Living With Less Podcast

This week I got to sit down with Yohonna Smith who began The Girls Talking Life Podcast and now launched the Gather Project to help you Plan, Prep, and Gather your girlfriends!

Connect with Yohonna!:

• Website: https://girlstalkinglife.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/girlstalkinglife/
• Podcast: https://girlstalkinglife.com/podcast/

Sign up for the Gathering Project here!:

• https://girlstalkinglife.com/thegatheringproject/

This week Chelsey sat down with her friend, Tabitha Deller. A seasoned wife, mom of 4 boys, and steadfast follower of Christ. She shares the duty of being a Godly mother and also how we are called to be spiritual moms to those God has entrusted to us!

At the end of this week's episode, you'll hear all about the Mother's Day Giveaway and how to enter!! 

1) Tell us about you, your family, and your ministry!

I loves words — written or spoken. I am passionate about God’s Word and the life changing truths found in it. I love reading it, writing about it, and challenging others to do the same.

I have had opportunities to do just that on several occasions through writing Bible Studies of my own and teaching them both in person and online, as well as through speaking engagements at events and retreats . Anytime I can write or talk about God's Word and His great love for us is such a blessing, and I always learn and glean far more than I teach or give.

My highest calling is to know Him and make Him known. My heart’s desire is to do that everyday, first in my home, and then wherever He calls me to “go.” I want my words to go where even I can’t, and I want the way I live my life to always point others to His Word and the way He lived and died and rose again to bring everlasting and abundant life to all who believe and receive.

I am a southern girl from North Carolina but have lived half my life in Pennsylvania. It was during my college years that my life was radically changed by my discovery of an ongoing, daily walk with Jesus through the ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. It was through the ministry of Campus Crusade that I met my husband of nearly 20 years, Steve, during the summer of ’96. We were both on a summer project in Branson, MO that proved to be the impetus for passionately pursuing ministry opportunities throughout our marriage.

We have four sons, Joshua (about to be 20 (was born the day after Mother’s Day)), Caleb (18), Nathan (16), and Isaac (14). We are in a mixture of educational stages — 2 in college, one in high school, and one in Jr. High. We’ve homeschooled, public schooled, dually enrolled, etc...

I have always had a desire to teach and share God’s love with others. My passion for writing surfaced when I was as a mother of small children and would use writing as a way of praying, processing, and preparing myself for the future. When I'm not writing, teaching, or speaking, I can be found in the stands at one of my boys’ volleyball or baseball games cheering them on. I love cheering people on and am a natural encourager in every sphere of influence God has provided.

I loves to travel and experience new things but am also a self professed creature of habit. I love routine but welcomes interruptions as I have learned those interruptions are oftentimes God’s divine interjections that lead to ministry opportunities and kingdom building.

If you spend any time with me, you will understand very quickly just how much I love God, His Word, and His people. The deep abiding joy that comes from that love oozes out of me in conversation, and I welcome opportunities to share God’s love with others, in both word and deed. He has truly changed my life, and I seek to spend my life changing others’ lives every chance I get.

Mother’s Day Interview Living with Less Podcast

2) I’ve been so excited to sit down with you for this Mother’s Day episode to not only talk about being a physical mother of 4 boys but also as a spiritual mother for those entrusted to you. I want to first unpack the Biblical call of being a mother and how we are to called to steward well those God has given us. Can you share some scripture with us and talk through the role of being called Mom.

Well, I know the Proverbs 31 Woman sometimes gets a bad rap, but I truly feel like she’s an awesome example to glean wisdom from. Things we are trying to “pass down to” or “teach” our children are more caught than taught. We must model them. A closer look at P31:

NIV
Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character
10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

NLT
A Wife of Noble Character
10 Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.
11 Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
13 She finds wool and flax and busily spins it.
14 She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. 16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She is energetic and strong, a hard worker.
18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night.
19 Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber.
20 She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy.
21 She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm[c] clothes.
22 She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23 Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders.

Mother’s Day Interview Living with Less Podcast

24 She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.
26 When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.
27 She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.
28 Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her:
29 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. 31 Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

ESV

The Woman Who Fears the Lord
10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. 16 She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

Initial thoughts:

We can feel like we have to be WONDERWOMAN OR SOME SUPER MOM after reading this passage...

THESE HAVE TO BE FIRST DONE WITHIN THE HOME...YOUR PRIMARY PLATFORM, MISSION FIELD, BEFORE WE CAN BE OF EFFECTIVE SERVICE ELSEWHERE...

