What actually is coaching?

It's a question I've been thinking about a lot recently, partly after attending a conference where I found myself explaining my work to therapists, psychologists and other practitioners, and partly because I've been welcoming a new group of people to Strategy Hour.

In this episode, I explore what coaching means in my practice, how it differs from training and consultancy, and when having someone to think with can be particularly useful.

One of the things I hear most often is: "I just need some time to think."

When work feels relentless and your to-do list seems to have grown arms and legs, sometimes you genuinely do need space to gather everything together, work out what matters and decide what happens next.

But sometimes the thing you've been putting off isn't really a prioritisation problem.

Perhaps you know what needs to happen, but you're worried about being judged. Perhaps there's a fear of failure sitting underneath it. Or perhaps something simply feels riskier than the rest of your to-do list.

That's where coaching can become particularly useful.

I think of coaching as lending someone some extra mental bandwidth.

You bring what's going on, and we use both of our brains to help you think through it.

That's different from training, where I might teach you a particular process or set of skills. And it's different from consultancy, where I'd be giving you my view of what you should do.

In coaching, I'm not there to give you the answer. I'm asking questions that help you see other possibilities, challenge some of your either/or thinking and make the best decision for your particular circumstances.

My approach to coaching works particularly well when you have some range.

You might feel overwhelmed or stuck, but fundamentally you know that if you could find enough space to think clearly, you could begin to work things out.

My job is to help you get back to that sturdy, grounded part of yourself that can make decisions, understand what you want and consider different perspectives without getting completely waylaid by unhelpful thought patterns.

If you're curious about what working with me is like, Strategy Hour is a really easy place to start.

It's my completely free weekly drop-in session, held at 9.30am on Mondays.

Bring the mental clutter, emails, meeting notes, unfinished to-do lists and all the other things competing for your attention. I'll facilitate a process to help you gather everything together, work out what belongs to you, prioritise what needs your attention and create a bit more mental capacity for the week ahead.

You only need to register once, then you can come along to whichever sessions work for you.

Register for Strategy Hour

And if something comes up during that process that you think might benefit from coaching, we can have a conversation about whether coaching would be a good fit. 

If you've been wondering whether something you're dealing with is the sort of thing you could bring to coaching, I'd be very happy to talk about it.

You can email me at:

[email protected]

September has always had a bit of a New Year feeling for me.

Perhaps that's inevitable when you work in Higher Education. The academic year begins another cycle, routines change and, after the summer, there's often a natural sense of starting again.

So in this episode, I'm using that moment to invite you to notice some of the patterns that have become established in your life and work, and ask whether they're still serving you.

We all develop patterns of call and response.

Someone asks for help, so you automatically say yes. Something goes wrong, so you step in and fix it. Someone is unhappy, so you try to make it better. Your boss is stressed, so you speed up. There's too much work, so you work longer hours.

These patterns aren't necessarily wrong. Most of them developed because, at some point, they were useful.

The question is whether they're still useful now, or whether they've become so automatic that you're no longer consciously deciding how you want to respond.

The first step isn't deciding that you need to stop doing all of these things.

It's simply noticing.

What do you do on autopilot? What situations trigger a familiar response? Are there particular people whose behaviour seems to create the same response from you every time?

Try to bring a reporter's eye to it rather than turning the exercise into another reason to criticise yourself. Once you can see the pattern clearly, you have more choice about what happens next.

If you find yourself wanting to rush straight from noticing a pattern to changing everything, Episode 20: Why Habit Change Feels So Gross explores why changing familiar behaviours can feel so uncomfortable, even when we know the new behaviour will serve us better.

Listen to Episode 20: Why Habit Change Feels So Gross here.

What is the old pattern giving you?

Before you change something, it's worth asking what you're getting from the existing pattern.

It might be comfort. Control. Familiarity. Perhaps it supports a particular story you've carried about the sort of person you are.

Changing the pattern might therefore require you to give something up. Sometimes that's physical comfort. Sometimes it's the ease of operating on autopilot. And sometimes it's loosening your attachment to other people's expectations of who you're supposed to be.

Once you've noticed and understood the pattern, you have a choice.

You might decide that the existing response still works for you. That's fine. The important difference is that you're choosing it intentionally rather than criticising yourself every time it happens.

Or you might choose a different response.

That's when practice begins. Each time the familiar call appears, you choose the new response again. And again. And again.

Eventually, what required conscious effort becomes the new automatic pattern.

