Machona Podcast

It’s important to take care of yourself and get the most from life. Below are 10 practical ways to look after your mental health. Making simple changes to how you live doesn’t need to cost a fortune or take up loads of time. Anyone can follow this advice. Why not start today?

Talking about your feelings can help you stay in good mental health and deal with times when you feel troubled.

Regular exercise can boost your self-esteem and can help you concentrate, sleep, and feel better. Exercise keeps the brain and your other vital organs healthy, and is also a significant benefit towards improving your mental health.

Your brain needs a mix of nutrients in order to stay healthy and function well, just like the other organs in your body. A diet that’s good for your physical health is also good for your mental health.

We often drink alcohol to change our mood. Some people drink to deal with fear or loneliness, but the effect is only temporary.

When the drink wears off, you feel worse because of the way the alcohol has affected your brain and the rest of your body. Drinking is not a good way to manage difficult feelings.

There’s nothing better than catching up with someone face to face, but that’s not always possible. You can also give them a call, drop them a note, or chat to them online instead. Keep the lines of communication open: it’s good for you!

None of us are superhuman. We all sometimes get tired or overwhelmed by how we feel or when things don’t go to plan.

If things are getting too much for you and you feel you can’t cope, ask for help. Your family or friends may be able to offer practical help or a listening ear.

Local services are there to help you.

A change of scene or a change of pace is good for your mental health.

It could be a five-minute pause from cleaning your kitchen, a half-hour lunch break at work, or a weekend exploring somewhere new. A few minutes can be enough to de-stress you. Give yourself some ‘me time’.

What do you love doing? What activities can you lose yourself in? What did you love doing in the past?

Enjoying yourself can help beat stress. Doing an activity you enjoy probably means you’re good at it, and achieving something boosts your self-esteem

We’re all different. It’s much healthier to accept that you’re unique than to wish you were more like someone else. Feeling good about yourself boosts your confidence to learn new skills, visit new places and make new friends. Good self-esteem helps you cope when life takes a difficult turn.

Caring for others is often an important part of keeping up relationships with people close to you. It can even bring you closer together.

Read more: Mental health

If you could put everyone with whom you’ve had an adult, close, intimate relationship in the same room, and they were 100 percent honest, in what ways would they agree with who you were to them, both positively and negatively?

Looking at yourself through the subjective lenses of others is not easy, but most of us already have that information somewhere in our hearts and minds — if we're courageous enough to access it.

· How do they experience you intellectually?

Are you on the same thinking level with your partner, do you feel you share the same goals and ambitions? They say, find someone with the same IQ so that you will not have to explain obvious things to them.

· How do they experience you emotionally?

Are you emotionally available to your partner, and do you feel that your emotionally connected with each other?

Humans are emotional creatures, and therefore, relationships are emotions shared! Try as much as possible to be available to your partner when they are struggling emotionally. Even in celebratory emotions, be available and share those moments with them!

· How do they experience you spiritually?

Whether it be religious or just the connection with nature. It is important to know where your partner is, so that you will be able to understand their way of life. If you do start a family together, then you will have to decide on which path you would want the children to follow as well.

· What do they enjoy most about being with you?

How much time do you want to spend with your partner? How do you feel when your partner is away? Do you long to be around them?

Your answers to these questions will be important as they will tell you how much you enjoy and value your partner’s company. In the same way, you can assess the way your partner acts around you or when you have been away from them.

· How do they wish you had been different?

Nobody is perfect, so we enter relationships with a few compromises to work on and try to make the relationship smooth sailing.

Take a look at yourself and how you relate with your partner. What you think they would change about you so that you can be a perfect partner for them?

Anger is a normal and even healthy emotion — but it's important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your health and your relationships.

Ready to get your anger under control? Start by considering these 10 anger management tips.

In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.

As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.

Timeouts aren't just for kids. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what's ahead without getting irritated or angry.

Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse.

To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes" instead of "You never do any housework."

Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.

Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what's making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.

When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as "Take it easy." You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.

SOURCE: MAYO CLINIC

Help or Transaction?

a. HELP is to do something that makes it easier for someone to do a job, to deal with a problem, etc.: to aid or assist someone: To make something less severe: to make something more pleasant or easier to deal with: to give yourself or another person.

b. Transaction is An instance of buying or selling something. An exchange or interaction between people.

Based on the definitions, the service that you render to someone will be determined by your motive.

If you expect someone to do something specific for you in return, then what you are after is a transaction.

