In this Buzzword Breakdown episode, Kristen and Mike tackle one of the most talked-about—and misunderstood—concepts in modern leadership: servant leadership. But here's the twist: Mike admits he actually hates the term. What follows is a candid conversation about why this popular leadership philosophy makes us uncomfortable, why the language we use around leadership matters more than we think, and how some leaders use this term to avoid accountability. The discussion explores the problematic history behind the word "servant," unpacks what it actually means to put your team first without losing yourself in the process, and addresses common myths like confusing servant leadership with being passive. Kristen breaks down the original concept and shares practical ways to practice this approach without the cringe factor, so listeners can learn how to lead with humility and support their teams without becoming a doormat—or worse, a leader who talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk.

Highlights:

• Why Mike finds the term "servant leadership" uncomfortable and how it's misappropriated by leaders who avoid true coaching and accountability
• The problematic etymology of "servant" and its roots in slavery—why leadership language matters
• Robert Greenleaf's 1970 concept: the best leaders measure success by the growth and wellbeing they inspire in others, not by power
• Common myths about servant leadership, including confusing it with being passive or overly self-sacrificing
• Larry Spears' ten characteristics: listening, empathy, healing, awareness, persuasion, conceptualization, foresight, stewardship, commitment to growth, and building community
• How servant leadership differs from transformational leadership (inspiring change) and transactional leadership (exchanges and rewards)
• Key criticisms: risk of burnout, boundary issues, challenges in crisis situations, and performative use without follow-through
• Practical integration: shift from "I fix things" to "I create conditions for others to thrive" and lead with curiosity, not correction
• Mike recommends Colonel David Hackworth's "About Face" as an example of putting your team first under extreme circumstances
• Simple action step: ask your team "What's one thing I can do to make your job easier this week?" and follow through

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• Larry C. Spears: “The 10 Characteristics of Servant Leaders”
• About Face by Colonel David Hackworth

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com

After a hiatus, Kristen and Mike return to Love and Leadership with a new tiny co-host in tow. They pull back the curtain on what the past few months have really been like—from an unplanned C-section to navigating the gaps in U.S. parental leave policies. They share what they've learned about partnership under pressure, why their pre-baby work on fighting better has paid off, and how they're managing to show up for each other when sleep is scarce and stress is high. If you've ever wondered what leadership actually looks like when the stakes are personal and the challenges are right in front of you, this conversation offers a real-world test case. Plus, they explain what to expect from the podcast going forward and why there will be more "love" in Love and Leadership from here on out.

Highlights:

• Kristen and Mike share their experience becoming new parents, including Kristen's unplanned C-section at 37 weeks and the challenges of the early postpartum period
• They discuss the broken state of parental leave and maternal support in the United States, including limited time off and a healthcare system that often fails new mothers
• Mike explains what he learned about infant brain development and nervous system regulation, including why the "cry it out" method isn't supported by neuroscience
• The couple opens up about how becoming parents has tested their partnership and why their pre-baby work on communication (including reading Fight Right by the Gottmans) has been essential
• They share practical strategies for managing the transition to parenthood as a team, including not competing over who has it harder and actively supporting each other through rest and childcare
• Kristen highlights the value of mom support groups and community during the postpartum period
• Mike discusses the importance of long-term thinking in business, drawing parallels between supporting families and retaining institutional knowledge in organizations
• They announce the podcast will continue on a biweekly schedule for now, with fewer guest episodes until they establish a more consistent routine with their son

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection by John Gottman and Julie Gottman
• La Vie En Doula (Kristen & Mike’s postpartum night doula)

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com

A brief update: we're taking a hiatus through the end of summer to welcome our newborn son. While we had hoped to have new content during parental leave, life had other plans. We want to reassure you that we're committed to the podcast and will return with fresh episodes soon enough. In the meantime, there are 43 episodes to explore, and we welcome content suggestions at [email protected].

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com

Mike and Kristen dive deep into Michael Bungay Stanier's The Advice Trap, exploring why our natural instinct to give advice actually makes us worse leaders. This episode reveals the uncomfortable truth: your advice isn't as good as you think it is, and constantly offering solutions is damaging your team and overwhelming your schedule. The hosts get painfully honest about their own advice-giving habits while breaking down the three personas of the "advice monster" - Tell It, Save It, and Control It. They explore the psychological rewards we get from playing rescuer (#winsnotwins) and share practical strategies for staying curious longer instead of rushing to solutions. If you've ever wondered why your team keeps coming to you with problems instead of solutions, or why you feel like the only person holding everything together, this episode will help you understand the hidden costs of advice-giving and show you a better way forward.

