Avery - 00:00

Effective communication is like the glue that holds our personal and professional worlds together.

In both realms, it serves as a cornerstone of understanding, collaboration, and connection.

So just think about it.

In our personal lives, clear and empathetic communication fosters deeper relationships with loved ones, it allows us to express our needs, feelings, and boundaries honestly, while also creating a safe space for others to do the same.

But without it, misunderstandings can brew, leading to unnecessary conflicts and emotional strain.

In the professional sphere, effective communication is the linchpin of success.

Whether it's conveying ideas in meetings, giving and receiving feedback, or collaborating with colleagues, Clear communication is essential.

Avery - 00:44

It ensures tasks are completed effectively, efficiently and goals are aligned and teams are cohesive.

Moreover, strong communication skills often are a prerequisite for leadership positions as effective leaders must inspire, motivate and guide their teams through clear and compelling communication.

Ultimately, in both personal and professional realms, effective communication isn't just about transmitting information.

It's about building trust, fostering empathy, and nurturing meaningful conversations.

It's the key to navigating the complexities of human interactions with grace and authenticity.

But it doesn't always come naturally, does it?

Hi, I'm Avery Thatcher, a former ICU nurse, and this is not your standard stress management podcast where we just focus on those band-aid solutions like the benefits of meditation, mindfulness, and self-care.

Avery - 01:36

You already know that you need some kind of recovery strategy to deal with your stressful life.

But what you may not know are all of the sneaky ways that society, our upbringing and our high achieving nature, and so many other factors contribute to our risk of burnout.

That, my friend, is what we talk about here on this podcast because you can't do something about a situation that you're not aware of, right?

So if you're ready to get out of the pattern of burning out, feeling better, only to burn out again, it's time for us to shut the light on the truth about burnout.

Alright, so first of all let's start talking about the four styles of communication and their link to the stress response.

Each of us have a unique way of communicating shaped by our individual style, past experiences, and beliefs.

Plus, we can communicate differently in different scenarios depending on what's happening.

Avery - 02:30

When it comes to communication, there are four main types.

Assertive, Aggressive, Passive, and Passive-Aggressive.

First up we have assertive communication.

Picture someone confidently expressing their thoughts and needs while also respecting the rights of others.

This style of communication often doesn't activate the stress response at all, or if it does, it keeps your inner objective observer in the driver's seat rather than going into survival mode.

Then there's Aggressive Communication.

This is where someone's communication style leans towards the domination or control of the conversation, often disregarding the feelings of others.

Avery - 03:08

It's like the fight response, cranked up to 11, leading to confrontations and conflicts.

On the flip side, passive communication is more about avoiding conflict altogether.

It's like hitting the flight and fawn button in the stress response, where individuals suppress their needs and emotions to keep the peace.

And lastly, we have passive-aggressive communication.

This style combines elements of both passive and aggressive behavior, often expressing hostility indirectly.

It's akin to the freeze response combined with the flight response.

Where emotions are bottled up and released in subtle and sometimes undermining ways.

Avery - 03:47

It's where we want to fight back, but we're not comfortable with the potential consequences, so we freeze.

So whether we're assertive, aggressive, passive, or passive-aggressive in our communication, each style is closely linked to that natural stress response, the fight-flight-freezer, even FON, which involves seeking approval or avoiding conflict.

And so understanding these connections between the stress response and our communication styles can help us navigate interactions with greater awareness and empathy.

Because if we want to know when to use each communication style, we have to know what our default is first.

Understanding our communication patterns in different situations, especially the stressful or triggering ones, is key.

It's like knowing your go-to moves on the social dance floor, when to step forward, when to step back, and when to find your rhythm in between.

In our day-to-day lives, there is always space for assertive or balanced passive communication.

Avery - 04:45

Sometimes it's cool to take a step back and let others lead, but not all the time, but sometimes.

Sometimes it's our turn to take the lead and maybe even stand up for ourselves, which is where assertive communication comes in.

It's about expressing ourselves confidently while still respecting others and being aware of how to deliver our message in the most strategic way, understanding how our delivery might trigger the other person's stress response and nervous system.

Really, assertive communication is all about navigating difficult situations, but without the drama.

And it's really important to steer clear of the aggressive and passive aggressive styles.

There is never a case where aggressive makes sense and definitely no situation where passive aggressive communication is helpful.

I will happily, respectfully debate this with you for hours, so if you disagree and think that there is space for aggressive or passive-aggressive communication, let me know on Instagram at BecomingAvery and we can talk.

Avery - 05:44

Recognizing our default communication modes in different scenarios and knowing when to switch to the assertive style helps us navigate conversation smoothly, keeping the communication flow calm Objective, respectful, and this often requires assertive communication, which is a skill that everyone can

learn.

And like most skills, there is actually a list of easy steps to follow that start strengthening your ability to be assertive.

All right, so this is my five-step framework to assertive communication.

