Marriage Family & Peace

In this episode, we discuss the benefits of gardening and how it can be therapeutic for us and our families!

How might a couple be unequally yoked? How will you notice if the person your dating is going to be different, once you are married? These are questions that we discuss on this podcast episode. 

The concept of not giving children consequences is growing in popularity. In this episode we discuss if it is a good idea to give children consequences. We also discuss tips on how to give the consequences. 

What happens when your spouse misses social cues? How do you interpret that? What do you do if you are the one who is missing social cues in your relationship? What approach do you have? We don't have all the answers, but we are happy to share our thoughts and ideas on our situation. 

This episode describes ideas about how to adjust to each other as newlyweds. 

Jesus, Ghandi, and Mother Teresa all said the same thing. When he lose ourselves, we find ourselves; when we find ourselves, we lose ourselves. There are two types of marriages. The unhappy type where two people constantly demand that the other person meets their needs. The happy type where two people stop thinking about themselves and enjoy loving and caring for the other person. 

Managing the anxiety of an affair can be difficult. In this episode we don't discuss how restoring trust can decrease the anxiety. We discuss how decreasing the anxiety can decrease the anxiety. Trust will be independent of decreasing the anxiety. 

Will your husband change when he understands how much something hurts you? Sometimes a husband is not aware that something he is doing is hurting you. Letting him know helps him become aware and helps him know that he needs to change an action. Some actions can be changed very quickly. Others take time to change. Some actions are multifaceted and require changes on multiple levels. These actions require effort, introspection, and trial and error. Just because your husband did not change right away, might not mean that he doesn't love you and doesn't care if you're hurt. It might mean that he is trying to change, but it is taking trial and error on his part. Instead of explaining over and over again how his actions hurt you, it may be helpful to try to understand why he is doing what he is doing. Guys tend to not be as introspective or as deep as women. If he tells you that he doesn't know, it is probably because he doesn't. Oftentimes men learn by doing. As he attempts to change the behavior, the understanding about why he cannot will become clearer. You seeking to understand why he wasn't able to perform a task accomplishes two things. The first thing it does, is it lends to helping you have empathy for your husband's failings. The second thing it does, is it requires your husband to be introspective. As he is being introspective, he will gain a better understanding of what he needs to change about himself. Don't think your husband will be as introspective as you can be. Men tend to be a lot simpler in the way they create meaning of the world. This doesn't mean that their understanding won't work. Simple understanding can create movement just as easily as complex understanding can. 

A lot of ladies are external processors. They need to talk things out in order to make sense of the emotions and thoughts they have in their mind. Sometimes ladies will bring up things from the past, not because they want to hurt their husband, but because it reminds them about something that is going on in the present and they are trying to make sense of it. 

A lot of husbands have a desire to be good at being a husband. When the wife comes to them to talk about a problem, they often feel like the wife is signaling that they are doing a bad job. This results in the husband getting instantly defensive. When this happens, the conversation goes awry and the wife is not able to talk through and organize her thoughts. 

If the husband can refrain from thinking that the wife is signaling that he is a bad husband, then he can do a better job at listening to his wife. If he can ask her questions about how she is feeling/thinking this can help her organize her thoughts. When she feels like her emotions are valid and her thoughts are organized, then she can put the thoughts to bed by coming up with a quick solution. 

This pattern of interaction doesn't apply to everyone. People are different. Not every lady is an external processor. This situation does happen enough that I thought I'd mention it on this podcast. 

Jesus is the author of Christianity. He indicated that his "yoke is easy" and his "burden is light." When going to church starts to stress us out, it is probably more about what we are thinking and less about what God is thinking. 

There aren't too many commandments to follow. Jesus indicated that the greatest commandments are to "love God and love our neighbor." When we start to feel smothered and restricted by the commandments, maybe our feelings of hardship are due to the way we are thinking about it. 

If religion is making us feel anxious and stressed out, maybe we need to change the way we are looking at it.