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Mindfulness is awareness without judgement. It’s the ability to notice whatever comes up, be it positive, negative, or neutral, and accept it for what it is. But, do you really want to accept the negative things in your life?

Is acceptance the same thing as agreement? Does accepting something negative mean you must accede to it, just live with it, without trying to change it or get rid of it? Are you supposed to allow things that harm you to persist?

In a word, no. Non-judgemental awareness allows you to fully experience what is happening long enough that you can see it with clarity and accuracy. You acknowledge what is currently happening, and you notice how you are responding to it. You’re allowing yourself time and space to notice your own habitual reactions and to see how those reactions might be adding to your suffering.

Once you are able to notice these add-on reactions, you can choose to let go of them and this reduces suffering. Now, left with only the original negative experience, you can make better decisions about how to react to it. Your decision might be to ignore the situation or just live with it, or it could be to take action to mitigate or eliminate the situation.

 

Peaceful Moment of the Week: Inverness Beach, Cape Breton, Nova ScotiaThis photo is protected by copyright and used with permission

 

Let me give you a couple of examples. Last fall, I burned myself. I accidentally poured hot fat over three fingers on my right hand. Luckily, I was standing next to the sink and was able to put the hand under cold water immediately.

I noticed my add-on reactions popping up the moment I realized I’d burned myself. I was saying to myself, “Oh, no, this is serious and it’s really going to be painful,” even though no pain had yet come up. I was thinking, “I’m so stupid, so careless” and “What am I going to do now; I am so totally right-handed I won’t be able to do anything,” and “I don’t want to have to sit in the emergency room for hours,” and so on.

The happy part is I noticed these reactions popping up. Every time one of them came up, I coached myself to take a slow breath and let the thought go. Before long, I was calm and able to take care of my burn without adding extra suffering.

And, if you’re wondering, yes the pain was eventually much stronger than I’ve ever experienced before or since. The only way I could manage it was to keep my hand in water, which I did for about 16 hours. But, I applied mindfulness to the pain, too. I allowed myself to notice I was in pain without wallowing in self-pity or blame, without worrying about what was going to happen the next day, and without constantly reliving the event. This straightforward acknowledgement without the extra blame, anxiety, and fear reduced my suffering.

Here’s another example. You’ll recall that I teach in a post-secondary school. A student was acting up in class. He was acting in a manner that was disruptive and causing his classmates some concern.

I asked him to step outside so I could speak with him privately. I was hoping to avoid embarrassing him. To my surprise, he refused.

Immediately, I noticed my reactions coming up. I was frustrated, angry, and worried all at the same time. Again, I’m happy that mindfulness kicked in and I was able to let go of my reactions. I then had time to rationally consider my next steps.

I stepped close to the student and quietly, calmly explained he was not in trouble, but I needed to speak with him privately. I told him I wanted to avoid embarrassing him in front of the class, but if he chose to, we could have the conversation right there.

At that point, he accompanied me outside and we had a productive conversation about the situ...