And if you need some support while you're putting in those repetitions, Episode 7: How to Encourage Yourself explores how to keep yourself moving when doing something differently feels difficult.

Listen to Episode 7: How to Encourage Yourself here.

If you're thinking about your next step into leadership, you can find out more about Getting Ready for Leadership here:

Getting Ready for Leadership

Many episodes of Management Matters begin with themes emerging from my coaching conversations and questions from listeners.

If there's a management, leadership or career question you'd like me to explore in a future episode, I'd love to hear from you.

[email protected]

This episode is a little different. I'm recording from my allotment, surrounded by the buzz of the bees, and I wanted to take a few minutes to remind you of something you might have forgotten. 

You're awesome.

Summer can bring its own pressures and expectations, and if you're also thinking about your career or what might come next, it's surprisingly easy to lose sight of everything you already bring to the table.  

I start by talking about the expectations we can place on summer to be this lovely, restorative time of year.

In reality, it can be stressful. There are holidays, childcare, annual leave negotiations and, for many of us working in HE, particularly busy periods such as recruitment, admissions and Clearing.

So this is partly a reminder that it's completely okay if summer isn't turning out to be the best moment ever.  

I also reflect on conversations I've been having with clients who are beginning to explore what they really want from their careers.

That process can bring us up against some surprisingly deep stories about who we are, what we're capable of and what's available to "people like us".

Those stories can come from family, education, culture or experiences much earlier in our lives. And sometimes we don't realise how much they're shaping our choices until we start asking ourselves what we actually want.  

One of the things I love about coaching is that we get to examine those stories rather than simply accepting them as facts.

As adults, we can decide that some of the beliefs we've inherited don't fit anymore. We can look again at what might be possible, whether that's progressing further, learning something new, retraining or simply allowing ourselves to want something different.  

So this episode is simply a reminder.

You're awesome. The stories you've been handed don't have to define what's possible for you, and you may be capable of far more than you're currently allowing yourself to imagine.

And if you forget that again, you can always come back and listen to this episode.  

Many episodes of Management Matters begin with themes emerging from my coaching conversations and questions from listeners.

If there's a management, leadership or career question you'd like me to explore in a future episode, I'd love to hear from you.

[email protected]

Sometimes the thing holding us back isn’t confidence or courage. It’s information.

In this episode, I explore a simple question that has come up repeatedly in coaching conversations recently: do you have enough information to move a management issue forward? Knowing your organisation’s policies and procedures can make difficult conversations clearer, more confident and much easier to navigate.

Many managers delay difficult conversations because they feel uncertain about what comes next.

I explore why taking time to revisit your institution’s policies on performance, misconduct or sickness absence can give you much more confidence when you’re addressing concerns with your team.

If you’ve listened to previous episodes, you’ll know I’ve talked about the repeating conversation loop.

This episode builds on that idea by looking at what allows you to move from supportive conversations into clearer boundary setting. Often, it’s understanding exactly where your organisation’s policies define the next stage of the process.

One of the key messages in this episode is that effective managers stay ahead of the process.

Rather than waiting for HR to tell you when someone has reached a trigger point, understanding the relevant procedures allows you to manage situations proactively and on your own timeline.

Having the right information doesn’t mean threatening people with policies.

It means knowing the language, the expectations and the escalation points well enough that you can have calm, confident conversations long before a formal process becomes necessary.

If you’d like support developing the confidence to have these conversations and strengthen your management practice, you can find out more about my Getting Ready for Leadership programme here:

https://www.fionabicket.co.uk/getting-ready-for-leadership

Many episodes of Management Matters begin with themes emerging from coaching conversations and questions from listeners.

If there’s a management or leadership topic you’d like me to explore in a future episode, I’d love to hear from you.

[email protected]

When should you start preparing for your next role?

Many people only begin thinking about career progression when they’re frustrated in their current job or urgently looking for a way out. In this episode, I explore why that’s often too late, and why the real work of getting ready for your next grade starts much earlier than most people realise.

One of the ideas I explore is that career development shouldn’t begin when you’re ready to apply for a promotion.

Instead, it should become part of how you approach your role from the very beginning. The earlier you start developing the way you think, lead and make decisions, the more prepared you’ll be when the right opportunity appears.

In this episode, I reflect on the difference between collecting more responsibilities and becoming genuinely ready for the next level.

I introduce the idea that progression is really about moving through a series of rites of passage: the leadership challenges that change how you think, not just what you do.

Delegation. Boundaries. Accountability. Difficult conversations. Creating leadership bandwidth.

