When I was young, my mother told me and then told me again to look at her when she was talking to me. One time I responded by saying, "I'm blind so what makes the difference?" Her response? "Yes, you are blind, but that's never an excuse for being rood or lazy."

I suspect that you get my point. For my mom, not being able to see was never an excuse for not doing what I was able to do. Even if I couldn't see her, I definitely could turn my head in her direction when she was talking and at least act like I was paying attention.

I could look up and in her direction. That was at least the place to start. Success required feedback though. The problem was learning not to look too high or too low, too far left or right. I needed to focus on her voice and where it was coming from. The technique I developed is to focus a little below where I think the voice is located. It helps to shift my head and shoulders, so my shoulders are squared with the person talking.

The best way to get this right is to ask someone who you are around a lot and you are comfortable with to coach you when you are seeming not to be paying attention or are just getting lazy. Let them know that too much coaching gets irritating and not to coach when others can observe what's happening. With practice, all of us who can't see can get better at looking at people when they are talking to us.

As the skill improves, we can learn to look at anyone who is talking whether he or she is talking to us or to someone else. (Although I don't know how it works for others who can't see, I tend to look too far up and slightly to the right when someone is talking to me.)

The second part of what I think of as social engagement is speaking up. Perhaps we can think about that next time. For now, it's enough to look at me when I'm talking to you.