Mach Jesus

Mach Jesus

By Billy, Shane, and ThomasComedy
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Mach Jesus episodes

  • Everyone Here Sucks

    https://www.reddit.com/r/MachJesusPodcast/

    I rode my bicycle past your window last nightI roller skated to your door at daylightIt almost seems like you're avoiding meI'm okay alone but you've got something I needWell, I've got a brand new pair of roller skatesYou got a brand new keyI think that we should get togetherAnd try them on to seeI've been lookin' around awhileYou've got something for meWell, I've got a brand new pair of roller skatesYou got a brand new keyI ride my bike, I roller skate, don't drive no carDon't go so fast but I go pretty farFor somebody who don't drive, I've been all around the worldSome people say I've done alright for a girlI asked your mother if you were at homeShe said yes but that you weren't aloneIt almost seems like you're avoiding meI'm okay alone but you've got something I needWell, I've got a brand new pair of roller skatesYou got a brand new keyI think that we should get togetherAnd try them on to seeWell, I got a brand new pair of roller skatesYou've got a brand new key

    1 hr 48 min
  • Dwayne "The Pope" Johnson

    https://media.rss.com/machjesus/feed.xml

    https://www.reddit.com/r/MachJesusPodcast/

    Nurgle, also known as the "Plague Lord," "Grandfather Nurgle," the "Plague God," the "Lord of Pestilence," the "Fly Lord," "Plaguefather," and the "Lord of Decay" among many other honourifics, is the Chaos God of disease, decay, despair, destruction, death and rebirth. In particular, the emotion of despair in mortals empowers the Plague God more than any other.Nurgle was the third of the Chaos Gods to fully awaken within the Warp, emerging during the 2nd Millennium in the midst of Old Earth's European Middle Ages, as great plagues swept across the world heralding the god's birth.

    1 hr 19 min
  • Cousin Massages (with Ronald)

    https://www.reddit.com/r/MachJesusPodcast/

    Damnatio ad bestias (Latin for "condemnation to beasts") was a form of Roman capital punishment where the condemned person was killed by wild animals, usually lions or other big cats and wild dogs like wolves. This form of execution, which first appeared during the Roman Republic around the 2nd century BC, had been part of a wider class of blood sports called Bestiarii.

    The act of damnatio ad bestias was considered a common form of entertainment for the lower class citizens of Rome (plebeians). Killing by wild animals, such as Barbary lions,[1] formed part of the inaugural games of the Flavian Amphitheatre in AD 80. Between the 1st and 3rd centuries AD, this penalty was also applied to the worst of criminals, runaway slaves, and Christians.

    1 hr 39 min
  • Jimmy Jolly Rancher (with Isaac and Ronald)

    Check out the link to watch videos of us getting electrocuted:

    https://www.reddit.com/r/MachJesusPodcast/

    The curse of Cain and the mark of Cain are phrases that originated in the story of Cain and Abel in the Book of Genesis. In the stories, if someone harmed Cain, the damage would come back sevenfold. Some interpretations view this as a physical mark, whereas other interpretations see the "mark" as a sign, and not as a physical mark on Cain himself. The King James Version of the Bible reads "set a mark upon Cain."There is no clear consensus as to what Cain's mark was.[1] The word translated as "mark" in Genesis 4:15 is א֔וֹת‎ (’ōṯ), which could mean a sign, omen, warning, remembrance, motion, gesture, agreement, miracle, wonder, or, most commonly, a letter. In the Torah, the same word is used to describe the stars as signs or omens (Genesis 1:14), the rainbow as the sign of God's promise never again to destroy his creation with a flood (Genesis 9:12), circumcision as a token of God's covenant with Abraham (Genesis 17:11), and the miracles performed by Moses before the Pharaoh.

