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Marriage iQ
Marriage iQ episodes
- Episode 156 - When Does Becoming One Go Too Far?
You've spent years being a devoted spouse, raising a family, building a career, and putting the needs of others first. But somewhere along the way, have you lost touch with who you are?
Marriage invites us to become one. But when does that closeness become unhealthy? And how do we know the difference between loving sacrifice and giving up too much of ourselves?
In this episode of Marriage IQ, Dr. Heidi Hastings and Dr. Scott Hastings explore the delicate balance between building a shared life and maintaining your own identity. Through personal stories, research, and some surprising insights, they examine how even well-intentioned devotion can lead to self-abandonment-and why becoming more fully yourself can sometimes make your marriage uncomfortable.
You'll discover why the motivation behind your sacrifices matters, how to recognize when you're taking too much responsibility for your spouse's emotions, and how healthy boundaries can create room for both partners to grow.
Because becoming one in marriage shouldn't mean losing yourself. The goal is to build something greater together while allowing each person to become more fully who they are.
💕 Make Your Relationship More Fun! 💕
Download Spark’d, our fun couples app, and start connecting, laughing, and growing together! ❤️
👇 Download Spark’d here!
https://dateyourspouse.com/sparkd-app/
SOCIAL MEDIA
📸Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==
🅵Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411
▶️YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/
#MarriageandIdentity #HealthyMarriage #SelfAbandonment #PersonalGrowth #HealthyBoundaries #IndividualityinMarriage #EmotionalIndependence #MarriageAdvice #RelationshipBalance #MarriageIQ
35 min - Episode 155 - 6 Communication Habits That Will Save Your Marriage with Rebecca Mullen
Have you ever asked your spouse for the same thing over and over, only to feel like they're just not listening?
In this episode of Marriage IQ, Dr. Heidi Hastings and Dr. Scott Hastings talk with relationship coach, author, and podcast host Rebecca Mullen about why our requests often come out as complaints, hints, or accusations-and how to change that.
Rebecca shares a surprisingly revealing story from her own marriage about spending nearly 20 years asking her husband to make the bed. What she eventually discovered had very little to do with the bed itself. Together, they explore the fears and expectations hiding beneath everyday frustrations, Rebecca's six steps to healthier communication, and how to make a "clean ask" that respects both spouses' needs and freedom to choose.
Better communication is really about creating enough honesty and understanding to find a way forward together, even when the answer is no.
🔗Connect With Rebecca Mullen : rebeccamullencoaching.com
👉Podcast : Habits for Your Happily Ever After
📖 Grab your copy of Rebecca Mullen's book right here : 6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication
Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, Marriage IQ earns from qualifying purchases. We only recommend books and resources from guests and experts whose work aligns with our mission of helping couples build stronger marriages.
💕 Make Your Relationship More Fun! 💕
Download Spark’d, our fun couples app, and start connecting, laughing, and growing together! ❤️
👇 Download Spark’d here!
https://dateyourspouse.com/sparkd-app/
SOCIAL MEDIA
📸Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==
🅵Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411
▶️YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/
38 min - Episode 154 - Opposites Attract Then Drive You Crazy: The Paradox of Marriage
The very qualities that attracted you to your spouse might be the same ones that drive you crazy today.
Marriage is full of paradoxes. We want security and excitement. Independence and connection. We want our spouse to understand us, even when we don't fully understand ourselves. And sometimes, the harder we try to get what we want, the further away it seems.
In this episode of Marriage IQ, Dr. Heidi Hastings and Dr. Scott Hastings explore the fascinating contradictions of marriage, particularly the ways masculine and feminine qualities can both attract and frustrate us.
You'll discover why our expectations about our differences often create more problems than the differences themselves, how the strengths we admire can become sources of conflict, and why understanding your spouse's perspective can change the way you respond.
Perhaps the goal isn't to eliminate our differences, but to recognize how those very differences can make our marriage stronger.💕 Make Your Relationship More Fun! 💕
Download Spark’d, our fun couples app, and start connecting, laughing, and growing together! ❤️
👇 Download Spark’d here!
https://dateyourspouse.com/sparkd-app/
SOCIAL MEDIA
📸Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==
🅵Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411
▶️YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/
#MarriageIQ #MarriagePodcast #MarriageAdvice #HealthyMarriage #RelationshipTips #CouplesCommunication #OppositesAttract #MarriageGrowth #RelationshipGoals26 min - Episode 153 - Why Your Spouse Doesn't Feel Heard (Even When You're Listening) with Nancy Colier
You may know your spouse’s habits, patterns, and usual responses-but do you still stay curious about who they are becoming?