A P31 Woman is:

1. She is TRUSTWORTHY and CONFIDENT (GODFIDENT). (31:11)
2. She is DILIGENT. (PRODUCTIVE not just BUSY) (13:13,15)
3. She is GENEROUS. (31:20)
4. She is SHREWD/PRUDENT. (PRACTICAL CLEVERNESS) (sensible, wise, on top of it) (31:21-22) 5. She is CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT SHE SAYS. (Offers words of wisdom to others...teaches) (31:26)

3) You and I are on the same wave length on all levels. I think we have to address what we’re watching take place culturally in society. Culture wants to strip away the true meaning and value of women being mothers. For all those listening today, how would you encourage them with TRUTH to stand firm against this false, godless narrative in society?

Be in the WORD, before you step foot in the WORLD. Learn and grow from HIS TRUTH, so you can recognize and reject the world’s lies. Surround yourself with LIKEMINDED women, mentors, teachers, prayer warriors. KNOW THE WORD, and wield your SWORD. It does no good to keep it in the sheath.

4) As a mom of 4 boys you’ve seen a lot. I’d love to know what have the most important things the Lord has taught you through your journey as a mom?

Be in the moment. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Always take time to listen. Laundry, dishes, and all other mom duties can wait. Prioritize them. They are your primary mission field.

Shoveling the walk before it stops snowing is like cleaning the house before they stop growing.

5) Being a mom to Cam has changed my world in the most incredible way. God has used it to sanctify me and glorify Himself. Through this though, I’ve been blessed to have several strong Christian women (mentors) come alongside me as motherhood has unfolded. I’d love to hear your heart on Biblical mentorship and how important it is!

Titus 2:3-5 ~ Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

These three verses say it all...again, more caught than taught. Model it. Spend time cross generationally. You should always be learning from someone older and pouring in to someone younger. Watch, learn, ask questions, pray together, GROW in your walk with the Lord and in your motherhood.

6) What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever received through your years of being a mother?

Don’t stress over the mess.
Shoveling the walk before it stops snowing is like cleaning the house before they stop growing. If you want to see me and my family, stop by anytime, if you want to see my house, make an appointment.

Mother’s Day Interview Living with Less Podcast

Make time. Take time. Don’t waste time.
Involve them in EVERYTHING.
Pray. Pray. Pray. (for them, with them, over them...and let them pray for you, too). More caught than taught. Don’t just GIVE advice. LIVE wise.

7) To wrap up I’d love to know if someone asked you what they needed to begin Living With Less of in regard to their relationship with the Lord what would it be and why?

Social Media. Ugh. Such a time hog. Turn off the devices and tune in to HIM!! Less of the world means more time in the Word.

8) How can everyone find you - IG, FB, website!

www.tabithadeller.com
https://www.instagram.com/tabdeller/ https://www.facebook.com/Tabitha-Deller-Author-Speaker-Teacher-101629781970442

Mother's Day Giveaway Details:

• Head to @livingwithless IG page!
• Like the Mother's Day Giveaway post
• Please follow Oil of Joy, Tabitha Deller, and Entrusted By Him
• Comment on the post for extra entires!

This week's Month of Missions episode is a sit down with Amy Ford from Embrace Grace. She unpacks the heart of her organization and how powerful the church can be in the pro-life movement. Your heart will be encouraged and excited to get involved to serve these women, men, and babies. 

Connect with Embrace Grace:

• Website - embracegrace.com
• Book - www.helpherbebrave.com
• IG - embracegraceinc

Connect with Amy Ford:

• IG - @amyfordeg

For this week's Month of Missions series I'm taking us back to last years fan favorite month of missions sit down with Love One founder Suzanne Mayernick! We talk all about Love One International, the heart and mission behind it, how the Lord called her to begin this journey, and my favorite part is how her heart for Christ shines through. 

Love One's Mission:

In 2007, Mike and Suzanne Mayernick flew to Uganda to bring their little girl, JosieLove, home from Uganda. When they arrived, the 15-pound shell of a 3 1/2-year-old who they came to adopt was raging with a 105 degree fever and at a routine medical exam, they found out that that she had malaria, tuberculosis, and was HIV positive.