Assertive communication really is like a well-crafted recipe for productive dialogue ensuring that our voices are heard while fostering mutual understanding and respect.

So let's talk about this framework for mastering this art of assertive communication.

Number one, You have to identify your triggers.

Avery - 06:36

Before diving into the conversation, take a moment to reflect on what might trigger you.

Whether it's certain words, behaviors, or past experiences, understanding your own triggers allows you to approach the conversation with mindfulness and composure.

Recognizing others' triggers is just as important as knowing your own though, so that's why it's step number two.

Because when we know what their triggers might be when we put ourselves in their shoes and consider their perspective, we're empathizing with the potential triggers and you can approach the conversation with a greater sensitivity and empathy, which allows them to not have their stress response

activated, which then in turn allows you to be both present in that conversation with neither of you being defensive.

Number three, you need to clarify your outcome.

And so instead of going into the conversation with a rigid agenda, focus on the outcome that you're seeking.

Avery - 07:28

This is not necessarily a my way or the highway kind of thing.

Are you aiming for a shared understanding?

Mutual education?

Are you into collaborative problem solving?

Clarify the desired outcome that sets the tone for a constructive dialogue where both parties feel heard and respected.

That is the true goal of Assertive Communication.

Sometimes, yes, you do have to get your way, but it's really important that the other parties feel heard and respected in this conversation, because then it's not just a dictatorship, it's a collaboration, even if it has to be your way.

Avery - 08:03

Number four, prepare your approach.

How do you plan to start the conversation?

Because this sets the tone for the entire interaction.

Plan your opening carefully, aiming for clarity, respect, and empathy, Whether it's expressing appreciation, stating your intentions, or framing the conversation as a collaborative effort, a thoughtful approach lays the groundwork for that productive communication.

Again, making sure that neither of you trigger and get defensive.

And lastly, five, managing your stress.

Before initiating a conversation, take steps to lower your own stress levels.

Avery - 08:38

Whether it's deep breathing, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in calming activities, Reducing stress ensures that you enter the dialogue with a clear mind and an open heart, ready to engage in assertive and effective communication.

Because if you think about it, if you're busy putting out this fire, then you get an email, then you get some phones, you get other notifications, and then you've got this person knocking on your door because there's an issue, and then you try and leap into the conversation?

You're already like really ramped up at that point so we need to calm you down so you can embrace that conversation and enter that conversation with calm so you can clarify your objective, prepare your approach, and acknowledge both the triggers for them and for you.

And so by following these five steps we can navigate conversations with confidence and authenticity, fostering meaningful connections and mutual respect in our interactions.

This is a very important skill, not just for leaders, but also for staff across the board.

And so because I really think that a lot of this seems very abstract until we can get into a concrete example, I just want to give you a quick little rundown of what that assertive communication framework could look like in action.

So I've already acknowledged my own triggers here and I know what's going to maybe work for them or work against them because I understand that they probably In the past, I've seen it, but they are more likely to take this conversation personally and get defensive.

Avery - 10:01

So I want to acknowledge that and be able to work with that before I start the conversation.

So an example again could look like, hey Avery, I noticed that you're arriving a bit late to work pretty consistently, And I know that you have a lot of other things going on in your life and that work is a very far drive for you, but I also know that you're really passionate about your job.

And I would like to brainstorm some ideas together of how we can work to get you to work here on time each day.

Are you ready to discuss that right now?

And so really by having this we're going through all five steps of that framework making sure that everything is laid out and it's very clear but it also acknowledges that this person might start to say like hey I got a lot going on hey you know like I work is a long way for me it's a big drive and

I can't control traffic.

But there's still things that you can work on with them around those things.

Avery - 10:50

So acknowledging their potential obstacles and then also acknowledging that they're passionate about their job goes a long way in delivering the conversation in the most strategic way.

And really, mastering assertive communication is not just about expressing ourselves.

Again, it's really about fostering that understanding, respect, and collaboration in our interactions.

By identifying our triggers, empathizing with others, clarifying our outcomes, preparing our approach, managing our stress, we can navigate conversations with this confidence and authenticity.

And this approach, this framework that I've outlined for you, not only ensures that our voices are heard, but it also creates meaningful connections and mutual respect.

It allows us to use assertive communication as a powerful tool for building stronger relationships and fostering positive outcomes in both our personal and professional lives.

If you found this helpful, go ahead and share it with a friend or check out this episode's blog article on my website thetruthaboutburnout.com So you can see that framework outlined one step at a time.

Avery - 11:58

One more thing, if you need help with this skill or if someone needs to come in for your organization to help all of the organization learn this skill, my 90-minute interactive workshop session might just be exactly what you're looking for.

Hold it right there.

Don't skip to the next podcast you're going to listen to just yet because I have something else I think you're really going to want.

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Go to thetruthaboutburnout.com for more information and start your free week trial today.