Knowing that second marriages are more likely to end in divorce than first marriages and being that I was happy and thriving as a divorced single man, why did I get married again? After being betrayed the first time around, why take the risk? Those are fair questions. I’m glad you asked.

It’s What I Wanted

First and foremost, I married again because I wanted to.

That sentence says more than you think it does. It says getting married is what I wanted. Getting married was not driven by any external pressure from family, friends, or society. It is what I wanted – what I desired.

That sentence also says getting married is what I wanted. It doesn’t say I needed to or I had to. It says I wanted to. I got past the point of feeling like I had to and simply wanted to. That’s what should drive any decision to get married or get married again, a want, a desire, not an internal neediness or external pressure.

Sex

I’m not going to lie to you. A big part of why I got married again is because I missed sex. As a Christian, engaging in sex with someone I was not married to was not an option.

Now, it’s important to view this in light of what I wrote earlier in this post. I wanted sex, I desired sex, But I didn’t need sex to be happy. It was a want, not a need. My sex drive did not force me to get married again. But, my desire for sex was one of the main things that led to my desire to get married.

Intimacy

But, as great as sex is, it’s only a part of the story. To me, sex without intimacy is unfulfilling. It is being connected to and committed to someone that gives sex meaning. In that context, sex becomes so much more than just physical gratification and the satisfying of an urge. It becomes beautiful, satisfying, healing, bonding, and sacred.

And of course, there is much more to intimacy than sex. Sex is only one physical manifestation of intimacy. I wanted physical touch in general. I wanted to hold hands, hug, and kiss.

Intimacy is also intensely emotional. It is knowing and being known by someone – all of the good, the bad, and the things you would rather keep secret that you have never told anyone else. There is a trust and a vulnerability to an intimate relationship. You cannot have that until you find someone who proves themselves trustworthy and you learn to trust again.

If I wrote a longer post I could also delve into financial, spiritual, and other forms of intimacy. But, I need to move on and you get my point. I am talking about intimacy, something that goes far beyond mere companionship.

Someone I Desired and Could Trust

So, if sex and intimacy are important, that leads me directly to my next point. I wanted to get married again because I got to know someone and found them desirable and trustworthy. I had zero interest in marrying someone who might break my heart again. That would have been devastating.

I waited and waited – waited till I got to know someone I knew I could trust. Trust is built over time. You cannot know if someone is trustworthy until you spend a lot of time with them – a lot of non-romantic time. Romance in dating clouds your perception of anyone you are interested in.

Of course, someone can be extremely trustworthy, but if you don’t find them desirable, what’s the point of getting married? I waited until I found someone trustworthy and desirable. And by desirable, I mean I found someone physically, sexually, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually desirable.