After just a few months at home receiving the love, attention, and the medical care she needed, this once dying little girl blossomed into a healthy, thriving child. Watching JosieLove's transformation sparked a fire inside of Suzanne and she knew that she was called to help more children like her daughter...so she started Love+One.

Love+One International got its name from JosieLove and the plus sign represents the mission to support the HIV positive population.

A few of my favorite things Suzanne said in our conversation that I felt needed to be out there in written form: 

• "It’s been really cool to watch the lord move the way he does and I’ve been holding onto the kite string as it took off into the air."
• We saw what love and medical treatment could do for a child like her who could’ve died. My heart just continued to be broken for kids like her.
• I have no idea how it’s happened. It’s just God. The doors have just continued to open and I’ll obediently walk through them.
• When I look in these children’s eyes I see Jesus. It’s the only way on this earth I feel like I’m looking dead in the eyes of Jesus. I feel his presents more than ever before through these children.
• When we resettle these children it’s not love one, it’s the love of Jesus that is why we do what we do. We get to share the love of Christ through this sick kids.
• In the heartache and the hard He brought JOY everyday through these little children he’d given me to care for.
• The goal is to build a bigger facility so we can hold 50-100 children.
• “Submit to His will and I love living in that freedom.”

How to get involved!

• Follow on social media
• Pray for the children by name!
• Pray for our goal: love one - to love that one child that is in our arms or in front of us at that moment.
• Prayer for our staff.
• Donate - loveoneinternational.org

This week kicks of the Month of Missions series! This is a 4-part series where I'm bringing on some of my favorite ministries to share about the heart behind their missions, how God has used it to grow their faith, and how you all can get connected with them! We start off this week with Be Still Ministries! Karen McAdams and Rachel Faulkner Brown join me to talk about how their ministry began, the power of prayer, and their hearts behind wanting women set free from their bondage!

Meet Karen:

• At 17 years old I walked the aisle of the big white church and prayed “the prayer” to get my golden ticket. But it was another 17 years before I ever heard the Lord speak to me personally, and when He did I was completely blown away! That day was a catalyst in my life that undid me in every good way and began my healing journey, unraveling decades of carrying the heavy burden of shame from childhood trauma. Now, whether I am teaching bible studies or doing inner healing prayer, I am passionate about leading women to the Truth that sets them free, empowering them to lay down the masks and walk in the beauty, power and authority they have as daughters of the Most High. Since emerging into my years as an empty nester, I have passionately found a deep longing to equip women. As the Director of Equipping for Be Still Ministries, I collaborated to release a video didven bible study curriculum called Father's House in 2020. I am greatly blessed to have three amazing strong men in my life, my husband Kevin who I have been married to for almost 25 years and my sons, Connor and Cade. 
• Connect with her here - @karenmcadams1111

Meet Rachel:

• Rachel Faulkner Brown is a girl with a past like your worst nightmare and a present that is pretty darn fun. Rachel has experienced the  loss of two husbands tragically in an instant, one to an aneurysm and one in an Air Force plane crash.  After marrying for the third time in 2013, Rachel began Be Still Ministries in Atlanta, Ga. Rachel and her ministry partner, Karen McAdams, published their first Bible study in January 2021 called Father's House. The study is now available on digital platforms reaching 4 million women and in 20,000 churches. Be Still Ministries has hosted over 200 widows for the their curated retreats over the last three years and received a grant from the Gary Sinise Foundation in 2020 to expand the ministry for military and first responder widows. Although Rachel stays busy telling the story of Be Still Ministries and Never Alone Widow Retreats, she still would say her greatest role is that of wife and mother. 
• Connect with Rachel here - @rachelfaulknerbrown

Be Still Minsitries:

• We believe that all women should FULLY embrace their freedom as lavishly loved daughters who release the kingdom on earth as it is in HEAVEN.
• Freedom begins at the finished work of Jesus Christ.
• It's not about how good we are but how about how good our God is.
• An adventurously expectant life is the inheritance of every daughter of God.
• There is more of God to experience and discover in every woman’s life.
• Website - https://bestillministries.net/
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/bestillministries/

Be Still Ministries is a community of women who are in pursuit of radical freedom + transformation for every daughter of God.

This week wraps up the 3 week series of re-airing some of Chelsey's favorite episodes over the last two years. Today we close out this series with an episode full of Godly wisdom on how to handle disagreements in a Godly way with Angela Donadio. Angela brings such great perspective and the Word of God to this very timely topic!

