, you need to be more this. Go, great. So you really have a problem with that and you need to be able to work through that.
Nick McGowan (33:29.398)
That’s a bit of a different topic. Um, but it’s interesting. Those people that get up and put a mask on there’s, I think the balance of being able to put the mask on, understand that it’s still you within the mask and then just being completely inauthentic. Like when you call some customer service and they’re like, hello, this is Jim. You’re like, really? Is it, is it really Jim? You know, and like, I don’t, is that how you really are?
Nick McGowan (33:55.358)
And like, you want to be able to talk to somebody like at a bar. And you’ve brought that up a handful of times. Being able to have a real authentic conversation or at least low grade conversation of like, Hey, how is it? How’s it going? What’s with you? What’s this? What’s that? Instead of, and still having that balance where you don’t want somebody from customer service, be like, Hey, what’s up? So, I mean, sometimes I can break the ice pretty well. People at Starbucks typically do that. Hey man, what’s going on? What’s up? Like, you know, I’m here for coffee. Can I place an order?
Dr Benjamin Ritter (34:26.89)
I would love the next person I go up to in a store to be like, what up, man? How you doing? It’s good to see you.
Nick McGowan (34:33.718)
I bought bikes a few weeks ago and we walked in the guy was like, Hey, what’s going on? What’s up? Like, we want to buy a couple of bikes, talk to somebody about this. It’s like, all right, cool. Yeah, yeah, let’s go over here. But it was like such an interesting. Yeah. It’s like, all right, cool. Where’d let’s go. Well, Ben, it’s been awesome to have you on before I let you go. I want to ask what’s that one piece of advice that you’d give somebody that’s on their path towards self mastery?
Dr Benjamin Ritter (34:46.563)
You’re in the right place.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (35:03.286)
It’s a path. That’s it. It’s a path. Keep walking. You can stop, you can smell the roses, you can walk backwards. You can stop and think that you’re done. Guess what? You’re not. You’re not until maybe you’re six feet under or however you wanna be, however you wanna go.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (35:29.278)
It is a constant journey. And we have to and I mentioned this in the beginning, we have to remember that everything we do in life is to pay for the things we want to do. You know, it’s like, and then experience the things that we want to do. So we have like, two things, we have, how do I make money? How do I have fun making that money? And then what am I going to do when I’m with that money? And so when we’re talking about self mastery, just like remember,
Dr Benjamin Ritter (35:57.902)
things really aren’t that serious. Nobody knows what the reason is for anything. And so you have to decide on what that reason is yourself. And the reason that you choose should at least be something that serves you and serves the people around you. So if the way that you’re living your life is not, then we need to check out that path that you’re on.
Nick McGowan (36:24.214)
Well put. I appreciate that. And especially to be able to understand that it is a path and you can move about however you want on that path. So Ben, it’s been awesome to have you on, uh, where can people find you and where can they connect with you?
Dr Benjamin Ritter (36:37.174)
I’m based in Austin, Texas. If you’re ever down this way, come say hi. You can also find out more about my work at liveforyourselfconsulting.com, liveforyourselfconsulting.com. You can also look me up on LinkedIn. Dr. Benjamin Ritter, send me a connection request. Let me know that you heard me here.
Nick McGowan (36:56.006)
Awesome again, man. It’s been a pleasure to have you on. Appreciate your time.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (36:59.094)
Happy you have been here. Thanks for having me.
Nick McGowan (37:06.638)
All right, good stuff.
https://youtu.be/A7MtdXKu7pM
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By Nick McGowan“It’s a path. That’s it. Keep walking.”
Episode summary:
In this episode, Nick speaks with Dr. Benjamin Ritter about living for yourself and how values tie into everything we do or do not do.
What to listen for:
“There are two things there, I think, that happens with novelty. One is the FOMO and the second is getting bored with something before you’re finished with it. I think what’s more what I’m more prone to is just getting bored with things and so what I’ve had to learn is to reconnect with the meaning that I feel from the things that I’m doing and the overall purpose and impact that they’re having.”
“I think everything, every problem, is a personal problem. I can tell you all the tactics that, you know, I can throw them at your head. I think they’re all online. Doing them, understanding them, incorporating them, letting them become part of who you are takes that understanding of the human.”
“If you ever define yourself as being a certain type of person, you have now limited yourself forever. ”
About Dr. Benjamin Ritter:
Dr. Benjamin Ritter, founder of Live for Yourself Consulting, is a leadership and career coach, Talent Development Executive, values geek, international speaker, online course instructor, and podcaster (The Executive, and The Live for Yourself Revolution) who’s passionate about guiding leaders to be the leader of their own career and create a career they love.
Check out Episode #71 with Greg Shephard and Episode # 47 with Matt LeBris to hear more on the topic of personal leadership.
