Have you ever swallowed something that hurt you and immediately told yourself "it could be worse"? Have you ever talked yourself out of a need because "at least they don't do X"?

That's not gratitude. That's self-abandonment with a positive spin.

In this episode, we explore the blurry line between genuine appreciation and shrinking yourself to keep the peace. I break down what "playing small" actually looks like — for women AND for men — why we do it, where it comes from, and what it costs us when we let gratitude become a cage instead of a foundation.

In this episode, you'll hear about:

→ The difference between healthy gratitude and unhealthy compromise→ The subtle signs you're playing small (and don't even realise it)→ How women shrink their desires and men shrink their emotions — and what happens when both people shrink→ The "Love Bencher" — a real coaching story about a man who stopped showing up emotionally (and why)→ The 4 root causes: good girl/good boy programming, scarcity mindset, toxic positivity, and past relationship trauma→ Why unspoken needs don't disappear — they ferment into resentment→ The AND Principle: how gratitude and growth can live in the same sentence→ Two Heart Work exercises to help you observe where you're shrinking and start taking up space again

Whether you're in a relationship or single, this pattern doesn't wait for a partner to show up. It starts with how you've learned to shrink everywhere else.

The opposite of playing small isn't being demanding. It's being whole.

This episode is for you if:— You catch yourself saying "I don't mind" when you actually do— You apologise for having needs before you've even stated them— You feel guilty for wanting more from your relationship or your dating life— You've ever "gratitude-d" yourself into silence

🎧 New episodes every Sunday. Follow Love Inside Out wherever you listen.

💬 Got a story about playing small? Share it with me on Instagram @adele_thecoach

Why do we perform in our most intimate relationships? This episode unpacks where the belief that love must be earned comes from—and how to finally step off the treadmill.

In this episode, we explore The Performance Trap: that exhausting pattern of monitoring yourself, proving your worth, and secretly fearing that if you stop performing, you'll lose their love.

You'll learn:→ The difference between effort (authentic) and performance (an audition)→ 5 sources that taught us love must be earned—from childhood conditioning to social media→ The Treadmill vs. Home metaphor: why couples often play completely different games→ How women and men perform differently in relationships→ The real cost of constant performance—and how to break the cycle→ Practical "Heart Work" exercises to reconnect with your authentic self

New year, new pressure to fix everything—including your relationship. But what if the real problem isn't the argument about who forgot to defrost the chicken? It's the pattern underneath.

This episode gets practical. We talk about stress signatures, the myth of quality time, and why most relationship tension has nothing to do with your relationship.

You'll get actual scripts to defuse arguments before they explode, five small rules that protect you both when life gets heavy, and one slightly embarrassing stress release involving a ball pit.

For anyone juggling work, responsibilities, and trying to keep a relationship feeling alive—this one's for you.

You choose the other person, and a small part of you disappears. You choose yourself, and the guilt creeps in.

Some nights, loving yourself and loving someone else feel like they're pulling you in opposite directions.

And underneath it all, that quiet sentence you've been carrying for years — "you have to love yourself first before anyone else can love you" — has slowly stopped sounding like wisdom and started sounding like a verdict.If you've ever sat with that ache, this episode is for you.

We untangle what self-love actually is, what it isn't, and how to hold it alongside romantic love without losing yourself or pushing love away.

You'll meet the 7 Hs framework (Home, Humanity, Honouring needs, Holding boundaries, Honesty, Healing, Highs and lows) — seven small practices to return to on the days you're being too harsh with yourself.

There's also a section just for those of you who are single right now. Fair warning: by the end of it, you might want to take an honest look at how you've been treating the most permanent person in your life: YOURSELF. 🤎

CHAPTER LIST

00:00 The Journey of Self-Love

02:05 Defining Self-Love vs. Self-Care

06:41 The Interplay of Self-Love and Romantic Love

09:03 Building a Healthy Relationship with Yourself

11:11 Navigating Conflicts Between Self-Love and Romantic Love

14:12 Practical Steps for Balancing Self-Love and Relationships

17:28 Final Thoughts on Love and Self-Connection

If you want to chat about this episode, get in touch! @adele_thecoach on IG

https://www.instagram.com/adele_thecoach/

Read me here https://substack.com/@unromanticisedlove

When most of us think about love, we're not really thinking about what we need. We're thinking about society's script and timeline.

So when I ask, "Are you where you want to be in love?"—I'm not asking whether you've ticked the right boxes.

I'm asking something deeper.

Do you feel fulfilled? Do you feel alive in your relationship—or, if you are single, do you feel in charge in your search for a partner?

Not comfortable. Not fine. Not "it could be worse." Genuinely fulfilled.

This episode will give you insights and a new perspective to (attempt to) answer such a complex questions. Here is what to expect:

• 00:00 Assessing your romantic fulfillment
• 01:34 The Croissant metaphor: value in relationships
• 05:40 Seasons vs. patterns in relationships
• 09:11 Understanding relationship dynamics
• 10:59 A four-step framework for relationship improvement
• 14:12 Self-assessment questions for relationship clarity

Dreading those awkward questions at the dinner table? Whether you're bringing a partner home, navigating the holidays single, or stuck in situationship limbo—this episode is your survival guide.

We explore:→ Why family gatherings trigger old patterns→ The loyalty bind when partner meets family→ How to handle the "still single?" comments→ Setting boundaries without guilt→ Breaking free from childhood roles→ The year-end comparison trap (and how to escape it)→ 6 common holiday relationship flashpoints→ Why you regress around family (and what to do about it)→ Creating a united front with your partner→ The power of chosen family→ Responding as your adult self, not your wounded child

Plus: practical tools and reflection questions to protect your peace and your relationship this season.

What if your beliefs about love are actually keeping you from having it?

We all carry stories about what relationships should look like—from romantic movies, our parents' marriage, or that person who broke our heart years ago. These love narratives are not always true.

This episode unpacks the most damaging relationship myths: that love should be effortless, that passion inevitably fades, that conflict means incompatibility.

You'll learn:

• Where your relationship expectations actually come from
• Common romance myths that sabotage modern relationships
• How to spot self-deception in your love life
• The difference between healthy and toxic relationship beliefs

Perfect for anyone questioning their relationship patterns, struggling with dating, or wondering why love feels harder than it should.

Start here—because everything begins with the stories we've internalised.

Podcaster

Ciao, I'm Adele—coach and curious human.Welcome to Love Inside Out—where we talk about love as it actually is. Messy. Complicated. Worth it.

Whether you're in a relationship, newly single, or somewhere in between—I'm glad you're here. Let's begin.

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#RelationshipAdvice #DatingTips #LoveMyths #HealthyRelationships #ModernDating