Live Life With Purpose with Adam Smith

We are all unique and that is a beautiful thing. Some are more introverted, who like to keep to themselves in most instances, and lose energy from being around other people. Then there are extroverts, who are energized by being around other people and talking to them. Extroverts, of course, are more outspoken, and can tend to rule most conversations. For those of you who don’t quite fit into either of these two classic categories, then there are ambiverts — people who exhibit qualities of both introversion and extroversion.

Some people will give introverts a hard time, because they don’t say enough. And some will give extroverts a hard time, because they say too much. Yes, depending on which category you fall into has a lot to do with how you handle yourself in conversation, but it has nothing to do with common sense and courtesy. And no matter which category you fall into, when people come to talk to you about something, it doesn’t mean they always want or need your opinion. Too often, people forget the power found in listening.

With becoming better communicators, it is important to not only focus on what we say, and how we say it, but we all need to become better listeners, too. Here are three ways to know if you are better at listening first or giving your opinion too soon:

Knowing the answer to this question will tell you whether you lean towards giving your opinion first, or if your first response is to listen to the needs of others. An example of this in my own life was when I had a friend who came to me because he was having trouble in every area of life. He was going through a very rough season, and just needed someone to talk to. I was fortunate enough to see this as an opportunity to just listen, so I sat there on the phone for an hour and fifteen minutes listening to my friend on the other side of the phone spilling his guts out for me to listen to. You know what would have really messed this opportunity up? If I would have interjected at some point along the way. The conversation went where it was supposed to go. If I would have stopped him along the way, I would have been selfish in controlling the conversation and forcing it to go where I wanted it to go. If you don’t listen, what you say won’t make any sense to the other person.

But, you want to know what happened at the end of the conversation? He asked me what he should do. That’s right. I waited my turn. It didn’t take me forcing my opinion on him, but he asked for advice when he was ready to hear what I would have to say. Too often people interject their own needs into a conversation, without ever considering what the other person needs. Advice said at the wrong time falls on deaf ears, which doesn’t help anyone. In most cases, people will ask you for your opinion if they really want it. If they don’t ask for it, they will ask someone else, figure it out for themselves, or read advice in a book or online from a respected source.

I promise that you don’t have to have all the answers, nor should you put that sort of pressure on yourself. People need friends who will just be there for them, and just being this person for others is enough. Sometimes, the need for human interaction just needs another person to listen, and that’s okay.

If someone has communicated that they are coming to you for advice, then by all means, give it. But, it is very different if someone is just coming to you to talk. This is where two-way communication and listening to see what other people need from you is important.

If people repeatedly come to you for advice, then it is probably a good sign that you are great at both giving advice and listening. You see, the two go hand in hand. One cannot give great advice without first listening to the needs of others. We can all say words without giving them much thought, but it takes a great listener to give heartfelt advice. That’s the mark of someone who loves people, and also understands what people need.

Although I would call myself a writer who speaks, rather than the other way around, people still come to me for advice on public speaking. Although I haven’t had much practice at public speaking as of late, I do believe it is important for anyone who wants to impact people to develop this craft in one way or another.

[Sidenote: I haven’t booked any speaking engagements lately for two reasons. First, because I have been focusing nonstop on writing. And second, because I promised Jasmine that I wouldn’t travel until our son Nolan turned one, which is this month. We have a four-year-old and a one-year-old, which is absolutely bonkers! This being said, I plan on next year being full of speaking engagements, and I can’t wait for you to hear some new ideas I have been working on.]

Anyway, I believe the reason that people want to get better at public speaking is because they often look at being able to speak in public as the most important form of communication. While I do believe speaking is an important form of communication, being out in front of people delivering your opinion on things is a very one-sided form of communication. Yes, to become really good at public speaking you have to be in touch with your audience and know what they need from you, but getting feedback from them after speaking is a much more difficult task. In other words, to be a great communicator, you cannot be all talk. At some point, you must look at all facets of communication, including the power found in listening.

We were told as kids that talking too much in school would get us in trouble, and this advice remains true today. The trouble found in not listening is that people will not want to be around you for too long if you never let others get a word in. I have found in my lifetime that there a lot of people who like to hear themselves talk. The problem with keeping relationships one-sided is that it keeps deep relationships from happening.

A rule that I have applied in my life to listening versus speaking is the 60/40 rule, and filling in the gaps in conversation when needed. Of course each situation is different, but listening 60% of the time and speaking 40% of the time is a great rule for everyone to adopt, because it allows individuals to give their full attention to others. And there’s never anything wrong with making others feel special by giving eye contact, a full heart, and actually taking the time to listen to them. Listening is just another great way to impact more people with your life.

The post #081: People Don’t Always Need Your Opinion In Conversation appeared first on Adam Kirk Smith.

About two months ago, I had a phone conversation with an editor friend of mine that I will probably never forget. She kept asking questions about me that she wanted lengthier answers to. Whatever I would say about myself, it just wasn’t enough, and as a result, she would then dig deeper. The issue was that I typically let my work speak for itself, and don’t usually care to ramble about my accomplishments. She finally said, “Adam, you have to learn how to talk about yourself more. People want and need to know more about your work, and you need to give that to them.” I simply replied, “I know”, and I began talking about something else to divert attention to a different topic. The truth is that I have never felt very comfortable talking about myself for extended periods of time in a conversation, as I have always been afraid that it would come off arrogant, or as bragging, or as overconfident.