Resources:
Interested in starting your own podcast or need help with one you already have? Send Nick an email or schedule a time to discuss your podcast today!
Thank you for listening!
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Click Here To View The Episode Transcript
Nick McGowan (00:01.014)
Hello and welcome to the mindset and self mastery show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan. Today on the show, I’ve got Dr. Benjamin Ritter. Ben, what’s going on, man? How you doing?
Dr Benjamin Ritter (00:14.478)
I am doing pretty great. I mentioned I had a little bit of a headache doing some running today, but it does not keep me from getting the job done. This is that part of self-mastery.
Nick McGowan (00:25.122)
That is, yeah, that especially when you push through the shit. I know, uh, we were both joking, like when you get over your mid thirties, it’s like stuff like that happens. Just like when you wake up in your morning and you’re like, Oh my God, my back is killing me. What did I do? Oh, I slept. I just laid in a spot for seven hours. That’s what I did wrong. So we try to figure out, is it dehydration? Is it this, is it that? And realistically, Ben, it might just be that you’re old, man. You’re getting there.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (00:51.882)
It’s funny, the other day I did like a hard yoga session, went for a run, did some legs, and all of a sudden out of nowhere, I was walking around with some friends at night and my hip flexor was just incredibly painful. Like could not even walk normal painful, could not lift my leg up. You know, when you sit in a car and you gotta try to get out of the car painful. I was like, okay, something bad happened. This is not good. Go to bed, wake up.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (01:21.046)
It’s gone. Like an hour later, it comes back. I’m like, whatever, I’m going to yoga, go to yoga, go for a run. It’s gone. I was like, you know what?
Dr Benjamin Ritter (01:33.538)
don’t understand it, don’t need to understand it, but I need to know how to take care of myself and potentially figure out how to work past it, work through it and work around it. I think that it’s a good lesson for life overall.
Nick McGowan (01:42.796)
Mm-hmm.
Nick McGowan (01:46.302)
Oh yeah, absolutely. And especially with the dumb stuff that you can’t really expect. You know, just like if you wake up in the middle of the night and you stub your toe going to the bathroom, you’re like, all I wanted to do is just relieve myself and go back to sleep and not break a toe. But there are people that will just let it use them, no matter what it is. If it’s something like that, or you wake up and you’re like, I’m in pain. I remember even growing up, there were parents of friends that I had that were always in some sort of pain, where there was something for them to always complain about.
Nick McGowan (02:14.87)
But it’s really a mindset thing, I think, at that point to go, well, do I want to deal with this or do I actually not want to deal with it and actually do something about it? Now, I know that’s not what we’re here to talk about, but, you know, that’s how it is, right?
Dr Benjamin Ritter (02:25.342)
I mean, this is a it’s a good segue into all the things we probably will talk about. I was on a different work computer today. I got the blue screen of death, got kicked out of a facilitation I was doing. Stuff happens. You wait, you log back in or use your other computer. You log in through your phone and the world still turns.
Nick McGowan (02:34.721)
Oh.
Nick McGowan (02:38.972)
Yeah.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (02:46.09)
world still turns. I work with a lot of high powered executives that are really worried about perfectionism and getting stuff done and really working to they till they feel like they really can’t work anymore. You know, getting stressed about things they can’t control and work. Work is just there to have some fun and make some money. And I think we, and that find some joy, right? Friendsome impact. I think we get a little too stressed out and I’m it happens to me about things that honestly don’t even matter.
Nick McGowan (02:50.818)
Yeah.
Nick McGowan (03:03.339)
Yeah.
Nick McGowan (03:13.046)
Yeah, we were talking a little bit about that before we actually hit record. Are there some people like if you have to reschedule or something where they just kind of lose their minds or completely lose interest and other people are like, yeah, it’s whatever. And I appreciate what you said. Like we’re not saving lives right now. Like we’re having conversations. These conversations could save lives, one could even say. However, we’re not delivering babies or saving lives and you should be able to kind of move about the cabin freely, I guess, in a sense.
Nick McGowan (03:41.61)
I do think there are a lot of people that really find it difficult for themselves to be able to wrap their heads around what it is that they have a problem with. And they just kind of like to complain or like to be in pain about that certain thing instead of doing something about it. But let’s actually kick this off properly, Ben. So why don’t you tell us what you do and maybe something that people don’t know about you that’s a little odd or bizarre.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (04:06.646)
Well, I have a background in organizational leadership and talent development that involves executive and career coaching. Been doing this for about a decade for, since I got out of my doctorate though, it was about six years ago. That’s when we started focusing on working with leaders to help them become the leader of their own career. We’re really, you know, we really focus on leadership coaching that puts your career first. So a lot of leadership coaches will just focus on executive presence, executive communication, how to give feedback, how to delegate, how to coach. Well, that’s.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (04:35.95)
That’s what we do, but we don’t do that first. We go into with the, go into kind of what is, what is the career that this client wants? What is the brand that they want to represent outside of their job? How do we train them to be self leaders within this professional world that they operate in, that we all operate in and let go of some limiting beliefs that they might have. I also help create organizations that allow people to thrive in this way. And something that I love and some people might think that that’s weird.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (05:03.975)
It won’t be the weird thing that I share. I’ll pause for a second and see if you have any questions about what I do before I dive into the weirdness.