1) Tell us about the wonderful you!

My husband, Dale and I pastor a church an hour south of Washington DC - in Fredericksburg VA. I serve as a pastor on staff with a focus on women and leadership. We have 2 young adults - Gabrielle, who just graduated from JMU with a musical theatre degree, and is home for a little bit performing regionally, and a son, Christian, who is attending college at VOUS University in Miami - an extension of Southeastern U.

So we're in a new season in our family - and there's never a dull moment. And of course, our favorite member of the family, our Shih Tzu, Chewie - short for Chewbacca. :)

My degree was Music Education and I served as a Worship Pastor for 20 years and have 3 CD's with original songs and arrangements before I started writing Bible Study resources for women. I'm still active musically in my local community theatre as a Music Director and pianist. That's a fun, creative outlet for me. 

2) I felt so compelled to reach out to you when you posted about the topic of disagreements. In our time of history it’s SO hard to disagree without walking away with someone feeling “bullied or belittled” “misheard or judged”.  When you’re in a conversation that’s heading this way what do in this situation? Do you address how it’s feeling or do you redirect? 

I completely agree with you. Unfortunately, society has shifted from dialogue to debate, and we can't simultaneously listen empathetically and try to win an argument. Conflict is inevitable, but learning to handle conflict in a godly, respectful way is so important. I don't always nail this, I confess! We don't have to agree with someone to honor them. A mentor once encouraged me to filter disagreements through this lens: "Am I trying to do right or be right?" If the disagreement is with someone close to you - family, or close friend, allowing for things to settle down and revisiting it after emotions have calmed down can help. Listening for - and validating - the other person's feelings is critical - even if you don't agree. Validation doesn't mean agreement. It simply means you understand where that person is coming from. Until someone feels "heard" or "understood" it's hard to move on past that place. But if the disagreement is with someone you barely know, for example social media, or you realize you're not going to get on the same page. It's best to let it go. 

A conflict at work can sometimes be a bit trickier and needs other resolution approaches.

3) We can’t control what people do or don’t do. Stand for or don’t stand for. I spoke about holy boldness on my podcast 2 months ago, God’s Boldness is much more gentle than our fleshly boldness. How have you navigated this with ones close to you? 

I love that truth - think of how God handles us. We can be grateful He is gentler with us than we are sometimes! We can't control other people's reactions; we can only control our responses. We waste a lot of emotional reserves and energy focusing on trying to control where we disagree. Ultimately, I'm not the Holy Spirit and I can't convict anyone of sin or help lead someone to heart change. Only He can do that. I can love people where they are and point people to Jesus. I'm still learning to adapt to having young adult children, and the 4 of us are now adults with strong opinions. Sometimes we disagree and some topics just aren't wise for us to discuss. But relational conflict needs open and honest communication and respect for the other person's viewpoint. 

4) Your statement, “No one has power over you unless you give it to them”. Do you have any biblical encouragement for girls like me who struggle with this! 

I can really credit Eleanor Rosevelt for this statement  - she said it this way, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." But it is challenging! I think immediately of Esther in the Bible. Once she learned that Haman, high up in the King's command, planned the genocide of her entire people, she had to sit on that information until the right moment to act. She gave us a template:

Stop and pray. 

Enlist a couple people you trust to pray with you (they don't even have to know the details.)

Wait for God's timing. 

Speak the truth in love - more concerned with the good of others than your own feelings. 

A friend once said to me - If you have to talk with someone about an offense or a disagreement, it should hurt you as much to say it as it will for them to hear it. If we haven't prayed through our emotions and listened for God's voice on how to respond until we can honestly say we're at this place, we're not ready yet. 

5) Love is fuel. Can you elaborate on this and why we’ve got be better at being the hands and feet of Jesus. 

Anger is fuel but so is love. We have to choose which we're going to be fueled by. One repels and estranges us from others, and one endears us to others. One of the titles of Jesus I'm most intrigued by is those who called Him a "friend of sinners." Somehow he navigated speaking truth but in love - so people were drawn to Him and drawn to a new way of living. Scripture says that the Kindness of God leads to repentance. When our actions and words are fueled by genuine love for others - which can only come after we've spent time with Jesus privately, then others will be drawn to Jesus. In my upcoming Bible study I put it this way: "We'll be the best version of ourselves in public when we've spent time with Jesus in private." If I haven't gotten His heart I can't show His heart to others. 

