so usually we have to be in that fear state a fighter flight or freeze in order to have that heightened awareness of being ready to act without thinking and so it's a higher energy state because the ego has been disabled temporarily and our senses are heightened and it seems like that's full attention and we are called to pay full attention to this moment whereas normally we're not fully paying attention to this moment we're sort of thinking about something else so baiting something else so it's really that attention in the moment that gives us access to that more energy and more able to perceive and I feel that's part of why I can process things holistically a lot of times is because I'm really paying attention i'm not thinking about other stuff and if i was to take a medication it would stop that energy it sort of de energizes that process i wonder i wondered before if antipsychotics partially work by making a person gain weight i gained 50 pounds in two months so gaining weight would make one bigger heavier change one's posture to sort of come down lower as opposed to say going into like a higher energy state of psychosis so it could also be to do with gravity because they don't really understand how it works anyway so it's this laziness of perception this inattention that causes us to form habits because we have to make ourselves into sort of these programmed habits so we can be up in our heads thinking about stuff but if we're actually attentive in the moment we just see an act it's sort of like thinking about how if I wake up in the morning I get up and I have breakfast I don't say okay now I have to go to the bowl and put the cereal in blah blah blah blah blah maybe some people do that but my mind doesn't say anything it's just a knowing ness and then acting that that's what I go and do whereas most people would probably think okay well now it was time I think I should get up now now it was time for breakfast we think that because that's going on that actually is what makes us get up and go but it's just sort of like abstracting and commentary so this commentary in our own voice is what weakens us cuz usually we're saying things that will weaken us and I was thinking about how more information being processed might be felt as fear because normally that's the reflex if we're processing more information we're in fight or flight that's the usual way so I'm almost sensing with my job thing that when I look at that document that's like I sense all the implications and processing more information and it gives me a sensation of so-called anxiety and we don't know how to process more information we don't necessarily know where the information is coming from and I'm wondering if that's why Krishnamurti says we must be free of fear because we're in this attentive state it could be interpreted as fear because we're being attentive and so we must be attentive without fear instead of attentive because we're in the state of fear to really be attentive I thought of a quote if I'm not living according to my heart I'm going to need medication for my brain and I was thinking in terms of the reflex of psychological crisis or distress or psychosis where a person sort of goes around doing all this different behavior for a certain period of time and it's almost like gesturing out that and that's hopefully so people notice but it's also a release of energy because we're in MO it's almost like dissipating the heat and I've experienced a couple of times when I'm coming to the end of the process and I'm in a lot of fear I'm also freezing cold and it's almost like all that energy has been dissipated and now I'm freezing and often I've felt like a homeless person at that point too because I imagine that they're freezing cold and shaking on the street and so we exercise to release toxins but the universe exercises us through this behavioral gestural process to sort of get people to notice that something is happening that's not good and it's not supposed to just signal that it's not good with a person the fact that so many people are having this happen means something collectively is going on so they're finding a lot of bees dead all of a sudden bees are dead everywhere and they don't say well this B has this disease and this B has this disease when this be over here has this other disease it's all dis ease and the bees are all dead and that's happening to us to it's a collective human thing the universe is dissipating energy through that process and it makes sense we're not moving we're not behaving as humans are designed to behave so certain people get funneled into behaving in ways that actually could harm oneself but really the person is signaling to the group that something greater is going on so they're sort of like how I read in the book by Timothy Leary when he was talking about brain casts and how there's certain rules for humans just like in a flock of birds one will be the one that calls when there's danger so the one that calls when there's danger is risking its own good because there's a higher chance that the danger is going to get the bird that called so so they talk about just the selfish gene and individuality isn't really true well I think people that go into these crises are signaling to the greater humanity that something is going on and and then people just think that the people that are signaling this are the ones with the problem but it would be like it would be like the flock of birds giving the bird that signal danger a pill so it would stop tweeting and signaling danger and then all the birds are sitting ducks this process is initiated by the universe by some force or some circumstances how do we know it won't get to a critical mass where everybody goes into psychosis spontaneously at the same time and I was thinking about oxytocin and how when there's an oxytocin response both people get the benefits because both people laugh and both people bond and then the gesture creates the oxytocin which is the reward the laughter the behavior of laughter where's dopamine a lot of times is about taking power over another person and making them feel weak and then we feel strong because we made somebody feel weak and I think laughter would be a measure of health worth measuring and every day is judgment day as we're judged by our own voice when we judge we're actually judging ourselves we're creating that as our nervous system energy and it's weakening us I heard somebody the other day say voting with their feet meaning not going to something or going to something which is voting with one's feet I thought I was quite cute and I think it sort of ties into people going to mental health centers is