Nick McGowan (05:12.607)
Well, as a fellow podcaster, I appreciate that you always give space and you know how to be able to have these conversations. That’s something else you didn’t add to the list. But
Nick McGowan (05:23.142)
There’s a lot that we can get into specifically about how you got into wanting to help leaders and your path to being able to get there and then some of the things that you can do because I Believe a lot of the people that listen to this show are leaders in some way they’re either leaders in their family and In the office or in their own businesses or nonprofits or whatever it is, but
Nick McGowan (05:42.93)
I believe that we’re all looking for some way to be able to grow and be leaders, at least of ourself, which is true self mastery. Now what’s that weird thing that people don’t know about you? That’s a little odd or bizarre.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (05:55.15)
few different weird things. The one I’m gonna pick because it’s coming up and I’m trying to figure out how I’m gonna get my camper van to go do this weird thing down to this area. I’m looking at the propane tank that’s built in and I’m like, I don’t know how much I trust you, but we’re gonna get that checked out. So I went to Burning Man. There was a…
Dr Benjamin Ritter (06:16.19)
event called Renegade Burn. It was kind of when they did not have the official Burning Man. It was when things started to open up but events weren’t still that official. So I went out there and experienced what it was like to be in the middle of the Playa without any sort of organization or rules and then went back for the official one and now going back again. And it is an adult playground and I’m actually going to be leading a workshop there on living for yourself this go-round. So excited for that and some people might not know that about me.
Nick McGowan (06:33.824)
Hmm.
Nick McGowan (06:45.314)
No, I’m sure different people have different thoughts when they think of Burning Man and different things that they just automatically assume. I’ve personally never been to Burning Man. I’ve had friends that have gone, friends that have also gone to different variations of it, or I believe there’s one that’s in New Mexico that is like the original one or something close to it or whatever.
Nick McGowan (07:06.934)
But I think it’s super cool that you do that. And it’s, from what I know of you, it makes a ton of sense for you to be like, and now I’m actually setting up a class there and we’re gonna teach people and work through stuff. But what led you to go to Burning Man? And being honestly, what led you to be able to set it up for a class to do at one of these? Like, what are you hoping to get out of it?
Dr Benjamin Ritter (07:30.038)
Well, my top values are health, openness, adventure. It kind of all relates to that type of an event, community. So Burning Man itself lives off of a set of principles. It is.
Nick McGowan (07:40.694)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (07:45.662)
It is not a festival when some people call it. It is more, it’s an event. It’s a community that gets built for a couple of weeks out in the middle of nowhere. It has its own postal code. It’s focused on development and growth and connection and experiences and novelty.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (08:05.21)
And so for me personally, it hits all the boxes of the things that I wanted to at least experience within my life. I’m someone that looks for novelty, that looks for growth, that looks for uniqueness. You ask me if I want to go to a local DJ show or a bar and just kind of hang out, I’m going to say probably not. And unless it’s going to be some of my best friends there and I’m going to the volume is going to be low enough where I can have a conversation.
Nick McGowan (08:29.314)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (08:30.422)
Like I organize these monthly happy hours now because I want to create community. And they’re in places where we, they’re like, contrived to build that community and get people to connect and to talk and not be distracted. And so going to this type of event is something that was on my list. I had some friends that are already there and part of a really cool camp that builds from scratch from the ground up fully autonomous electric vehicles. And so they have a build.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (08:58.962)
actually factory out in San Jose. They’re called TechnoGecko. They’re part of a non-profit called Dream Makers which provides the ability to learn about STEM, decarbonization, and engineering for free which is super cool. And to be able to get my hands dirty and to learn about what a drivetrain is and even just everything is just using a
Nick McGowan (09:17.463)
Hehehe
Dr Benjamin Ritter (09:22.442)
you know, just painting a certain way and the wrong ways to paint and the right ways to paint. They’re just like really great skills to know and a great community to be a part of. And so they invited me to join and I went down and really, really liked it. And so now I kind of helped do some fundraising for them. I throw different events and I might even reach out to you to see if there’s anything you want to donate, but uh,
Dr Benjamin Ritter (09:43.478)
It’s been a nice experience so far. Now, is that going to be an experience I’m going to want to do forever? Well, the novelty wear off while I find somewhere else that I want to spend my time, money and, and energy. Cause those are limited resources where at least time and time is out of those. I don’t know, but something new this year would be having a workshop and part of, part of the camp itself is that it can submit different workshops and, and such that it wants to give to the community that is there. And.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (10:10.198)
This is something that I want to give. I have a, I think a gift and a talent. It’s something that I love to do and hopefully get some people to explore some of the things that they’re holding themselves back from.
