Lust in Translation

You want your partner. You’re attracted to them. So why does initiating sex feel like a task you can’t start?

Natassia sits down with clinical sexologist, licensed psychotherapist, and ADHD sex and relationship researcher Dr. Leann Borneman, LCSW, CST, to unpack ADHD, executive function, desire, initiation, sensory sensitivity, perimenopause, responsive desire, kink, and what she calls “erotic accommodations.” 

Misdiagnosed as bipolar as a kid and only diagnosed with ADHD as an adult through her daughter’s evaluation, Leann went on to produce the first doctoral research on ADHD and BDSM in heterosexual women, and she speaks here as both a clinician and a woman living it.

They explore why sex and desire need executive function to access, why so much standard desire advice falls flat for ADHD brains, and why Leann has a love-hate relationship with scheduling sex. This conversation reframes distraction, delays, and “sex paralysis” as barriers you can map, not proof that something is wrong with you.

Whether you have ADHD, love someone who does, or have ever felt your desire disappear somewhere between wanting and doing, this episode will give you language you didn’t know you were missing.

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Spice things up and deepen your connection with my Wonderlust Intimacy Card Deck: 10% off with code LUST at https://wonderlust.co

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Lust in Translation Podcast

Subscribe to our newsletter for exclusive insights: ⁠lustintranslation.com ⁠

Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lustintranslationpod/ ⁠

Follow Natassia on on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/natassiamiller/⁠

Work with Leann: https://www.bornemancoaching.com/

Follow Leann on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drb_unfiltered/

Listen to her podcast, ADHD Realities: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDRealities

Read her Substack: https://drleannborneman.substack.com/

Welcome to our first Quickie! These are shorter segments of what’s in the news on sex and relationships, and this week we are covering the Kinsey Institute and Playboy's new study on the Gen Z "sex recession," hookup culture, financial stress and dating, #MeToo's unintended lessons, SSRIs and desire, celibacy as a status symbol, loneliness influencers, post-Roe caution, and Olivia Wilde's new film I Want Your Sex.

I am joined by Birna Gustafsson, whose episode 11 on Season 1 was a big hit!

If you've ever worried about the young people in your life, or wondered whether a sex recession is even a bad thing, this one will change how you read the headlines.

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Spice things up and deepen your connection with my Wonderlust Intimacy Card Deck: 10% off with code LUST at https://wonderlust.co

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Lust in Translation Podcast

Subscribe to our newsletter for exclusive insights: ⁠lustintranslation.com ⁠

Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lustintranslationpod/ ⁠

Follow Natassia on on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/natassiamiller/⁠

Follow Birna on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bbirna/ 

Work with Birna: birna.net 

Why does he reach for you at night when he barely spoke to you all day? And why does your "not tonight" feel to him like the door closing?

Natassia sits down with licensed marriage and family therapist George Faller, founder of the New York Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy and co-author of Brave Love, Great Sex. George is a former FDNY lieutenant who became a couples therapist after 9/11, when nobody else in the room wanted to work with the firefighter couples. He's also the first man on the podcast. 

Together they unpack attachment styles, the pursuer–withdrawer cycle, emotionally focused therapy, "criss-cross" couples, male desire, low libido, the mental load, repair after conflict, triggers, co-regulation, scheduling sex, and why "vulnerability" is the wrong word to use with men.

They explore why so many couples swap roles between the living room and the bedroom—she pursues the conversation, he pursues the touch, and each becomes the other the moment they're rejected. 

From the fight that starts in less than a tenth of a second to the therapy advice George says sets men up to fail, this conversation makes the case that men's sexual pursuit isn't "just" about orgasm, that low desire is usually a relationship problem rather than a body problem, and that sex doesn't only follow love—it builds it.

Whether you're the one who pulls away, the one who pushes, or a couple who's stopped having sex altogether, this episode gives you the map for seeing the cycle—and getting out of it together.

