Love & Infertility

The opinions and perspectives shared in this episode are those of Dr. Clay Brigance and Ginny Lupka and are intended for educational and informational purposes only as part of the Love & Infertility podcast. The content discussed is not a substitute for professional medical, mental health, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need assistance navigating infertility, reproductive trauma, or mental health concerns, please consult your healthcare professional or a licensed therapist in your area.

This episode contains frank discussion of sex and intimacy, infertility, pregnancy loss, purity culture, and body-related shame.

Infertility doesn’t just affect whether you can grow your family. It can also change how you feel about your body, your partner, and sex itself. In this episode, Dr. Clay and Ginny take on the topic most couples avoid, including why sex starts to feel like a task during treatment, how previous shame around sex can make its way back into the bedroom, and why one of the best predictors of good sex is simply talking about it.

Resources 

• Come As You Are and Come Together by Dr. Emily Nagoski

• Dr. John Gottman’s “six-second kiss”

• Our earlier episode with Lana Manikowski

• Free Digital Download — Dr. Clay's Infertility & Mental Health Manual

• Book Dr. Clay for speaking or training → https://www.drclaybrigance.com/trainings-for-mental-health-professionals

• Therapy with Dr. Clay/ Shiloh Counseling → https://shilohcounselingllc.com/

• @dr_claybrigance on Instagram

• Learn more about the Four Pillars approach → https://www.drclaybrigance.com/fourpillars

• Connect with Ginny Lupka → https://linktr.ee/ginnylupkacounseling

• @ginnylupkacounseling on Instagram

The opinions and perspectives shared in this episode are those of Dr. Clay Brigance, Ginny Lupka, and Anna Szendrei and are intended for educational and informational purposes only as part of the Love & Infertility podcast. The content discussed is not a substitute for professional medical, mental health, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need assistance navigating infertility, reproductive trauma, or mental health concerns, please consult your healthcare professional or a licensed therapist in your area.

This episode may contain topics that can be upsetting to some listeners including infertility and IVF treatment, injections and needle phobia, canceled treatment cycles, miscarriage and pregnancy loss, reproductive trauma and PTSD, cancer diagnosis and fertility preservation.

Who calls the insurance company on your lunch break? Who checks that the meds are mixed right? In this episode, Dr. Clay and Ginny sit down in person with Anna Szendrei, a fertility nurse and the founder of IVF BFF, a concierge service that supports patients and couples through treatment. Anna shares why she left a busy clinic job to build something that didn’t exist yet, the guilt partners carry when they try to take on everything, and how handing off some of the logistics can free a couple up to take care of each other.

Connect with Anna

• IVF-BFF.com

• IVF.BFF on IG

Free Digital Download — Dr. Clay's Infertility & Mental Health Manual

• Book Dr. Clay for speaking or training → https://www.drclaybrigance.com/trainings-for-mental-health-professionals

• Therapy with Dr. Clay/ Shiloh Counseling → https://shilohcounselingllc.com/

• Learn more about the Four Pillars approach → https://www.drclaybrigance.com/fourpillars

• Connect with Ginny Lupka → https://linktr.ee/ginnylupkacounseling

The opinions and perspectives shared in this episode are those of Dr. Clay Brigance, Ginny Lupka, Danielle Murray, and Marty Joe Murray and are intended for educational and informational purposes only as part of the Love & Infertility podcast. The content discussed is not a substitute for professional medical, mental health, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need assistance navigating infertility, reproductive trauma, or mental health concerns, please consult your healthcare professional or a licensed therapist in your area.

This episode contains discussion of endometriosis and PCOS, IVF and failed transfers, miscarriage, a pregnancy loss in which the mother's life was at risk, the cremation of a baby, serious pregnancy complications, and the politics surrounding IVF and reproductive health.

What happens when you and your partner grieve the same loss in completely different ways? Dr. Clay and Ginny sit down with longtime friends Danielle Murray, founder of Making a Miracle,  and her husband, Missouri State Representative Marty Joe Murray. Together, the high school sweet hearts share their path from an endometriosis diagnosis in 2015 to timed intercourse, IVF, and the birth of their daughter, Michaela. They also explain the legislation Marty has drafted, including Missouri's first state Infertility Awareness Week, a bill for Medicaid fertility coverage, and a proposed grant fund for families.