In this episode Dr. Heidi Hastings and Dr. Scott Hastings talk with psychotherapist, couples therapist, and author Nancy Colier about what it really means to listen so your spouse feels heard and known. They explore why couples get stuck in communication ruts, how we can stop relying on old stories about our partners, and what changes when we listen to understand rather than simply respond, solve, or prove we’re right.
Nancy introduces the idea of a “beginner’s mind” in marriage: listening without assuming you already know what’s coming, staying curious about your spouse’s experience, and leaving room for them to evolve. The goal isn’t to agree with everything your spouse says-it’s to become curious enough to understand what is true for them right now.
Listen Like You’re Meeting Your Spouse for the First Time and discover how curiosity can help bring more connection, understanding, and aliveness back into your marriage.#MarriageIQ #MarriagePodcast #MarriageAdvice #HealthyMarriage #RelationshipTips #CouplesCommunication #ActiveListening #EmotionalConnection #MarriageGrowth #NancyColier
🔗Connect With Nancy Colier : nancycolier.com
📖 Grab your copy of Nancy Colier's book right here : Narratives: Let Go of the Stories That Keep You Stuck
Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, Marriage IQ earns from qualifying purchases. We only recommend books and resources from guests and experts whose work aligns with our mission of helping couples build stronger marriages.
💕 Make Your Relationship More Fun! 💕
Download Spark’d, our fun couples app, and start connecting, laughing, and growing together! ❤️
👇 Download Spark’d here!
https://dateyourspouse.com/sparkd-app/
SOCIAL MEDIA
📸Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==
🅵Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411
▶️YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/
38 min - Episode 152 - Is AI Helping Your Marriage or Replacing Your Spouse?
What happens when AI becomes the person you turn to first instead of your spouse? AI can listen without interrupting, respond instantly, and even help us find words when we’re struggling-but what happens when that convenience starts replacing the conversations, vulnerability, and mutuality that marriage requires?
In this episode, Dr. Heidi Hastings and Dr. Scott Hastings explore how AI can become a helpful tool for self-reflection, communication, and understanding your spouse-and how it can just as easily reinforce your side of the story, help you avoid difficult conversations, or quietly pull you away from your partner.
They share practical questions and guardrails for using AI intentionally, including one important distinction: Are you using AI to better show up in your marriage, or because a machine is easier than talking to someone who might disagree with you?
The goal isn’t to decide whether AI is good or bad for marriage. It’s to become more intentional about what role you’re giving it-and whether that role is helping you become a better spouse.
#MarriageIQ #MarriagePodcast #MarriageAdvice #HealthyMarriage #RelationshipTips #CouplesCommunication #EmotionalConnection #MarriageGrowth #AIandRelationships #MarriageIntimacy
💕 Make Your Relationship More Fun! 💕
Download Spark’d, our fun couples app, and start connecting, laughing, and growing together! ❤️
👇 Download Spark’d here!
https://dateyourspouse.com/sparkd-app/
SOCIAL MEDIA
📸Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==
🅵Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411
▶️YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/
30 min - Episode 151 - Who Are You When Marriage Gets Hard? with Therapy Brothers
Losing yourself to keep the peace can quietly change the way you show up in your marriage.
In this episode of Marriage IQ, Dr. Heidi Hastings and Dr. Scott Hastings talk with brothers and therapists Tyler and Brannon Patrick of the Therapy Brothers about integrity, identity, and the subtle ways we can betray ourselves to avoid conflict, rejection, or disapproval.
They explore what it means to “hold your shape under pressure”—staying connected to your spouse without giving up your voice, preferences, values, or sense of self.
You’ll hear why people-pleasing can actually erode trust, how healthy tension and differentiation can strengthen connection, and why lasting change may require looking beneath the behaviors we want to fix to the beliefs and wounds underneath them.🔗Connect With The Therapy Brothers : www.therapybrothers.org/marriageiq
💕 Make Your Relationship More Fun! 💕
Download Spark’d, our fun couples app, and start connecting, laughing, and growing together! ❤️
👇 Download Spark’d here!
https://dateyourspouse.com/sparkd-app/
SOCIAL MEDIA
📸Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==
🅵Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411
▶️YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/
40 min - Episode 150 - Can One Person Really Change a Marriage?