Highlights:

• Why advice damages organizations by demotivating receivers, overwhelming givers, and limiting team potential
• The three advice monster personas (Tell It, Save It, Control It) and their shared DNA belief: "I'm better than the other person"
• Understanding #winsnotwins - the short-term rewards that keep you stuck in advice-giving patterns and why recognizing these prizes is key to change
• Why taming your advice monster requires battling between present you and future you (the adult marshmallow test)
• The TERA framework for psychological safety using Tribe, Expectation, Rank, and Autonomy to create safer conversations
• Six "foggy-fiers" that derail problem-solving, from "twirling" (first problem isn't the real problem) to "yarning" (too much storytelling)
• Moving beyond single questions to strategic coaching combos that uncover real challenges
• Specific language patterns for interrupting conversations without damaging relationships
• How your background affects when and how you should give away power as a leader
• Making coaching a regular interaction instead of formal compliance meetings

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• The Advice Trap by Michael Bungay Stanier
• The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier
• Download Additional Book Resources from MBS 
• Love & Leadership Episode #9: The Coaching Habit
• What Got You Here Won't Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith
• The First 90 Days by Michael D. Watkins 
• Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman 

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com

Kristen and Mike explore The Go-Giver Leader by Bob Burg and John David Mann, a parable that flips traditional command-and-control leadership on its head. Through the story of Ben, an ambitious M&A executive who discovers that true influence comes from yielding rather than forcing, listeners will learn why the best leaders don't take leadership - they give it away. Mike brings his signature tangents, while Kristen keeps things grounded with practical insights. If you've ever wondered why some leaders inspire fierce loyalty while others barely get compliance, this episode reveals the five keys that separate legendary leaders from mere managers. Fair warning: there's some serious cheese in this book, but the lessons underneath are pure gold.

Highlights:

• Using "I," "me," and "my" repeatedly sends the wrong message - leadership isn't about making everything about you
• Anyone can create a vision, but the real challenge is holding fast to it when everyone else loses sight during difficult times
• Influence pulls people toward you like gravity, while convincing pushes and overcomes by argument - completely different approaches
• Like heating wood to reveal beautiful colors, applying belief (not pressure) brings out the best in people
• While competence is baseline, people need to trust your character - what happens when life scratches your soul matters more than your resume
• Giving away power actually increases your influence, though this advice doesn't apply equally to all leaders in all situations
• The book uniquely addresses how tragedy and loss leave authentic marks that show up in business and leadership
• The best way to increase influence is to give it away - great leadership is never about the leader

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• The Go-Giver Leader by Bob Burg and John David Mann
• The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann
• Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win by Jocko Willink
• The Advice Trap by Michael Bungay Stanier
• What Got You Here Won't Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith
• Good to Great by Jim Collins
• Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidara

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com

You've probably heard "leadership versus management" debates many times, but Kristen and Mike break it down in a way that actually makes sense. This isn't about which one is better - spoiler alert: you need both. Instead, they explore how these distinct skill sets work together and why understanding the difference can transform your career. From Confucius to Navy SEALs, they share practical insights on when to lead people versus manage systems, common myths that trip up even experienced professionals, and why the best leaders toggle between both modes throughout their day. If you've ever wondered whether you're managing when you should be leading (or vice versa), this episode will give you the clarity to know which hat to wear when.

Highlights:

• The Core Distinction: Leadership = vision and inspiration ("why" and "what"). Management = operations and execution ("how")
• Kotter's Framework: Leadership establishes direction, aligns people, motivates. Management plans/budgets, organizes/staffs, controls/problem-solves
• Why Both Matter: Successful leaders toggle between both modes throughout their day
• Leadership can be learned through study and practice - you're not born with it
• Common Myths Debunked: Leadership isn't higher status than management, you can lead from any role, both require ongoing development
• The Coaching Approach: Keeps you focused on vision and mentorship while avoiding micromanagement
• Managing Systems, Leading People: Manage processes, lead and inspire the people within them
• Continuous Growth: Leadership development is lifelong, requiring constant learning and self-reflection

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• Start With Why by Simon Sinek
• Good to Great by Jim Collins
• Turn the Ship Around by Captain L. David Marquet
• The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier
• Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink
• Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidara

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com

Kristen and Mike kick off their new Buzzword Breakdown series by tackling psychological safety, a term often referenced in leadership discussions without clear explanation. Created by Harvard professor Amy Edmondson, psychological safety is the belief that you won't be punished for speaking up with ideas, questions, or concerns. Research shows it's the #1 predictor of high-performing teams - more important than who's on the team. Despite its importance, many misconceptions exist around what psychological safety actually means and how to create it. Whether you lead a team or are part of one, understanding this concept can transform your workplace relationships and help everyone do their best work.

Highlights:

• Introduction of the new Buzzword Breakdown series format
• Amy Edmondson coined "psychological safety" in 1999 while researching hospital teams
• Psychological safety is a team concept that predicts high performance (Google's Project Aristotle)
• Myth: It's about being nice (Reality: It's about candor with respect)
• Myth: You can declare a space "safe" (Reality: Actions create it)
• Myth: It's a luxury (Reality: It's essential for effective teams)
• Signs of low safety: silence in meetings, blame culture, fear of failure
• Signs of high safety: challenging ideas without fear, open discussion of mistakes
• Leaders create it through: admitting uncertainty, sharing lessons from mistakes, thanking people for speaking up

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• The Fearless Organization by Amy Edmondson
• Amy Edmondson on LinkedIn
• HBR: What Is Psychological Safety?
• HBR: What People Get Wrong About Psychological Safety
• McKinsey: What is Psychological Safety?
• Previous Love and Leadership episodes:
  • #37 Workplace Buzzwords 
  • #31 Motivating Employees
  • #38 How to Win Friends and Influence People
  • #17 Interview with Rebecca Yang

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com

We originally aired this episode in October prior to the election, and are sharing it again today because we find it more relevant than ever! 

