Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to step back into the store. Would you mind taking off your jacket? Sir, I don’t care if it was a gift from your mother. I’m more concerned with the 10 pairs of FUBU hoodies you’ve concealed in your shirt. Oh, I suppose someone else jammed them in there. Great.

There are a lot of sources for information about shoplifting and I’m very proud you chose to come here to learn. Why, by following the advice in this episode of the podcast you should have a nice little crime record. Don’t get me wrong. You’ll also have some stolen clothes. It’s totally worth going to all the trouble to steal all your clothes. Yup. Not being sarcastic. Nope.

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