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Spice things up and deepen your connection with my Wonderlust Intimacy Card Deck: 10% off with code LUST at https://wonderlust.co

⸻

Lust in Translation Podcast

Subscribe to our newsletter for exclusive insights: ⁠lustintranslation.com ⁠

Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lustintranslationpod/ ⁠

Follow Natassia on on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/natassiamiller/⁠

Buy Brave Love, Great Sex by George Faller and Dr. Laurie Watson: https://amzn.to/4y05iP1 

Work with George: https://georgefaller.com

Follow George on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fallergeorge/

What's the first thing to go when a relationship starts to fall apart?

Natassia sits down with Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist Liliana Doyon, LMFT, President of the New York Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy, to unpack keeping the peace, self-abandonment, the pursue-withdraw cycle, attachment styles, repair after conflict, resentment, caretaking and "emotional foreplay," and what actually happens in the room when couples get stuck in the same fight.

Liliana is also a first-generation Mexican American who integrates curanderismo — cacao ceremony, sound baths, and limpias — into evidence-based couples work.

They explore why "let's talk about it later" is where repair dies, why the first thing to go in a relationship is sex, and why the accommodating partner ends up unseen and unheard.

Whether you're the one who pushes to talk, the one who walks away, or the one who has stopped bringing things up at all, this episode may change how you hear your partner and yourself.

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Spice things up and deepen your connection with my Wonderlust Intimacy Card Deck: 10% off with code LUST at https://wonderlust.co

⸻

Lust in Translation Podcast

Subscribe to our newsletter for exclusive insights: ⁠lustintranslation.com ⁠

Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lustintranslationpod/ ⁠

Follow Natassia on on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/natassiamiller/⁠

Work with Liliana Doyon: https://www.lilianadoyon.com/ 

Follow Liliana on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lilianadoyon/ 

Why do you love the way you love?

Natassia sits down with Gaby Balsells, a Clinical Psychologist licensed in Guatemala, relationship coach, and author of Dating 101 to unpack attachment styles, secure vs. anxious vs. avoidant attachment, dating after divorce, honesty vs. transparency, shape-shifting in relationships, raw spots vs. core wounds, the three types of sex, aftercare, and what actually makes desire feel safe. 

Trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy and a board member of the New York Center for EFT, Gaby wrote her dating book while walking through her own divorce after a ten-year relationship, and she's candid about the mistakes she made on dates that she would have flagged in her own clients.

From why no one can be truly secure in dating to why sex with the wrong person can feel so good, this conversation reframes attachment not as a label you're stuck with but as a pattern you can rewire. Gaby also makes the case that dating isn't a numbers game, it's an energy game.

Whether you're anxious on the apps, in a marriage that still feels stuck, or trying to understand why the same fight keeps happening, this episode will help you see the pattern underneath it.

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If it takes you a while to get in the mood, your body may just need a different kind of stimulation, which is exactly why I love Aura by Mila: find out what works for you at https://heymila.co/lust.

Couples who talk about sex have better sex, so I created the Wonderlust Intimacy Card Deck to make that conversation fun and easy: get 10% off with code LUST at https://wonderlust.co.

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Lust in Translation Podcast

Subscribe to our newsletter for exclusive insights: ⁠lustintranslation.com ⁠

Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lustintranslationpod/ ⁠

Follow Natassia on on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/natassiamiller/⁠

Work with Gaby Balsells (free 30-minute consultation): https://www.modernintimacy.com/therapist/gaby-balsells/

Follow Gaby on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gabybalsells/

Read Gaby's book, Dating 101: https://amzn.to/3TeYcHY 

What if most of what we get wrong about sex — in the bedroom, the doctor's office, and the comments section — starts with asking the wrong questions?

In this candid, wide-ranging episode, Natassia sits down with sex educator and public health advocate Birna Gustafsson, who teaches at Harvard Sex Week and instructs nurses and midwives in sexuality in clinical practice at the University of Iceland, to unpack consent beyond the checklist, sex and disability, desire and frequency myths, sexual communication, oral sex, enthusiasm versus technique, queer pleasure, the viral "real eater" phenomenon, and the sex ed most of us never got.