The phone conversation that day got me thinking about the online world as we know it. Everyone is trying to sell something, everyone has something to say, and everyone wants our attention. There is much more junk on the internet than there are diamonds, or even diamonds in the rough for that matter, so we are forced to wade through all the junk to find the gems. Giving people unbridled accessibility to their very own platform has created this madness. This is why it is so important to find our audience, and to build trust with them. And a great way to start building trust is to repeatedly produce great work. Don’t become known for producing junk. When those who have found belief in the message you are sharing, they will share the information you need delivered, both online and by word of mouth in real life. Yes, producing credibility with your team, or audience, extends your reach even further.

A great way to start building trust is to repeatedly produce amazing work.
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Just about the worst thing we could do then is to squander opportunities to impact people with actual important things to say, and product that can seriously help people live better lives. The more unimportant information that you share, the more noise that is contributed to the already noisy world, and the less long-term attention that is earned. So, how can we effectively communicate as leaders online? How can we be more confident in telling others about ourselves and our brand?

Live with purpose, share important information, and put in the work.
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If you do all of these things, then I can guarantee you that you will build your audience. As someone who runs an online business, communicating with you — my audience — is extremely important. It’s what creates more opportunities and supplies more resources for me to reach more people. And I’m guessing that if you are listening to this or reading this, then you are at least remotely interested in what I have to say.

We can all start with viewing people who share information with us online as individuals who are trying to build credibility, not as people who are trying to show off. Many times, I can base my assumptions off of previous encounters with people who have ruined my perspective of even new individuals I come in contact with, which isn’t fair to anyone.

Not everyone is the same — I can promise that.
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I remember reading a leadership book one time that said credibility is the foundation of leadership, and it makes a lot of sense. If people don’t believe in you, then they will never be able to believe in your message. For people to follow, they must know that they can trust you, and to do so, they need to know who you truly are. Both the good and the bad — people need all aspects to be able to build real relationship.

Credibility is the foundation of leadership.
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So, here are six specific areas to focus on to produce more credibility in your own life:

The post #080: Credibility Is Necessary for Leaders appeared first on Adam Kirk Smith.

“Life is just too hectic every single day.” Does this sound like something you’ve said about your life? If it does, then I have something different for you to try. I know you have tried managing your time better, because that is our first response to feeling that there isn’t enough time in a day, but have you given any thought to increasing your capacity? What could you do if you had more focus? Could you handle your amount of focus better than the amount of time you have in your current season of life?

Too many times, people focus on the fact that they have so little time left in the day to accomplish what they want to after meeting all of their necessities. This amount of time may be thirty minutes, one hour, four hours, or anything in-between, but the most important thing to remember is that it isn’t about how much time you have in your day, but it’s what you do with it that counts. This means that whatever amount of time you have in your day to work on the most important things in life, it is more about the amount of focus you put into it, rather than the amount of time you have. When we are able to find our best focus we can do more with one hour than most can do with four. We all know people who seem to be able to accomplish more with their time than anyone else. Focus, not time, is the one thing that those same people understand more than anyone else. Focus increases productivity, which leads to better time management. When I began to see how managing focus rather than time worked in my own life, I began accomplishing more than ever before, and it can do the same for you.

People should be measuring their amount of focus, not their time.
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Very rarely are any of us able to increase the amount of time we have in a day, but we have all tried to find more of it. Instead of heightening our focus, we try to add time so we can take longer to do tasks that should take days, not weeks. This, of course, is procrastination. Putting things off until the last second then is not a time issue, but an issue with focus. And the first place to look at when needing to increase focus is the amount of things we have going on in our lives.

Is your plate too full?

As our lives continue, we tend to add more things. It’s only natural. But, the one thing we tend to forget is the need to quit things. For many of us, the easy thing to do is to add, but the much more difficult task is to quit. Never forget the need for both as you strive to live a balanced life.

So, now that you understand the need for adding more to you life, while quitting things along the way, you are now ready to understand how you can apply a larger amount of focus to your own life. I have already done podcasts about the importance of getting the correct amounts of sleep for your individual needs, exercising, eating the right foods, and quitting the right things, but maybe you have tried all of these things and need something more to work with. If things just aren’t working the way you want them to in the area of time management, the issue may be that you aren’t asking the right questions yet.

Here are the four questions you need to ask yourself to see if you can increase the amount of focus in your life:

Notice that I did not ask you who the people are that are around you, because some people don’t have control over who they are around, especially at work. (No, my advice to you will never be to run away from every job where you don’t like someone. If that was my advice, then it would be very difficult for you to ever find a job. I can guarantee you that at one job or another in your lifetime, you will work with someone who you don’t perfectly see eye-to-eye with in some way. People are different, and that’s a beautiful thing.) However, it is important to take notice of the people you allow to influence you and speak into your life.

Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. - Helen Keller
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Your mind is a powerful thing, and it is yours to protect. You either let in positivity or negativity. You allow words of life or words of death to influence your very being, that will eventually make their way to you heart and mind. This is why it is so important to choose carefully. When you believe that you can do something, it is much easier to keep pushing forward with more focus, than when you believe that you will fail at something.

Hope in something more gives focus.
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Begin surrounding yourself with people who you want to emulate the fruits of. The more people you spend time with that you want to become like, the more habits of theirs that you will pick up. When I began learning from people who got more done in their day due to having more focus, I eventually picked up on the need for it in my own life. I became tired of only wanting it, and began pursuing and displaying more focus myself. The people who you allow to influence you will change your life.