However, if you have not attached any conditions to your service, this is what is qualified as help.

To the receiver

Please note that you are not entitled to receiving help

If someone decides to help you in any capacity, then it is something done from the goodness of their heart

But, they do not owe you anything. No matter who they might be, whether family, friends, or even nature!

If you think you deserve help because you are such a good person, then what you are looking for is a payment for your deeds.

If you think you deserve help because you have been dealt a bad hand in life, please remember that you are nobody's responsibility.

Therefore, the best reaction from any assistance you receive should be gratitude

Letting the helper know that you are genuinely appreciative of what they have done for you

To the helper

Please note that letting the whole world know about your good deeds becomes a cry for attention and the praise you get from it is your reward

If you feel the need to let someone know about how you helped someone in need, then what you are looking for self-gratification more than having the intentions of assisting.

Nowadays we rush to social media when we do something good, in the name of inspiring others, but we are really just trying to prove to the world that we are good people.

Conclusion

Let us always be kind and grateful. Knowing that we all need assistance at some point, and if someone renders that help to us then they sacrificed a resource from their life. Once you have your feet back on the ground, also look for someone else you can return the favour to.

Be a blessing, as much you are you are being blessed.

Disagreements happen in all relationships, but what matters is how they are dealt with. The way you deal with an issue with your partner can determine if your relationship is healthy or unhealthy, so here are some tips to keep in mind that will help you handle your next argument in a healthy way.

In a healthy relationship, you and your partner can communicate openly about what is bothering you and what is going well in the relationship. It’s important to not only talk about the problems in the relationship, but also the positives so no one feels like they are doing everything wrong.

Don’t cross lines and start insulting your partner. Keep the focus of the dispute on the issue at hand and don’t bring personal jibes and put-downs into it. Also, if your partner consistently gets very heated, aggressive or starts cursing, then those are signs that your relationship may be abusive.

Sometimes when you argue with your partner it is because someone’s needs are not being met. If it seems like your partner is sweating the small stuff, take a moment to evaluate whether there is a larger issue at hand.

If you feel like your partner may be trying to control what you do, then that is a BIG red flag. If your partner is mad that you text other people, doesn’t like you prioritizing school and responsibilities over them, pressures you to hook up with them, or tries to limit the time you spend with friends, then those are signs that your partner may be trying to control you. Even if they try to rationalize it by saying they “I’m just over-protective,” “it’s my trust issues,” or it’s “because I love you,” no one should ever try to control you, especially not your partner. If any of these behaviors sound familiar, your relationship may be abusive and you should seek help.

Finding a balance between what both partners want and are comfortable with is very important. If you both care about making the relationship work you will come to an agreement on things without feeling like you are making huge sacrifices for your relationship. Compromising is a key way to resolve conflicts, and finding a middle-ground might be easier than you think!

Sometimes we need to consider whether what we are fighting about is really worth arguing over. You won’t agree with your partner on absolutely everything, and if you feel like the issue is too big to drop then you should contemplate if you and your partner are really compatible.

Sometimes we argue with our partner about something that is REALLY big and impacts our lives – like transferring schools, if you do or don’t want kids, and where to live when you graduate. If you feel like you will need to sacrifice your beliefs, morals, or dreams to make the relationship work, then you should think about whether this relationship is really worth staying in. For a relationship to succeed, you and your partner should see eye-to-eye on the bigger picture. Having aligned goals, dreams, values, and beliefs is a major part of being compatible with someone.

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1.   Keep expectations realistic. No one can be everything we might want them to be. Healthy relationships mean accepting people as they are and not trying to change them.

2.   Talk with each other. It can't be said enough: communication is essential to healthy relationships.

· Take the time. Really be there.

· Genuinely listen.  Do not interrupt or plan what you’re going to say next.  Try to fully understand their perspective.

· Ask questions.  Show you are interested.  Ask about their experiences, feelings, opinions, and interests.

· Share information.  Studies show that sharing information helps relationships begin.  Let people know who you are, but don’t overwhelm with too much personal information too soon.

3.   Be flexible. It is natural to feel uneasy about changes. Healthy relationships allow for change and growth.

4.   Take care of yourself, too. Healthy relationships are mutual, with room for both people’s needs.

5.   Be dependable. If you make plans with someone, follow through. If you take on a responsibility, complete it. Healthy relationships are trustworthy.

6.   Fight fair. Most relationships have some conflict. It only means you disagree about something; it does not have to mean you don't like each other.