From the ER case studies she teaches — the ones nursing school never prepares you for — to the sold-out BJ class and the oral pleasure workshop men refuse to attend, to the TikTok trend Playboy interviewed her about, Birna makes the case that the measure of a good sex life was never what you're doing or how often. It's how you feel about it. And that enthusiasm — real, embodied attraction to the moment — beats technique every time.

Whether you're the one asking the questions (as a partner, a parent, or a practitioner) or the one who's never had the words to answer them, this conversation will change how you talk about sex.

In this episode:

• Why "how often do you have sex?" is the wrong question — and what to ask instead

• The consent conversations nobody prepares you for: Alzheimer's, disability, and the patients medicine forgets

• The class men refuse to take, and what it says about gendered scripts

• Why enthusiasm beats technique — and whether it can be taught

• What "real eaters" are, why women are raising the bar, and how to spot the fakes

• Why the performance IS the experience in queer sex — and what everyone else can learn from it

Follow Birna on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bbirna/ 

Visit her website: https://birna.net 

Subscribe to her new platform, Explicit Studies: https://explicitstudies.substack.com 

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As a sexologist, I'm picky about the products I recommend, and LBDO has become one of the brands I trust both personally and professionally. On my solo nights, I reach for Rush, their air-pulse stimulator that's soft, intuitive, and elegant enough to live on your nightstand. And with my husband, we bring in Loop, LBDO's vibrating ring that adds a warm hum of pleasure for both of us. Upgrade your solo and partnered rituals at https://us.lbdo.com/discount/LUST15 and use code LUST15 at checkout for 15% off.

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Lust in Translation Podcast

Subscribe to our newsletter for exclusive insights: ⁠lustintranslation.com  ⁠

Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lustintranslationpod/   ⁠

Follow Natassia on on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/natassiamiller/⁠

What happens after the healing? Therapists are trained to treat trauma. Almost none of them are trained for what survivors actually need next: a passionate, embodied, erotic life.

In this episode, Natassia sits down with Dr. Holly Richmond — somatic psychotherapist, sex therapist, and author of Reclaiming Pleasure — to explore the gap nobody talks about. Holly shares her own story of a decade-long sexless marriage, the moment eroticism cracked her open, and the three-step clinical framework she's spent her career building for women who want to reclaim desire on the other side of trauma.

They get into why the body expresses trauma rather than stores it (and what that means for healing), the surprising fantasies survivors often develop and why they make complete psychological sense, why safety and comfort are not the same thing — and why confusing them quietly kills desire in long-term relationships. Plus: the prescription for day sex, what self-pleasure and masturbation actually have to do with each other, and why "I don't care if I ever have sex again" is never the end of the story.

This one is for anyone who has ever felt shut down, disconnected from their body, or quietly wondered if desire is gone for good. It isn't.

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Rebuilding your relationship with pleasure starts with tools that feel good to reach for. Explore LBDO's beautifully designed intimacy essentials at lbdo.com — use code LUST15 for 15% off.

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Dr. Holly Richmond’s website: https://drhollyrichmond.com/

Dr. Holly Richmond’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drhollyrichmond

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Lust in Translation Podcast

Subscribe to our newsletter for exclusive insights: ⁠lustintranslation.com ⁠

Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lustintranslationpod/ ⁠

Follow Natassia on on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/natassiamiller/⁠

We grow up believing desire is supposed to arrive on its own — instant, spontaneous, the way it looks in the movies. So when it doesn't, we quietly wonder what's wrong with us.

This week, I sit down with Rachel Baker, founder of the Australian sexual wellness brand LBDO, to take that myth apart. Rachel started LBDO after a fluorescent-lit sex-shop experience left her thinking there has to be a better way — and after losing her mother and leaving a career at L'Oréal, she built it.