Leaders today face a unique challenge: supporting their teams' mental wellness during a very high-stress period. In this episode, Kristen and Mike explore this timely topic with licensed therapist Megan Romano. They discuss how leaders can navigate the emotional minefield of turbulent political times, from recognizing their own triggers to creating a psychologically safe environment for their teams. Megan shares practical techniques for emotional regulation and emphasizes the importance of leaders modeling vulnerability and self-care. This episode offers invaluable insights on how to lead with empathy and resilience during turbulent times.

About Megan:

Megan Romano (M.S., LMFT) is a New York-based Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in trauma therapy. With extensive experience in inpatient rehabilitation and online therapy, she has treated clients globally and trained therapists in various settings. She is certified in treating disruptive behavioral disorders, crisis intervention, and trauma-focused cognitive behavioral disorders. She provides therapy for individuals, families, and couples, addressing a wide range of challenges. She has received "The Best of Brooklyn Award for Counseling and Mental Health" for nine consecutive years. She is also the founder of Human Nation™, a mental health resource, and the inventor of a patent-pending trauma intervention that is 100% effective and substance-free.

Highlights:

• The importance of leaders recognizing and regulating their own emotions before addressing their team's concerns.
• Techniques for emotional regulation, including breathing exercises and identifying physical signs of stress.
• The value of taking timeouts during tense meetings to allow for emotional processing.
• The role of vulnerability in leadership and how it can foster trust and psychological safety.
• The concept of "tend and befriend" as a positive stress response in the workplace.
• The importance of authentic check-ins with employees and listening to learn rather than to respond.
• Tips for finding the right therapist and normalizing mental health care in the workplace.
• The benefits of proactive therapy for leaders, even without a specific crisis or diagnosis.

Links and Resources Mentioned:

• Human Nation™ website
• Megan Romano Therapy
• Megan’s LinkedIn profile
• Psychology Today 
• Zocdoc
• American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
• American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com

Kristen and Mike dive into Dale Carnegie's classic "How to Win Friends and Influence People" - a book that's approaching its 90th anniversary yet remains powerfully relevant. Mike reveals he's read (or rather, listened to) the book nearly 10 times, often before starting new jobs to ground himself in core leadership principles. The couple explores why this 1936 bestseller has sold over 30 million copies and continues to influence modern leadership thinking. Unlike most leadership books, Carnegie's approach focuses on genuine human connection rather than strategy or tactics. As you listen, you'll discover timeless principles that can transform not just your leadership approach, but all your relationships through small yet powerful changes in how you interact with others.

Highlights:

• Carnegie's core message: Leadership is about making people want to do things, not forcing them
• Principle 1: Don't criticize, condemn, or complain - criticism puts people on defensive
• Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation - not flattery
• Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want - talk about what they want
• The book emphasizes remembering names as "the sweetest sound" to any person
• Good listening is highlighted as more important than talking for effective communication
• "The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it" - a principle both hosts struggle with
• Mike shares examples of seeing these principles successfully applied in hospitality leadership
• Carnegie's focus on understanding others' perspectives aligns with the improv principles Kristen teaches

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
• How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie 
• Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss 
• Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin 
• It's Your Ship by Michael Abrashoff 
• The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier 
• How to Say It for Women by Phyllis Mindell 
• Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidara 

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com

Kristen and Mike get into the fascinating world of workplace buzzwords that are trending in 2025. From "anti-perks" to "coffee badging," these terms reveal a lot about our current work culture and employee-employer relationships. The couple unpacks these buzzwords with their characteristic humor and practical insight, examining what each trend reveals about the evolving workplace. Whether you're dealing with "quiet hiring" at your organization or considering a "lazy girl job" for better work-life balance, this episode offers a revealing look at the language shaping our professional lives and what it means for leaders at all levels.

Highlights:

• "Anti-perks": Workplace policies framed as benefits that actually negatively impact employees
• "Bare minimum Mondays": Employees intentionally reducing workload on Mondays to combat burnout
• "Coffee badging": Briefly appearing at the office to satisfy return-to-office mandates before heading home
• "Conscious quitting": Employees leaving companies whose values don't align with their personal ethics
• "Quittok": The trend of posting or livestreaming resignations on TikTok
• "Employee Experience (EX)": The physical, digital, and cultural elements affecting how employees feel about work
• "Ghost jobs": Fake job listings companies post without actually intending to hire
• "Industry hopping": Professionals moving between different sectors throughout their careers
• "Job cuffing": Increasing engagement during uncertain times to avoid layoffs
• "Lazy girl jobs": Roles prioritizing work-life balance over career advancement

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• AIHR Article: 27 Trending HR Buzzwords You Need to Know
• How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
• "Take This Job and Shove It" by Johnny Paycheck

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com