Connect with Danielle and Marty

• Making a Miracle website → makingamiracle.org

• Danielle on Instagram → @makingamiracle_stl

• Contact Missouri State Representative Marty Joe Murray → house.mo.gov

  Free Digital Download — Dr. Clay's Infertility & Mental Health Manual

• Book Dr. Clay for speaking or training → https://www.drclaybrigance.com/trainings-for-mental-health-professionals

• Therapy with Dr. Clay/ Shiloh Counseling → https://shilohcounselingllc.com/

• Learn more about the Four Pillars approach → https://www.drclaybrigance.com/fourpillars

• Connect with Ginny Lupka → https://linktr.ee/ginnylupkacounseling

The opinions and perspectives shared in this episode are those of Dr. Clay Brigance and Ginny Lupka and are intended for educational and informational purposes only as part of the Love & Infertility podcast. The content discussed is not a substitute for professional medical, mental health, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need assistance navigating infertility, reproductive trauma, or mental health concerns, please consult your healthcare professional or a licensed therapist in your area.

This episode contains honest discussion of infertility, pregnancy loss, miscarriage, embryo loss, shame, grief, and the emotional and relational impact of infertility on couples.

As Season One comes to a close, Dr. Clay and Ginny sit down to reflect on everything they've learned from a season full of powerful conversations with guests and couples navigating infertility. Together they unpack the importance of rituals for honoring grief, the deep desire every partner has to feel understood, and why community support matters so much for couples walking this road.

Free Digital Download — Dr. Clay's Infertility & Mental Health Manual

• Book Dr. Clay for speaking or training → https://www.drclaybrigance.com/trainings-for-mental-health-professionals

• Therapy with Dr. Clay/ Shiloh Counseling → https://shilohcounselingllc.com/

• Learn more about the Four Pillars approach → https://www.drclaybrigance.com/fourpillars

• Connect with Ginny Lupka → https://linktr.ee/ginnylupkacounseling

The opinions and perspectives shared in this episode are those of Dr. Clay Brigance, Ginny Lupka, and Dr. Moe Schulte and are intended for educational and informational purposes only as part of the Love & Infertility podcast. The content discussed is not a substitute for professional medical, mental health, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need assistance navigating infertility, reproductive trauma, or mental health concerns, please consult your healthcare professional or a licensed therapist in your area.

This episode may contain topics that can be upsetting to some listeners including infertility and reproductive trauma, miscarriage and pregnancy loss, medical procedures (including IVF, IUI, and semen analysis), male-factor infertility, and mental health challenges.

In this episode, Dr. Clay Brigance and Ginny Lupka sit down with Dr. Maureen “Moe” Schulte, double board-certified reproductive endocrinologist and co-founder of STL Fertility, for a candid conversation about what it really means to receive patient-centered fertility care. Dr. Moe shares why physician-owned and operated clinics can change the entire emotional experience of treatment and why "naming the elephant in the room" — whether it's blame, guilt, or a hard diagnosis — is essential to keeping couples connected through the hardest parts of the journey. 

Free Digital Download — Dr. Clay's Infertility & Mental Health Manual

• Book Dr. Clay for speaking or training → https://www.drclaybrigance.com/trainings-for-mental-health-professionals

• Therapy with Dr. Clay/ Shiloh Counseling → https://shilohcounselingllc.com/

• Learn more about the Four Pillars approach → https://www.drclaybrigance.com/fourpillars

• Connect with Ginny Lupka → https://linktr.ee/ginnylupkacounseling

• Connect with Dr. Maureen Schulte & STL Fertility → https://stlfertility.com

• Follow Dr. Moe on social media → @MaureenSchulteMD

  
  

The opinions and perspectives shared in this episode are those of Dr. Clay Brigance, Marjorie Brigance, and Dr. Julie Rhee and are intended for educational and informational purposes only as part of the Love & Infertility podcast. The content discussed is not a substitute for professional medical, mental health, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need assistance navigating infertility, reproductive trauma, or mental health concerns, please consult your healthcare professional or a licensed therapist in your area.

This episode contains honest discussion of infertility treatment, IVF, subchorionic hematoma, pregnancy bleeding scares, male factor infertility, and the emotional weight of navigating fertility care as a couple.

In this very special bonus episode of Love & Infertility, Dr. Clay and Marjorie welcome someone incredibly close to their journey: Dr. Julie Rhee, their own fertility doctor and the woman who helped bring their two miracle boys into the world. From the emotional toll on physicians who absorb their patients' grief daily, to the moment Clay admits he was terrified, to the question every fertility patient deserves to ask, this episode is for anyone who has ever felt unseen, unheard, or simply underprepared for what the journey would really ask of them.