We get into the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire (and why "I'm never in the mood" almost never means something is broken), the brakes and accelerators that quietly run your libido, and why the "I'm addicted to my vibrator" fear is a myth. We also talk honestly about libido in pregnancy and grief, how to actually talk to a partner about sex, the censorship battles facing women's pleasure online, and why the most beautiful thing you can do is stop hiding it in a drawer.

Whether your desire has gone quiet or you just want to understand your body better, this one will leave you feeling a lot less alone — and a lot less broken.

Explore LBDO at lbdo.com — use code LUST15 for 15% off.

Chapters:

00:00 Intro

00:40 Why sex shops are built to embarrass you

01:20 The first-vibrator story that sparked a brand

03:46 Fear-based vs pleasure-based sex education

06:41 Losing her mom & building a "safe space"

07:17 How to actually talk to kids about sex

09:29 The L'Oréal insight behind LBDO

10:46 Launching a sexual wellness brand in lockdown

16:18 Who's really buying (teens to women in their 70s)

17:15 The customer review that brought Rachel to tears

18:14 Why communication is lubrication

19:17 Where does libido go in pregnancy?

20:17 Responsive vs spontaneous desire (you're not broken)

21:35 Brakes & accelerators: the dual control model

23:50 Turn-ons, turn-offs & why stress kills desire

26:20 The clitoris, anatomy & designing for pleasure

27:52 Why Rush took 3 years to design

29:09 The hotel housekeeping story

30:32 Will a suction toy desensitize you?

32:02 The "vibrator addiction" myth, debunked

33:57 Vibrator vs suction toy: the real difference

35:50 Bringing toys into a relationship

37:30 Selfridges, Bloomingdale's & pinch-me moments

39:11 The censorship war on women's pleasure

41:27 Viagra is fine, but "clitoris" gets flagged?

42:40 Keeping desire alive while working with your husband

45:33 Pregnancy, pelvic floor & getting honest

47:05 An orgasm a day: the health benefits of pleasure
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Lust in Translation Podcast

Subscribe to our newsletter for exclusive insights: ⁠lustintranslation.com ⁠

Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lustintranslationpod/ ⁠

Follow Natassia on on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/natassiamiller/⁠

Your desires aren't proof that something's wrong with you. They're information about a deeper emotional need, and the path to a fulfilling erotic life is understanding the feeling underneath the act, releasing the shame around it, and learning to communicate it.

This week I'm joined by Amanda Dames, aka The Kink Consultant — sexologist, Somatica Certified Sex and Relationship Coach, and former NYC Dominatrix who once lived a double life: working at the Wall Street Journal by day and running sessions in a New York City dungeon by night. Amanda has spent years in the room with people's most private fantasies, and what she's learned quietly dismantles almost everything we're taught about desire.

Because underneath even the most surprising kink is something deeply human: a need to be seen, to surrender, to feel wanted, to feel safe. The act is just the packaging. 

As Amanda puts it: no one is broken. The work was never about fixing your desire; it's about decoding the feeling underneath it, releasing the shame, and learning to say it out loud.

We get into the psychology of what powerful men secretly crave, why pain can register as pleasure, how politics shapes our fantasies, and the real reason desire fades in long-term relationships. And if there's a desire you've never had the words for, or a conversation you've been too nervous to start with your partner, this episode is a map for both.

Whatever you want, you're allowed to want it. Let's decode it together.