Nick McGowan (10:20.45)
I find it interesting that, you know, it could be really easy for me to just ask you a bunch of questions specifically about those events and things about the event. But because this show is mainly about our mindset and how we manage our lives pretty much, I’m always interested to know how have you gotten to that point where you’re like, the novelty is what I look for. I know that the novelty can wear off, but you’re going from thing to thing to thing. And how do you manage?
Nick McGowan (10:46.118)
not only being able to keep your mindset in a good place with things, but to understand when you’re actually just getting stuck in the novelty or looking for sort of a dopamine hit in a sense, just because of the novelty and maybe accepting things that are, that you shouldn’t be accepting or saying yes, those things. And this is primarily for the audience that goes through.
Nick McGowan (11:07.498)
those different situations where they find it hard to say no to things because they want that novelty or where they want the different experiences and they don’t want to miss out on it.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (11:17.014)
There’s two things there I think that happen with novelty. It’s one is the FOMO and the second is getting bored with something before you’re finished with it. I think what’s more what I’m more prone to is just getting bored with things and so what I’ve had to learn is to reconnect with the meaning that I feel from the things that I’m doing and the overall purpose and impact that they’re having.
Nick McGowan (11:21.011)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (11:43.754)
Also making commitments for timelines for how long I’m going to commit to something has been really helpful as well. So one is internal and one is more of a kind of a tracker and accountability aspect, and then constantly also trying to see if there’s things that you can learn within the space that you’re a part of. Like, I don’t know if I’m going to get tired of coaching, but I’m not going to get tired of people becoming happier at work and being more proactive in their career.
Nick McGowan (11:54.947)
Hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (12:13.226)
And so maybe it’s a different application of that interest.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (12:19.178)
now I may be interested in a different industry. I work with clients on this too. They go, I can’t go to this industry. I’m gonna lose everything I’ve done in this industry. Well, do you wanna, if you were an engineer, do you now wanna be a creative director? They’re like, no, I still wanna be an engineer. Well, you’re not really doing anything different. You’re actually building a career. You’re moving forwards in your career. You’re leveraging your skills and then you’re applying them to your interests. So that I think is totally fine.
Nick McGowan (12:29.036)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (12:46.922)
And that is one way to take advantage of novelty while leveraging your skills. Now with the FOMO piece, that’s, that’s a little bit more tough. Cause we have to ask ourselves, where is that coming from? Is it a need, need for validation? Is it a need for greater connection? Are you running from something or running towards something? Do you want a life that isn’t real? Cause what you see online is not what you experience in real life.
Nick McGowan (12:51.734)
Hmm.
Nick McGowan (12:59.725)
Yeah.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (13:18.458)
And, and are you devaluing present because you think that there’s something else that you could be experiencing right now. There’s some interesting studies on happiness, very little to do with what you’re doing, a lot more to do with how connected you are to what you’re doing and how present you are. And so for me personally, I mean, I’ve, I’ve worked in one more thing, I’ve worked in hospitality for 10 years. I’ve been up for many, many sunrises.
Nick McGowan (13:37.794)
Yeah.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (13:46.546)
you know, and I’ve been in front of a lot of music. And so those types of things don’t interest me as much anymore, but they used to. And I have friends in my life that are younger than me, about a decade younger than me. And that’s where they want to spend their time. And I see them out and I really want to spend time doing what they’re doing. And it’s not actually that I want to spend time with them. The problem is.
Nick McGowan (14:08.192)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (14:09.55)
They currently haven’t had the level of experiences that I’ve had in life. And so they’re not ready to move on from those experiences. And if I want to spend time with them, I have to find other ways, spend time with them that I’m going to enjoy and accept the fact that that’s not something that I, that what they’re doing isn’t something that I want to actually be doing with my time.
Nick McGowan (14:29.89)
Hmm. So with what you’re doing specifically for leaders, there’s
Nick McGowan (14:36.374)
the FOMO, but also the imposter syndrome that has a, it’s like a crazy cocktail that some people can feel like they have to take every single day. They’re missing out on all these things and they feel like they have to hit all these targets that are super hard to hit and not actually real. So along the lines of that FOMO, in accordance with what you actually do, how do you walk people through that and how do you help them be able to get to the awareness for themselves, even in those moments?