Free Digital Download — Dr. Clay's Infertility & Mental Health Manual 

• Book Dr. Clay for speaking or training → https://www.drclaybrigance.com/trainings-for-mental-health-professionals

• Therapy with Dr. Clay/ Shiloh Counseling → https://shilohcounselingllc.com/

• Learn more about the Four Pillars approach → lhttps://www.drclaybrigance.com/fourpillars 

• Connect with Ginny Lupka →  https://linktr.ee/ginnylupkacounseling

• Find Dr. Julie Rhee on Instagram → @drjulierhee

• Stress and Coping in Couples Facing Infertility – Pasch & Sullivan, 2017

  
  

Free Digital Download — Dr. Clay's Infertility & Mental Health Manual 

• Book Dr. Clay for speaking or training → https://www.drclaybrigance.com/trainings-for-mental-health-professionals

• Therapy with Dr. Clay/ Shiloh Counseling → https://shilohcounselingllc.com/

• Learn more about the Four Pillars approach → lhttps://www.drclaybrigance.com/fourpillars 

• Connect with Ginny Lupka →  https://linktr.ee/ginnylupkacounseling
  

The opinions and perspectives shared in this episode are those of Dr. Clay Brigance and Ginny Lupka and are intended for educational and informational purposes only as part of the Love & Infertility podcast. The content discussed is not a substitute for professional medical, mental health, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need assistance navigating infertility, reproductive trauma, or mental health concerns, please consult your healthcare professional or a licensed therapist in your area.

This episode may contain topics that can be upsetting to some listeners including infertility and reproductive trauma, miscarriage and pregnancy loss, medical procedures (including IVF and IUI), childlessness, and mental health challenges.

Have you ever felt a sudden disconnect from your partner? Not because your love changed, but because infertility hit you both differently? In this episode, Dr. Clay Brigance and Ginny Lupka unpack the most common dynamics they see in couples navigating infertility and reproductive loss. From the partner who wants to stay positive while the other needs to grieve, to explosive disagreements about whether to pursue IVF, to the impossible question of whether to show up to holiday celebrations with the family, this episode covers it all. 

Free Digital Download — Dr. Clay's Infertility & Mental Health Manual 

• Book Dr. Clay for speaking or training → https://www.drclaybrigance.com/trainings-for-mental-health-professionals

• Therapy with Dr. Clay/ Shiloh Counseling → https://shilohcounselingllc.com/

• Learn more about the Four Pillars approach → lhttps://www.drclaybrigance.com/fourpillars 

  Connect with Ginny Lupka →  https://linktr.ee/ginnylupkacounseling

The opinions and perspectives shared in this episode are those of Dr. Clay Brigance, Ginny Lupka, and Emily Silva Hockstra and are intended for educational and informational purposes only as part of the Love & Infertility podcast. The content discussed is not a substitute for professional medical, mental health, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need assistance navigating infertility, reproductive trauma, or mental health concerns, please consult your healthcare professional or a licensed therapist in your area.

This episode may contain topics that can be upsetting to some listeners including infertility and reproductive trauma, egg donation, miscarriage and pregnancy loss, medical procedures (including IVF and IUI), childlessness, and mental health challenges.

Have you ever felt so ashamed that you pushed the person you love most completely away? In this recap episode, Dr. Clay and Ginny revisit their powerful conversation with Emily Silva Hockstra and unpack one of the most misunderstood dynamics in the infertility journey: how shame quietly disguises itself as anger, and what it costs couples who never learn to tell the difference. This episode is part therapy session, part honest conversation, and entirely for anyone who has ever felt like they were falling apart while trying to hold it together.

Free Digital Download — Dr. Clay's Infertility & Mental Health Manual 

• Book Dr. Clay for speaking or training → https://www.drclaybrigance.com/trainings-for-mental-health-professionals

• Therapy with Dr. Clay/ Shiloh Counseling → https://shilohcounselingllc.com/

• Learn more about the Four Pillars approach → lhttps://www.drclaybrigance.com/fourpillars 

• Connect with Ginny Lupka →  https://linktr.ee/ginnylupkacounseling

• Emily on Instagram

• Emily’s Website

• Emily’s substack

• Sunset Gratitude: 365 Hopeful Meditations for Peaceful and Reflective Evenings All Year Long by Emily Silva-Hockstra 

• Moonlight Gratitude: 365 Nighttime Meditations for Deep, Tranquil Sleep All Year Long by Emily Silva-Hockstra 

  Sunrise Gratitude: 365 Morning Meditations for Joyful Days All Year Long by Emily Silva-Hockstra

The opinions and perspectives shared in this episode are those of Dr. Clay Brigance, Ginny Lupka, and Emily Hockstra and are intended for educational and informational purposes only as part of the Love & Infertility podcast. The content discussed is not a substitute for professional medical, mental health, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need assistance navigating infertility, reproductive trauma, or mental health concerns, please consult your healthcare professional or a licensed therapist in your area.

