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The most powerful word in your leadership vocabulary might be one you rarely use: "no." We've all heard that saying yes makes you a valuable team player, but what happens when your yeses slowly become nos to yourself? 

Leadership requires more than availability—it demands boundaries. Those boundaries aren't walls designed to keep people out; they're gates that allow you to choose what deserves your energy and attention. When you constantly say yes to everything, you're not being responsible; you're being reactive. And reactive leadership inevitably leads to burnout, resentment, and emotional exhaustion.

Many leaders fear that setting boundaries will make them appear weak or uncaring. The truth is exactly opposite: saying no when necessary demonstrates strength and clarity of purpose. Nobody wants a yes-person who agrees to everything without discernment. What people truly need are leaders who stand firm in their values and vision. This is why boundaries and accountability work hand in hand—you cannot effectively hold others accountable without first establishing clear boundaries.

The challenge is learning to say no with both clarity and compassion. This week, try setting one new boundary and holding yourself accountable to keeping it. Notice how it feels. Does it create more space for what truly matters? Does it help you show up more authentically in your leadership? As Audre Lorde wisely noted, "Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation." In a world that pushes constant availability, remember that boundary-setting isn't selfish—it's essential for sustainable leadership.

Ready to transform your leadership through healthy boundaries? Connect with me on Instagram or visit livingbeyondaveragepodcast.com to continue the conversation and access more resources for your leadership journey.

Research-Informed Sources 

Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life. Zondervan.

Lorde, A. (1988). A burst of light: And other essays. Firebrand Books.

Murphy, L. K. (2025). Experiential Leadership Theory: Leadership Through Horsemanship. BAE Publications.

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. Crown Publishers.

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🔎 About Living Beyond Average Podcast

Join host Lionel Murphy — veteran, rancher, leadership coach — as we challenge oversimplified clichés and simplify overcomplicated leadership and relationship myths. Weekly episodes blend lived experience, leadership insight, and biblical truth to help you lead with integrity, ride with confidence, and live beyond average.

✅ Leadership

✅ Emotional Intelligence

✅ Marriage & Relationships

✅ Personal Growth

✅ Veteran & PTSD Perspective

🎧 Subscribe & Follow: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2506608/episodes/17297653

📩 Contact: [email protected]

Disclaimer: Content is for informational purposes only. Not a substitute for professional counseling, therapy, or medical care.

Send us a text

🎙️ Episode 6: Delayed Gratification – Why Growth Requires Waiting

Everyone wants growth… but not everyone wants to wait for it.

In this episode, we dismantle the popular belief that if it doesn’t happen fast, it wasn’t meant to be — and uncover the truth about why leadership, healing, and transformation all require patience, preparation, and emotional endurance.

You’ll learn:

• Why rushed growth leads to burnout
• How delayed gratification is a leadership discipline
• The emotional cost of trying to leap before you’re ready
• How to steward what you have while preparing for what’s next

Featuring real-life leadership insights, biblical grounding, and research-informed wisdom from Angela Duckworth and Jim Collins, this episode challenges you to rethink the way you handle waiting.

🔑 Greatness isn’t denied — it’s developed.

Let’s talk about how to grow without rushing what you’re meant to carry.

—

💬 Let’s connect:

Instagram → @livingbeyondaveragepodcast

Visit the site → livingbeyondaveragepodcast.com

Read the book → Experiential Leadership Theory: Leadership Through Horsemanship — available now on Amazon

References

Collins, J. (2001). *Good to great: Why some companies make the leap—and others don't*. HarperBusiness.

Duckworth, A. (2016). *Grit: The power of passion and perseverance*. Scribner.

The Holy Bible, New International Version. (2011). Zondervan. (Psalm 75:6-7)

Support the show

🔎 About Living Beyond Average Podcast

Join host Lionel Murphy — veteran, rancher, leadership coach — as we challenge oversimplified clichés and simplify overcomplicated leadership and relationship myths. Weekly episodes blend lived experience, leadership insight, and biblical truth to help you lead with integrity, ride with confidence, and live beyond average.