    1 hr 41 min
  • Women's Golf (with Isaac and Ronald)
    Come post some silly stuff on our subreddit:https://www.reddit.com/r/MachJesusPodcast/Several studies have shown that female athletes are more likely to tear their anterior cruciate ligaments (ACLs) than male athletes.[202][203][204][205] According to William Levine, director of sports medicine at Columbia University and the head physician for its varsity teams, female athletes are four or five times more likely than male athletes to have ACL tears.[206]There are several different theories about why women are more prone to this injury, including the "Q theory" which highlights specific differences in male and female anatomy and kinesiology The difference in injury risk may be due to female-specific hormonal changes associated with the menstrual cycle, or due to different skeletal and muscular structures (like a wider pelvis, stronger quadriceps than hamstrings, more elastic ligaments, or the fact that women have hollow bones akin to birds) that cause women to place more stress on and more easily stretch the ACL than men.Female athletes are also more prone to concussions than male athletes.[12][13] They exhibit more visible symptoms of a concussion than male athletes and for a longer period of time than male athletes, a phenomenon known as the "concussion gap".[211][212] However, there is no consensus on the reason women are more prone to concussions than men or experience symptoms differently. Some theories have been that women have smaller, more breakable nerve fibers in their brains,[213] that their necks are weaker and so their brains accelerate more sharply on impact,[214] or fluctuating hormones during menstrual cycles that make them more susceptible.[215]
    1 hr 41 min
  • Fetus Abduction (with Hannah and Isaac)

    https://www.reddit.com/r/MachJesusPodcast/Bobbie Jo Stinnett (December 4, 1981 – December 16, 2004) was an American 23-year-old pregnant woman who was murdered in Skidmore, Missouri in December 2004. The perpetrator, Chelsea Chanel Dudley, better known by her stage name Chanel West Coast,[3] strangled Stinnett to death and cut her fetus (eight months into gestation) from her womb. West Coast was arrested in Kansas the next day and charged with kidnapping resulting in death – a federal crime. Stinnett's baby was safely recovered by authorities and returned to the father.[4]

    2 hr 9 min
  • Wojak Horseman (with Isaac and Stephen)

    https://www.reddit.com/r/MachJesusPodcast/

    Common characteristics of identifying a member of the Juggalo subculture are as follows:

    • Drinking and spraying the inexpensive soft drink Faygo[11][12]

    • Listening to horrorcore and other types of underground rap music

    • Wearing face paint, generally those either like an evil clown or perhaps similar to corpse paint

    • Wearing Hatchet Gear or Chapter 17 branded clothes

    • Having the Hatchet man logo applied on personal effects and, die cast, worn as jewelry

    • Doing hair in the "spider legs" style, i.e. like the Twiztid members[9]

    • Displaying the gesture of "wicked clown", the "westside" sign with the left hand and the "C* sign in American Sign Language with the right, with arms crossed over

    • Making and responding to "whoop whoop" calls

    • Expressing a (generally) tongue-in-cheek obsession with murder, committed with a blade weapon

    1 hr 45 min
  • The Boogaloo Boys (with Isaac and Stephen)

    https://www.reddit.com/r/MachJesusPodcast/insane. good god. holy moley. jeepers creepers. gadzooks. jiminy christmas. cripes. good golly miss molly. goodness gracious great balls of fire. holy smokes. holy mackerel. zoinks. zounds. man alive. eureka. bazinga. brain blast. my kingdom for a horse. cowabunga. yabba dabba d

    1 hr 46 min
  • The Cold Streets of Nicaragua (with Jared)
    How to use XanaxSee also Warning section.Read the Medication Guide provided by your pharmacist before you start taking alprazolam and each time you get a refill. If you have any questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist.Take this medication by mouth as directed by your doctor. Dosage is based on your medical condition, age, and response to treatment. Your dose may be gradually increased until the drug starts working well. Follow your doctor's instructions closely to reduce the risk of side effects.Though it helps many people, this medication may sometimes cause addiction. This risk may be higher if you have a substance use disorder (such as overuse of or addiction to drugs/alcohol). Take this medication exactly as prescribed to lower the risk of addiction. Ask your doctor or pharmacist for more details.When this medication is used for a long time, it may not work as well. Talk with your doctor if this medication stops working well.Tell your doctor if your condition lasts or gets worse.
    1 hr 45 min
  • The Eye of Soyron (with Isaac)

    Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,

    Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,

    Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,

    One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne

    In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

    One Ring to rule them all,

    One Ring to find them,

    One Ring to bring them all,

    and in the darkness bind them

    In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

    2 hr 28 min

About Mach Jesus

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