6) Living With Less Question - the podcast is all about Living With Less of the things getting in the way of who Christ is calling us to be. If someone asked you what they should start living with less of in regards to this what would you tell them and why? 

Live with less unmet expectations. The root of a lot of conflict is unmet expectations. This leads us to disappointment and resentment. It doesn't mean we shouldn't have realistic expectations of ourselves or others. It means we need to constantly release any unmet expectations to Jesus, because ultimately, only He is able to fully meet the expectations of our heart. 

If we're feeling stuck, we can get unstuck by talking our emotions through with the other person, if that's the right solution, or settling our sideways emotions in Jesus' presence. Bring as few people into the drama of a situation as possible. It makes it much harder to resolve and adds unnecessary dynamics of conflict. 

Also, living with less insecurity. Insecurity feeds a lot of conflict. When we ground our worth in the Word we aren't as prey to the dangers of insecurity. Insecurity drives us toward competition with others rather than celebrating others. If we look for ways to bring peace into a situation and elevate others rather than win an argument, we'll live stronger, healthier, happier lives. 

7) Favorite bible verse and why 

So many! 1 John 3:1 - See what great love the Father has lavished on us - that we should be called children of God." When we live loved, we can love others. 

8) Share with us your new bible study coming out! 

Fearless, Ordinary Women of the Bible who Dared to do Extraordinary Things - launches October 1st! They can pre-order today at angeladonadio.com and purchase at their favorite retailer on October 1st! 6-session Bible study designed to help us find our fearless as we discover what happens when uncommon faith has an unexpected encounter with an extraordinary God. Whether you're longing to realize your purpose, fighting for a God-given cause, or kicking fear to the curb, these women of the Bible will help us stop the cycle of comparison and overcome the barriers to fearless living.

This week's episode is one my heart needed and I pray it meets you in a tender way too. Let's Talk Friendship is exactly what Alysha Miller came on the show to do, talk all things friendship! 1) Why we need it. 2) How it's a call from The Lord. 3) How to stick it out when things get hard.

I don't know about you but recently my heart has felt weary so I pray you to find yourself listening to this episode feeling like you're one of our friends sitting at the table with us.

1) Tell us about you!

Alysha Miller lives in Southern California where she serves her local church in the 5-6th grade ministry and also is a full-time wedding photographer.

Being around a lot of couples stepping into marriage, in 2015, she felt the Lord move her heart to compassion for marriage as a whole and for those who were stepping into marriage without fully realizing what they were stepping into. She wanted to use the gift of photography the Lord had given her to shine a light on what marriage is, who defines it and answer questions from a biblical perspective pertaining to it. Who better than to ask then married couples who have traversed this path? Learn how ironically God would use a single girl to set out on a journey to get to the heart of His heart for marriage.

The project is a photography project turned podcast in hopes that interviewing couples with Christ at the center of their marriage can answer some of the harder questions yet ultimately, the objective has always been to glorify Christ through marriage as it points to our relationship with Him, Christ, and His church.

And help us realize, He is our first love.  Nothing will satisfy us, apart from Him.  No relationship, no person, no marriage was ever intended to take the place of Him in our hearts.

2) I’ve been so excited to sit down with you and talk all things friendship. Not only because of the one God has gifted in us but because of the way God has grown your faith through the strong friendships he’s given you. How have you seen The Lord use the strong biblically-centered friendships you have to keep you focused on Him? 

It would have been much easier to miss on Sunday or not stay committed to things had it not been for the girl's God has placed in my life.  It’s accountability but it’s more than accountability.  It’s love.  I want to show up, I want to see my friends! Church on Sundays is a place that has been built into a habit and I get to see my friends.

Love what Pastor Ed shared on Sunday, the LOVE of Christ that fills us. 1 John 4 — it’s His love, real love, for one another and when we have this in common and come together and hear what He’s doing in each other’s life, supporting each other in prayer, caring for the other, we’re showing His love for us to each other.

Prayer support is HUGE. They have carried out the ministry things I’ve done bc they’ve prayed over future plans with me, and have listened to my heart and dreams and listened intently. carry one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2)

It’s not one-sided, I do the same. One of my best friends, how we met, heart to heart across a couch and went on a prayer walk a few hours after meeting. The deepest friendships are formed there.

There’s just been heart to hearts and safe places to land my heart when it’s needed a place to confess, work through heart things.