✅ Leadership

✅ Emotional Intelligence

✅ Marriage & Relationships

✅ Personal Growth

✅ Veteran & PTSD Perspective

🎧 Subscribe & Follow: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2506608/episodes/17297653

📩 Contact: [email protected]

Disclaimer: Content is for informational purposes only. Not a substitute for professional counseling, therapy, or medical care.

Send us a text

Appeasement might temporarily calm the surface, but underneath, resentment builds, trust erodes, and relationships begin to rot from within. This episode examines the cost of "quiet compliance" and the war that men fight behind their silence.

• The phrase "happy wife, happy life" sounds wise but under pressure leads to appeasement, emotional dishonesty, and relationship collapse
• Peace that comes at the cost of presence isn't truly peace but a form of quiet war
• Leadership at home requires honesty, even when silence feels safer
• Compliance gained through exhaustion is not agreement but a form of surrender that breeds bitterness
• True leadership in relationships means creating space for both voices to matter equally
• Emotional maturity requires both partners to prioritize connection over control
• Journal about how your need to keep peace conflicts with your need to be authentic

This week, I challenge you to speak up during a time when you'd normally stay silent to avoid conflict. Remain calm, present, and respectful—just say "I need to say this out loud, even if it's uncomfortable."

Research-Informed Sources

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. Crown Publishers.

Proverbs 27:6. The Holy Bible, New International Version. (2011). Zondervan.

Murphy, L. K. (2025). Experiential Leadership Theory: Leadership Through Horsemanship. BAE Publications.

Support the show

🔎 About Living Beyond Average Podcast

Join host Lionel Murphy — veteran, rancher, leadership coach — as we challenge oversimplified clichés and simplify overcomplicated leadership and relationship myths. Weekly episodes blend lived experience, leadership insight, and biblical truth to help you lead with integrity, ride with confidence, and live beyond average.

✅ Leadership

✅ Emotional Intelligence

✅ Marriage & Relationships

✅ Personal Growth

✅ Veteran & PTSD Perspective

🎧 Subscribe & Follow: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2506608/episodes/17297653

📩 Contact: [email protected]

Disclaimer: Content is for informational purposes only. Not a substitute for professional counseling, therapy, or medical care.

Send us a text

🔎 Description:

In this episode of the Living Beyond Average podcast, we dismantle the comforting myth that “what you see is what you get.” Perception can feel like reality, but it’s often shaped by past experiences, unresolved trauma, and the lens through which we interpret the world. Host Lionel Murphy challenges listeners to question their assumptions, uncover hidden biases, and recognize how personal wounds can influence their perception of the truth.

Through engaging stories and leadership insights, this episode explores why leaders must cultivate self-awareness and emotional intelligence to avoid leading from a fractured perspective. Learn how to discern facts from feelings, break free from limiting narratives, and lead with clarity rather than confusion.

🎯 Key Takeaways:

• Why perception is not always reality — and how to know the difference.
• The Role of Trauma and Life Experience in Shaping Our Worldview.
• Practical tools for leaders to check their assumptions and seek objective truth.
• Reflection prompts to align your perceptions with reality and lead more effectively.

                                                                    📚 References & Supporting Sources:

Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Bantam Books.

• Provides foundational concepts on self-awareness and how emotions shape perception.

Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, Fast and Slow. Farrar, Straus and Giroux.

• Explores how cognitive biases and mental shortcuts can distort our interpretation of reality.

Siegel, D. J. (2010). Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation. Bantam Books.

• Connects emotional regulation with perception and leadership behavior.

Tversky, A., & Kahneman, D. (1974). Judgment under uncertainty: Heuristics and biases. Science, 185(4157), 1124–1131. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.185.4157.1124

• Classic research on how perceptions are influenced by mental shortcuts.

