This episode is for anyone who's ever felt like their brain is working against them, who's tired of pretending everything is fine when it's not, or who needs to hear that surviving the day is enough.

Most people don't understand what it's like when your brain is wired differently. They don't get the exhaustion of fighting yourself every single day just to do basic things. Sebbzzy knows that fight intimately.

Diagnosed with ADHD and Tourette syndrome at six years old, Sebbzzy spent his childhood being medicated and told something was wrong with him. His stepfather constantly corrected his tics, giving him negative attention that destroyed his self-confidence. The result was that he learned to camouflage his tics by mimicking normal behaviors like coughing when others coughed. He described Tourette's as an itch in your whole body that you have to release through movement or sound. The compulsive thinking that came with it meant doing things in specific patterns or numbers.

Then depression hit five years before our interview. Not the kind of sadness people think of when they hear the word depression. The kind that steals your ability to feel anything genuine. Sebbzzy talked about laughing as a reflex rather than a real emotion. About smiling at the "right" times to appear normal. About the complete disconnect from positive emotions while negative thought patterns run on repeat.

The fatigue is what he hates most. Not physical tiredness but the mental wall between him and everything he wants to do. He compared it to having a barrier between himself and his goals even though nothing is physically stopping him. He loves being active, playing guitar, working out and improving himself. But depression doesn't care what you love. Some days you just can't do it.

Add anxiety to that mix and you get physical symptoms that mimic serious illness. Sebbzzy described waking up after barely sleeping, feeling aches all over his body and having trouble breathing. He thought he had COVID. It was anxiety. The conditions feed each other in a brutal cycle. Anxiety triggers his Tourette's tics. Depression makes his ADHD worse. The ADHD makes it harder to maintain routines that help with depression.

He refused professional help for years because he wanted to fix his own problems. He's an overthinker who can usually figure out what he needs to do. The problem was, he couldn't stay consistent. When things crashed again after years of barely functioning, his mother encouraged him to get help. He finally agreed, partly because Norway's healthcare system provides free treatment for serious depression and anxiety. Having a diagnosis on paper also gives you certain rights and protections.

His advice for getting unstuck is brutally practical - take small steps. Get a haircut. Take a shower. Do something that makes you feel like you're taking care of yourself. It won't cure anything but it creates momentum. He uses a rubber band on his wrist to snap himself out of negative thinking. He forces himself to do physical activity even when depression makes everything feel impossible.

The biggest misconception he wants to destroy is that you can just think yourself healthy. ..That depression is a choice or a mindset problem. You can use positive thinking and good habits to manage symptoms but you can't think away chemical changes in your brain. You can't willpower your way out of neurological conditions.

https://www.tacosfallapart.com/podcast-live-show/podcast-guests/sebbzzy

Sebbzzy was 19 when we talked. He'd been fighting these conditions for most of his life. He wasn't cured. He wasn't "better." He was surviving and that's enough.