Dr Benjamin Ritter (15:03.162)
And most of the leaders I work with want, you know, it’s a hundred X their income. They want the new car, they want the new house, they want to not work. They want all these things they think that they want. They want to achieve more, because that’s what that motivates them. Achievement motivates them. And it’s, there’s two parts to really understanding, well, more than two, but just for the sake of our conversation.
Nick McGowan (15:15.267)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (15:30.838)
So it’s highlighting what’s really important to them. So actually taking them through their values and having them define them and explore and then align them to the left. So what actions represent these values? So highlighting where meaning comes from, what they truly value. The second piece though is actually trying to understand what amount of money they really need and what amount of time they’re willing to spend earning that amount of money.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (15:57.118)
and what things they really want. Because hey, if you want that really awesome, beautiful car because you love cars and that car is the price of a house, then that’s your choice. But let’s talk about the reasons why you want it. Let’s talk about the amount of money it’s gonna cost. Let’s figure out how to earn that type of money. Let’s talk about the time it’s gonna take to make that money. Let’s talk about the experiences you’re gonna have with that car when you get it. Like there’s a lot of different aspects or factors that come from wanting things that
Dr Benjamin Ritter (16:26.402)
are materialistic. And so part of it is, okay, why do you really want this? And what do you really care about? And then if you want this, this is what you’re going to have to do to get it. So walking them through that, that procedure, I don’t care what you want. I just care that you acknowledge why you want it and how you’re going to have to work towards getting it. Because the last thing we want is to sit in envy, to sit in lust, and to sit wanting things that we actually aren’t going to go after or have, because that’s just a waste of time.
Nick McGowan (16:57.539)
It can be really easy to be able to lie to ourselves about what we want, thinking of this is what I wanted before, or this is really about what my winning strategy tells me will get me ahead in life.
Nick McGowan (17:10.866)
when we go through that, it can be good to be able to talk with somebody about it. But do you also have people that at times are like, yeah, I hear you. But no, I really want this thing because I really, really want it. And you can tell that they’re not able to get past that layer. They need to be able to understand that. Well, you want it because you think of you’ll have prestige or whatever it may be where you may have love or whatever, and they just can’t really get there. How do you help those people actually get to that point without being like, look, you’re fucking missing it. We need to get here.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (17:41.174)
It’s not my job to tell you. I mean, I can tell you that you’re missing it, but if you want something, then you should go get it. Life, it’s called live for yourself consulting. I want you to live for yourself. Now it should be aligned to your values. So if your values are integrity and trust and health, but you feel to make the amount of money you need, you need to work for a tobacco manufacturer and you have to work.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (18:10.73)
90 hours a week, whatever. You basically have to sacrifice your values to achieve what you want to earn in life. And you’re stressed and you don’t know why. You’re not sleeping and you don’t know why. You can’t have a real conversation or connect to people and you don’t know why. My job is to throw that in your face and say, look at this. This is what you say you want. This is who you are. This is what’s happening in your life. This is the cause of it, the instigator of it. Do you want to change that? If you don’t want to change that, then there’s why we’re not working together.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (18:39.818)
Because people I worked with are the ones that want to change that. And so, but if you really want that new car, I have great go for that car. And you’re willing to sacrifice the time with your family or relationships or to put added burden and stress on yourself at work to go achieve it. Great. That’s fine. Let’s make those conscious choices. Now, most of the time you actually don’t have to make a whole ton of sacrifice to get what you want. I think one of the big things I work with leaders on is how to actually be productive and efficient.
Nick McGowan (18:43.554)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (19:10.618)
And a lot of it depends on letting go of expectations for yourself and worrying about how other people are going to think about you. I think that’s a little bit bigger than what we’re talking about. Because, hey, if you, again, if you want that thing, go after that thing. I think it’s important that we feel accomplished, even if it’s for validation, for some materialistic things, as long as we’re doing it in a way that serves us.
Nick McGowan (19:34.442)
Hmm. Do you think there’s always a way that can serve you even if you’re not actually letting yourself go through the emotional layers and the traumatic layers to understand this is really why I want this thing, even if it’s somebody who’s like, well, I was beaten up in high school and I need to show and prove to myself that this is it when really the underlying thing is, is not having shame and understanding that you’re okay.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (19:58.318)
But who we, if it’s not detracting from your life or your relationships, we all are products of our upbringing and experiences and relationships. Like we, who am I, who I am is based on all the things that I’ve experienced in life. My life, unless my life is bad, it will not be any better for me understanding that.