Yes, we all need to learn from each other, but schedules are the last thing that needs to be copied.
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People need different amounts of sleep, have different careers, have different family situations, have different amounts of distances to commute, need different things from life depending on what life stage they are in, and yet I hear that people have copied the schedules of other people, thinking that they will somehow receive the same benefits. This makes absolutely no sense. Please, figure out what to do with your schedule on your own, and follow other people in different areas. Sure, there are principles that can be applied to everyone’s schedule, such as the need for a blocked out time for meditation, but your day will look very different than everyone else’s. It would be ignorant to think that everyone has a flexible schedule, works from home, or even that they work during the daytime.

Come to think of it, I met an emergency room nurse last week who hadn’t slept in 30 hours. If I would have suggested that she wake up at 5 or 6 am, she would have either laughed at me or given me a blank stare. Either way, suggesting a set schedule for someone else to follow without looking at their personal circumstances first is absurd. Stop following someone else’s schedule hoping that it will increase focus in your own life. Begin having better focus by crafting your own and adjusting it along the way.

Does going to the library or your office help you complete work in half the time that it takes you to do work at home? Going where you do your best work is always worth it because you can give your complete self to people after you are finished working. Giving your full self is always better than giving only half of yourself to other people, no matter how much time it is that you can be fully engaged with others.

Giving your full self is always better than giving only half of yourself to other people.
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When working at home, I have a tendency to gradually work on things all day, dragging on work that should only take an hour or two to finish. Sure, with kids at home, it is more difficult to get work done, but there’s also something else at play here. When I am not able to fully engage in my work, I only get a fraction of a complete thought, which I end up needing to piece together to complete what I am working on. Diving into work, finishing thoughts, and being able to leave work as done for the day, all helps with feeling fulfilled and being able to devote my full time to people.

We have covered the who, when, and where of focusing, so we are now going to discuss the how. It is the how where we can take advantage of time the most. It is here where we get to experiment in order to find the best ways, and we become better at what we do through repetition. We become great at what we do by finding the best processes in which to do them. This is why the basic principle of understanding fundamentals is so important. Many times people shoot for the stars without first building their rocket. When this happens, people unnecessarily lose hope by not finding their target. But, to find the target, people need the tools and training that are necessary to hit the bullseye.

Many times people shoot for the stars without first building their rocket.
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What are the tools that you need to succeed? What is the training you need to succeed? The answers to these two questions will give you what you need to know about implementing the best possible practices right now. From here you can now build your best practices. It is then trial and error in your practices that will make you better. Yes, everything in life is a process, including learning how to focus, but it’s the most honest answer I can possibly give you. The ability to become super focused doesn’t happen over night, but knowing how to find it will help you produce your best work.

The post #079: You Should Be Measuring Your Amount of Focus, Not Your Amount of Time appeared first on Adam Kirk Smith.

The main problem with businesses and individuals holding onto fear is that they don’t see how much their fears affect both employees and customers. Sure, they may know that fear is what is keeping them from reaching their full potential, but they still aren’t able to look at their reality. They refuse to see what is really happening, and end up avoiding contact with their biggest issues at all costs.

Please know that it is only when you accept that fear will come and that you will need to learn to move through it that you will begin moving forward. It is here where we truly see the importance of looking at our fears.

It is only when you accept that fear will come that you will begin moving forward.
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Plain and simple, for things to become better, we must face the facts. Is doing this easy? Absolutely not, but it is essential for any sort of growth to take place. If looking at your current reality has proven difficult for you, I have three ways for you to begin dealing with your fears in more effective ways, starting right now.

There are too many people who surround themselves with people who only agree with them. This is a huge mistake no matter which way you look at it. When people don’t agree with you it forces you to look at things from every perspective, not just your own. Doing this relinquishes your right to not analyze reality. Even if you don’t want to, others will help you see the full picture. When people only tell you what you want to hear, the facts are clouded and the opportunity of making things right isn’t given.

When people don’t agree with you it forces you to look at things from every perspective, not just your own.
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If you are a CEO, an entrepreneur, in human resources, or are in management, I would recommend you look at your staff and pinpoint the ones who will be honest with you about everything; the good, the bad, and the ugly. You should actually make this a requirement of the ones you want in your inner circle. These are the people who you want to ask for feedback from when you need to make a critical decision. These are the people you want on your team.

This question requires you to become super focused with what you do in life, because if the why doesn’t matter, then the decision has to be made if you should be doing it at all. Life is too short to spend time doing stuff that doesn’t line up with where you want to go. When the why is answered and it lines up with your goals, then all the work that will help you get to where you want to be will be worth it.

If the why doesn’t matter, then the decision has to be made if you should be doing it at all.
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In reality, a lot of work along the way isn’t necessarily fun, even when you are working towards your goals, but the fact that it is necessary to move you forward makes it all worth it. I love being an entrepreneur, but even with having employees, I still have to do paperwork and gather tax information, which isn’t fun for me. There are also meetings that I attend which aren’t the most fun, but they inform me of what I need to know for the future. Honestly, I’ve found that there are necessary parts of owning businesses that aren’t always fun. The old saying of “you don’t work a day in your life when you enjoy what you do” sounds good, but it just isn’t true. Even though I want to tell you that life is only full of rainbows and cotton candy, there will be some days that there will be work you don’t necessarily want to do, but it is part of a much bigger plan of falling in love with the why. I am sure you can relate to what I am saying here in some way. Knowing the why behind doing the work you love and the work that you wish you didn’t have to do will be what motivates you through all of the days you are doing the not so fun stuff along the way.

“You don’t work a day in your life when you enjoy what you do” sounds good, but it just isn’t true.
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When you answer the why, it will be the heart that prompts you to look at what is really happening, rather than the false reality you have created in your mind. Every action needs a purpose, so when you decide to look at the reason you do what you do, looking at ways to improve will be seen in a different perspective. You will then want to analyze the true problems at hand and discover how you can make them better. This is the best way to look at reality. When you care about what you do, you will have much more of a drive to find solutions and fix your reality for the better.