What happens when just one person decides to show up differently in a marriage?
In this episode, we’re telling some remarkable stories of couples who began making small changes-speaking more gently, showing affection, reaching out after years apart, choosing forgiveness-and watched something begin to shift in their relationships.
We recorded this episode in Kigali, Rwanda, after teaching in a new community and returning to communities we taught last year. We asked one simple question: Did anything actually change? What we heard surprised us.
These aren’t stories about controlling or fixing your spouse. They’re about agency-and what can happen when one person changes the pattern.
If you’ve ever thought, “I’d work on my marriage, but my spouse needs to change first,” this episode may give you a very different way to think about what’s possible. Because sometimes, changing your marriage really does start with you.👉 Related episodes:
Episode 47 —Mind Games: How to Fix the Biases That Shape the Way You See Your Spouse
Episode 48 — How Over-functioning Hurts Your Marriage with Dr. Kathleen Smith
Episode 51 — How to Be Happy Even When Life Feels Hard
🔑 THE INTIMACY VAULT IS OPEN!
You don’t need more generic marriage advice…
What if you had 15 different expert-created resources to choose from-and you could start with the one that actually speaks to what YOUR marriage needs right now?
That’s the idea behind the 2026 Intimacy Vault: Unlocking Deeper Sexual Intimacy in Marriage.
Inside you’ll find:
🔑 Expert video workshops
🔑 Guided workbooks
🔑 An intimacy assessment
🔑 A 90-minute relationship course
🔑 Private audio experiences
🔑 A 15-day couples pleasure challenge
🔑 A completely planned role-play date
🔑 And practical tools for desire, passion, play, shame, communication, parenthood & more.
And for a limited time, you can get the entire Vault for just $35 instead of $50 through my link below!
Coupon Code: HEIDI26
https://shop.dateyourspouse.com/products/2026-intimacy-vault?sca_ref=12218606.avOmIoDYAX
⏰ The promotional price ends September 30.
💕 Make Your Relationship More Fun! 💕
Download Spark’d, our fun couples app, and start connecting, laughing, and growing together! ❤️
👇 Download Spark’d here!
https://dateyourspouse.com/sparkd-app/
SOCIAL MEDIA
📸Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==
🅵Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411
▶️YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/
27 min - Episode 149 - Sexual Shame in Marriage: How to Feel Free, Confident & Connected with Dan Purcell
You can love your spouse, want a great sex life, and still carry shame into the bedroom.
Shame about your body. Shame about what you want-or don’t want. Shame about what you were taught was “good,” “bad,” or even okay to talk about. And sometimes those messages are so deeply ingrained that we don’t even realize they’re shaping our sexual choices.
This week, we’re joined by our friend Dan Purcell, host of Get Your Marriage On and creator of the Spark’d and Intimately Us apps, for an honest conversation about how sexual shame shows up in marriage-and how to begin loosening its grip.
We talk about body image, sexual confidence, religious and cultural messages, boundaries, fantasy, mindfulness, and what happens when you and your spouse want different things sexually. Most importantly, we explore how to recognize when shame-not your values or your authentic desires-is making decisions for you.
If you want to feel more comfortable in your own body, more confident in what you want, and more free and connected sexually with your spouse, this conversation is for you.🎁 Dan has created free resources for Marriage iQ listeners : getyourmarriageon.com/marriageiq
🔑 THE INTIMACY VAULT IS OPEN!
You don’t need more generic marriage advice…
What if you had 15 different expert-created resources to choose from-and you could start with the one that actually speaks to what YOUR marriage needs right now?
That’s the idea behind the 2026 Intimacy Vault: Unlocking Deeper Sexual Intimacy in Marriage.
Inside you’ll find:
🔑 Expert video workshops
🔑 Guided workbooks
🔑 An intimacy assessment
🔑 A 90-minute relationship course
🔑 Private audio experiences
🔑 A 15-day couples pleasure challenge
🔑 A completely planned role-play date
🔑 And practical tools for desire, passion, play, shame, communication, parenthood & more.
And for a limited time, you can get the entire Vault for just $35 instead of $50 through my link below!
Coupon Code: HEIDI26
https://shop.dateyourspouse.com/products/2026-intimacy-vault?sca_ref=12218606.avOmIoDYAX
⏰ The promotional price ends September 30.