Nick McGowan (20:11.703)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (20:18.35)
Like if I’m happy with my life and I’m not sad or stressed or frustrated or wondering why I’m stuck, like I don’t need to know all those things that happened to me. And if I’m able to be a master of myself, which is what we’re talking about, but I don’t think we’re talking about that. I think we’re slightly talking about the fact that I’m not happy with my life and what’s going on. Now, first step is great. So for example,
Nick McGowan (20:33.603)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (20:44.838)
I’m not happy with how my body looks or I’m not happy with the job that I have. Great. Go apply for another job. Okay. Well, okay. I can’t apply for a job. I’m working with a client. I can’t. I don’t feel I’m good enough to apply for these jobs. I’m reading through these descriptions and they don’t seem like I apply. I’m going to great. You know what? No one really
Dr Benjamin Ritter (21:07.406)
the descriptions don’t really matter except for how you write your resume. Don’t worry, I’ll write your resume for you. Let’s go apply for those jobs. Oh, thank you for answering that question. Person still doesn’t apply for those jobs. Okay, we talked to them and you go, what’s really going on? What happened in your life that made you not think that you’re good enough for yourself? And so there’s like layers. You don’t have to go to the past until the past decides to be the reason why you’re not moving forwards in life.
Nick McGowan (21:33.678)
Sure. Yeah, I get that.
Nick McGowan (21:37.986)
It’s not always about actually digging the stuff back up, but making sure that you clear the stuff out. And if there’s something that’s deeper there to be able to move through it. It’s interesting how we as leaders really feel like we have to be a certain way, even if it’s not something that we automatically take on, it’s just based on the system that we’ve been kind of taught and worked through. So do you have people that you work with that are really of an old, let’s say mindset or come from an old system mentality of, well, my dad taught me to be this way as a leader
Nick McGowan (22:07.12)
or I learned from some boss at some point, this is how you be a leader. And it’s just not working for them and kind of getting through it to figure out what works for them.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (22:18.55)
Everything I do with my clients is about defining who they are and then what they want their brand to be. And then how we can make that brand into a meaningful career. And all of us are who we are because of our past. Now, if you were to look at some of the CEOs I work with, especially from family owned businesses, they are 100% a product of their family environment.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (22:46.186)
My dad led this way, so I have to lead this way. And a lot of what we do is detaching themselves from that identity and redefining themselves as a CEO of the company that they are now. But you can say that for any position. I am the leader that I am because of all the books that I read, because of all the podcasts that I’ve listened to, because of the terrible leaders that I had growing up. And so it can be a good thing when we use comparison to grow instead of define us.
Nick McGowan (22:48.68)
Mm-hmm.
Nick McGowan (22:59.822)
sure.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (23:15.514)
And so all of us have expectations of leadership based on our experiences. But do we know what type of leader we want to be? And then if we do, it doesn’t matter what experiences we’ve had, because then we leverage those experiences to either motivate us or to not be that way or to learn from them. But that end goal is really important, that vision of who we are, that vision that we want to be. Self mastery comes from knowing where we want to go.
Nick McGowan (23:40.898)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (23:44.35)
not exactly maybe what we’ll get to, but at least where we want to go.
Nick McGowan (23:47.15)
Mm-hmm Yeah, so with your background and how you got to this point Why don’t you tell us are there any like key pivotal moments that you walk through that you can feel looking back now? We’re you’re like that led me to what I’m doing today or was a major shift in the way that you lived your life
Dr Benjamin Ritter (24:06.114)
Couple of them. So, wanted to be a professional soccer player growing up. Took all my sense of self from how I performed on the field, did not perform really well. Developed some pretty terrible issues of self-confidence that led to an eating disorder, that led to an obsession with food.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (24:27.578)
Eventually lost soccer, lost my identity, still struggled with my mental health and confidence. So then just took it upon myself to learn how to cure myself and to identify, to define who I was. So I dove into personal development. I dove into mental health. I dove into social psychology. Lo and behold, four or five years later,
Dr Benjamin Ritter (24:50.846)
I am completely confident with who I am as an individual. I know my values. I founded support groups for people that were struggling with what I struggled with. I conquered everything that I felt was holding me back and I was exploring the world. So that taught me about the field of coaching and that led me to meet a person at a bar randomly who asked me to run their men’s programs across the United States. And so that led me to be a personal development coach, dating coach.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (25:20.622)
During that time I was trying to do different things in my career and I ended up networking. I met someone working behind a bar because I was earning some money trying to
Dr Benjamin Ritter (25:35.19)
trying to pay my way when I couldn’t find a full-time job. I met someone across the bar, ended up hiring me for my first full-time job in healthcare. I bring up healthcare because I was selected for an emerging leaders program when I really hated working where I was. I was really resentful towards the job itself. And that emerging leaders program put me in touch with a mentor who was doing similar work to what I’m doing today.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (25:57.662)
And everyone around me, I really did not respect. I had terrible leaders at the time. And the only person that I really looked up to was this person, this individual. So this human being who came from networking across from a bar that I was at the time, he showed me a potential career path that I didn’t know existed. And a way to fix the experiences I was having with my own professional development. So I asked him about how to do that type of work and that led me down this path.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (26:26.698)
And at the same time I was coaching and when I was got the nerve to leave the current job I was at from healthcare, I also had the nerve to leave my business because it was not something I was aligned with at the time, a different area of coaching and made the decision to go exploring again to what I actually really wanted to do with my talents and my skills and what I wanted to learn. That led me to a doctoral program.