But, I would also challenge you on your answer here. If your why is solely profit, then I would say you have the wrong motive. When people are the reason that you do what you do, you will have a better work environment because you treat your staff well and it is a mentality that will spread company-wide. You will also make better decisions because you will realize there are people on the other side of what you do. You will also make better products, because you will see how great your reach is and the impact you can have on people. When people are your why, your company is better, and that’s a fact.

So many people won’t attempt their fears, because they feel it has to be perfect the first time. The reality is that you will make mistakes along the way, and that’s okay. I know I have talked about this many times before, but perfectionists need to hear this truth repeatedly.

It is in the practice of making mistakes that you will gain more insight and accomplish more than you ever have before. This rule has applied to everyone who has lived before us, and it remains true to this day. It is only in the process of making mistakes that you will find your best solution for your current reality. When you take your first solution for being the best, you cancel out all other opportunities. But, when you show up to make 5, 10, 50, 100, or 500 mistakes, to find your absolute best idea, it will be the mistakes along the way that will help you find your one great idea.

This means that coming up with your best solutions to problems comes down to how many times you show up to do the work. The odds are in your favor the more often you attempt to find solutions. If you look at your current reality and don’t see what you like, you can show up to do the work that will actually change things for the better. The control you have in finding success is determined by how much work you are willing to put in.

Coming up with your best solutions to problems comes down to how many times you show up to do the work.
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The post #078: How the Fear of Looking at Reality Is Hurting Everyone appeared first on Adam Kirk Smith.

Lately, I have been thinking more and more about the words I use, and the words I don’t use anymore. The old saying of “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is a lie. Let’s face it — words matter. The words that you use say a lot about what you and your company stands for. That’s why not only individuals are being condemned for what they say on social media, but businesses are also subject to the same standards for their choice of words, as well. There are some words that people just shouldn’t use because they make others feel bad, and then there are others that you shouldn’t use because they just don’t make any sense. Whether you are an individual or a business, the same rules apply to you.

So, here are the six words that I no longer use in my vocabulary, and the reasons why I have stopped using them:

This is my least favorite word in the English language. Stop trying to do what you have always wanted to do, and just be what you want to be. I have previously used the word “aspiring” when I wanted to become a writer, but now I am a writer. I used to be an aspiring entrepreneur, but now I am an entrepreneur. What’s the difference?  I stopped using the word “aspiring” and decided to take action. Individuals and businesses, stop saying you want to do something, and instead begin working towards your goals of being what you want to be. Stop aspiring, and start doing.

Stop aspiring, and start doing.
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I talked about this word last week, but I still don’t like it. “I’m a failure.” “We are doomed for failure.” “You are a failure.” Pick any sentence that you want to — it doesn’t sound good in any context. “I made some mistakes.” “We made some mistakes.” “You made some mistakes.” Mistakes can be fixed and learned from, and failure…well, failure is doomed for failure. Do us all a favor and please find another word to use instead of this dreadful one. You are never a failure and your business is never a failure either, so stop speaking and acting like one.

I’m referring to using this word in the context of hating things that don’t deserve one of the harshest words in the English language.When using this word for no good reason, it sounds like nails on a chalkboard. I know I can’t be the only person that feels this way. If you or your company uses this word for marketing materials, or even just lingo around the office, please find another word. Fill in the blank: “I hate _____.” However you finished that sentence to describe something that doesn’t deserve the word, it sounds bad. I had to stop using it when I heard other people use it, and would play the sentence on repeat inside my head for days on end. Maybe it’s something I heard from another kid when I was growing up and it has stuck with me for this many years, but whatever it is, the word doesn’t sit well with me. “I despise”, “I don’t like”, “I really don’t like”, “I loathe”, “I detest” — take your pick. Just about any word is better than hate.

I used to use this word a lot, but I found that it defeats any attempt that I am getting ready to make, before I even begin. Remember, words are powerful. “You know, people have told me that it’s impossible, but I am maybe going to give it a try.” sounds a lot worse than, “I know that I can do this, because I have been preparing for this moment for years. It’s definitely possible.” If you are working within your strength set, and have been working towards your goals like we talk about repeatedly, then nothing you do is impossible. In fact, it’s most likely probable.

Remember, words are powerful.
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Lately, I have seen this word on more inspirational posts than I care to look at. To tell you the truth, the more I see this word, the more it aggravates me. Why? Because the word isn’t true and it shouldn’t exist. There, I said it. Do people really believe that they can be fearless? I have reasons to believe that no one can be, but somewhere deep down, people want to believe that they can be. For people to post this word across their social media accounts, it tells me that there’s more to it than the word just having a nice ring to it. Feel free to contact me if you feel I’m wrong, and I’d be happy to have some friendly dialogue through email about it with you, but I don’t get why people believe that it’s possible to achieve fearlessness. Stop acting like you don’t fear before you make big decisions for yourself or for your business. You’re not fooling this guy.

I know that this is a phrase rather than a single word, but if someone else cares about something, then you should at the very least somewhat care about the outcome, too. If someone comes to you, and cares enough to speak up about an issue, then you need to not only be available to listen, but you need to realize the fact that they are coming to you because they genuinely care enough to say something. The conversation I am talking about here goes something like this: “You offended me with what you said yesterday.” And the response given to that person’s comment is, “I’m sorry, but it’s what needed to be said.” Whether “I don’t care” is actually said or not, if it is implied, it still hurts.