· Cool down before talking.  The conversation will be more productive if you have it when your emotions have cooled off a little, so you don’t say something you may regret later.

· Use “I statements.”  Share how you feel and what you want without assigning blame or motives. E.g. “When you don’t call me, I start to feel like you don’t care about me” vs. “You never call me when you’re away.  I guess I’m the only one who cares about this relationship.”

· Keep your language clear and specific.  Try to factually describe behavior that you are upset with, avoiding criticism and judgment.  Attack the problem, not the person.

· Focus on the current issue.  The conversation is likely to get bogged down if you pile on everything that bothers you.  Avoid using “always” and “never” language and address one issue at a time.

· Take responsibility for mistakes.  Apologize if you have done something wrong; it goes a long way toward setting things right again.

· Recognize some problems are not easily solved.  Not all differences or difficulties can be resolved.  You are different people, and your values, beliefs, habits, and personality may not always be in alignment.  Communication goes a long way toward helping you understand each other and address concerns, but some things are deeply rooted and may not change significantly.  It is important to figure out for yourself what you can accept, or when a relationship is no longer healthy for you.

7.   Be affirming.  According to relationship researcher John Gottman, happy couples have a ratio of 5 positive interactions or feelings for every 1 negative interaction or feeling.  Express warmth and affection!

8.   Keep your life balanced. Other people help make our lives satisfying but they cannot meet every need. Find what interests you and become involved. Healthy relationships have room for outside activities.

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Video: A healthy relationship

1. DO Turn up on time.

Imagine that for every minute you are delayed your date will be thinking about how the possibility of them being stood up.  You’ll have left them in the restaurant or bar looking at their watch feeling self-conscious about everyone watching them sitting there alone.

How off-putting! Your date does not, I repeat NOT want to hear all about you.  They want to be listened to, respected and engaged with.  There will be plenty of time for them get to know you, just wait your turn and reveal more about you when the time calls for it.

If you’re meeting for the first time it’s likely you’ll find out a lot about your date that you never knew.  Some of it may be of interest to you, some not, but act like you are interested.  Think of the effort they have made to tell you things that are important to them and show some interest in what they are saying.  Which leads me to my next point.

This shows total lack of interest and disrespect to the conversation. If you check your phone you are clearly saying that your phone is more important than the person sitting opposite you.  Prepare to get the bus home.

We all like the sound of our own voice but when you are getting to know someone and the relationship is in it’s raw phase then quieten and take in what has been said.  Speak less and show your interest by listening more.

Being overdressed is far better than turning up looking a scruff.  Your date will appreciate the effort you made and if they haven’t made as much of an effort then they will aim to the next time you meet up.

That’s right by now you are so interested in what they are saying that you want to know more. Listen, take in the information and ask questions to prove that what you have heard is computing.

No one is perfect and no one is looking for Mr or Mrs perfect. No relationship is built on perfection so no need to worry if your date doesn’t seem too impressed with your little quirks or silly habits. Your imperfection is what makes you perfect.

People will assess honesty through eye contact.  The more you look away when you are speaking the more dishonest you will seem.  You don’t need to stare your date out with your lovers eyes, just know that a better connection will be made if you keep your focus on them.

This subject is best mentioned and not elaborated on.  Nobody wants to hear how much you loved your ex and how wonderful your life was with them.  If you find yourself in the middle of this conversation I suggest you moonwalk out the bar and get a taxi home.

The relationship between you two will start off in the best possible way if you are totally honest with your date.  This is the way I see it. You should always be proud of expressing exactly who you are and what you stand for and if it doesn’t sit well with them then you know that they aren’t the right person for you.

Enjoy the moment! Forget what might happen, what could happen and all the variables and just enjoy your date, focus on connecting and being happy in the moment.

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So you have met the love of your life, and want to go out on your first date?

In this episode we discuss some of the ideas and things to take note of on your first date!

Source: Art Of Manliness

Video: The Machona Podcast

We are discussing places where love can be found.

Love can be in literally in all places!

What matters however, is the connection built after the meeting. 

This connection is what will develop into a friendship, as the base for a long lasting relationship.

It still has to be said that everybody needs to be security and safety conscious as you meet new people!

Don't be too quick to trust strangers, but be open minded enough to give people chances.

Just some random thoughts on how we treat people we interact with daily.

Do not be quick to judge, but always give chance to people so that they can prove their worth to you.

Videos on Youtube: Machona Podcast