This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/09/04/loch-ness-monster-just-wants-a-friend/

LOCH NESS, SCOTLAND—The Loch Ness Monster, the legendary creature that has long been rumored to live in the Scottish lake, told reporters Monday that she just wants a friend.

"I'm tired of being alone," said the loch's famous monster, who has spent much of her life hiding from the public eye. "I'm not some freak of nature. I just want to go out and have fun like everyone else."

The Loch Ness Monster added that if she could just find someone who accepts her for who she is, then maybe she could stop eating people.