so I turned back on my insight machine in my brain and I've been having a lot of insights and they might be a little bit random and disjointed but I feel like just getting some of them on video because I can't keep up in a way just keep coming and I keep they just keep channeling through me and I have no idea of their of any value I actually have this theory about myself about how when I have an idea or something that I think oh yeah i really want to bring that into my life it usually takes about two years for it to appear and I realized that about two years ago I went to some kind of Health Expo and I spoke with someone and I talked about how I wanted to create a video blog to sort of integrate stuff that from the past and whatever I thought of at the time and lo and behold about two years later I am indeed doing that and another thing too is sometimes I would buy stuff and I'd be I wouldn't use it and then two years later I think oh I need that for exactly what it is I need to do right now so I would sort of bite things two years in advance and that can work against me in certain ways because if it's something technological then some no value two years later really for the most part but actually since I got my very first iphone about six years ago I've pretty much had nearly every model of the iphone skipping a few and some of them i actually purchased because i was in that manic consciousness so I I had an iphone but I got the next one and so I had to and whatever but this is the first time that because i always think line I need the faster one or something this is the first time I'm actually really putting it to use because the 6s plus I can make the videos on and I can also edit the videos and post the video so i can do it all on this device whereas if I still had my last one which was the 5c or something then that would have been impossible so I feel like now the technology is really an extension of what it is I'm trying to create so I went into debt to get this thing and but it's been worth it at the same time because I've been able to utilize its creative potential and that was nothing that I even wrote down today but so i'll just start in on this i was thinking about stigma and i was thinking about how there's a lot of talk about people are afraid of the stigma so they don't get help and when I really think about stigma I think a person is sort of detaching from their ego or being confused or depressed basically a person's no longer being consistent and that's not the whole of it obviously but I was just thinking about how human beings have a tendency to try to be consistent above all else and the consistency in a way is the ego so over time we're trying to be consistent try to be consistent and and always tensing up to try to adjust ourselves to how we've typically been in the past and how we want to be seen and an even some of how we were the past maybe we get we start to mask that with how we want to be seen so we create this image of ourselves inside that we're trying to live up to and one of the troubles with that is that were not that image that's not who we are and often times that images in contradiction to who we are and then so if a person is going into a state where they're no longer feeling like they can be consistent because they're say for example depressed or anxious it's almost maybe depressions that one is sad because one has become so consistently far away from who one is and that can be felt as depression because there's this image we've built of ourselves and we think that's who we are and then we're depressed because we're not who we are and that image of ourselves that we think we are really sucks it's accumulated not responding as ourselves over time so it's an adjustment and so when that accumulates over time to the point where say somebody like in my case goes into psychosis now that's a person being not consistent and there's nothing one can do about it so in a way that a person is usually captured and weighing gets help because they're acting so inconsistent and so not like themselves um and to me it's sort of a process of decoupling from the ego so we're not like ourselves and we're not acting based on that ego image that we've that fake ego image that we've collected about ourself over time that we're trying to act consistently with is kind of like a pressure cooker and in psychosis I feel that kind of blows apart and then I'm no longer acting consistently with my consistent ego pattern image because it's blown apart but that wasn't me in the first place so I actually feel part of the purpose of that is to blow it apart to reorganize the self around something a bit different hopefully quite a bit different but usually people are sort of funneled into being consistently a a version of themselves that others were used to that's sort of the goal let's get getting back to that and that's nice it's one thing for sure but i think the stigma on the other side is people a lot of times they're no longer being consistent with who they thought they were and it's the who they thought they were that's the problem and it's the who they thought they were that's not them that if a person was able to realize well I'm so far away from Who I am I need some help to get towards who I am NOT I am mentally ill of course going so far away from who we neatly are as human beings is going to appear to the outside people as some kind of you know suppose adminius but I think it's kind of like Sean Blackwell says he says bipolar disorders I can't beanie disorder and and when you think about people who and their life obviously they feel like they can't be them they can't be who they really are and I feel feel they and their life based on something that they're not anyways it's it's