EQUINOX SPORTS CLUB, MANHATTAN

A very pretty woman exicersises impressively.

Why even try.

Well, I wanna die.

DEATH-

are you ready, then?

Yeap, I'm ready to go.

I just want to die.

*deflates*

JENNIFER ANNISATAN

I told you don't cry in here.

*not crying*

JENNIFER ANNISATAN

My minions will eat you alive.

*coughs*

Yeah, I'm ready.

NOT SO FAST.

I'm not fasting—

JENNIFER ANNISATAN

—are you not?

Uhh… no—

[literally always fasting]

JENNIFER ANNISATAN

then how am I here?

—You're not?

JENNIFER ANNISTON and SATAN SEPERATE entirely.

YO.

What the fuckz

SATAN

I'll be back

DAMN.

WTF.

I know, huh.

JENNIFER ANNISTON

…what just happened?

Nothing.

JENNIFER ANNISTON

Who was that?

Satan.

He was cute.

I know, huh.

JENNIFER ANNISTON

well, uh— I might have had one too many cocktails last night and don't remember how I got here—

Yep.

JENNIFER ANNISTON

—which is where, exactly?

Uh. Equinox.

JENNIFER ANNISTON

Equinox?

Yeah. Equinox fitness.

JENNIFER ANNISTON

FITNESS? Like a GYM? I don't belong to a gym!

yeah, I bet.

JENNIFER ANNISTON

where is this?!

*looks out window*

Is this midtown?!

*deflates*

Oh my god, what time is it? I've got to get to Central Perk— I'm probably late.

Wait, you what?

Have we met, by the way? I'm —

I know who you are

A couple of bystanders walk slowly by

BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 1

Isn't that Rachel from FRIENDS?

Wait.

The fuck.

Wait—

BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 2

You mean “Jennifer Anniston”

BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 1

No, I meant “Rachel from Friends”

Aw, fuck

JENNIFER ANNISTON/RACHEL.

I must have really tied one one last night! I don't know those people—but she knows my name.

Which is?

RACHEL—have we not met?

Oh my GOD.

Oh my God.

OhMyGod.

oh My Gods

BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 2

She's not “just” Rachel From Friends— she also dated Brad Pitt.

BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 1

Who's Bradd Pitt.

BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 1

Like the—

Wait, does our generation have a comparable—

BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 1

—he's like the Zac Efron of the 90's.

Or Robert Pattinson

Yeah, but look at his eyes.

CUT TO:

THE HOMELESS ZAC EFRON still has beautiful eyes

However, he's just—

HOMELESS ZAC EFRON

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH.

Not all there.

CUT BACK TO:

BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 2

OH. Ew, the 90's.

BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 1

Friends was 90's..! I think.

BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 2.

yea, but like, late 90's.

They begin to walk away.

Sometimes, throwing up the white flag and throwing in the towel can be the same thing. I loved the beautifully white and cleaned, nearly rolled and refrigerated cool Eucaplytus towels at Equinox, but hated feeling lesser than—like something just didn't add up. Why was my skin so dark, my hair so curly, and my body so rotten that I couldn't seem to be loved—or find it anywhere. Perhaps it was all just karma come my way—for the same reasons I wasn't attracted to it—perhaps he wasn't attracted to me; I didn't know. Still, it was worth the try, and though my time was running short I didn't mind. I didn't much want to stay in the world at all, let one fight for it at any cost—and everything did cost, far too much—far too much time wasted, and myself, wasting away. Soon, all would be forgotten—I came to grips with my own mortality and immortality—where I was certainly was where I had been before, but also had not always been—and wouldn't always be. Time turned by more rapidly with each passing day, and I unraveled it with the only weapons I had— with the words and with the songs a cold heart and an unsound mind had given way to—and while I wanted to end it all, I wouldn't. Something else would have to take me, just as death whispered so softly in my ear to be made by my own hands, the fabric of time itself were woven from such.

Throw myself on the tacks—

With the rest of the trash

Can't finish my tracks,

I'm still under attack,

*coughs*

(Cause I'm black,

Like the magic)

*coughs*

Snap,

Like

i'm coming off crack, er

Ask uncle cracker a question that matters,

He'll answer

“Bitch, I want all of it;

I control everything

I am the reason you worship—

So worship me;

I own the land, all the money,

The property

I own your body,

Then I discard it”

Like trash on the tracks

Now watch all the women fight over me,

Fight for my money,

And fight to be free

You can call it

“Democracy”

Fuck this,

I'm leaving.

Yeah, fuck this nasty planet.

I'm out.

*coughing gross people demons*

*other nasty people demons throwing trash*

GOD

NOPE.

There's no such thing as “God••”

“EARTH IS JUST A ROCK”

ALIENS

BYE.

This is not a suicide threat,

It's a letter, unread by the press,

And marked as “depression”

Bi- polar or manic,

But everyone's panicking