Marriage Is Funny

The Peppers discuss the distinct value of having a group of friends who can love you despite the occasional need for an honest debrief. Gerard asserts that drinking scotch with dudes makes a great backdrop for discussing scripture* while Jessie agrees that having close friendships are a key element to the pursuit of Great Love. Their conversation proves that gender stereotypes do not matter when it comes to communication and despite some overanalyzing, the two learn a ton from completing the full-loop together.

*No confidentiality codes were harmed in the making of this episode.

Thanks to PrepDish, Ritual + Follain for making this episode possible! Click right here to learn more about our sponsors and head to our site for more info about how to support the show.

QUICK BITES:

Jessie + Gerard have very different approaches when it comes to walking into a party. Take the Strengthsfinder test to find out if you’re a woo or a relator.

Men deal with chronic loneliness more than most people might think. Gerard referenced this piece about masculinity after telling about the men’s retreat that he went on with our church. → “What’s the problem with men in America?”

Venting is not an excuse to slap the other person across the face with an insult, it’s about releasing of internal pressure and understanding each other more fully.

Take a peek at the full definition of the term triangulation to find out if it could be something that happens in your own marriage.

Jessie is a stickler for restaurant service, but she sometimes needs some help when it comes to speaking her mind.

Gerard vents his work frustrations when he gets home from work, and Jessie is keen to let him so that they can get it out of the way and get on with their evenings.

Using a protective forcefield is key when your partner needs to share but you don’t want your feelings to get hurt. Whether it’s a preface or a footnote: give your partner a head’s up before you launch into a diatribe.

Being honest with each other about faith has been something that tends to trip us up when it comes to venting. Waiting until the other person is open to receiving the feedback is the only way we’ve been able to navigate this space, but it’s tempting to blurt things out before your partner is ready to talk.

We loved reading The Zim Zum of Love to get a better idea of the connection between us... The idea is this: Marriage is like a magnetic force that deserves to be protected.

TRIGGER QUESTIONS:

Do you consider yourself to be more of a woo or a relator?

If the the wrong meal gets delivered to you at a restaurant, are you more likely to send back your food or just eat it anyway?

How would you describe the difference between venting and complaining?

Who are the people in your life that provide space for accountability and emotional safety?

This week, Gerard + Jessie learn that sympathy pains can extend from partner to partner, as well as from person to pet. Appliance anxiety causes destruction at Casa de Pepper and the whole family is shocked that no one actually got shocked. Depression isn’t always easy to talk about, but it’s important to tell your spouse how you feel for the sake of boosting the overall (mental) health of the marriage.

Thanks to PrepDish, Thrive Market + Amazon for making this episode possible! Click right here to learn more about our sponsors and head to our site for more info about how to support the show.

QUICK BITES:

Jessie and Sadie suffer from sympathy pains in everything from back pain to misophonia to general anxiety.

We are trying to figure out the best ways to keep our girl calm, and these herbal pills and CBD drops are starting to help. We loved this podcast episode about separation anxiety and are thinking about getting Sadie a thundershirt for any noisy holiday nights.

Jessie is pumped about the new Thrive Market clean wines + Gerard gets on board with the sustainable meat + seafood section!

Sadie’s anxiety started with Summer fireworks, but we’re hoping that it stops at the infamous attack of our air conditioning unit.

The Peppers try to decide if electricity can scramble someone’s mental health. Are there any scientists in the audience who would like to weigh in?

Jessie shares about her struggles with anxiety + depression and wants the Gang to know that they can find hope in healing. Three things that have helped with her own personal progress: Studying self awareness, designing her life around alignment, and embracing spirituality in a wholehearted way.

Please be careful of adverse reactions in pet vaccines! This has happened to us twice, and thankfully never resulted in the loss of any furbabies. (A related warning to our local friends: Don’t EVER take your animals to the Long Beach ER Vet on PCH + Ximeno.)

Jessie’s new Amazon-fueled guilty pleasures: The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and sugar-free dark chocolate chips.

A Henri Nouwen quote that is encouraging us this week: “As soon as we feel at home in our own house, discovering the dark corners as well as the light spots, the closed doors as well as the drafty rooms, our confusion will evaporate and our anxiety will diminish and we will then become capable of creative work.” -- From The Wounded Healer.