unfortunate and it's the only way for some people feel they have to stop the pain because it's extremely painful as extremely painful to not be on the trajectory of who we were born to be and society and education and everything pushes us into such a small frame of reference for viewing ourselves that's not the entire spectrum of what it means to be a human being and it's were funneled into this meaninglessness and then if my life had meaning people wouldn't kill themselves and I don't think that it's a symptom of individual illness at all it's society's ill and to not be very distressed by it is actually more strange than a person manifesting some kind of distress so again I feel it's the consistency thing people are often going to this inconsistency and they're afraid to be seen as I'm not myself anymore when this is part of the gift in it is that we aren't our selves we've been programmed into thinking that were a certain thing in life and that's not how it is and I've been talking about the organization that I want to start or the pier social purpose business I was thinking it's going to be a disc organization but not only that I thought of a cool job title or position chief disturber or disturber in chief I don't know which one's better and i also thought in terms of the ECP are that people who became a cpr practitioners could donate their attention they're donating their attention to somebody's distress in order to witness it and I thought of how it's kind of like donating your heart while you're still alive because you're giving your hearts attention and somebody else's heart attention here and you're reviving somebody's heart while you're still alive in there alive and helping them come back to life and to choose life and living I feel like the biggest social challenges lack of kindness I don't like the word illness because I feel like it's actually empathy that makes me non-functional which is the same as vision which is seeing what's really going on out there and almost being crushed by it and it would make sense that it would be difficult for for me to go past that in a way because that would assume that I'm turning a blind eye to that so if I was able to sort of get to a higher level of success as determined by society that would be maybe ignoring what's happening and also that would assume that I'm trying to personally go above that when I don't see myself as different from that it's it's a collective consciousness that needs to be changed how can i change that collective consciousness if i decide to be successful the way society determines what success is that's not success to me i did read in a piece of literature that people that go through cancer are often described as like brave or strong and why aren't people with mental illness described like that and i also realized that people with mental illness are actually given a type of chemotherapy its chemical brain band-aids I also realized that there's a few phrases we use as children that are actually quite helpful with mental health stuff and that is the principle of sticks and stones sticks and stones may break my bones but labels will never hurt me and I feel like it's very important for people that go through distress to get reconnected with their dreams talents and their heart and it's important to find out well what makes you unique and special versus how can we fit you back into the box of society people in distress often have become extremely sensitive they're in distress so they're resonating in that way so everything around them seems salient as distress and it probably is they're seeing that level of distress and I also thought about how I can make a sheet called lived experience tips and again it's not lived experience with mental illness lived experience with a diagnosis I one of the tips would be the best training sheet which is being with extreme states another is talking about fish oil and how it's beneficial in helping a person stay out of psychosis as well as the invisibility a podcast and how talks about the three traits of family members that are actually detrimental and caused rehospitalization I feel like lived experience lens could be an important way to frame it instead of say trauma-informed and the lived experience lens helps with the whole we don't know what we don't know there's certain things in the system that they're not aware of that they're doing and I actually realized today that I'm not really super passionate about changing this system because this system is like a big dinosaur I even drew the dinosaur you want to see that's that's my dinosaur and it's not gonna change and it's very slow and strong and powerful and it would probably take something from outer space to knock it into extinction actually I want to knock it into extinction from inner space from unfolding what is coming through me and being created by my daily life and I feel like part of the tip to four families would be it's really important to allow your loved one to be who they are and who they want to be and actually facilitate that even if it's something that seems ridiculous like I want to be an astronaut or something and thinking you're never going to be an astronaut you're going to waste your time and money trying to become one it's important to facilitate moving towards what it is they want not oh they were on the path to becoming a doctor or an engineer and now oh that's so sad they're going to miss out on that boring job for the rest of their life it's important to say you can be you and this is the most important time to see that because otherwise they could end up dead it's either them as they are here to be or possibly dead and i want to start the lived experience association and that's for people to give feedback what do