Listening and being trustworthy, being someone friends can trust and come to with things they need to talk about. Good listeners, but it takes one to be one. Learning the art of listening, with your heart. That was a season God took me through, no always waiting to talk but just listening to understand.  I didn’t always need to get a word in. 

Cell phones face down on the table don’t count. Heart to heart, over a table, no phone out. Also, no gossiping or slandering.  That’s a hard one! I slip so much when it comes to speech and those are usually the more convicting verses for me reading about the power of the tongue,

James 4:11 “Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.” 

There are at least 32 verses about gossip according to Google and 27 pertaining to the tongue and maybe there’s an overlap on some, but that’s a lot!

My call as a friend is to be encouraging, building my friends up with my words and pointing THEM back to HIM and pray for them. They don’t need my opinion about other people. I need to repent of that when I mess up, (repenting pretty much daily) and ask the Lord to cleanse me from the hidden sins lurking in my heart and to keep me from the deliberate sins lurking there. Psalm 19:12-14 

The hidden sin is the word or impulsive blurb about somebody that comes out of my heart, the deliberate sin is knowing I don’t need to say that, chewing on it and saying it anyway.  I’ve been working with the Lord on this one, thinking ahead. Where will the conversation turn if I say this?  Then probably don’t need to say it.

3) Biblically speaking friendship is a call, we’re called to be in relationship with other believers.  What would you say to someone who gets caught up "taking back their yes?”

I used to be that girl.  I would flake, I would make commitments than decide to cancel last minute. And hey, I probably still do that every now and then. BUT in Christ, He has given me a different perspective.  TO be a good friend is to show up, even when I last minute feel tired or want to be an introvert. 

A loving Creator designed us to exist in a relationship with Him, with each other and with the rest of creation. Friendship is a good thing, a God thing.

Romans 12:10 Love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. This is GOD’S HEART.

I have learned and am still learning how to use my yes’ more thoughtfully, not just gleefully excitedly saying YES to every invite and asserting my no’s when I’m being pulled a lot of different ways or no even when I want to say yes because it’s the responsible thing or I know the yes isn’t the thing God wants for me. 

Then I feel more purposeful in fulfilling the “yes’” and knowing there are blessings on the other side of that yes when the day comes around to meet up with said friends and maybe my feelings are telling me to stay home because it’d be more convenient for me.  Whenever I’ve followed through on my yes (and I pretty much will now with any YES unless I’m really sick or there’s rain or something out of my control happening) I am always SO glad I followed through because I would have missed out on SO much with that friend.  And it’s two-sided, I am filled up and so is she!

The devil is in those lying feelings to stay home, he wants to RIP US OFF of anything productive, fun, fruitful, enjoyable, edifying, good for us that’s going to build up the Body.

4) Personally speaking, I know it can be really hard to put myself out there ESPECIALLY with women my age. How have you learned to do this?

It started with bible study.  That’s where most of my friendships in the Lord have blossomed out of.  I’m blessed to be a part of a women’s bible study that is multi-generational, so we get to hear wisdom from someone more seasoned in life yet also been paired with women my age.  Our church is pretty intentional about that.  So within the safe parameters of studying the Word of God together and a group setting, we’ve gotten to know each other through speaking about life’s situations but with prayer and the Word of God around it.  Then it’s branched off from there and we already know some things about each other.

The branching out part though might take some going out of our comfort zones. Being the one to text and invite to coffee or lunch, and I think being the first to share things about me invites this person to share more about herself.  It can be an awkward thing if you make it that, but it also doesn’t have to be. 

But having the Lord in common makes girls I’ve literally just met feel like sisters, we have this immediate bond and it’s awesome!

5) Hardship in deep friendship is inevitable. Knowing your part of your story can you share the difference between allowing the Holy Spirit to work verses hashing it out in the flesh.

Yes! Sharing the iron sharpening iron thing, living together, and having an honest conversation about where we were disagreeing, how we hurt each other alone felt like we had done it in our strength because I walked away shaking and with nothing resolved.  We went in around and round circles and were just not understanding each other.

But we even talked about going our separate ways if it just couldn’t get better because we couldn’t keep living this way and we realized if that happened though it be like a divorce, other friends had connected through the two of us, and we didn’t make other friends have to choose between us the rest of their lives. But God!