Creswell, J. D., & Lindsay, E. K. (2014). How does mindfulness training affect health? A mindfulness stress buffering account. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 23(6), 401–407. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721414547415

• Supports practical strategies like pausing and clarifying emotional responses.

Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.

• Explains how trauma can fracture perception, causing leaders to misread present situations.

Murphy, L. (2025). Experiential Leadership Theory: Leadership Development Through Horsemanship. BAE Publications.

• Introduces t

Support the show

🔎 About Living Beyond Average Podcast

Join host Lionel Murphy — veteran, rancher, leadership coach — as we challenge oversimplified clichés and simplify overcomplicated leadership and relationship myths. Weekly episodes blend lived experience, leadership insight, and biblical truth to help you lead with integrity, ride with confidence, and live beyond average.

✅ Leadership

✅ Emotional Intelligence

✅ Marriage & Relationships

✅ Personal Growth

✅ Veteran & PTSD Perspective

🎧 Subscribe & Follow: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2506608/episodes/17297653

📩 Contact: [email protected]

Disclaimer: Content is for informational purposes only. Not a substitute for professional counseling, therapy, or medical care.

Send us a text

What if leadership wasn’t about knowing everything, but about knowing what matters most? In this episode of the Living Beyond Average Podcast, we unpack one of the most underrated leadership skills: Discernment.

Discernment is the ability to recognize truth when opinions are loud… to remain grounded when emotions run high… and to cut through the noise when life feels unclear. It’s not about having the right answer — it’s about asking the right questions.

In today’s conversation, we dismantle the myth that strong leadership is rooted in certainty. Instead, we explore how true leadership is forged through wisdom, patience, spiritual clarity, and emotional presence.

In this episode:

✔️ The real meaning of discernment (and what it’s not)

✔️ Why discernment is the antidote to impulsive leadership

✔️ How trauma, ego, and pressure cloud decision-making

✔️ Practical ways to build discernment in your daily life

🎙️ If you’ve ever felt lost between performance and purpose, this one is for you.

Disclaimer: The content shared reflects personal experience and leadership insight. It is not intended to replace professional therapy, counseling, or medical guidance.

                                                  References

Brown, B. (2018). Dare to lead: Brave work. Tough conversations. Whole hearts. Random House.

Gilligan, C. (1982). In a different voice: Psychological theory and women’s development. Harvard University Press.

Goleman, D. (2005). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam.

Heifetz, R., & Linsky, M. (2002). Leadership on the line: Staying alive through the dangers of leading. Harvard Business Review Press.

Maxwell, J. C. (2007). The 21 irrefutable laws of leadership: Follow them and people will follow you. Thomas Nelson.

Tisdell, E. J. (2003). Exploring spirituality and culture in adult and higher education. Jossey-Bass.

Support the show

🔎 About Living Beyond Average Podcast

Join host Lionel Murphy — veteran, rancher, leadership coach — as we challenge oversimplified clichés and simplify overcomplicated leadership and relationship myths. Weekly episodes blend lived experience, leadership insight, and biblical truth to help you lead with integrity, ride with confidence, and live beyond average.

✅ Leadership

✅ Emotional Intelligence

✅ Marriage & Relationships

✅ Personal Growth

✅ Veteran & PTSD Perspective

🎧 Subscribe & Follow: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2506608/episodes/17297653

📩 Contact: [email protected]

Disclaimer: Content is for informational purposes only. Not a substitute for professional counseling, therapy, or medical care.

Send us a text

🎙️ Episode 2: The Myth of Same Effort

They say, “You give your best at work — why not at home?” But leadership isn’t about giving the same effort in every room — it’s about offering the right presence for the audience that matters. In this episode, we dismantle the myth that equal effort across roles proves commitment. Instead, we explore how true leadership requires calibration, not duplication.

Host Lionel Murphy shares a deeply personal story from his time as a motorcycle officer, revealing the silent cost of emotional transitions, and the importance of rituals that help us truly come home. Whether you’re leading at work, at home, or both, this episode will help you recognize where your presence is needed most.

