What happens when your best intentions collide with your partner’s expectations?

In this real, unscripted Marriage IQ episode, Drs. Scott and Heidi Hastings unpack how miscommunication and emotional reactivity can derail even the best marriage moments—from heartfelt conversations to romantic retreats.They share a recent story of how cloudy weather, unspoken needs, and one vulnerable moment turned into conflict—and how they repaired it with empathy, humor, and new “rainy-day rules” for their relationship.
👉 Listen in for practical tools to turn misunderstandings into deeper connection—and to learn how to speak and listen with emotional intelligence.

✨EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT:

We are sponsoring a big DATE NIGHT GIVEAWAY: We’re gifting five $100 date-night gift cards (use it for dinner, a concert—your call).

🔔Enter by subscribing to our Weekly Marriage Tips at ⁠⁠⁠MarriageIQ.com⁠⁠⁠.

Entries close November 18, 2025

🔥Winners announced November 28, 2025

Already subscribed? You’re in the drawing. Double your odds—have your spouse subscribe, too. And if this episode inspires a great date, tag us and share a pic—we’ll feature our favorites!

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What do spies and spouses have in common?

In this episode of Marriage IQ, we sit down with Jeremy Hurewitz — former foreign correspondent turned corporate intelligence specialist and author of Sell Like a Spy — to talk about what high-level spy skills can teach us about marriage.

You’ll learn:

✅How to get honest answers from your partner without starting a fight

✅The FBI-inspired way to calm an emotional argument before it explodes

✅Verbal mirroring and the “FM radio voice” trick that helps your partner feel safe

✅Radical empathy: caring for your spouse even in moments you don’t actually like them

✅How elite listeners make you feel like you’re the only person in the room — and how to practice that at home

We also get into body language, reading what’s really going on under the surface, and knowing whether your spouse is mad at YOU… or just mad at the situation.

If you’ve ever thought, “We’re talking, but we’re not connecting,” this one is for you.

📘 Check out our guest Jeremy Hurewitz’s book Sell Like a Spy here: https://www.selllikeaspy.net/book

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Drs. Scott & Heidi Hastings unveil the Ultimate Marriage IQ Date Idea Collection—organized by season, budget, and connection level so you can pick the right date for right now. From everyday, low-cost adventures to cozy winter rituals, spring renewals, summer spontaneity, and fall reflections, you’ll get plug-and-play ideas across the Four Cornerstones: Identity, Intentionality, Insight, and Intimacy.

🎁 GIVEAWAY: We’re gifting five $100 date-night gift cards (dinner, concert—your call).

Enter by subscribing to Weekly Marriage Tips at MarriageIQ.com

⏰ Entries close November 18, 2025

🏆Winners announced November 28, 2025

Already subscribed? You’re in the drawing. Double your odds—have your spouse subscribe too.

💰BONUS: Grab the free printable PDF of today’s ideas under Freebies at MarriageIQ.com—sort by season, budget, or connection level and go!

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Date night isn’t a luxury—it’s maintenance for a scintillating marriage. In this playful episode, Drs. Scott & Heidi Hastings pull back the curtain on 30 years of Friday nights: what’s worked, what hasn’t, and why consistent dates keep you out of “roommate mode.”

You’ll hear their first-kiss story (fireworks were involved), the budget hacks they used in med school, and a stack of Marriage IQ ideas across the Four Cornerstones—Identity, Intentionality, Insight, and Intimacy.

✨EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT:

We are sponsoring a big DATE NIGHT GIVEAWAY: We’re gifting five $100 date-night gift cards (use it for dinner, a concert—your call).

🔔Enter by subscribing to our Weekly Marriage Tips at ⁠⁠MarriageIQ.com⁠⁠.

Entries close November 18, 2025

🔥Winners announced November 28, 2025

Already subscribed? You’re in the drawing. Double your odds—have your spouse subscribe, too. And if this episode inspires a great date, tag us and share a pic—we’ll feature our favorites!

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Why do so many men struggle to express emotion—and what happens to marriages when they do?

In this compelling episode of Marriage IQ, Drs. Heidi and Scott Hastings sit down with psychologist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, whose groundbreaking work on the emotional development of men and boys reveals surprising truths.

From toddler tears to marital tension, Dr. Vanderhorst explains how boys are taught early on to suppress tenderness, sadness, and fear—and how that emotional restriction shows up later in intimacy, conflict, and connection.

Together, they explore:

💬Why boys are born more emotionally expressive than girls

💬 How culture trains men to mute their feelings

💬 What women can do to invite emotional depth without fear or shame

💬 Simple tools (like “feeling words” lists) to help families nurture emotional fluency

It’s an eye-opening conversation about healing generations of emotional silence—and building marriages where men and women can truly feel, connect, and grow together.