💕 Make Your Relationship More Fun! 💕
Download Spark’d, our fun couples app, and start connecting, laughing, and growing together! ❤️
👇 Download Spark’d here!
https://dateyourspouse.com/sparkd-app/
SOCIAL MEDIA
📸Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==
🅵Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411
▶️YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/
42 min - Episode 148 - Knowing Your Needs: Why It Matters for Your Marriage with Dr. Brittany McGeehan
You can be incredibly capable, dependable, and attuned to everyone else’s needs-and still be disconnected from yourself.
In this episode of Marriage IQ, Drs. Heidi and Scott Hastings talk with psychologist Dr. Brittany McGeehan about the Powerhouse Paradox: how the same traits that can help you succeed at work, parenting, leadership, and life can create problems at home when you can’t turn them off.
Brittany explains how hypervigilance, over-functioning, control, and the constant pressure to keep everything moving can affect your marriage, including intimacy and your ability to relax and connect with your spouse. She also introduces the idea of self-trust; learning to recognize and respond to the signals your body is giving you rather than automatically reacting to everything around you.
The conversation explores how childhood experiences can shape the way we show up in marriage, how to tell the difference between a current relationship problem and an old wound being triggered, and why sometimes the answer isn't getting your partner to do things your way-but understanding what is happening inside you first.If you're the person everyone depends on, this conversation may help you consider a different question: What happens when you stop managing everyone else long enough to notice what is happening inside you?
#MarriageIQ#MarriageAdvice#SelfTrust#HealthyMarriage #EmotionalConnection
🔗Connect With Dr. Brittany McGeehan : linkedin.com/in/brittanymcgeehanphd
👉Podcast : The Aligned Powerhouse podcast
👉Here are links to previous episodes that relate to today's topic :
Episode 48 — How Over-Functioning Hurts Your Marriage with Dr. Kathleen Smith
Episode 2 — Knowing Yourself: A Cornerstone of an Intelligent Marriage
Episode 15 — Striking the Perfect Balance: Mastering Individuality and Intimacy in Marriage
Episode 30 — How to Stop Self-Silencing and Start Authentically Connecting
💕 Make Your Relationship More Fun! 💕
Download Spark’d, our fun couples app, and start connecting, laughing, and growing together! ❤️
👇 Download Spark’d here!
https://dateyourspouse.com/sparkd-app/
SOCIAL MEDIA
📸Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==
🅵Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411
▶️YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/
36 min - Episode 147 - Divorce Attorney Reveals Why Marriages Fall Apart with Nicole Sodoma
Most marriages do not suddenly fall apart. They slowly weaken when couples stop addressing small problems, repairing after conflict, and intentionally investing in their relationship.
In this episode, Nicole Sodoma joins Drs. Heidi and Scott Hastings to reveal why unresolved conflict often matters more than the issue couples are fighting about. They discuss contempt, empathy, financial awareness, losing yourself in marriage, and why both spouses must be willing to repair and reconnect.You’ll also hear an honest conversation about how to know whether a struggling marriage may still be repaired, what divorce can actually cost emotionally and financially, and how small, intentional changes today may protect your relationship tomorrow.
🔗Connect With Nicole Sodoma : nicolesodoma.com
📖 Grab your copy of Nicole Sodoma's book right here : Please Don't Say You're Sorry
📖 Grab your copy of Journal and Workbook : Please Don't Say You're Sorry
Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, Marriage IQ earns from qualifying purchases. We only recommend books and resources from guests and experts whose work aligns with our mission of helping couples build stronger marriages.
📖 Grab your copy of Viktor Frankl's book right here : Man's Search for Meaning
💕 Make Your Relationship More Fun! 💕
Download Spark’d, our fun couples app, and start connecting, laughing, and growing together! ❤️
👇 Download Spark’d here!
https://dateyourspouse.com/sparkd-app/
SOCIAL MEDIA
📸Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==
🅵Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411
▶️YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/
42 min
About Marriage iQ
From the publisher's feed
Nobody hands you a blueprint for marriage.
You figure it out through misunderstandings, hurt feelings, unmet expectations, and a lot of trial and error.
On Marriage IQ, marriage and sex researcher Dr. Heidi Hastings and physician Dr. Scott Hastings share research-backed tools, expert interviews, and real-life insights to help you communicate more effectively, strengthen emotional and physical intimacy, navigate conflict, and build the marriage you actually want.
Become a more intelligent spouse.
New episodes every Tuesday.