I cannot tell you how many people I have worked with that will justify what they say to others by passing the responsibility off to the other person, and it was their fault that they reacted the way they did. As if to say, that people shouldn’t have emotions, and the best answer is to somehow “just get over it.” Have people really become this irresponsible? People don’t want to take responsibility for their actions or the words they speak, but life doesn’t work this way. There are always ramifications to what someone says. Choosing words carefully is a responsibility that all of us have. Do you care about this truth?

Choosing words carefully is a responsibility that all of us have.
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This is just a short list of the words that I don’t use anymore, but I am sure there are more out there. Do you have words that you don’t like using? I’d love to hear what they are. Maybe we can make some progress in this area, and stop making people feel bad about themselves, and defeating ourselves before we even begin. Chances are that if the words we hear don’t sit well with us, then they may sting when they are said to others. It’s at least worth our time to think about the words we use, and don’t use, because words can impact people in a negative way.

The post #077: The 6 Words You Need to Stop Using Right Now appeared first on Adam Kirk Smith.

We have all worked for people who are leaders, and those who are bosses. We learn what we should do by looking at the lives of leaders, and we learn what not to do by looking at the actions of bosses. Maybe you are wondering if you work for a leader or a boss, or you may need to know if you are a leader or a boss yourself.

As the picture shows above, leaders aren’t afraid to go first. They realize that it is difficult to go first sometimes, so they will lead in order to release the tension for others. Going first allows others to go next with less hesitation and more boldness. You can lead by testing the waters and telling others if it is okay for them to dive in.

Leaders also don’t expect others to do all the work. In fact, I would say that one of the most important attributes for a leader to possess is the willingness to work hard. Things will never just happen on their own, but with hard work over time, positive results can take place. But before the work takes place, leaders realize the importance of giving motivation to the entire team. Employees need to know the why behind the necessity of moving ahead. Giving employees the reason behind doing things is important, so a better work environment can be created. Employees must believe that their work makes a meaningful contribution in order to make the biggest possible impact through their work. When leaders paint this picture well, their company will thrive. When bosses don’t do this, all motivation will be lost.

When you or who you work for can see out ahead before problems happen, the entire team gets to enjoy the benefits. This is leading at its finest. Taking care of issues so others don’t have to deal with them shows employees that those around them care about their well-being.

This concept not only applies to dealing with problems, but having this visionary mentality will create tremendous growth. If systems can be set in place now that can make the future better, then by all means please begin this necessary conversation now within your company, whether you have a leadership title or not. (You don’t need a title to lead; you just need a voice.) Having visionaries in leadership is a necessity for your company to be relevant twenty years from now, and being proactive ensures that your entire team will head in the right direction over time.

Leaders are creative with the plan when they need to be, and bosses only know one plan. When a plan doesn’t work out, is your company paralyzed, or is a new plan quickly formed and executed? Leaders are great at this, but bosses are not.

If you look after your staff, they'll look after your customers. It's that simple. - Sir Richard Branson
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Of course, businesses won’t be around for long without making money, but that is a byproduct of creating an environment where people want to be, employees and customers alike. A team whose leadership cares about them as individuals will produce more benefits than teams who don’t have a leadership team who builds relationships with them.

Bosses who solely focus on the bottom line, pushing all focus on relationships aside to command orders from their team just because they have a management title, will cause burnout in employees. In doing this, they won’t be left with anyone who wants to work for them. What these bosses don’t realize is that added revenue is always a byproduct of happy employees interacting with customers on a daily basis. People want to buy from companies who offer great service and a remarkable guest experience, and building relationships with your team is a great place to start leading right away.

As Patrick Lencioni points out in his book, 3 Signs of a Miserable Job, to keep good employees, you need to help them be happy and fulfilled. Business success actually depends on it. One of the signs of a miserable job that he mentions in his book is when employees feel that they are anonymous. This is why I have spoken before on why creating relationships with employees is so important. When staff feels unappreciated, unimportant, and ignored, the feeling of discontentment within your staff will grow. In short, leaders display empathy within relationships, whereas bosses display apathy. Leaders seek to understand how their employees are feeling, and bosses don’t care.

I have never met a leader who was a micromanager for each stage of the creation process. Never. Leaders produce other leaders who can think for themselves. Bosses create robots who need to be told what to do. Leaders know the power of coaching employees, and then releasing their team to make a difference. Bosses on the other hand, can’t wait until you mess up so they can pounce on your mistakes, making you feel inadequate. But, leaders see mistakes as more than opportunities to belittle you. Leaders see the bigger picture. They take any mistake, and turn it into opportunities to help direct others, so employees can gain the full power found in the process of learning. Within the process of learning, patience is taught, knowledge is given, and confidence is built. This process allows people to become the best possible employees they can be.

Mistakes found through experimentation are necessary lessons that will eventually give you the outcome you are looking for. Hear me when I say that making mistakes doesn’t make you a failure. In fact, I don’t believe that leaders should use the word “failure”, because errors can be fixed. Sure it may take some time, but with persistence, the teaching moments found in making mistakes will turn into more experience, and experience turns into maturity, and maturity turns into making better decisions.

This being said, the only way to fight the perfectionism that has been plaguing you for far too long is to go and try something different. What is it that you have been afraid of doing? Whatever it is, it may be time to finally experiment with it. And when you make the decision to attempt new things, you may even make a few mistakes, but that’s not failure — that’s learning.

Now that you know the differences, find leaders, not bosses, that you can learn more from. Surrounding yourself with people who have the attributes you desire can only make you better. And if you lean more towards being a boss yourself, then right now is the best time to make a change.

The post #076: The 4 Biggest Differences Between Leaders and Bosses appeared first on Adam Kirk Smith.