In this episode:

• Why "no one is broken" — and where our desires actually come from

• The real difference between a kink and a fetish

• What powerful, high-achieving men are really seeking when they surrender

• How shame (not the kink itself) is the thing standing in your way

• Why desire fades in long-term love — and the "build a bridge" framework to bring it back

• How to name a desire you've never had words for, and bring it to your partner without the cringe

Chapters

00:00 — Intro

01:00 — Realizing she was kinky at five

04:00 — Kink vs. fetish, and why no one is broken

06:30 — How "the status quo" decides what's kinky

07:30 — Cuckolding vs. hot-wifing: same act, opposite headspace

09:00 — How politics shapes our fantasies

11:00 — The double life: Wall Street Journal by day, dungeon by night

14:00 — What a dominatrix actually does (it's not what you think)

15:00 — The powerful men who had everything but one thing

18:00 — "My desire is to be punished" — why desire doesn't have to make sense

25:00 — What every client really wanted: to be seen

28:00 — Safe words, consent, and the session that still haunts her

35:00 — Losing it all in one month — and rebuilding

40:00 — Dating in line with your desires (+ the genius Hinge trick)

45:00 — Building a bridge: keeping kink alive in a marriage

47:00 — The mental load that's quietly killing your sex life

57:00 — How to bring up your kink with your partner

01:01:00 — What to understand before you live out any fantasy

Work with Amanda Dames: https://www.amandadames.com/ 

Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/ 

It’s really hard to feel sexy when your vagina feels off. If you’re bracing for irritation, infections, or yet another post‑sex UTI, it’s almost impossible to stay present in the bedroom.

Momotaro Apotheca offers organic solutions that Natassia uses everyday to take care of her intimate health—from their soothing balm, Salve, to their UTI supplement, probiotic, and yeast infection suppository.

Build your own ritual at https://momotaroapotheca.com/discount/lust and get 20% off with code LUST.

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Lust in Translation Podcast

Subscribe to our newsletter for exclusive insights: ⁠lustintranslation.com  ⁠

Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lustintranslationpod/  ⁠

Follow Natassia on on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/natassiamiller/⁠

Juliette LaMontagne did everything right — the husband, the kids, the career. Behind the scenes, her 25-year marriage was unraveling: codependency, her husband's relapse after decades of sobriety, and a separation she believed was the end.

Then came an unexpected second chance, and an unconventional path back to desire.

In this episode, the writer behind the serial memoir Touch Me There (now being adapted for television) shares how she rebuilt her marriage and her erotic self from the ground up: psychedelic-assisted therapy, s*xological bodywork, the Wheel of Consent, and the radical accountability that changed how she and her husband connect—in and out of the bedroom.

Read Juliette's serial memoir, Touch Me There: https://juliettelamontagne.substack.com/

00:00 – Introducing Juliette Lamontagne

01:22 – The life that looked perfect

06:23 – Marriage, addiction, and collapse

09:35 – Separation and a turning point

18:28 – Reuniting during Covid

19:32 – Discovering k-assisted therapy

23:37 – Remission versus recovery

26:35 – Releasing shame

31:11 – Psychedelic couples therapy

39:00 – Enter s*xological bodywork

44:18 – Breathwork and awakening desire

46:10 – Vulva mapping and de-armouring

51:28 – Understanding org*smic meditation

63:05 – The Wheel of Consent explained

65:04 – Relearning touch with her husband

69:00 – The power of taking and allowing

72:33 – Rebuilding erotic connection

78:52 – The all-women s*x retreat

82:49 – First experience with shibari

85:11 – Why surrender is so difficult

88:21 – The meaning behind Touch Me There

90:43 – Where to find Juliette’s work

It’s really hard to feel sexy when your vagina feels off. If you’re bracing for irritation, infections, or yet another post‑sex UTI, it’s almost impossible to stay present in the bedroom. Momotaro Apotheca offers organic solutions that Natassia uses everyday to take care of her intimate health—from their soothing balm, Salve, to their UTI supplement, probiotic, and yeast infection suppository. Build your own ritual at https://momotaroapotheca.com/discount/lust and get 20% off with code LUST.

⸻

Lust in Translation Podcast

Subscribe to our newsletter for exclusive insights: ⁠lustintranslation.com ⁠

Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lustintranslationpod/ ⁠

Follow Natassia on on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/natassiamiller/⁠