voting with their feet that that's what's going to help them which is necessary at this time and then people that in their life are in a way voting with their feet refusing to move I was thinking about how our inner monologue is sort of like streaming and we're streaming those memes we're streaming I was talking about how it seems I can only do what the universe wants me to do and I remember this time the very first time I went into crisis I was in that state for about two months and I was driving and for some reason I was afraid to go through this tunnel to go back to where I lived and so I ended up driving around and each time I turned I was like no no no and I was just so afraid now is I pretty much driving in circles and all over the place trying to figure out where can I turn because everywhere that I turned I felt terrified and averted from that and diverted from that path and I feel like sometimes that's when I get steered into thinking that I need to end my life it's like I'm rushing towards the means to end my life and I'm desperately trying to steer off that path of ending my life and that's why I have this app strap with me in case that happens it just seems like getting program towards moving towards that and and it's terrifying whereas on the opposite end of the scale one feels totally free not limited I wonder if that's the process of the ego coming back in a way because it's the one that is limiting us and so it's like trying to not go toward that and sometimes I felt like I need to end my life in order to not go back to that and then usually it's going into the hospital that that saves me from that one of antipsychotics is like a good band aid in a way that it mediates the merger back from map consciousness and trans consciousness to ego consciousness sort of like a buffer feel like world centricity and wheeze and relationship dissipates allostatic load the allostatic load could be the weakness of the nervous system which means we need more cortisol to sort of hold us up more stress and so when we are in contact with other nervous systems and they're witnessing and perceiving us some of that energy is dissipated and the power of their perception attention their nervous system there their higher energy gives our nervous system strength to raise our level of consciousness to be able to move on I also realize that if I'm wanting to design random acts of kindness and spontaneous social behaviors and positive social contagion into my life I can just hang around children because it's a good excuse to be that way it's a safe way to be that way it's safe to be childlike around children I talked about in a different video how I don't think I was sensitive as a child and then interestingly enough hours later it popped into my mind how when I was really young when time I was crossing the road with my sister to go to school and her lunch kit opened in the apple fell out and rolled down the hill and I remember being like all freed out and I had to run home with her to say to my mom that the apple dropped and I felt really bad that the apple dropped because my mom had lovingly put it in there I remember having that sensation so strong like my mom put the Apple in there and you know she did that I have an act of love and I was probably like seven pretty young and so I had that strong sensation and it was hard for me to shake that and I remember almost feeling like how am I going to get through life if I feel this strongly and and I remember at one point feeling desensitized to feel other people's feelings and I don't know how it happened but I felt relieved but i think i was over desensitized to other people's feelings and and that could be part of it is that is personally relieving in a way to not be sensitive to others it can be painful to be sensitive so a lot of times we try to make ourselves desensitize to that may be one way to do that is to fill ourselves with the thoughts of our own problems so we're not thinking about others and then we're always trying to fix all our little problems and we're not thinking about things on a more global scale I feel like the ego is a form of sleepwalking and this transformative consciousness wakes us up and then we can see patterns beyond our personal ego and I was thinking a moods can be painful or cause pain and how I feel like moods could almost be a sign that we're extrapolating more we're reading more patterns than only our own because oftentimes a mood is like an over emotional ization to something so if it's over emotional ization then maybe we're sensing more things which is making it seem over emotional but we're sensing more so it's not necessarily over emotion we're just sensing more but those that would judge the over emotionalism cannot sense that which the one is sensing and moods could be a different barometer than are challenging us to disrupt the social fabric and we don't use it in this way properly we don't see it as this is more information that we're processing than just the ego-self we've all been trained to be ego self processors so everything that one is experiencing is always assumed to be the ego self and the person's fault so to only adjust back to consensus and manage is missing the point because we're sensing more so there's more responsibility to act on things when your compass isn't a dopamine ego voice then you have a mood disorder we make everything about the ego it's sort of the ego that is pathologized as like well you're not well your egos not well but what is well is sensing so many other things it's a completely rich thing when the ego breaks or it might not even break as much as just more information is coming in from other dimensions and we're assessing that so when we're processing all of that we're see being perceived as behaving as a different ego as dysfunctional or non-functional or different or not consistent when really we're processing information differently what we are is so much greater than an ego and we get in touch with that we're seeing as non functional and dysfunctional and disordered and pathologized we've been tricked into thinking that we are an ego so we've been processing that way for so long we forget how to process naturally as human beings and then when we reconnect with that because the egos of false structure can't go on forever it could go on forever till death do you part it's a different compass through which to move your center of gravity around leave these body-mind feelings egos spirits and as a matter of what we want to tune into we can tune into the ego game where we can tune into a different game and create a new game

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