I Didn’t text her going to church that Sunday, she came and sat next to me and the message was on the power of forgiveness and we just hugged after and it was gone. Without any words yet a Mediator and He just took it. 

We later realized what held us for that year and a half of bitterness and hurt feelings for each other had felt like a prison sentence….and I kid you not this is literally what I had said a couple years prior.  I had just got done reading a book called Captive in Iran (such a good book!) and the testimonies of these two women in jail together had me saying, “What if we went to jail for our faith together?” And we said, dang we felt like we had.

Mark and Paul (sent Mark away but then called Barnabas to bring Mark back to him as he was helpful in ministry 2 Tim 4:11

6) Living in a world of instant gratification it can feel hard to navigate “lasting” friendships. They seem uncommon and honestly, counter-cultural. What would you say to the person desiring deep relationships in our current fast pace, on the go, busy world?

Pray about it! My mom told that.  You can pray for a friend in the Lord! God will be happy to answer that. He’s answered it a hundredfold and in one on one’s, discussing the Word of God, praying together like I said and just being intentional in investing and listening and being genuinely interested in your friend’s life!

Also, because we live in a fast-paced, busy world, there needs to be much grace… I need to be less and less offendable.  If a friend doesn’t get right back to me through text, grace.  If you see her with another friend on Instagram and you feel left out grace.

Don’t just exit the friendship and start over.  Next time, just say OH ID LOVE TO JOIN YOU GIRLS NEXT TIME if that’s something you really would want.

7) The living with less podcast birthed from John 3:30 is all about living with less of the things getting in the way of who Christ is calling us to be. If someone asked you what they needed to begin living with less of in regards to this, what would you tell them and why?

I’d say, less of isolation, more community.  Do the thing you’re flesh is telling you not to do. Go to the Friday night study, sign up for the women’s bible study, say yes to the book club even if it’s not your favorite book, drive 30 mins out of your way to meet up to study alongside her.

Less shutting down, more opening up.  Be willing to share and be real with that friend.

Fewer friends who only like things you like, more sisters in Christ who may challenge you to do things you’d never do before.

Like run or indoor rock climb, go out on a limb and think less of self and more of others!

8) Can you share a small snippet of what The Marriage Project podcast is all about? 

Yes! The Marriage Project is an extension of my wedding photography business and an extension of God’s heart for marriage.  He’s led me to create a platform for Christian married couples to share their testimonies and to glorify Christ through the messier, harder parts of their stories and hopefully, in doing so, others can learn more about marriage, what it is, what God’s heart is for it and understand the weight of the calling marriage is. Hoping it can equip many!

That is scraping the surface, you can read more at www.themarriageproject.co or on Instagram @themarriageprojectco.

1) Tell us about you! (Family, work, ministry, church, etc)

• I come from a large family in Oklahoma, married to husband Danny and live in OC - love our life group, community, church RHMV, and walks to the beach where our story started.
• part time for AKB as the Trauma Trainer and Director of Organizational Health
• part time in private practice in Newport Beach serving children and families through counseling

2) Can you share about the mission of AKB?

• Activate Government, Business and Faith leaders to end the crisis for kids in foster care.

3) When did you feel called to start serving in this space and how did that feel when you first began?

• I had a heart for children for forever & the fatherless since about 10 years old
• Family’s foster/adopt journey + family mission trips seeing hurting people led me to study social work
• Masters program - clearly interested in working in foster/adopt world
• Felt difficult, beautiful, energizing, sad, overwhelming, and yet “right” for me

4) Something that I found really incredible about America’s Kid’s Belong is how it talks about the collective impact. I love that the Church is included in this. Can you share how the church can help make a lasting impact in regards to this organization?

• That is something I am pretty passionate about too!
• Church/Bride of Christ is the only thing that will last, most sustainable
• Only body of people with biblical mandate to care for & bring justice for & uphold the rights of the orphan/widow (James 1:27 & Psalm 82:3)
• Churches/Faith communities are everywhere- Over 300,000 churches in US- widespread
• Faith communities built for caring for people, supporting family, advocating for wholeness
• RESEARCH: Identify families in your church who are (or have) already fostering. Listen to them. Organize and recognize them as a key ministry team in the church.
• RETAIN: Support them with a “Wrap Around Ministry”
• RECRUIT: Host a “Belong” Sunday and a “Next Steps Event” to recruit new families.
• provide space (video shoots, visitations, meetings, child welfare events)
• host trainings (trauma, WRAP around, child welfare trainings, documentary showings like Resilience Film or REMOVED films)
• start foster care related ministry
• educate self & surrounding community on felt needs
• care for & love on local child welfare workers
• wrap around foster/adopt families
• provide parents night out
• teach/preach on current foster care related issues & needs

5) Can you share a little bit about the in’s and out’s of adoption here in America? What is the timeline, what ages have the hardest time with placements, and what does the need look like?