i need to do to create meaning i hope i'm doing that with these videos being diagnosed is actually a symptom of a very sick society a distressed society's creating distressed citizens and the fact that the number one cause of death for teens is suicide is really saying something they're not all mentally ill they would rather be dead than live the life that adults are trying to give them I also realized that science is the police of the mystical so when people get in touch with that inner mystical dimension of themselves they're pathologized by this the science paradigm by the medical paradigm when it has nothing to do with that and just reminded me of how that's been going on for years and even if there was no science before it was religion doing that so people that are outside of the line of acceptable behavior and normality are seen as aliens kind of and this again are this is the people that aren't consistent so can we be consistently inconsistent or intentionally inconsistent and I don't think we have to be inconsistent in ways that are unhelpful I think we can be inconsistent in that we can be more kind for example or more playful or more silly kids are inconsistent and we train them into consistency if they happen to not like the line of consistency they've been funneled into they end their life and because there is infinite degrees of freedom of who they can become we're funneling them into something that is so meaningless and I think that's going to that's be even more apparent to them now with say access to the internet there are so many more degrees of freedom in reality and be funneled into such a narrow band is even more obviously disheartening so special messages wellness see with your heart surf the universe surf the universe and when you surf the universe the ego disappears and then that just means that the surfer and the universe are one I was also thinking about how I think of myself as a Ferrari I think of my transition to manic consciousness as sort of like all of a sudden being given a high-performance car that is standard transmission and I don't know how to drive standard so if I was put in this car and I put in regular fuel because that's what I put in my old car it's not going to run very well and I'm not going to know how to drive standard so I'm it's going to look like I'm completely non-functional in this vehicle when really it takes practice so I feel like decoupling from the ego is like going from driving automatic to driving standard the ego is like our automatic pilot it's just talking on and saying the same old thing all the time then if we're in standard we often realize we have to pay attention we have to start learning and we have to start practicing and we have to work at it and learn how to use this thing so we've turned our body into this automatic pilot machine when really it can do a lot more than get up in the morning brush our teeth shower us drive us to work it can do a heck of a lot more and so again that manic consciousness energy blows apart the ego and puts us in manual transmission mode where we see we can actually control this thing in a lot of different ways and we can actually use it to create and be creative and learn so it's actually putting us in the creative state and that's the thing too if we all of a sudden had a Ferrari we would want to learn how to use it so well so we can go for very leisurely drive so we can go and see beautiful scenery same with our body we would just navigate in a very narrow sphere of reality we would want to go out and see beauty and we'd have energy to do that and we'd have the power to do that and we'd want to go drive around and show off our beautiful car the ego wants us to go from A to B in the most efficient way if we had our Ferrari we would go from A to B perhaps but we would go in a more creative way we would go in a more scenic way we would go in a more playful way and in Ferrari wants to go for more meaningful drives and go with the music up so it wants to celebrate it wants to use all of its features all of its capacities all of its possibilities another gap that is not addressed in the system at all is tapering strategies for people who want to taper off medication and special messages wellness is about disorganized wellness so I'm interested in addressing gaps in the system in the community in a disorganized way even with things like random acts of kindness clowning improv these all increase the degrees of freedom and I also thought of life coaching as peer support I'm not really that interested in supporting someone through their illness as much as supporting and coaching someone to really step into their best self and to thrive because by doing that the rest of it could naturally fall away I also thought I work for funny not money I also thought about how asking people in the system if they have kids and if they do would they feel completely safe with their kids going through the system as it is today and I also realize these videos are kind of like thinking out loud and I was also wondering if saying harvest your special messages would be a little bit more broad than harvester mania because not everybody goes into mania but people still maybe get special messages or have extraordinary experiences and it could also be a dialogue about special messages just like people might have a dialogue about dreams and I also feel that special messages can be debilitating and ability they debilitate aspects maybe things in society we're supposed to not really participate with as much anymore and they ability parts of us that we are they are capacity for empathy and understanding and laughter and play and silliness and all those things like with empathy it doesn't really get you anywhere it kind of crushes