ME + MOTHERHOOD with Benita Bensch

We talk a lot about mental health these days which I’m so grateful for. It’s brilliant that we as a society are more aware of this topic and it’s no longer taboo to talk openly about things like anxiety and depression.

While I believe these conversations are extremely valuable, we often place the focus on mental illness as opposed to mental health itself.

I’d like to open the discussion on how to recognise the mental health red flags so we can catch ourselves and take action before we spiral downward.

I recently had a conversation with my dear friend Mandy and we brainstormed the idea of implementing a traffic light system to identify our mental states. The green light represents everything going well, orange indicates that things are beginning to slip, and the red light signifies waving flags, urging immediate action.

One resource I've turned to repeatedly is the Beyond Blue website. One page in particular offers a fantastic description of the mental health continuum, showing that mental health isn't black and white. Picture it as a timeline with stages ranging from healthy to crisis, allowing for a personalised understanding of your mental health journey.

Green Light - Healthy:  In this stage, we operate smoothly. We think clearly, feel capable, and maintain positive connections and routines.

Orange Light - Unsettled: We might feel irritable or have trouble concentrating in this stage. The key is to acknowledge these feelings early, especially as we approach high-stress periods like the busy holiday season.

Red Light - Struggling: When you’re in the red zone, emotions might include distress, hopelessness or brain fog. At this point, you might feel like you need professional support from a counsellor, psychologist, coach or trusted friend.

Because we’re all different, your green, orange and red lights will look different to someone else. For me, being overly stressed or losing touch with my intuition is a sign that I’m in the orange zone. Spiraling negative thoughts, not wanting to take calls or go out at all indicate more severe struggles in the red zone.

Creating lists of what helps during each phase is a proactive step you can take. Maybe going for a walk, calling a friend or taking a long bath are things that help draw you back to feeling yourself.

Remember, there's no shame in asking for help. Vulnerability not only liberates you but also grants others permission to share their struggles too. You are worthy of feeling good and are a valuable part of our world.

Beyond Blue Website 

Find free printable affirmations and affirmation phone wallpaper graphics from RESOURCES at www.benitabensch.com

Let’s meet: Book a discovery call with me

Subscribe: Join my mailing list

Website: http://www.benitabensch.com

Freebie: Affirmation Email Series

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/benitabensch

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/benitabensch

Moving away from the familiar is generally very uncomfortable. 

As someone who has experienced a lifetime of perfectionism and people pleasing, I know just how hard it is to let go of control and branch out into something beyond my comfort zone. 

But what if discomfort is actually the best thing for us?

At the time of recording this, I found myself reflecting on the story of Australian man Nedd Brockmann, who embarked on what he called 'Nedd's Uncomfortable Challenge' and completed it. He ran an astounding 1,000 miles around Sydney Olympic Park, aiming to set a new record in 10 days.

Although he completed it in 12 days, his determination and the $3 million + raised for charity speak volumes about the strength that comes with embracing discomfort. Witnessing this has made me ponder: how could someone put themselves through such pain and so many injuries when they didn’t have to? What's required to have that level of mental and physical toughness, and what was his why?

It got me wondering about my own life and the ways in which I push myself (or fail) to get uncomfortable. And what it means to navigate our own discomforts, particularly as mothers?

Today, we're exploring:

- Bridging Discomfort and Motherhood
- Understanding Our Discomforts
- My Uncomfortable: Embracing a Slower Pace
- Subtle Shifts and the Power of No
- Crafting Our Unique Journeys

Here’s the lesson I hope to impart: your uncomfortableness, however it manifests, is just as valid and transformative as running a thousand miles. It's unique to you. Whether it's scaling unprecedented heights or simply learning to be gentler on ourselves as parents, it’s crucial to embrace our journey authentically and with compassion.

And perhaps, in doing so, we’ll find our own version of Nedd’s courage—a courage to face and champion our personal challenges with everything we’ve got.

Find free printable affirmations and affirmation phone wallpaper graphics from RESOURCES at www.benitabensch.com

Let’s meet: Book a discovery call with me

Subscribe: Join my mailing list

Website: http://www.benitabensch.com

Freebie: Affirmation Email Series

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/benitabensch

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/benitabensch

I’ve been feeling different in the past few years. There has been one internal shift, big question and hard decision after another to contend with. I’m thinking more deeply about what I want to do with my life, and who I want to surround myself with.

I’m referring to the midlife unravelling. Notice how I specifically didn’t use the term 'midlife crisis'? That’s because, for many of us, the experience of reaching our 40s and beyond is less about crisis and more about unravelling—a gentle peeling back of the layers we've built over the years. 

The term 'midlife crisis' often carries a negative connotation, suggesting disarray and upheaval. But what if we view it through a different lens? To me, the term 'unravelling' seems to better capture this phase—it's an inevitable shedding of old defences and identities that no longer serve us, and an invitation to step into our true selves.

One of the gifts of these midlife years is the wisdom to recognise that we have a choice—we can rethink, redefine, and reimagine what our futures holds. Yes, it's an ongoing work in progress with no definite answers, but isn’t that liberating in its own way? 

Here's what I've settled on: I want to grow continuously and cherish each version of myself. This time isn't just about enduring change but embracing it with open arms and an open heart. 

So, if you're also navigating this midlife unravelling, remember, you're not alone. This evolution is an opportunity for transformation, and within it lies the potential for profound personal growth.

Find free printable affirmations and affirmation phone wallpaper graphics from RESOURCES at www.benitabensch.com

Let’s meet: Book a discovery call with me

Subscribe: Join my mailing list

Website: http://www.benitabensch.com

Freebie: Affirmation Email Series

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/benitabensch

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/benitabensch

Sometimes, we prefer to stay in our suffering.