🔑 Topics include:

• Emotional leadership vs. performance
• Calibrating your energy across roles
• First responder stress transitions
• Leadership lessons from horsemanship
• How misapplied effort leads to disconnection

👣 Walk away with practical steps to decompress, reconnect, and lead with discernment — not just duty.

References:

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. Crown Publishers.
 
 Johnson, S. M. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. Little, Brown Spark.
 
 Murphy, L. K. (2025). Experiential Leadership Theory: Leadership Development through Horsemanship. BAE Publications.

 

Support the show

🔎 About Living Beyond Average Podcast

Join host Lionel Murphy — veteran, rancher, leadership coach — as we challenge oversimplified clichés and simplify overcomplicated leadership and relationship myths. Weekly episodes blend lived experience, leadership insight, and biblical truth to help you lead with integrity, ride with confidence, and live beyond average.

✅ Leadership

✅ Emotional Intelligence

✅ Marriage & Relationships

✅ Personal Growth

✅ Veteran & PTSD Perspective

🎧 Subscribe & Follow: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2506608/episodes/17297653

📩 Contact: [email protected]

Disclaimer: Content is for informational purposes only. Not a substitute for professional counseling, therapy, or medical care.

Send us a text

In our premiere episode, we confront one of the most exhausting myths that keeps many men trapped: “If I just try harder, things will get better.” But what happens when effort alone isn’t enough? When trying harder leads to burnout, emotional distance, and quiet resentment?

Drawing from my personal leadership journey — including my battles with PTSD — I break down why leadership isn’t about trying harder, but trying differently. We explore how misalignment in emotional leadership silently erodes relationships, how presence matters more than performance, and how both men and women experience emotional connection differently.

You’ll walk away with practical tools to start leading your relationship with emotional presence, not just physical provision.

In this episode:

✔️ The danger of performance-based intimacy

✔️ How trauma complicates emotional leadership

✔️ The role of discernment in real leadership

✔️ Why emotional presence is the leadership move you haven’t been taught

🎧 Living Beyond Average Podcast is where we challenge oversimplified clichés and simplify overcomplicated ideas — grounded in truth, not opinion.

🔗 Resources and full show notes in the episode description.

🎙️ Subscribe, share, and leave a review if this episode speaks to you.

Disclaimer: This episode includes personal discussions of PTSD and emotional leadership. It is not a substitute for clinical or professional counseling.

References

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). American Psychiatric Publishing.

Fincham, F. D., & Beach, S. R. H. (2010). Marriage in the new millennium: A decade in review. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72(3), 630-649. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2010.00722.x

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. Crown Publishers.

Johnson, S. M. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. Little, Brown and Company.

Kerr, M. E., & Bowen, M. (1988). Family evaluation: An approach based on Bowen theory. Norton.

Monson, C. M., Fredman, S. J., Macdonald, A., Pukay-Martin, N. D., Resick, P. A., & Schnurr, P. P. (2012). Effect of cognitive-behavioral couple therapy for PTSD on relationship satisfaction in military and veteran couples: A randomized controlled trial. JAMA, 308(7), 700-709. https://doi.org/10.1001/jama.2012.9307

Murphy, L. K. (2025). Experiential leadership theory: Leadership development through horsemanship. BAE Publications.

Support the show

🔎 About Living Beyond Average Podcast

Join host Lionel Murphy — veteran, rancher, leadership coach — as we challenge oversimplified clichés and simplify overcomplicated leadership and relationship myths. Weekly episodes blend lived experience, leadership insight, and biblical truth to help you lead with integrity, ride with confidence, and live beyond average.

✅ Leadership

✅ Emotional Intelligence

✅ Marriage & Relationships

✅ Personal Growth

✅ Veteran & PTSD Perspective

🎧 Subscribe & Follow: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2506608/episodes/17297653

📩 Contact: [email protected]

Disclaimer: Content is for informational purposes only. Not a substitute for professional counseling, therapy, or medical care.