Two years ago on a cold December morning, I met a friend for breakfast at his hotel. He had a speaking engagement in town, and I took the opportunity to spend some time with him. He may be my most confident friend (in a good way, not in that overconfident annoying way), and one of the smartest people I know, so I try to learn from him whenever I can. The way he talks, the way he gestures, the way he listens, the way he loves people — it all conveys a very confident message. The message he portrays with his life is one that I hadn’t spent much time paying attention to before, but after spending that morning with him, he began telling me the things that made him the person that he is today. Of course, I couldn’t jot down notes from our conversation fast enough.

I wrote down 14 points that day, along with my own commentary, and each discipline can make you more confident right now. Here they are:

It's only when you accept everything you are - and aren't - that you will truly succeed.
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Who are you? You need to know this by heart and own it. There is only one you, and you have so much to offer to the rest of the world.

The older I get, the more fed up I become with staying quiet. Life has definitely changed me, and maybe it has done the same for you. There’s too much to do, and not enough people doing the right things. You will know that you are fighting for what you believe in when you begin to set trends, rather than following them.

Typically, the reason that people feel insecure is because they don’t know enough about the subject they have a lack of confidence in. Studying a subject is one of the best ways you can build confidence in a specific area immediately.

The people you surround yourself with and the messages you listen to affect the way you see yourself. Having encouragers around you can only help with boosting your confidence.

When there has been a culture of humiliation that is created, growth is suppressed. If you are being humiliated or you see others that are being humiliated, don’t allow it. You have the right and responsibility to speak up.

Confidence is more situational for most people. I am guessing that the things you are feeling less confident in are the same things that you consider your weaknesses to be. Being a jack of all trades has many advantages, and this way, you can take advantage of them as well.

Too many people skip over their successes, and only focus on their failures. This is nonsense.
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Too many people skip over their successes, and only focus on their failures. This is nonsense. When you put time and work into anything that is a success, it calls for celebration. I don’t care what it is – when you are successful, you need to recognize it.

When you are positive about the future, you remain hopeful for a better outcome. When you are pessimistic, it is much easier to lose hope in finding confidence. Positivity begins with self-talk. Don’t wait for others to lift your spirits, but instead speak words of life to yourself.

Be there for others to encourage them along the way, but never let comparison be your measurement of accomplishment. This is why knowing who you are and pursuing the things you want out of life is so important. When you understand this, you understand what makes you different from everyone else and will pursue those things confidently in your own strength. In doing this, you are becoming the best you. Until then, you are looking to others for your definition of success. Using social media to compare yourself doesn’t help either. Use social media to congratulate people for their successes, not to judge them for it.

Using social media to compare yourself doesn't help.
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I usually don’t recommend faking it until you make it, but in this area I will. Stop slouching, stop saying “like…” and “ummm…”, and stop avoiding eye contact. In other words, you can change your outward expression of confidence to others through body language and your speech before you believe it for yourself.

Confidence is linked to regret in most cases. Stop worrying about what is done, stop taking things so personally, and learn to move ahead. You’ll be better for learning this life-changing concept.

When you do what is right, there is less gray area to question. There is confidence found in knowing that you have done the right thing.

The more you risk, the more you are putting on the line. Confidence might not be there during the first risk you take, but there will definitely be more confidence present when you take your tenth risk. Keep risking something to build confidence in your life.

Mistakes will come, so be prepared to use them as learning moments.
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Mistakes will come, so be prepared to use them as learning moments, rather than events that will stop you in your tracks. When you change your mindset here, you won’t let mistakes take the life out of you, but will instead learn from them and will let the growth you obtain build both confidence and character.

The post #075: 14 Steps to a More Confident You appeared first on Adam Kirk Smith.

When coaching people, one of the questions I receive the most is, “How do I set the right priorities and actually stick to them?” This question tells me that people know that there is a difference between the things that they say are their priorities, and what their priorities actually are. It also tells me that people want to change, but don’t know how. It also tells me that people aren’t able to put the time they want to into their priorities. As you can see, this question tells me a lot.

Since so many people struggle with this issue, I decided to come up with a priority exercise. I have done this exercise myself, I walk other people through it on a regular basis, and it will work for you as well. All you need is a quiet space to think, and a way to capture some notes.

Are you ready to learn more about yourself?

Here is the ten-step exercise you need in order to give your true priorities more attention, right now:

Priorities are identified by where you spend most of your time.
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Priorities are identified by where you spend most of your time. Even if your priorities aren’t currently where they need to be, the most important part of this step is to be completely honest with yourself.

If you don’t know who you are, then it will be difficult to move towards who you want to become.
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If you don’t know who you are now, then it will be very difficult to move towards who you want to become. Every map has a beginning point and a destination, and your life is no different. Progress can only be measured when we can pinpoint where we have come from.

Now, is the point where you get to dream. What do you want your priorities to be? Who do you want to be? Who do you want to impact? What change do you want to make on this world? These are all questions that you need to answer and capture into words.

When we can eloquently speak and write down who it is we want to become, we can become more comfortable with the journey that will get us there. When we keep our dreams inside and never put words to them, it makes us feel uncomfortable with the necessary action to get us to our goals. It’s time to be comfortable with becoming a better you.

It’s time to be comfortable with becoming a better you.
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Now that you have your weekly activities in front of you, add up the time that you spend doing each of your priorities on a weekly basis, and write that amount of time by each priority.