The podcast Jen Gotch is OK… Sometimes is a great resource if you’d like to listen to someone share their personal experience, and she also gives tons of info and resources about mental health.

For anyone who’s been told, “If you’re sad, just pray about it,” we are here to assure you that God is fully ready and willing to sit with you in your pain. Jessie has taken a deep look at how her sense of spirituality helps her operate in the world, and this approach has made a significant difference in her overall wellbeing.

Gerard describes his experience of worry and stress and how they both pertain to his own emotions. There are distinct differences between anxiety and depression, especially when it comes to clinical and situational settings.

Knowing how to support your partner during a difficult time is the key to pulling through the depths together, in one piece. Jessie learns that her attempt at coaching Gerard is not always well-received, so The Peppers get honest about what either one wants when they happen to be feeling low.

Jessie is a big fan of practicing gratitude daily and has evidence to show as to why it helps keep anxiety at bay. TLDR: Filling your brain with good stuff will leave less room for the things that brings you stress.

This week’s MIF Mailbag highlights a listener question about how to support your spouse during a bout of depression… Gerard relies on something that we call “redirection” and it’s become a very effective tool to help pull someone out of a funk.

Distraction Disclaimer: This is not the same as avoiding or ignoring your problems, and it’s far more about giving the other person the choice to get pulled out of their “well” as you help them climb up to safety.

The bottom line is that asking your partner, “What do you need in this moment?” is often the best way to find out which way to go next.

TRIGGER QUESTIONS:

1.) Do you ever get sympathy pains when your partner is uncomfortable?

2.) Have you ever tried a gratitude practice? Do you believe that it would help you in a moment of stress?

3.) What do you typically want or need from your spouse when you’re feeling down in the dumps?

This week, The Peppers learn that it’s hard to claim accuracy if you can’t quite remember the details. Gerard admits to correcting Jessie more than he should and Jessie admits that she only exaggerates when it’s truly necessary.

Thanks to PrepDish, Thrive Market + RX Bar for making this episode possible! Click right here to learn more about our sponsors and head to our site for more info about how to support the show.

EXTRA NOTE: We are donating all of the profits from this episode to the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America. Feel free to join us if this cause is also near to your heart!

QUICK BITES:

Jessie is closely following the career of Brian Williams. His career may be tarnished, but her admiration is unwavering.

Check out the clip of that fateful Letterman episode here. (Jessie cannot watch without hiding her eyes.)

Sneak a peek of the new photos we took with Christa and be sure to check out her work if you’re local!

The Peppers cannot seem to agree on the details of how they met. Is this a case of basic stubbornness or simply the fading memory of an avid storyteller?

Gerard listened to a podcast about memory that is making him question his “flashbulb moments.” This discussion causes both Peppers to ponder how our memories change as we get farther away from them.

Envelopes = danger. Licking them is a sticky business.

Alzheimers is a real bitch. Donate here to support research for a cure. We’re giving all the proceeds from this episode and would love to have you join us!

Listen to Malcolm Gladwell’s “Free Brian Williams” episode of Revisionist History.

The Notebook opened the floodgates of Jessie’s tearducts and Gerard has been puzzled about this for the past 13 years.

MIF MAILBAG:

This week we share tips about moving houses with your spouse! Hiring movers, how to pack, and who to call when you’re up to your ears in boxes.

Listen to past episodes about furniture and purging for extra suggestions and we’ll try to share a house tour over on instastories soon!

TRIGGER QUESTIONS:

How long do you have to know somebody before you consider them a true friend?

Do you and your partner agree on all the details of your wedding? Guest count, dinner menu, playlist, etc?

Can you remember what your partner was wearing the first time you both met?

The Peppers are spicing things up in the kitchen while also trying to save up for some serious upgrades. Jessie insists that cooking shows are what keep her feeling inspired and Gerard admits their new diet is improving his cooking and his confidence!

Thanks to PrepDish, Casper + Amazon for making this episode possible! Click right here to learn more about our sponsors.

QUICK BITES:

Gerard wants Jessie to be a contestant on Masterchef, but Jessie fears that her baking insufficiencies (among other things) will prevent her from making it to the first cut.

Jessie shamelessly admits to her plan for trying to befriend Joe Bastianich as a way to get to his mother.