These aren’t simply management skills to master. They are experiences that gradually reshape your identity as a leader and help you demonstrate that you’re already operating at the next level before you apply for the role.

Perhaps the most important question isn’t “How do I get promoted?”

Instead, it might be:

"What are the rites of passage I need to go through to become the person who’s ready for that role?"

Approaching your development this way creates confidence, stronger evidence for interviews, and a much more sustainable path towards leadership.

If you’re preparing for your first senior leadership role, my Getting Ready for Leadership programme is designed to help you work through the leadership thresholds, build confidence, and become the person who’s genuinely ready for your next grade.

https://www.fionabicket.co.uk/getting-ready-for-leadership

Many episodes of Management Matters begin with themes emerging from coaching conversations and questions from listeners.

If there’s a management or leadership topic you’d like me to explore in a future episode, I’d love to hear from you.

[email protected]

In this episode, I explore an idea that has shaped much of my coaching over the years: what if the challenges you're experiencing as a manager aren't really about skills? 

Many of us spend years reading books, attending training and listening to podcasts, hoping to find the technique that will finally make difficult conversations, delegation or leadership feel easier. But what if the real work sits somewhere deeper?

In this episode, I reflect on why so many thoughtful managers continue to struggle despite investing heavily in their own development.

Skills matter, of course. But I rarely find that a lack of knowledge is the real barrier. More often, it's the story we're carrying about who we need to be in order to feel safe, accepted or successful.

I talk about what happens before the difficult conversation has even begun.

Our minds often create elaborate stories about rejection, conflict or disappointing other people, leaving us anxious before anything has actually happened. These imagined outcomes can keep us stuck far more effectively than a lack of management skills ever could.

I also explore why coaching often goes somewhere that training doesn't.

Rather than simply learning another communication model or leadership framework, coaching creates space to examine the beliefs, fears and assumptions that sit underneath our behaviour. When those begin to shift, new ways of leading become much easier to sustain.

The real shift is not just learning new techniques. It's gradually seeing yourself differently.

As you experiment with new behaviours and discover they are safer than you expected, your confidence grows naturally. You stop trying to become a different person and instead become more fully the leader you're capable of being.

If you're finding that more books, podcasts and courses aren't quite shifting the things that feel hardest in management, my programme explores the deeper identity shifts that support confident leadership and career progression.

https://www.fionabicket.co.uk/getting-ready-for-your-next-grade

Many episodes of Management Matters begin with conversations I'm having with coaching clients or questions from listeners.

If there's a management or leadership challenge you'd like me to explore in a future episode, I'd love to hear from you.

[email protected]

In this episode, I step back from the individual leadership thresholds I’ve been exploring recently and talk about something that sits underneath all of them: why changing the way we manage can feel so uncomfortable.

If you’ve ever wondered why you know what you need to do but still find yourself slipping back into old habits, this episode is for you. I explore what’s happening beneath the surface and why discomfort is often a sign that meaningful change is taking place. 

In this episode, I talk about the emotional side of changing long established management habits.

When you begin setting firmer boundaries, delegating more, or leading with greater confidence, it’s common to experience feelings that make you question yourself. Rather than seeing those feelings as a sign to stop, I explore how they can be understood as part of the learning process. 

I also explore a feeling that many managers describe as guilt.

Often, what feels like guilt is actually the discomfort of behaving differently, especially if your natural tendency is to keep people happy or avoid conflict. I reflect on why it’s helpful to pause and ask whether you’ve really done something wrong, or whether you’re simply stretching beyond familiar patterns. 

One of the most important ideas in this episode is recognising that other people need time to adapt too.

As you begin managing differently, those around you may initially resist the change because they’re used to the old version of you. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing the wrong thing. Sometimes it simply means everyone is adjusting to a new pattern. 

Real leadership development isn’t about feeling confident from day one.

It’s about practising new behaviours, building evidence that they work, and trusting that confidence often comes after repeated action, not before it. The uncomfortable middle is often where the most important growth happens. 

If you’re working through one of these leadership thresholds and would like support putting the changes into practice, my programme explores the practical and psychological shifts involved in becoming a more confident manager and leader.

https://www.fionabicket.co.uk/getting-ready-for-your-next-grade

Many of these episodes begin with patterns I see in coaching conversations or questions from listeners.

If there’s a management challenge or leadership question you’d like me to explore in a future episode, I’d love to hear from you.

[email protected]

In this episode, I wrap up my series on the leadership thresholds managers encounter as they progress through their careers by returning to the very beginning.

