Original Air Date: 8/4/25

You’re about to hear what it really feels like to be married to a trauma surgeon, while building a big, ambitious life of your own.

If you’ve ever asked yourself:

“How do I keep showing up for everything from kids, work, marriage, without losing myself?”

This episode is for you.

Ashlee is pulling back the curtain on a part of her life she’s never fully shared. Her husband, Chris, is an orthopaedic trauma surgeon. His job saves lives. But for years, the emotional and invisible labor of holding up the rest of their life? That fell on her.

She’s not here to vent.

She’s here to tell the truth about ambition, identity, marriage, resentment, and rebuilding a partnership that actually works, even when it’s far from 50/50.

In this raw, real episode, you’ll hear:

• What no one tells you about being married to someone in a high-stakes job

• How ambition plays out behind closed doors (when no one’s watching)

• Why resentment creeps in—and what helped shift it

• The systems they built to survive: therapy, grocery delivery, asking for help

• The surprising comments that almost took her out

• And why she’s done hiding this part of her story

This isn’t a highlight reel. It’s a survival story.

And if you’ve been carrying the weight of a career, a home, and a family—alone?

You’ll feel seen.

You’ll Learn:

✔ What real partnership looks like when life is anything but balanced

✔ How to reframe ambition inside your marriage—without shrinking

✔ Why traditional marriage advice doesn’t work for couples like you

✔ The moment Ashlee decided to stop hiding this part of her story

✔ The daily mindset shifts that brought her back to herself

In this episode:

00:00 Welcome back + why this episode is different

2:12 The comment that made Ashlee go silent for years

5:35 What it’s like being married to a trauma surgeon

10:40 Invisible labor, identity loss, and unraveling

14:20 The real cost of “you’re so lucky”

18:30 Why this isn’t a power couple story—it’s survival

21:25 46% burnout + divorce rates in trauma medicine

25:45 Systems that saved them: au pairs, therapy, asking for help

30:12 Grieving the life she thought she was signing up for

35:00 What real partnership looks like when it’s not 50/50

38:45 The shift from resentment to radical pride

41:00 You’re not behind. You’re building something real.

🎧 Listen to This Wasn’t My Plan on your favorite platform:

→ Spotify

→ Apple Podcasts

📲 Follow Ashlee on Instagram: @rxashleehayes

💬 DM her: What part of your personal life have you been afraid to own publicly?

💻 For more resources and coaching tools → rxashlee.com

You’re not crazy.

You’re evolving.

And you’re allowed to want more—even if your life looks “shiny” from the outside.

Let’s talk about the version no one posts on Instagram.