A star is born. Not because a mommy star and a daddy star loved each other very much, or even because a clump of matter and gas collapsed under its own gravity (I think), but because a person has a talent for singing which they perform for a wide listening audience. What transpires across the lifespan of our newborn star has historically varied, but common themes include substance abuse, fraught relationships, and, if they're very lucky, Oscars. I'm talking, of course, about the 2018 musical romance A Star is Born, directed by Bradley Cooper. This melodic melodrama was favored by critics and audiences alike, who swooned for its hot stars and earworm-packed soundtrack, but Magellans at the Movies are made of sterner stuff. Will they be won over by all the kissing and the crooning, or will their review be a song of only sour notes? Maybe it's time to find out!

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Oh no! There’s been a glitch in the matrix, forcing the Wachowskis to reload their save! Thankfully they’ve backed up their data and can proceed with the first of two planned sequels wrapping up the original Matrix trilogy. The Matrix Reloaded, like so many sequels, tries to follow up a groundbreaking first installment by embodying a single word: more. More elaborate kung fu fisticuffs, more Agent Smiths, more convoluted philosophizing, more whisper-talk, and of course, much more latex. The result is a dense, action-packed, confusing, and slightly kinky middle act that, while hardly an object of derision, is generally agreed to suffer from the shadow of its older brother. It is also a movie that Nathan has never seen, despite enjoying the classic first Matrix. Will he find more favor in this good-but-not-great sophomore outing, or will he reject the code and find freedom, and entertainment, elsewhere? Jack in to find out!

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Ah, to be alive in the 60s. When reds hid under beds for reasons unknown, protestors in the street inquired as to the precise uses of war, and men arrived on the moon, decided it was a bit nothing, and moved back to Earth. Yes, the period of time between January 1st, 1960 and December 31st, 1969 sure was a barrel of laughs, some of which could be enjoyed at the movies for the low low price of some shoelaces, probably. Indeed, they made a whole heap of movies during the 60s, which makes it hard for the man or woman on the go to discern which ones are the best of the bunch. Luckily, that’s why we have podcasts like Magellans at the Movies, which will today be compiling their official list of the best films released in the 1960s! Ich bin ein film lover and so are you, so let’s get down to business of the episode!

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Pitiless cruelty. Vicious misanthropy. Terror in every eye, rumor in every mouth, escape on every mind. No, I’m not talking about my extremely hardcore bookclub, I’m talking about high school! No one likes high school, that’s why making jokes about its abundant unpleasantness is so creative and funny, but the fact that high school is an almost universally shared experience makes it prime fodder for movies. One of the most enduring examples of this curious genre is undoubtedly Mean Girls, a 2008 teen comedy directed by Mark Waters. This sarcasm-heavy female-centric kneeslapper aimed to speak into the lives or pasts of every girl who’s had to suffer the rat race of popularity, and boy did it find an army of attentive ears. Mean Girls was and remains hugely popular among critics and audiences, and today Magellans at the Movies will be offering their two cents on the film to rather fewer, rather less attentive ears. Brush up on your calculus and DON’T WEAR A XXXL MEN’S HUMOROUS EAT MY SHORTS BART SIMPSON COMMEMORATIVE T-SHIRT BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I’M WEARING AND I’VE BEEN PLANNING MY OUTFIT SINCE LAST WEEK AND YOU ALWAYS GET TO CHOOSE WHAT YOU WEAR SO WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ONE WHO HAS TO CHANGE THEIR PLAN AND WHAT MAKES YOU SO SPECIAL?!?!?!?!?!

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I don't know about you, but the best part of my day is always coming home. Now, sure, the state of my residence is not always pristine, the neighbor plays dreadful anime music at a deafening volume, and the pallets of weapons grade LSD are prime for toe-stubbing, but whatever the condition of your castle, I think for many of us it's often a relief to get back to it after a long journey. If, however, your journey included things like war, suffering, and a cyclops or two, then your homecoming may be slightly more fraught. That, at least, is the central conceit of The Return, a 2024 drama directed by Uberto Pasolini and based on The Odyssey by Homer. The Return is a far quieter, more stripped back adaptation of literature's defining epic than you may be used to, which, coupled with a lukewarm advertising campaign and decent but unenthusiastic reviews, goes some way towards explaining the faint (and already fading) impact it made on release. Is its obscurity warranted, or is there more to this curious, theatrical adaptation than its diminutive presence in the zeitgeist suggests? To find out, embark on your own odyssey across the airwaves with the aid of the pods on today's new episode of Magellans at the Movies!