Gerard is proud that his wife is doing her research before making a big purchase. Time to bust out the Consumer Reports in order to get the best deals on a new appliance!

We learn that Amazon is the best place to buy a new appliance… Who knew?!

Jessie shares three tips for stove shopping: Try before you buy, always ask for a price cut (obv), and avoid the warranty by purchasing a nicer model to begin with.

Here is the fancy SMEG oven that is worth daydreaming about.

Jessie is an aggressive saver if she has a goal to aim for, while Gerard likes to gradually set money aside so that he can shop whenever he feels like it.

We’re obsessed with our new Misen cooking knives.

Gerard shows off his proficiency for imitating The Swedish Chef.

PrepDish is making us both feel more confident in the kitchen, while Primal Blueprint is revving up our metabolisms and making us more conscious of what we eat.

It’s true that switching things up in the kitchen is a great way to increase your creativity throughout the day!

We couldn’t live without our bulletproof coffee in the morning… Gerard uses grass-fed ghee + Jessie blends hers with MCT oil. The help of a new immersion blender has drastically changed the deliciousness of both!

We are bringing back the MIF Mailbag segment so send in your questions if you want us to answer them on the air! This week, we chat about keeping “the cushion” healthy and also share some thoughts about welcoming a new child into the home.

TRIGGER QUESTIONS:

1.) Who is your all-time favorite person to cook with in the kitchen?

2.) Are you more likely to splurge for an appliance warranty OR spend more upfront on a more reliable option?

3.) What is the one kitchen gadget that you would not be able to live without?

The Peppers begin to realize that one of them is a party animal and the other one usually tries to sneak out early with an Irish Goodbye. Jessie tries to explain her fitness-overdose to Gerard, but she ends up feeling both physically and emotionally tender. (So, of course this means we're talking about it.) 

Ps. - Want to come on vacation with us? We’re headed to Mexico with some of our favorite listeners, and you can find all the info at greatlovegetaway.com!
 

Gerard brings up a new social trend that he’s noticed lately, and Jessie defends herself against an accusation of ghosting.

Jessie tried to make a case for skipping Gerard’s company Christmas party this year, but the allure of getting dressed up got her out of the house.

Our annual 12-hour party is right around the corner and you can hear about the backstory of all things epiphany back in Episode 21.

Some couples have a safe word in the bedroom, but we are instituting a safe word for various preferences within social settings.

Tone it Up is the at-home workout program that has whipped Jessie’s butt into shape over the past several months.

The Peppers recently purged their closets (episode 65) and had somewhat surprisingly different reactions to trying on all of their clothes. 

Gerard has a hard time understanding Jessie’s deep seated body insecurities. We talked about bikinis back in episode 7, but Jessie still puts a lot of stock in how Gerard sees her outward appearance.

The Pepper Dress that Jessie launched earlier this year was born from the desire to wear something that makes her feel beautiful despite the bloat.

Letting your most shameful bits show can bring a ton of healing if it’s done correctly. A particular  instagram post by Jen Gotch provided a ton of inspiration for Jessie this week.

Jessie is sick of standing in front of the mirror alone, so she’s starting a new podcast instead of a support group. Stay tuned here. 

Jessie’s chronic pain (episode 33) can be confusing when it comes to feeling healthy vs. looking healthy, but she's trying to be better about discerning between the two.

Jessie's festive "bobsled cocktail" recipe can be found here. 

Follow our holiday antics on instagram while we're away.

Get involved with the show by checking out the t-shirts and letterpress prints in our shop!

Try episode 23 if you like rollerblades and episode 38 if you are particular about the proper way to hold hands. 

Gerard's least favorite episode involves the story of how he split his pants on vacation. Jessie admits that it will probably be her gift-wrapping entertainment for this week. 

We're headed to Puerto Vallarta for our next Great Love Getaway in April 2018. Grab a ticket and surprise your sweetie pie with a tropical vacation for Christmas! 

We're reminded that no marriage is perfect, which means there is no such thing as the perfect husband OR the perfect wife. Unless you're talking about a podcast, then here she is.

We've heard from our listeners about chronic pain, not having kids, sleeping in separate beds, sleeping in separate cities, armoires, birthday slip-ups and so much more. 