This episode may contain topics that can be upsetting to some listeners including infertility and reproductive trauma, egg donation, miscarriage and pregnancy loss, medical procedures (including IVF and IUI), childlessness, and mental health challenges.

Welcome to Episode 3 of Love & Infertility, the podcast created for couples navigating the emotional rollercoaster of infertility, IVF, IUI, miscarriage, and reproductive trauma together. In this episode, hosts and therapists Dr. Clay Brigance and Ginny Lupka sit down with author, mindset coach, and speaker Emily Silva Hockstra to hear her deeply moving story of love, loss, and creation.

Emily opens with a reading from her book Sunset Gratitude — a grounding meditation on hope and heartbreak — before sharing her story of marrying at 37, being diagnosed with Primary Ovarian Insufficiency (POI), and facing a 1% chance of natural conception. After exploring IVF, egg donation, and adoption, Emily and her husband Nate chose a childfree life. What followed was years of grief, therapy, shame, and anger… and ultimately, a marriage and a creative life more beautiful than either had imagined.

What sets Emily and Nate apart is not just what they survived, but how they survived it. Emily's framework — redefining creation, releasing titles, and holding grief and joy at the same time — is both practical and profound.

What You’ll Learn:

(04:13) The egg donor decision — and why it wasn't right for Emily emotionally

(06:26) Choosing a childfree life

(10:13) Shame, DNA, and the grief of legacy 

(17:15) Redefining creation: how writing became Emily's version of giving birth

(20:39) Three years of grief journaling and how it led to Sunset Gratitude

(29:23) When joy starts coming back, it can arrive with guilt and shame 

(33:26) Holding grief and joy at the same time and why it doesn't need to make sense

(37:18) Emily's message to couples: find a creative outlet, redefine life together, release the title

Resources Mentioned:

Emily’s Books:

• Sunset Gratitude: 365 Hopeful Meditations for Peaceful and Reflective Evenings All Year Long by Emily Silva-Hockstra 

• Moonlight Gratitude: 365 Nighttime Meditations for Deep, Tranquil Sleep All Year Long by Emily Silva-Hockstra 

• Sunrise Gratitude: 365 Morning Meditations for Joyful Days All Year Long by Emily Silva-Hockstra 

• Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May 

• RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association

• Abby McHale  

LET’S CONNECT:

Emily Silva Hockstra

• Instagram

• Website

  
  

  Dr. Clay Brigance

• Instagram: @dr_claybrigance

• Website: www.drclaybrigance.com

  
  

  Ginny Lupka

• Instagram: @ginnylupkacounseling

• Substack: "That's Our Time"

  Website: www.ginnylupkacounseling.com

The opinions and perspectives shared in this episode are those of Dr. Clay Brigance, Ginny Lupka, Justine Froelker, and Chad Froelker and are intended for educational and informational purposes only as part of the Love & Infertility podcast. The content discussed is not a substitute for professional medical, mental health, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need assistance navigating infertility, reproductive trauma, or mental health concerns, please consult your healthcare professional or a licensed therapist in your area.

This episode contains honest discussion of infertility treatment, embryo loss, pregnancy grief, and the emotional weight of ending a fertility journey without children. 

In this recap episode, Dr. Clay Brigance and Ginny Lupka reflect on their powerful conversation with Justine and Chad Froelker — a couple who navigated two rounds of IVF, a gestational surrogate, and three embryo losses before making the courageous decision to stop treatment and choose a childfree life together. This episode unpacks the themes and lessons that stood out most: what it looks like to truly be a team through infertility, how to hold grief without losing each other, and why the dream of becoming a parent doesn't have to cost you everything.

Free Digital Download — Dr. Clay's Infertility & Mental Health Manual 

• Book Dr. Clay for speaking or training → https://www.drclaybrigance.com/trainings-for-mental-health-professionals

• Therapy with Dr. Clay/ Shiloh Counseling → https://shilohcounselingllc.com/

• Learn more about the Four Pillars approach → lhttps://www.drclaybrigance.com/fourpillars 

• Connect with Ginny Lupka →  https://linktr.ee/ginnylupkacounseling

• Connect with Justine and Chad → https://justinefroelker.com/

• Stress and coping in couples facing infertility - Pasch & Sullivan, 2017