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Love is...Ep.5
Love is Patient, Love is Kind... But How?
In Episode 5 of the RelationStitch podcast, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Clyde Fraley and his wife Stephanie continue their deep dive into the true definition of love. Moving beyond cultural myths, they anchor their discussion in the timeless wisdom of 1 Corinthians 13:4, focusing specifically on the first two pillars: Patience and Kindness.
Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/QpQgCOVNEvs?si=8zIWEHT_ZWSKpVwn
Patience: The First Line of Defense
Clyde notes that patience is listed first for a reason—it supports every other virtue. He defines it not just as waiting, but as maintaining composure without complaint or loss of temper [04:02].
- The Stress of Waiting: Patience is fundamentally a "time piece." Whether waiting for a medical diagnosis (negative) or Christmas (positive), the act of waiting creates stress. Emotional regulation is key to navigating this stress without taking it out on your partner [07:34].
- Shift Your Focus: Stephanie suggests a powerful mindset shift: instead of looking for where your partner is failing, look for "glimmers of hope." Focusing on their progress naturally fosters more patience [09:27].
Kindness: Action Over Politeness
While "nice" is just a disposition, kindness is an action. It requires selflessness.
- The King and The Fool: Stephanie shares a brilliant metaphor: "Living inside your spouse is a fool and a king (or queen). Who you speak to is who will show up." Treating your partner with honor pulls the best out of them [15:49].
- Dispositional Needs: Kindness means understanding your partner's unique "dispositional needs" rooted in their childhood—like why one partner insists on American cheese while the other hates it. Understanding the context of their life breeds compassion [17:31].
Take the Audit
The Fraleys recommend a self-audit using synonyms and antonyms. Are you being composed and stable (Patience), or defiant and resistant? Are you tender and benign (Kindness), or cruel and thoughtless? [24:08].
Click below to watch the full episode on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLu_wRb72Oq6Htdb7EFHkzF1EyAApKfP7D
For relationship courses and free downloadable resources visit www.relationstitch.com
To schedule a therapy session visit www.clydefraley.com
View all episodes
By Clyde Fraley, M.A., LMFT, NCCLove is Patient, Love is Kind... But How?
In Episode 5 of the RelationStitch podcast, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Clyde Fraley and his wife Stephanie continue their deep dive into the true definition of love. Moving beyond cultural myths, they anchor their discussion in the timeless wisdom of 1 Corinthians 13:4, focusing specifically on the first two pillars: Patience and Kindness.
Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/QpQgCOVNEvs?si=8zIWEHT_ZWSKpVwn
Patience: The First Line of Defense
Clyde notes that patience is listed first for a reason—it supports every other virtue. He defines it not just as waiting, but as maintaining composure without complaint or loss of temper [04:02].
- The Stress of Waiting: Patience is fundamentally a "time piece." Whether waiting for a medical diagnosis (negative) or Christmas (positive), the act of waiting creates stress. Emotional regulation is key to navigating this stress without taking it out on your partner [07:34].
- Shift Your Focus: Stephanie suggests a powerful mindset shift: instead of looking for where your partner is failing, look for "glimmers of hope." Focusing on their progress naturally fosters more patience [09:27].
Kindness: Action Over Politeness
While "nice" is just a disposition, kindness is an action. It requires selflessness.
- The King and The Fool: Stephanie shares a brilliant metaphor: "Living inside your spouse is a fool and a king (or queen). Who you speak to is who will show up." Treating your partner with honor pulls the best out of them [15:49].
- Dispositional Needs: Kindness means understanding your partner's unique "dispositional needs" rooted in their childhood—like why one partner insists on American cheese while the other hates it. Understanding the context of their life breeds compassion [17:31].
Take the Audit
The Fraleys recommend a self-audit using synonyms and antonyms. Are you being composed and stable (Patience), or defiant and resistant? Are you tender and benign (Kindness), or cruel and thoughtless? [24:08].
Click below to watch the full episode on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLu_wRb72Oq6Htdb7EFHkzF1EyAApKfP7D
For relationship courses and free downloadable resources visit www.relationstitch.com
To schedule a therapy session visit www.clydefraley.com