Nick McGowan (26:38.904)
Hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (26:50.818)
That led me to studying values, which is something that I hold very dear to myself and job satisfaction, published some research and that also down, you know, been on that professional journey and that path ever since. And so now I kind of have this combination with how I work with clients of personal and professional development that encompasses the entire individual, which is why I say, you know, I’m leadership coaching that also focuses on your career.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (27:16.43)
But underlying all that is just an understanding of how we work as humans, which I think everything, every problem is a personal problem. I can tell you all the tactics that, you know, I can throw them at your head. I think they’re all online. Doing them, understanding them, incorporating them, letting them become part of who you are takes that understanding of the human.
Nick McGowan (27:43.363)
Do you get into personality typing as well and helping people understand what their personality is and maybe what their core woundings are and some of the things that they default back to?
Dr Benjamin Ritter (27:54.242)
I have some certifications and leadership assessments, but…
Dr Benjamin Ritter (28:01.93)
So assessments are wonderful because they give people the language to describe themselves.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (28:10.146)
but they’re about as good as tarot cards, in my opinion. They can be useful again, to give you the language to understand yourself. But 99% of the time, people do nothing with them. And so I’ve found more effectiveness by working with an individual on their perception of themselves, on feedback from the people around them, preferably a 360.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (28:36.778)
and then integrating development in that way. Because an assessment doesn’t, it may offer some strategies and some action steps. But if I walk up to you and you’re not ready to hear something and you’re not ready to work on something, doesn’t matter how many times I tell you that it’s part of who you are.
Nick McGowan (28:55.082)
Yeah. That makes sense. And especially for you to be able to understand, yeah, from the perspective of an assessment can tell you one thing or a handful of things that you can do something with it. It’s ultimately about understanding yourself and how you perceive things. Your perception is your reality anyway. So if somebody says, yeah, well, I, I still perceive it this way. Then even if there’s something else that’s tied to it, that’s still the way that they’re perceiving it. So it’s interesting you go that route.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (29:21.686)
The problem with assessments is that people use them as crutches. So coaching is a little different. Coaching goes, what do you want to accomplish? Great. Let’s work towards that. Okay. What’s getting in your way? Let’s work towards that. How do we develop you into an individual to continue on, even if you change what you want to accomplish based on what we’ve learned so far. Assessments go, this is who you are.
Nick McGowan (29:25.148)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (29:49.518)
That’s not what we want as a belief.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (29:54.45)
If you ever define yourself as being a certain type of person, you have now limited yourself forever. Can’t tell you how many times someone goes to me and they go, I’m just, I’m just an analytical type of person. I don’t, I’m not an empathetic. I can’t do this. Do that. I can’t do this. No, no, no. You 100% can.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (30:19.23)
And operating in our world requires you to flex a certain way if you want to reduce the stress of certain environments. As a leader, if you cannot flex, you will still be successful, but it’s going to be, you’re not going to be successful in certain companies. You’re going to struggle with certain relationships. You’re going to bang your head against the wall at times wondering why something isn’t working. We have to take away this concept that we’re just living in a box.
Nick McGowan (30:34.594)
Mm-hmm.
Nick McGowan (30:46.986)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (30:47.946)
I guess we could equate that to, what is it, Carol Dweck’s growth mindset or work there. I think we have to take that into consideration.
Nick McGowan (30:52.844)
Mm-hmm.
Nick McGowan (30:57.766)
Oh yeah. Especially if somebody uses anything as a crutch. Wow. I mean, we could look and say, well, we’re told that the sky is blue and that’s the color of it. That’s the common consensus between everybody. But really you should still kind of question that and specifically within ourselves to go, is this how I am? No matter what the actual personality is or whatever the thing is.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (31:19.682)
So I’ve gotten feedback at every single job I’ve ever worked at that I need to be more enthusiastic.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (31:31.306)
I get it. I don’t have I’m pretty calm at times. And don’t get very don’t get energized about a lot of things. And I could I could say back to them, well, sorry. I’m just this way. And that would be fine. I would be successful in my career.
