CHICAGO, IL—After a year of struggling to make ends meet as a stand-up comedian, local performer Brian Kline has given up on life, sources reported Tuesday.

"I've been doing this for a year now, and it hasn't gotten me anywhere," said Kline, who has been sleeping on the couch of a friend's apartment. "I'm going to go back to school and get my master's degree in something."

Kline said he hopes his new career will allow him to meet a nice girl and start a family.

This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/08/23/local-stand-up-comedian-gives-up-on-life/