We need to go deeper than just knowing who are your priorities, we need to detail out what you need to do to support your priorities in the best possible ways. This will enable you to develop a priority plan. An example of how this works is within the category of family. If you have small children, the things that they need now and what they will need eighteen years from now look entirely different. How you will love them and care for them will change based on their needs. The more you can identify these needs and prepare for them well, the better. This exercise helps you to see the needs of others before they happen, before they are asked for, and before anyone else sees them. With these points in mind, know that you can begin working in small steps preparing for the future. To do this, begin putting weekly action steps in your schedule now that will help get you to where you need to be in the future.

This principle works the same for money as it does time. When we treat time as currency, we will begin to see how important value is.

When we treat time as currency, we will begin to see how important value is.
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Most people want the best value out of their dollar. They want to stretch their money as far as it will go, but most people don’t think of time in this way. When we make this simple mental shift, the way we schedule our time will be much different. How can we get more out of our time? How can we make the most out of each day?

If we believe that people are our biggest responsibility and bring the most value, then the majority of our time will be best spent building relationships. Of course, rejuvenation time can bring value, so never feel guilty for that, but knowing what brings value, and what takes value away from our time, will change the way you view time.

In other words, what doesn’t bring value? The unlimited time wasters in this world are easy distractions from doing what matters. When you are serious about getting more done and reaching more people, you will be much more aware of their presence in your life.

Now, that you have a much better grasp on where you currently stand and who you want to become, it is time to realign your priorities. This is to show you where you want to go next. Seeing where your time is actually going versus where you want it to go, is just the wake-up call that most people need.

This is where you need to rewrite your weekly schedule, allotting the time you need to devote to your new priorities. Knowing what you need to do to move ahead is half the battle, and actually doing it is the other half. Knowledge and action are the two things that will get you to where you need to be. When you use your schedule to lay out your plan, you will be able to use it as a guide for your life. That’s the power of a purposed schedule.

(Don’t forget the power of minimalism. You can actually make room for more, while doing less. It’s all about realizing what is important, including sleep and downtime, and prioritizing those things. It’s not about packing your schedule full, but more about using your time wisely. Take the permission to breathe and enjoy life.)

Priorities have an easy way of becoming unbalanced quickly if we don’t stay aware of where we are at in life. Remember that this exercise isn’t a one-time deal, and that you will need to examine yourself often to stay proactive in priority management. The key is to stop and start the right things, before life gets out of hand.

Rarely do people need more time. If anything, people need to learn how to manage their time better, and this exercise will help you do just that.

The post #074: How to Identify the Right Priorities in Your Life appeared first on Adam Kirk Smith.

Learning to quit the right things in the right way is especially important for those who can never seem to find enough time for the things in life that they truly care about. This of course goes back to not identifying priorities, but also not being clear on what someone wants from life. There is only so much time in the day, and there is only so much that can be done. Learning to know our own limits, knowing how to make the most out of each and every day, and understanding what quitting can actually do for you is imperative for your success. Most people want to look at quitting from a negative view as “throwing in the towel”, but I am one of the few who doesn’t look at quitting as failure. When quitting is done correctly, it isn’t giving up – it’s making room for something better.

When quitting is done correctly, it isn't giving up - it's making room for something better.
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So, in this necessary discovery of knowing what you need to quit, I want to help you in whatever stage of life you are in. Here are 8 signs it may be time to quit something, in order to make room for something better: 

As many times as I have started something new, I have also had to know when to quit. Anyone can start something, but quitting gracefully is a true art. If you quit too early, you will miss out on the full benefits of starting in the first place and embarking on the journey. But, if you quit too late, stress levels will soar, your mental and physical health will diminish, and burnout will ensue. I can promise that, because I have experienced this firsthand.

If you don’t have any balance in your life, the health and relationship results will be the same. Some people would say that there is no such thing as work-life balance, but I’m calling bluff. You have to figure out what works for you, but I would challenge you to get to the spot in life where you are fitting your work around the most important people in your life, rather than the other way around. Society has tried to trick us for far too long that work is more important than relationships, but I’m not stupid. No work is worth making family, friends, or other relationships suffer.

Nothing in this world is worth long-term diminishing health, because if you are unhealthy, you will have nothing to offer to others. It may be time to quit, so that you can bring balance back to your life. Take care of your health, and take care of others as well.

Frustration isn’t a reason to quit, but if it’s daily, or even weekly frustration that you are experiencing, that’s usually a good sign that you may need to use your time for something that empowers you, rather than for something that discourages.

When there’s no possible way that you can become better at something, it may be time to move on. Maybe you’ve tried studying more to become better, and the people around you aren’t making you better, and you honestly can’t remember the last thing you have learned, then it may be time to quit in order to become better.

A clue that will tell you if you are currently in a dead end, is that the time you’ve been doing something is the only reason you keep doing it. When tenure is the sole reason keeping you dedicated, then it may be time to quit. When I have been working on something for months, it is difficult to quit. But, when something isn’t working, it is best to just move on. You will know if you’ve had ample time to find your definition of success. If you have given yourself enough time and you still can’t seem to find breakthrough, it may be time to move on.

If you have been following a plan, and it isn’t working, then make a different plan. Maybe the plan looks good on paper, and everyone in your inner circle agrees that it’s a great plan, but if it isn’t providing the results that you want or need, then it’s time for a new plan.

For me, if I would rather be at home doing laundry than what I am currently doing, then I know it is time for me to quit. Doing the laundry is my least favorite thing to do in the world, so if it sounds more promising than what I’m working on, then I force myself to walk away immediately. There is no sense in being miserable – life is way too short for that.

