Happy holidays! It’s taken forever but just two days ago I did a stream of myself reading from The Human Santapede on Twitch. I made it all the way to chapter 16 before I tapped out. So please enjoy this stupid reading I did! I just finished recording the second half of the book tonight so look for that in 2018!

Just a warning, this is very long! It’s very stupid but I enjoyed reading it over the two days. You can watch the live reading here if you want to watch it with all my fuck ups & asides.
Watch Alternate Side Talking with King Lou from loureads on www.twitch.tv
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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Lou Reads ep 169 – The Human Santapede – Part 1

Giving Voice to the Things You Didn't Want to Hear About

Society & Culture

Personal Journals

History

Philosophy

Places & Travel

Comedy

Sexuality

Health

Health & Fitness


Hey, you know that kid from History class that never talks? His parents are out of town this weekend and he’s having a party! We should totally go and be thankful for the opportunity to party, get wasted, and then just lose our shit and ruin all his stuff to teach him a lesson. Sounds good? That’ll teach him to offer us a chance to be free!







In this random return to the podcast, I found a fun little thread on Reddit. Nothing too salacious and some funny stories in this one. Thanks for continuing to listen! If you want to hang out while I play video games please consider following me on Twitch. I hope to record a new episode soon. Thanks for listening!

Lou Reads ep 190 – Tales of Wild Parties from Reddit


Oh, hello. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? As you may have read on the Lou Reads Facebook page I haven’t felt very inspired to record anything for a while. I started and stopped several episodes on drugs and one about some kind of porn-related thing but it all felt kind of done. Well, I finally found something that made me want to read out loud again. And that something was the blog known as BiblicalGenderRoles.com. Now, this is a blog dedicated to the idea of men & women’s roles in marriage, and in life, are better if you live in accordance with the rules set forth in The Bible.



Wife Spanking is a Christian Man’s Duty! Especially sad when she went to the trouble of dressing like a torpedo-breasted, high-class prostitute for you. Oh, well!



As you’ll soon hear, this website has a fairly unmodern approach to relationships and that’s the point. Apparently the last 50 years or so have really dinged the whole “Men are leaders of the family” paradigm thingy. Especially because the Devil has encouraged people to live by the creed, “Don’t do stuff if you don’t wanna.” So, let’s say you don’t want your husband to spank you when you’ve been disobedient. Your rejection of his desire to give you a good butt whuppin’ is really the Devil encouraging you to reject your husband’s Biblically mandated right to exercise his dominion over you. See, when you say it like that it just makes sense. I hope you enjoy this long-overdue episode! 



Here are some supplemental books to get you headed down the right path. I’m sure they’re all super great or dumb. One of the two.
  

Lou Reads 189 – Biblical Gender Roles and How to Follow them!


According to Medical News Today, “As much as 45 percent of men believe they have a small penis.” Certainly, there are a lot of factors to this low self-opinion. While I’m not going to offer a solid argument on all the reasons I think it’s safe to say that pornography featuring an over-indexing of massive dongs and general societal theories about big dicks’ connections to virility and manliness play a big part. Unfortunately, insulting the size of man’s penis is very common, can be seriously injurious and it’s one of the things in life that men can literally do nothing about outside of surgery and weird stretching rituals I’ve read about before. 







So, this month’s episode of Lou Reads revisits the world of men with penises that are smaller than the average. When we last ventured to this topic it was back in the first year of Lou Reads in an unfortunately titled episode, My Tiny Dick Forum of Horrors. Now, Measurection is a forum for men who consider themselves to have below-average length penises to come and share in a community of similarly endowed guys. The forum has been around for over a decade and was even a focus of a Weekend Web posting before I got involved in WW. As always, I have selected a bunch of random threads of interest to read from without comment. I hope you enjoy it. And as the owner of My Tiny Dick wrote in a comment on the episode about their site “You‘d be surprised at how small a penis can be before women really consider it small.” 

Lou Reads episode 188 – The Forums Measurection.com


I don’t remember a lot from High School but what I do recall is mainly the dumb shit my friends and fellow classmates got into. Most of my stories from High School revolve around drinking too much and doing graffiti (separately). A kid did bring a gun to school but he was just showing off, not trying to kill everyone for some teen angsty reason. IIRC he was kicked out of the school at a later date for something minor that appeared to be the final straw/excuse the principle was looking for to get the guy out.  This episode of Lou Reads I went to AskReddit and read a bunch of stories of people’s most NSFW memories from High School. I hope you enjoy it! 





Lou Reads ep 187 – NSFW Stories from High School


Have you ever had this conversation? “Look, it’s my first time going to get a “massage” and I’m not sure how to make sure my “massage” ends in a “happy ending.” I mean, if it just ends in just getting my body relaxed with a real “massage” I guess that would be okay, too… but I’m really hoping to, you know… get a certain muscle worked on… you know? Oh, you don’t? Look, mom, I need to go…” Well, if you have then you should be checking out RUB MAPS instead of asking your mom for Asian Massage Parlour advice. RUB MAPS is a consumer review site for illicit massages with an entire, active forum for its users. Unfortunately you have to pay to see the reviews. Luckily you can see the forums for free and it’s a great source for all your “going to have sex with a masseuse” questions.







This time around I didn’t actually read any of the site reviews but I may do so if I ever revisit. I hope this doesn’t give you blue balls… Also, if you get confused by any of the slang in this episode please consult this amazing massage parlour slang guide. You’re gonna need it!







Lou Reads ep 169 – The Human Santapede – Part 1

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