you it's not really functional it's not really valuable in that way or it's not really successful yet it is successful to be able to really feel somebody else if we could all do this a little more we would create a different world I also think of these altered states as inner space travel so much talk about going to outer space when we don't even know how to properly go to inner space and when we're in inner space we sort of look like sleepwalkers we look like we're non-functional the person could be asleep and they're awake and they're sleepwalking I feel like people in these altered states are often awake Walker's they're awake to the inner dimension there a week to that empathy there are weak to the collective humanity that we all share inside and then they're walking amongst us among this mechanical reality that we've created and it makes it seem like these people are not but they're actually functioning in a different way and it could be that their function is to actually see things that aren't working and make those works will make those changes and also we need something else to participate with a person that goes through this experience doesn't have anywhere to channel that energy or any context of a reality in which a person can appear to function in so I don't agree with funneling someone back to being a cog in the machine I feel like there's got to be a place for people to start to use their creative capacities for co-creating the world in a playful way not in a way that's like oh I'm going to change XY and Z and here's the plan it's more like let's just see what we can do so it's a place for co-creative celebrators mania definitely connects one with one's inner celebration one celebratory body that's why I don't really feel like goals or a good idea it's more harvesting meaning from the messages and and moving based on that on meaning not um goals and plans and the special messages they are disorienting but they reorient us to a different reality to a different dimension to the inner human dimension they make our eyes turn in and we can see that dimension we can feel it and that's the empathy and that's the mirror neurons when we're looking at that dimension and with that dimension we see that we're all one and that's why we can feel things so strongly is we just we see that we see the pattern we are that pattern so we're not actually I am me and that person over there is them we are that relationship that arises in the moment and and that relationship might be one of feeling empathetic for someone else's suffering and we're that we're that relationship we're not me eagle so there's no separation we are what arises in the moment and if it's something kind of painful that has nothing to do with oneself then it's the collective it's it's something else trying to move us or communicate with us and that's the real communication of this communication of our own voice in our own head going on about stuff I also think that special messages wellness will deliver a course in magical there's a book of course in miracles this is a course in magical I feel mania as a message from the universe which is we are the universe where one with the universe were an integral part of the universe we are the message and the messenger I also realize that flow is effortless and that we don't know how to be effortless so people that train to be surfers train a lot of hours to make that activity effortless and effortless in such a way that the one we think makes an effort which is the ego is not there anymore video thinks it needs to think in order for things to happen but things happen regardless of if we think about it or not and usually what we're thinking about has nothing to do with what we're doing right now so that thinking is the thing that's making the effort but it's an illusion because it's making things feel like an effort because it's actually usually thinking about something that isn't happening now which has to feel like effort because it's not something that is now so it feels like it's not in control so it has to make some kind of effort for one to be in control when it's really ones just trying to be in control of the thinking which has nothing to do with the actual physical making an effort to do something which is a happening and so it's just that thing going on that is the effort and if that thing would be quiet there would be no concept of effort it's mistaken cause that's mistaking this thing happening in our head for causing anything just because it's always chattering on needs to be chattering off chattering off flow on heart on it's another movement i want to start is hard on hard on yes heart on because most of society is actually paternalistic and it's sort of driven by masculine principles which is like a big hard-on and and that is the driver of violence and war and and violence against women and so many atrocities in humanity or caused by just men thinking with their heart on not their heart on so hard on for Humanity come on guys I was also thinking more about word transformations and how the word I blocks seeing which is kind of ironic oh I ronica because if you change it to I a ye that is our organ of seeing and so I would like to imagine when I say I I really mean ey e as in vision or seeing and it could even be eyes I I which is kind of a illustration that we have two eyes and it could also be I and I which is sort of like implying relationship I feel if you aren't distressed by what you see in society and something's wrong with you and the state is non-personal so a lot of the distress that happens in the state of decoupling from the ego is personal and some of its non-personal most of its non-personal and it takes a bit to practice navigating through that and but it's