• U.S.Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Children’s Bureau  -- AdoptionandFosterCareAnalysisandReportingSystem
• https://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/cb/afcarsreport26.pdf
• 125,422 kids WAITING TO BE ADOPTED (legally free)
• 262,956 kids ENTERED FOSTER CARE
• 437,283 kids IN FOSTER CARE
• 61,901 kids ADOPTED through foster care in 2019 report (25%)
• Home Study approval process anywhere from 3 - 6 months
• Age 12+ high risk for aging out

6) “It’s easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. – Frederick Douglass This quote nearly took my breath away. Is there a story that stands out in your memory of a time The Lord placed a child with a family and a miracle happened within their heart?

• Educate about and advocate for ALL three responses
• Upstream: Provide care for at risk families before child welfare is involved
• In the stream: Provide care for kids in care & foster families
• Downstream: Provide care for aged out youth
• We get to hear of teenagers and young adults in their 20’s being adopted
• Go upstream and catch them before 10 social wounds
• People need People! Stuff without people/relationships is a bandaid.
• First few months of placement honeymoon, then grief/loss hit, then slow adjustment and steps toward healing

7) For someone listening that what’s to get involved with your organization, what can they do to help? Whether financially, prayerfully, or if they are interested in adoption?

• Pray
• Follow social media to stay up to date
• Wrap around families
• Learn/educate watch videos
• GIVE!!

8) The Living With Less Podcast was birthed from John 3:30, "He must increase, but I must decrease.” If someone approached you and asked what they needed to begin living with less of in regards to this what would you tell them and why? 

• What are you carrying that you don’t need to carry anymore?
• Our unresolved pain, loss, & shame prevents us from fully experiencing all that He is and desires for us in relationship with Him
• For Him to increase in our lives, our barriers to him must decrease
• Resolve those things through healthy community, counseling, support groups, reconciliation, and inviting Him to heal wounds.
• Connects to caring for those in pain - How can we lead the hurting to a place of healing if we have never been there ourselves?
• You can’t give a child what you have never received

This week Chelsey sits down with Kelly Balarie to talk about resting with the Lord. Truly resting with Him - in His Word, through His directing, and living in surrender with Him. 

 I’ve been so eager to have this conversation for a few reasons. 1st being I know this will be a blessing to each person that listens - this message is one that so perfectly fits with what The Lord has laid on my heart. 2nd this book met me in the midst of a few weeks where I felt like I was drowning in “un-rest”. So first I wanted to start by diving into talking about the first chapter of this book - “the endless pursuit of more”. One of my favorite parts was the Counting of Counterfeits. Can you share about these “counterfeits” of more that seemingly creep in and begin fighting for the throne of our hearts that belongs only to The Lord.

• What takes your eyes off of the Lord?
• What takes your attention of what the Lord is doing in your life?
   

1 John 2:16, "For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world.” This is huge in culture today, we live in the most self seeking, self preserving, self centered generations. What would you say to the women who are getting sucked into these messages of, “me, me, me..and all the world offers.”?

• Keep your eyes on Jesus and the simplicity of His message!
• Be obedient to His call over our lives as His followers.

 Where can listeners get your book and connect with you! 

• Website - https://purposefulfaith.com
• Instagram - @kellybalarie
• Twitter - @kellybalarie
• Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/purposefulfaith

This week Chelsey digs into 1 Corinthians 3:4-9. Paul writes this letter to the church of Corinth to point them back to the heart of God that in Him is where all growth comes from and we as His followers are His servants. We cannot have divisions in the church based off an allegiance to man, when the only One on the thrones of our life should be Jesus Christ. 

• 1 Corinthians 3:4-9 - 4 For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not being merely human? 5 What then is Apollos? What is Paul? Servants through whom you believed, as the Lord assigned to each. 6 I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. 7 So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. 8 He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor. 9 For we are God's fellow workers. You are God's field, God's building.

• 1 Peter 5:2-3 - 2 shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; 3 not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.