So today is officially 18 months since I've been in the hospital. And before that I was in the hospital three times in 14 months, so I have gotten better at staying out of the hospital for sure. But definitely still struggling right now. yesterday and the day before, I didn't have to take any Seroquel during the day, I took two micronutrients twice. But at night, I'm needing to take three, Seroquel and 900 milligrams of lithium, and 50 milligrams of trazadone. And I still feel kind of shaky when I sleep. Don't feel completely safe. And I've been reaching out to the universe about holotropic breathwork. Maybe I'll take a trip to do some of that. I think I need to get rid of some of this energy in my body. And I'm also looking at Airbnb places in case I want to go and have some peace and quiet and don't really have the money. So I'm not sure maybe I should have spent money on something else than an iPhone. But I am trying to design a different life. But it's hard because I don't have the energy to move much. And I also was looking at vans, and I found a van that has a high ceiling. That is kind of a Junker. But it might be fun to fix up. But I don't think I'd have anywhere to park it is the problem. So yeah, I really don't know. But I feel like I've gone from feeling like Oh, I got my 25 years back to hopefully I can make it till the next day. And on medications again. So not having my 25 years back. So that contributes to this because I've failed with that mission. And also, I'm seeing that that might be because I have a totally different mission. Or maybe I'm not really meant to make it. I don't know. I feel like I need to do something to get rid of this program in my body that seems to want me to in my life

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