What if the real issue in your relationship isn’t communication... but survival mode? In this deeply grounding conversation, I’m joined by renowned clinician and author Dr Stan Tatkin to explore why love alone isn’t enough – and what it really takes to build secure, lasting relationships.

We unpack how our nervous systems interpret safety and threat in partnership, why childhood adaptations resurface in adulthood, and the science behind why so many of us end up in repetitive cycles of conflict – even with the people we love most.

I share my own patterns of clinging, fear of rejection, and emotional self-abandonment, and Stan offers a radically compassionate lens: this is the human condition. There’s nothing wrong with you. But there is another way.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why your relationship struggles are likely nervous system responses – not personality flaws
• The myth of “working on yourself first” (and why true healing happens in relationship)
• The difference between secure and insecure attachment, explained simply
• How to parent without passing on the same attachment wounds
• Small, science-backed repair rituals to bring intimacy back (even after kids)

Reflection:

You’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re just human – in a body, with a story, and a nervous system doing its best to protect you. If you’re stuck in cycles of disconnect, it’s not because you don’t love each other enough. It’s because love alone isn’t the glue. Secure functioning, repair, presence – that’s the real work. And it’s the most powerful kind.

Links:

• Follow @jess.arachchi on Instagram
• Join the Becoming Her list
• Leave a review on Apple Podcasts