Nick McGowan (31:35.383)
Mm-hmm.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (31:58.466)
But for me to ignore that statement and to ignore the fact that I’m impacting people a certain way, when I can get really animated and turn it on and have so much fun in front of people and get on a stage and use my voice to my advantage and get people excited, I think for me not to do that is doing myself a disservice and limiting my potential in life.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (32:21.866)
Sorry if I messed up all your levels, but like I totally just wanted-
Nick McGowan (32:24.055)
No, you’re totally good. And that, it’s funny how you think that messes up the levels. You went up just a little bit. I mean, your energy changed a little bit and there was the intent there, but you’re good. Don’t get into the red zone. Don’t get distorted.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (32:30.018)
Okay. I was trying to be a little careful. I was watching the little bars.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (32:39.51)
Yeah, but I mean like jumping on stage and moving around, you know, doing, doing the rah kind of stuff people get, you have to know how it impacts people and you have to know you impact people. And part of it too is, you know, for that feedback is understanding where that feedback comes from is that feedback comes from the fact that people don’t understand how I feel sometimes. Then people don’t understand how you feel it makes them uncomfortable.
Nick McGowan (33:02.239)
Yeah, and they have an expectation. Oh, you’re supposed to be this way. I know I’ve experienced that growing up being from the Northeast, from Philadelphia. I figured that you have to be animated. You have to yell and scream and just curse constantly. I still curse constantly, but most everything else was all just a story that everybody kept telling themselves. So it’s interesting when somebody’s like, you need to be more this. Go, great. So you really have a problem with that and you need to be able to work through that.
Nick McGowan (33:29.398)
That’s a bit of a different topic. Um, but it’s interesting. Those people that get up and put a mask on there’s, I think the balance of being able to put the mask on, understand that it’s still you within the mask and then just being completely inauthentic. Like when you call some customer service and they’re like, hello, this is Jim. You’re like, really? Is it, is it really Jim? You know, and like, I don’t, is that how you really are?
Nick McGowan (33:55.358)
And like, you want to be able to talk to somebody like at a bar. And you’ve brought that up a handful of times. Being able to have a real authentic conversation or at least low grade conversation of like, Hey, how is it? How’s it going? What’s with you? What’s this? What’s that? Instead of, and still having that balance where you don’t want somebody from customer service, be like, Hey, what’s up? So, I mean, sometimes I can break the ice pretty well. People at Starbucks typically do that. Hey man, what’s going on? What’s up? Like, you know, I’m here for coffee. Can I place an order?
Dr Benjamin Ritter (34:26.89)
I would love the next person I go up to in a store to be like, what up, man? How you doing? It’s good to see you.
Nick McGowan (34:33.718)
I bought bikes a few weeks ago and we walked in the guy was like, Hey, what’s going on? What’s up? Like, we want to buy a couple of bikes, talk to somebody about this. It’s like, all right, cool. Yeah, yeah, let’s go over here. But it was like such an interesting. Yeah. It’s like, all right, cool. Where’d let’s go. Well, Ben, it’s been awesome to have you on before I let you go. I want to ask what’s that one piece of advice that you’d give somebody that’s on their path towards self mastery?
Dr Benjamin Ritter (34:46.563)
You’re in the right place.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (35:03.286)
It’s a path. That’s it. It’s a path. Keep walking. You can stop, you can smell the roses, you can walk backwards. You can stop and think that you’re done. Guess what? You’re not. You’re not until maybe you’re six feet under or however you wanna be, however you wanna go.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (35:29.278)
It is a constant journey. And we have to and I mentioned this in the beginning, we have to remember that everything we do in life is to pay for the things we want to do. You know, it’s like, and then experience the things that we want to do. So we have like, two things, we have, how do I make money? How do I have fun making that money? And then what am I going to do when I’m with that money? And so when we’re talking about self mastery, just like remember,
Dr Benjamin Ritter (35:57.902)
things really aren’t that serious. Nobody knows what the reason is for anything. And so you have to decide on what that reason is yourself. And the reason that you choose should at least be something that serves you and serves the people around you. So if the way that you’re living your life is not, then we need to check out that path that you’re on.
Nick McGowan (36:24.214)
Well put. I appreciate that. And especially to be able to understand that it is a path and you can move about however you want on that path. So Ben, it’s been awesome to have you on, uh, where can people find you and where can they connect with you?
Dr Benjamin Ritter (36:37.174)
I’m based in Austin, Texas. If you’re ever down this way, come say hi. You can also find out more about my work at liveforyourselfconsulting.com, liveforyourselfconsulting.com. You can also look me up on LinkedIn. Dr. Benjamin Ritter, send me a connection request. Let me know that you heard me here.
Nick McGowan (36:56.006)
Awesome again, man. It’s been a pleasure to have you on. Appreciate your time.
Dr Benjamin Ritter (36:59.094)
Happy you have been here. Thanks for having me.
Nick McGowan (37:06.638)
All right, good stuff.
https://youtu.be/A7MtdXKu7pM