I explore one of the most significant transitions of all: becoming a manager for the first time. In particular, I talk about what happens when you’re promoted from within your own team and suddenly find yourself leading people who were previously your peers. 

In this episode, I explore the tension many new managers experience when they want to maintain good relationships whilst also stepping into authority.

It is common to avoid difficult conversations, delay feedback or hope that being nice will be enough. But leadership often asks something different of us.

I talk about why this tension is so common and why it can quietly undermine trust if it isn’t addressed. 

A key theme in this episode is learning to own your decisions.

Many first time managers find themselves checking upwards, passing decisions on to their own manager, or positioning someone else as the person saying no.

I explore why this happens and why clear, confident communication helps build trust with both your team and senior leaders. 

I also reflect on the difference between being nice and being kind.

Clear expectations, timely feedback and healthy boundaries often feel uncomfortable at first. Yet they create psychological safety because people understand where they stand.

Leadership is not about becoming harsher. It is about becoming clearer. 

This first management threshold underpins so many of the others.

Learning to hold authority with confidence makes later challenges around delegation, boundaries and leadership much easier to navigate.

It is not about becoming a different person. It is about growing into a more confident version of the manager you are already becoming. 

If you are preparing for progression or navigating your first management role, my programme explores the practical and internal shifts that help you develop as a confident leader.

https://www.fionabicket.co.uk/getting-ready-for-your-next-grade

Many of these episodes begin with patterns I see in coaching conversations or questions from listeners.

If there is something you would like me to explore in a future episode, feel free to get in touch.

[email protected]

In this episode, I explore a question I hear regularly from thoughtful, capable professionals: how do you get your voice heard when you’re surrounded by louder, faster, more extroverted colleagues?

I talk about the false choice many people feel trapped between, either staying quiet or becoming someone they are not. I explore why quiet communication can be a genuine leadership strength and how to build influence without performing extroversion. 

In this episode, I reflect on the belief that leadership requires being the loudest person in the room.

Many of the people I coach are highly capable, trusted professionals who have progressed through reliability, expertise and good judgement. Yet they worry that their quieter communication style will eventually become a barrier to progression.

I explore why leadership does not need to look loud, fast or politically performative to be effective. 

One of the coaching tools I share is a simple spectrum exercise.

Many people see only two options: staying invisible or becoming aggressive and dominant. When we unpack that thinking, we often discover a much wider range of possibilities in between.

Progression does not require you to become someone else. It often involves taking up a little more space whilst remaining true to your own style. 

I talk about the strengths that quieter communicators often underestimate.

Many are excellent one-to-one influencers. They build strong relationships, write thoughtful papers, spot patterns others miss, and bring a level of consideration that helps teams make better decisions.

Rather than focusing only on areas that feel uncomfortable, I encourage listeners to build from the strengths they already have. 

A key theme in this episode is permission.

Permission to trust your expertise. Permission to communicate in ways that feel authentic. Permission to recognise that calm, thoughtful leadership is not a weakness but a valuable contribution.

The sector needs people who bring stability, reflection and considered judgement, particularly during uncertain times. 

If you are preparing for progression and want support to develop your confidence, influence and leadership presence in a way that feels authentic to you, my programme explores the practical and internal shifts involved in moving towards more senior roles.

Getting Ready for your Next Grade

Many of these episodes begin with patterns I see in coaching conversations or questions from listeners.

If there is something you would like me to explore in a future episode, feel free to get in touch.

[email protected]

There's a threshold I see often in my coaching work with senior women in HE Professional Services. The moment when you look around expecting someone else to lead, and find a vacuum. Or worse, the moment when you realise the tentative thinking you put down on paper has somehow become institutional strategy.

This episode is about the Leadership Identity Threshold. It's the first of two episodes in the final arc of the framework, the one I call Becoming the Leader.

I talk about why this threshold feels so exposing, particularly for capable women who have spent their careers being told, in one way or another, not to be too much. I unpack the gap between how these women are perceived externally and how they experience themselves internally - already trusted, already shaping decisions, still waiting for permission to become a leader.

And I share the principle that does more work in my coaching practice than almost any other. Confidence is an outcome, not an input. With the driving analogy that I use with clients when they're waiting to feel ready before they act.

If you've been quietly underestimating yourself while everyone around you treats you as a leader, this one is for you.

If you'd like to work on this directly, 1:1 coaching is how I do this work with people. Details on the website https://www.fionabicket.co.uk/ways-to-work-with-me