Join our private FB group to keep in touch! 

Leave your feedback about our show in the form of an iTunes review and don't worry about Jessie's feelings, because we've got a big goal to reach! 

This week, The Peppers try to decide which room of the house is best for watching tv, eating dinner, making love + falling asleep (in no particular order). Gerard claims that more pixels will keep him awake while they snuggle, and Jessie spins her wheels trying to decode their varying personality types.

Ps. - Want to come on vacation with us? We’re headed to Mexico with some of our favorite listeners, and you can find all the info at greatlovegetaway.com!

We talked about our TV watching habits back in Episode 44 and you won’t be surprised to find out that not much has changed.

Gerard falls asleep approximately 13.5 seconds after getting into bed... for TV watching, for naps, and probably even for sex.

Jessie wonders if watching heartfelt shows with each other can create as much as a connection as actually having heartfelt conversations

Gerard thinks that watching TV outside of the bedroom will keep him from falling asleep in the middle of a show. Especially if it involves some sort of fancy projector screen so that we don’t have to ruin the decor in our front room.

Jessie finally concedes to Gerard in an argument for the very first time in MIF history.

We recently watched The Christmas Story and Gerard slept for almost the entire film. Jessie was annoyed, but now she finally understands all of the inside jokes about fragile leg lamps.

This episode has us shamelessly processing our possible Enneagram numbers, and you can take this free test to find your own. Jessie also recommends a book called The Road Back to You and the corresponding podcast of the same name.

Studying our Strengths has been an eye-opening way to learn more about each other’s inner world.

Jessie’s family plays Balderdash with a political (and incorrect) spin but despite their annoying habit, we still really like the original game.

Episode 43 of the Sorta Awesome podcast is a great resource for anyone looking to learn more about the Myers-Briggs test.

Jessie unlocks the key to manipulation by taping a magazine tear to the front of the fridge. Now the Peppers are considering a brand new brewing contraption and Gerard’s recent facial hair makes him the perfect candidate for a Chemex. Neither partner can decide on the best approach to pest control, but Jessie's recent spider run-in is causing some extra urgency.

Jessie has chronicled her morning routine before, and you can see the full story in photos right over here.

Our current coffee set up includes a Nespresso Pixie, Jessie's electric tea kettle + a big jar of instant coffee. (She also adds monkfruit sweetener, marine collagen, peppermint essential oil + powdered coconut creamer.)

A Trader Joe’s guy gets judgey about Jessie’s lackluster brewing preferences so she decides to get a new milk frother to replace her hand-held version that keeps breaking.

If you’re ever in Long Beach, please try the americano with home made coconut milk from Rose Park Roasters.

Jessie survives a spider attack and this fuels her fear of creepy crawlers in the house. The familiar Mercy Curse from Episode 48 rears it’s ugly head, yet again.

Get the same spider repellant packets that we talk about in this episode and join the ranks of sensitive people who oppose insect genocide.

Jessie admits her anxiety around family holiday dinners + Gerard begins to realize that both Peppers have far too much on their plates.

Don’t forget that we’ll send you a letterpress print when you post a photo to social media with the tags @meetthepeppers / #marriageisfunny but just make sure to send us the screenshot before the end of 2017!

Ps. - Want to come on vacation with us? We’re headed to Mexico with some of our favorite listeners, and you can find all the info at greatlovegetaway.com!

Jessie is still perplexed about the confusion around her dietary restrictions. Listen back to Episode 6 for a funny example of the last misunderstanding.

We’ve spoken before about feeling like a guest at your in-laws house, but Gerard explains that he sometimes has to hang back in order to make it work.

Jessie’s famous healthy lasagna recipe is really just a mashup of the following: eggplant “noodles”, tomato sauce, your cheese of choice, cooked spinach, black olives, artichoke hearts, and plenty of herbs/spices. Bake for 45 mins at 375 degrees and sprinkle with parm + crushed red peppers.

Listen to this refresher of our Epiphany set up back in Episode 21.

Jessie makes this sugar-free version of cranberry sauce every year for Thanksgiving... There is still a large leftover vat in our fridge, but she’s somehow convinced that it was a huge hit.

If you’re curious about the house church movement that our community is following, feel free to check out the book Multiply by Francis Chan.