Martin Fenerty was diagnosed with HIV in 1993 at just 23 years old, following a severe facial herpes outbreak that led to testing at Liverpool's Seaman's Dispensary. Told he had 5-10 years to live, Martin found himself navigating early adulthood whilst facing his own mortality, complicated by family rejection over his sexuality and a relationship with an HIV-negative partner.

His journey through the pre-combination therapy years reveals the psychological impact of "waiting to die" - living in limbo whilst watching peers build careers and plan futures he believed he'd never see. Martin's experience of stigma within the gay community itself, where strangers would approach him to confirm his positive status, highlights how discrimination operated even in supposedly safe spaces.

Now 55 and working as an NHS counsellor and psychotherapist specialising in LGBTQ+ and HIV services, Martin's story demonstrates the profound psychological work required to transition from preparing for death to learning how to live when combination therapy offered unexpected longevity.

Timestamped Takeaways

03:39 - Young and isolated: "I'd been out as a gay man only for a couple of years... had quite a rough time with my family."

04:22 - Severe symptoms: "A huge outbreak of facial herpes... all over my face and my neck."

06:05 - Testing at the Seaman's Dispensary: "Favoured by gay men and people involved in sex work because it had a reputation for being more open minded."

08:01 - Receiving the diagnosis: "It was too much for me to take in... I was in shock."

09:56 - Partner dynamics: "He tested negative... the complexity really was around my response to that."

12:26 - Stigma everywhere: "HIV was very stigmatised... it was anathema to be associated with people who were positive, even in the gay community."

16:25 - Death sentence reality: "I was advised that my life would be limited... I wouldn't survive beyond 5-10 years."

21:54 - Confidentiality breach: "My HIV status became known to quite a number of people on the gay scene."

22:14 - Community discrimination: "People would make it known that they knew about my status... quite threatening, quite scary."

24:10 - Health decline: "I would vacuum my little living room... and I had to lie down and have a sleep."

26:02 - Waiting to die: "My life was sort of frozen... underpinning everything was this assumption that I was going to die."

27:39 - Internalised shame: "Maybe I did think I deserved to die... I regarded myself as a bad person who was worthless."

29:35 - Suicide as safety net: "I held on to that idea of suicide as a safety net... at least I can end my own life."

30:25 - Combination therapy transformation: "Within six months, my viral load... was undetectable."

32:08 - Learning to live: "The realisation that I was waiting to die was the realisation that I had to live."

34:07 - Ongoing vulnerability: "We can't necessarily take for granted that those people meant to be caring for us... are going to do that in good faith."

39:41 - Remembering Mark: "He was an example of a role model for me of how to live well with HIV."

44:09 - Final message: "There is life to be lived after HIV diagnosis... everything remains available to you."

Links:

• Other work from Producer Dan Hall.
• Positively UK - A peer-led organisation offering support and advice for people living with HIV, including women, youth, and migrants.
• The Love Tank - An organisation focusing on wellbeing of queer communities, especially Black and brown people, through projects like PrEPster and The Grass Is Always Grindr.
• Positive East - London-based support centre offering HIV testing, counselling, community outreach, and health services.
• PrEPster - Community-led PrEP (HIV prevention pill) education project. Offers clear and inclusive info for diverse audiences across the UK.
• National AIDS Trust - A UK policy and campaigning organisation dedicated to ending HIV stigma and promoting effective HIV policies.
• aidsmap - A trusted source for up-to-date, evidence-based information on HIV. Great for learning about treatment, living with HIV, and current research.
• Terrence Higgins Trust - The UK’s leading HIV and sexual health charity. Offers support, testing info, prevention resources (PrEP), and education materials.
• In the Key of Q - Podcast celebrating Queer musicians and their stories, also produced by Dan Hall.