We love hearing from you! 

Have a question, topic idea, or feedback? Email us at ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠

You can find Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst and learn more about her work at : ⁠www.drvanderhorst.com

Check out the free feelings list pdf she mentions here: https://www.marriageiq.com/freebies

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What happens when your childhood story starts running your marriage? Therapist and podcast host Malisa Hepner knows that answer firsthand. With a 10/10 ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) score and a lifetime of chaos, Malisa learned how unresolved trauma quietly scripts adult relationships—until we rewrite the story.

In this powerful episode, Malisa joins Dr. Heidi and Dr. Scott Hastings to unpack how early wounds shape identity, love, and self-worth—and how healing begins when we stop performing for approval and start cultivating self-compassion. You’ll discover:
💡 Why “quiet” marriages can feel unsafe for trauma survivors
💡 How to recognize when you’re projecting pain instead of perceiving reality
💡 Why real accountability isn’t shame—it’s self-love in action
💡 And the simple mindset shift that transforms reactivity into peace

This episode will speak to anyone who’s ever felt “too much,” “not enough,” or stuck in survival mode inside their relationship.

🎧 Tune in for a masterclass in healing, insight, and radical self-responsibility—because you can’t have peace in your marriage if you don’t have it in your spirit.

We love hearing from you! 

Have a question, topic idea, or feedback?

Email us at ⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠

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In Part 2 of our Myth Busting series, Heidi and Scott take a research-driven (and very real) look at the narratives that quietly sabotage marriages—especially in faith-based homes.

We unpack why “righteous = immune to hardship,” “waiting for marriage = great sex,” “sacrifice is always good,” “money will fix us (or we must wait till we’re ‘stable’),” “church attendance = trust,” and “betrayal means the marriage is over” don’t always hold up.

You’ll hear what the science says, what Heidi’s dissertation revealed, and practical ways to build honesty, sexual agency, and resilient intimacy.We love hearing from you! 

Have a question, topic idea, or feedback? Email us at ⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠

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We all have stories we tell ourselves about what a “good” marriage should look like—but what if some of them are steering us wrong?

In this Marriage IQ episode, Drs. Heidi and Scott Hastings take a light-hearted yet thought-provoking look at the hidden assumptions that shape how we love, fight, and grow. They blend humor with research to show why some familiar ideas sound right but fall flat—and how shifting your perspective can actually bring you closer together.

This is part one of a two-part series—tune in Friday when Heidi shares her take from a female and faith-based lens.

We love hearing from you! 

Have a question, topic idea, or feedback? Email us at ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠

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What if the very thing that makes your marriage feel safe is also what’s slowly draining its passion? In Part 2 of our fascinating conversation with psychologist and author Dr. Bruce Chalmer, we dive deep into the “death spiral” of passion—how couples who over-prioritize stability can accidentally shut down intimacy and feel miles apart.You’ll learn:
💔 Why emotional distance often feels like depression
🧠 How to pull back and see your relationship from a new perspective
🙏 The power of faith—religious or not—as a mindset for resilience
💬 How to apply Bruce’s 7-word formula: Be kind. Don’t panic. Have faith.Whether your marriage feels stuck or you’re simply ready to reignite your spark, this episode will help you find meaning in the mess, courage in the chaos, and connection in the conflict.

We love hearing from you! 

Have a question, topic idea, or feedback? Email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠

You can find Dr. Bruce Chalmer and learn more about his work at : https://brucechalmer.com/

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Psychologist and author Dr. Bruce Chalmer joins us to share wisdom from 30+ years of helping couples heal, grow, and reignite intimacy.

We talk about his “Passion Paradox,” the balance between stability and intimacy, and how different perspectives—including his Jewish faith—expand our understanding of love and marriage.

In this conversation, we explore:

✅How his own life experiences shaped his approach to therapy.

✅Why marriage struggles are opportunities for growth, not just problems to solve.

✅The “Passion Paradox”—why couples crave both stability and intimacy, and how balancing the two can transform relationships.

✅How different perspectives—including his Jewish faith background—enrich our understanding of love and marriage.

Dr. Chalmer is the author of three insightful books—Betrayal and Forgiveness, It’s Not About Communication!, and Reigniting the Spark—all written to help couples heal, grow, and reignite intimacy.

He also co-hosts the Couples Therapy in Seven Words podcast with his wife, Judy Alexander, where together they bring humor, honesty, and practical guidance to the challenges every couple faces.

We love hearing from you! 

Have a question, topic idea, or feedback? Email us at [email protected]

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