If you are living life without feeling loved, it may be time to quit what you are doing, and try something different. Once you feel appreciated by those around you, there’s no going back. Of course, this goes both ways, so if you don’t feel appreciated right now, make sure you are doing everything in your power to make those around you feel appreciated as well. Instead of looking at quitting as your first option in this situation, you have the power within you to create a thriving culture of appreciation. Once you’ve tried everything you can and if you still don’t feel appreciated, then it may be time to quit.

There’s something to say for living life full of wonder. Waking up with amazement for a new day is a great way to see the world. When life isn’t this way, it is easy to become bored with the way life is going. If you are finding life to be this way, and you’ve already tried making what you are doing fun, it may be time to quit to find a new found curiosity for the world around you.

When you get to the end of your life, what are you going to want to be able to look back on and find value in? Whatever your answer to this question is, that is what you need to be working on daily. You may need to quit what you are doing, in order to find value.

Of course these are just some indications that it may be time to quit something, but if anything, knowing what’s a good enough reason to quit is half the battle. Quitting is hardly ever the best answer at first, but if time goes on and these indicators are still there, it may be time to look at quitting.

If quitting immediately sounds too drastic, then I have something else for you to try. While you are contemplating quitting, feel free to try other things while you are still attempting to find success in your endeavors. Testing the waters may just be the answer you are looking for. Doing this can sometimes offer enough courage to keep moving ahead.

The post #073: 8 Signs It May Be Time to Quit appeared first on Adam Kirk Smith.

You can begin increasing positivity in your own life by viewing yourself in the correct way. You are someone who matters and what you do with your life matters. Believe this and move forward. Once you view yourself in a positive light, positivity will flow out of you through your words and actions. Positivity isn’t just a state of mind, but it is a way of life that is to be lived out consistently.

The biggest lie you will be faced with when dealing with pursuing a positive outlook on life is that you can’t have it now. This lie will tell you that you have to go find your positivity in some big success, and on the other side of that you will find happiness, but this is so far from the truth that it hurts. Happiness can be found now, not on the other side of success. It has to do with the way you see things in life right now and it is up to you to change how you view where you are currently at in life.

Part of true success is being happy while doing what you do. If you have to show up on a daily basis, you might as well be happy while doing it. If you can practice happiness now in the present, you will perform better and be more determined to find success. Happiness isn’t something that comes from success, because once you find what your preconceived idea of what success is, you will just think something else in the future will make you happier. With this type of mentality, there will never be anything good enough to satisfy your happiness craving. You can be happy now by living in a constant state of positivity.

Happiness doesn’t come from outside circumstances, but instead it is comes from inside of you. Be positive about life now, because life is all around you. There are life moments happening that involve real people who need you right now. When you realize this, it will be easier to see the positivity that comes from making a difference in the lives of others.

Seeing life for the positivity that is in it isn’t refusing to see the negative things happening around you, but a positive worldview can actually change your perception, and even your outcomes. With positivity, you can predetermine that when turbulence comes, you will see these life moments as lessons, rather than dead ends. It is your choice and outlook on life that determines what you do when life doesn’t go exactly as planned.

If you want something to change, it has to begin with you. Take the permission to apply positivity to every area of your life and watch what this alone does in your life. A happy individual, family, and team at work is always more productive when positivity influences each area of life.

Think about this – In relationships, does the negative trait of fear or the positive trait of love drive a better relationship? It is always the positive trait of love. Fear strikes down all communication, but love allows for more expressive communication to take place. You will always want to do more for the people who you love rather than the people you fear, and you will want to be with these same people as well. You can have that same effect on others when you possess positivity in your own life.

Once you experience what positivity feels like, you will want to stay there. The issue is that people have become far too comfortable in living with negativity consuming them, but in all actuality, we should run away from it as fast as we can. So, how can we get past negativity? I believe the biggest proponent of negativity is not fully understanding the amount of power that it can and will have on our lives if we allow it to. The best way to know if you have been putting positivity or negativity into your life, is to look at your thoughts, emotions, and reactions. Doing this will help you move past negativity and will help you find more positivity in your life.

Your thoughts will tell you a lot about what you have been consuming lately. Are your thoughts negative or are your thoughts uplifting? You will tend to think on good things when you have a positive outlook on life. Since positivity starts with you, let your thoughts be positive and filled with life. Do this and let your mind be free to enjoy life to the fullest. Life is too short to let negativity take over.

Are you down in the dumps on most days, feeling down and out, sad at circumstances going on in your life, or are you full of joy? Are your emotions in line with positivity? When you are full of joy, it is easy to pass it on to others. When you are sad, it is easier to pass that on to others. You can change the atmosphere with your demeanor alone. Don’t let emotions dictate where your day will go. Instead, take over your emotions and use them to help guide you, but never let them be your master. Yes, we were made as emotional beings and they are a terrible master, but we can use them to our advantage to let us know if we are leaning towards positivity or negativity.

Another good way to know if you are a positive person is to look at the people you attract. Other people who possess positivity will want to be around you even more when you are uplifting and positive with your own emotions. When you have a positive outlook on life, you can use your emotions to help influence movement for a worthy cause.

Take a look at your reactions to everyday moments. Is your tendency to fly off the handle at any little thing, or do you take most situations in stride? How you react says a lot about which way you lean, and what external components you have been putting in. Anger comes out when negativity has been poured in, and peace and calmness come out when you focus on positivity. Focus on bringing a calm to the storm and see just how good life really is.

Do you want more positivity in your life? Your answer is to put more good in. Read healthier books, surround yourself with more uplifting people, and speak life into others. That is how you control your outlook on life. The more belief you can pour into yourself from outside influences, the more you will believe in yourself.

The post #072: The Power of Positivity appeared first on Adam Kirk Smith.