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I'm going to write this whole description without referencing the "inconceivable" joke, you watch. What on Earth are you talking about, I hear you ask, embarrassingly revealing yourself to be under the age of forty. Why, my young, Tik-Toking friend, I'm talking about every dad's favorite movie The Princess Bride, of course! This 1987 fantasy/adventure/comedy/romance mashup based on The Princess Bride: S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure, the "Good Parts" Version by William Goldman may not have set the world on fire on release, but it's since become a beloved pop culture mainstay and common subject of "they don't make 'em like this anymore" grunts by the worldwide elderly population. But can this icon of film withstand the cynical eye of youth projected from the faces of Magellans at the Movies? The answer awaits you in today's new episode!

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All right, gotta write a new jokey, sarcastic description for the podcast. Let’s see what’s on the schedule. Prisoners, eh? Sounds like you’ll be doing hard time with that movie, hyuck hyuck hyuck. Anyways, released in 2013, directed by Denis Villeneuve, about a kidnapping, huh, that’s a tricky one. Family man driven to utter depravity by the loss of his daughter . . . ouch, um . . . I guess there’s a joke in there about overbearing dads losing it at little league games? Men and women making terrible choices out of sheer desperation . . . uh . . . sounds like your typical Friday night at the improv club, right folks? Extensive sequences depicting the torture of a mentally handicapped man . . . graphic onscreen suicide . . . traumatized parents losing their senses of self . . . oh dear . . . maybe you’d better just start the episode. I think I need to go for a walk.

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Faster than a speeding bullet! Stronger than a locomotive! Able to leap buildings in a single bound! Struggling with depression and guilt over thousands of lives lost in the crossfire! Duh-duh-daaaa, it's Superman! Behold the last son of Krypton as he . . . just plows through a building full of innocent people and sends the entire thing crashing to the ground in an apocalyptic display of death and destruction, dang. Cheer as the guardian of Metropolis . . . kinda stares moodily into the middle distance as if he were an office worker who just remembered they left their packed lunch at home . . . huh. Be amazed by, uh, unsubtle Christ metaphors that mean, um, something probably . . . Erm, anyways, that's right, folks! With the Man of Steel currently enjoying his third theatrical reboot of the past twenty years, Magellans at the Movies thought that now was the opportune moment to return to, well, Man of Steel! This 2013 comic book film was directed by Zack Snyder and boy can you tell. Whatever else is true of the man, old Zack Attack has a habit of making properties his own, and nowhere is this more true (or more divisive) than what was meant to be the launchpad for a DC cinematic universe to rival Marvel's. This darker, more somber take on the big blue boy scout made plenty of scratch in its day, and in the years since release has accumulated its fair share of defenders as well as detractors. Which category will Nathan and Elliot fall into? Join the fight for truth, justice, and the obliteration of the American cityscape by listening in to find out! Contact us/Requests/Questions: [email protected]

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Action! Adventure! Red lines gliding across maps! These are the three essential hallmarks of an Indiana Jones flick, yet if there’s one thing the franchise has taught us, it’s that everyone’s favorite Bond alternative is more than the sum of his parts, or at least that just tossing the aforementioned ingredients into a mixing bowl and stirring vigorously won’t always yield cinematic magic. That was the lesson learned by Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, the 1984 Spielberg-directed sequel to Raiders of the Lost Ark that was (until 2008) widely held to be the low point of the adventuring archeologist. While hardly trashed upon release, Temple of Doom still failed to achieve the critical adulation of its predecessor, largely thanks to its darker tone and, uh, let’s say inauthentic depiction of Indian cuisine. What, however, does this movie look like in a post Crystal Skull (and Dial of Destiny) world? Has time, distance, and a few rough sequels boosted its prospects, or does it remain among the black sheep? Crack your whips and guard your hearts, let’s find out!

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This is all Nathan’s fault.

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