important to get the message get involved and participate and also special messages wellness is a for-profit business PR 0 ph ET profit because special messages are prophetic in that they prophesize and point you towards your greatness the egos pointing you towards mechanical pneus and these messages which could just be intuitions or gut feelings they get any they could be anything from the smallest intuition or a weird déjà vu to seeing an alien right in front of you that you can actually physically touch so it's there's all different levels and it's all sort of symbolic and it's what we choose to make of it I feel like this is manic prophecy there is a beautiful world and it's right here and it's right now and it's within us and I wonder sort of like the movie the happening when those flowers those plants started putting that stuff in the air and people were dropping dead will there be some kind of energy to cause the epigenetic changes to make us orient ourselves in a way that we can see that world and act based on that world which is a world of love and I feel like that's kind of what happens manias that we it reorients r us to that and I wrote Q man I see so I see your human dimensions because manic is man I see and whom hue is for color so it's like a spectrum it's those degrees of freedom it's those infinite possibilities and when our eyes turned inward we can see those human dimensions and I wonder what the epigenetic changes are towards seeing with our peripheral vision and not focusing not focusing through the ego mind it's ignoring the prefrontal cortex and not focusing or laser light of attention on the interference patterns that are happening in that part of our brain and peripheral vision is definitely more relaxed it would have to relax our eyes and our vision and I've seen people as their most beautiful self I've seen people change before my eyes and and I read an article on true hopes blog and they talk about nutrient theory of mental illness and they talked about how line is Pauling in the 60s speculated that there is a genetically that some people have a genetic basis for needing more vitamins and minerals and others do and that's why some people develop mental illness so they're not meeting these extra requirements of nutrients and i feel that a person could say for example take all those extra nutrients and not develop a so-called mental illness which would keep them in the band of society or they could develop this mental illness and have their vision change in such a way that they see the needs for changes in society what I'm trying to get at is that I feel supposin mental illness in some cases is just epigenetic changes towards seeing and experiencing reality in a different way and this is in order for reality reality to be created in a different way because we're the ones that create our human reality in terms of the structures of society and the way we interact and the rules of the game so trying to change the rules the game just by taking vitamins to have nutrition to keep that at bay I think is also missing the point it's important for people to stay alive for sure but that vision part is necessary so right now I do take vitamins and I do take medication and if I went off of them I'd be seeing a different world and acting and reacting in a different way that would not be safe for me to be with like in this society what I'm saying is a little bit of that I feel is necessary for me to actually see what it is that I want to move towards and co-create not just staying a functional cog in this society so right now I take medications I take vitamins I'm able to manage and work in the system and things if I wasn't taking them I'd be like I can't work in this system this is crap so it keeps me somewhat numb and I feel like the whole article is a little backwards because it's saying people are genetically needing more nutrients I think there's genetic changes happening to change a person towards a different way of being so it could be almost the epigenetics related to the epi memetics because a person going to see different thing things and create different meaning based on what they're seeing in that other way of being so by having different genetics say it could be that people need those nutrients to stay in this reality or it could be that their genetics have changed for them to create a different reality by seeing a different reality and a person can choose to take vitamin C keep them in this reality or or medications and that's the part what I'm talking about what's harvest Romanian harvesters special messages it's fine to come back take the nutrients take the medication whatever you need to stay alive but still create based on the vision that we saw because we were given that glimpse and it would be silly to not take anything to keep a person somewhat functional because then those people usually probably end up homeless or something because they're not taking any kind of treatment their self medicating to actually stay in that visionary beautiful reality which is wonderful but it takes its toll in the body which makes a person even more non-functional and marginalized so it's learning how to walk with both worlds one the world of the mind and one the world of the heart in a way so I'm still attempting to allow my heart to inform my reality that i am in on a daily basis as my ego self and that's I understand that's a false construct and it's a necessary construct to keep me functioning because if it wasn't there I would probably get very confused and then I would appear as mentally ill when really it's just my ego taking a vacation in order for me to see things like the fact of homelessness or violence against women you

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