Have you ever sat down and made up a list of the reasons why you are with someone? I think it’s safe to bet that a high percentage of the population—both male and female—have, at some point during their romantic escapades, came to a point in the relationship where they had to sit down and make up a list outlining the numerous reasons why they loved someone while simultaneously creating an adjacent list delineating all the reasons why they hated the very same person whom they claimed to love. This process of creating a ‘love and hate list’ often becomes a barometer as to whether the person continues in the relationship; as either the good outweighs the bad, or it substantiates the person’s concerns, giving them enough negative reasons to flee the relationship.

I would argue that if you need to sit down and write out a list of reasons why you are with someone, then most likely this relationship is already doomed. I mean, shouldn’t you know in your heart why this person is the one for you? If you have to put a list in writing, outlining all of someone’s strengths, while at the same time defining all of their inadequacies or irritating qualities, doesn’t it perhaps indicate to you that maybe you shouldn’t be in this relationship?

If it takes making a list to convince you that it is time to make a change, well, then, the list making process is not a useless exercise. However, the mere fact that you are making out a list to help you to make a decision to, as The Clash sang in their song, ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go’, tells me that, umm, most likely, you should go.

The ‘love and hate list’ doesn’t start and end with romantic relationships. You can make a ‘love and hate list’ about any topic that is troubling you at the moment: friends, relatives, chocolate, wine, buying or selling your home. I mean life is full of challenging moments where we often need clarification as to which direction we want to point our compass in, giving us a path to follow. What do I mean?

Let’s take your job for example. If you are making up a list as to why you like your job, while at the same time you create a list outlining all of the reasons why you are waking up in the middle of the night suffering from severe anxiety caused by job-related stress, does your loss of sleep and heightened anxiety not give you enough reason to start to look at the want ads?

If you love to drink red wine, and your red wine love list has points like it relaxes me, I am funny when I drink, all food tastes better with wine, I can’t socialize without it, I can’t flirt without it, I don’t think I could DO HIM without it, actually… it’s my best friend. Then, on the red wine hate list side you note only one negative remark: doctor said it caused my recent episode of pancreatitis and that it could lead to other more serious health complications if I don’t stop drinking so much wine. Hmm, did you really need to make out the list?

Regardless if you make out an actual list, I guess at some point we all need to sit down with our ‘quiet self’ and sort through difficult decisions. Putting blinders on a horse will keep him moving in only one direction—forward—by keeping his