The pain we’re familiar with can be a lot less scary than the unknown - which potentially comes with rejection, failure or even success (yes, that can be scary too!)

This could be relationships, habits, friendships, old beliefs… and sometimes they’re paralysing to let go of, even when we know in our hearts that we should.

So how do we find the courage to release what holds us back? Today, I’m sharing with you five different tips that I came up with that will support you in the letting go journey and making changes you need to get into alignment with your true self.

I’ll take you through how to:

1. Use Past Evidence
2. Follow Your Feelings and Intuition
3. Get Clear on Your Desires
4. Be Courageous
5. Find Power in Letting Go

Letting go is rarely instant. It’s a gradual process that might require revisiting over and over, especially with significant changes like ending a long-term relationship or changing careers. However, equipped with the right mindset and these tips, you can navigate through the process of letting go with grace and self-assurance.

I understand that there's a big spectrum of things that you might be letting go of, but remember: trusting yourself and your inner knowing, even when it’s outside your comfort zone, will only lead to healing and growth. 

Find free printable affirmations and affirmation phone wallpaper graphics from RESOURCES at www.benitabensch.com

Let’s meet: Book a discovery call with me

Subscribe: Join my mailing list

Website: http://www.benitabensch.com

Freebie: Affirmation Email Series

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/benitabensch

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/benitabensch

A lot of us would never call ourselves creative.

We think that if we can’t paint, write or draw, then we’re definitely not creative.

That was me for many years. At a young age, I decided that because I was the academic one in the family and not good at art like my sister, I wasn’t and never would be creative. 

Thankfully, I no longer believe this lie. I now recognise the unique ways in which I create and that if I put myself in a box, I’ll miss out on all the wonderful experiences I could have.

We are all innately creative beings, and there are no rules around what is creative and what is not. The beauty of creativity lies in its boundless nature; it's whatever we wish to manifest. 

If you’re struggling to recognise your own creativity or carve out time for self-expression, then this episode is for you.

I ask you to consider what self expression looks like in your world. It doesn't have to be any of those things that are traditionally seen as ‘artistic’. It's any sort of thing that makes you feel good and more like you.

And while I know time is precious and not always easy to find, I encourage you to prioritise your creativity as an important appointment. Limit distractions and give yourself permission to close the door and shut out the world for a moment. Or integrate creativity into your daily routines, whatever that looks like for you.

Making time for creativity is not just about producing art; it’s about enhancing our lives, nurturing our souls and expressing who we truly are. Remember, your creative journey is unique to you, and there’s no right or wrong way to embark on it. Embrace your creativity and let it flourish.

Find free printable affirmations and affirmation phone wallpaper graphics from RESOURCES at www.benitabensch.com

Let’s meet: Book a discovery call with me

Subscribe: Join my mailing list

Website: http://www.benitabensch.com

Freebie: Affirmation Email Series

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/benitabensch

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/benitabensch

Life comes with its fair share of ups and downs, but there are moments when the downs can feel overwhelming - insurmountable even. 

Personally, I’ve had a few episodes of poor mental health in my lifetime - patches of anxiety and depression that I’ve learnt how to manage. However, in 2022, I got to my lowest point with it, even experiencing symptoms of psychosis. 

When I first considered going on antidepressants during this time, it felt like a big, daunting step. And though I would encourage anyone else in my life to not feel shame, the idea of going on antidepressants still made me nervous.

Today, I want to shine a light on this topic so that anyone feeling shame around taking medication can begin to shed that feeling and know they’re not alone.

I’m sharing my personal experience with antidepressants, both while taking them and after deciding to come off the medication.

While on antidepressants, I actually found that I could begin to reclaim parts of my life that had felt lost to depression. I had more energy, more clarity and slowly but surely, more hope.

Yet, as effective as they were, I always knew that I didn’t want to be on medication forever if I could help it. After a period of stability and having learnt tools to manage my mental health, I decided to come off the antidepressants completely, without tapering the dose.

It’s been intense: agitation, fatigue, difficulty sleeping - and a lot of crying. I’ve even gotten to the point of being unable to parent. Yet, I have hope. My research shows these are common symptoms, and I’m looking forward to the light at the end of the tunnel.

Of course, there are times I question myself: What if my symptoms return? What if I’m unable to cope?

I may go back on them, and I know that’s totally okay. If you are currently on antidepressants, know that you are not alone. There’s no shame in taking medication, whether it’s for a short period or for the rest of your life. Each person’s experience with mental health is unique, and so too are the tools they use to navigate it.

I hope that sharing my experience can offer some insight and comfort if you are struggling. I know that as we continue to support one another and share our stories, we can together dismantle the stigmas and shame surrounding mental health.

Find free printable affirmations and affirmation phone wallpaper graphics from RESOURCES at www.benitabensch.com

Let’s meet: Book a discovery call with me

Subscribe: Join my mailing list

Website: http://www.benitabensch.com

Freebie: Affirmation Email Series

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/benitabensch

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/benitabensch

Do you ever feel like a doormat? You spend all day pouring out love, time and energy into meeting everyone else’s needs and by the end of the day, you feel like you’ve been walked all over.

Your needs go unnoticed. Your needs don’t matter. It’s no wonder so many of us struggle with feelings of resentment and anger. A lot of the time, it all comes down to a matter of boundaries.

For many women, boundaries is an uncomfortable topic but it’s also a really important one. A huge breakthrough for me in this area was learning that it's not just okay, but vitally important for my well-being to meet my own needs by putting boundaries in place.

Boundaries are lines we draw to protect ourselves and our children, ensuring our physical, emotional, and mental safety. They are meant to protect your time, energy, and what you give away and you are worthy of them. Your worth is inherent and you don't need to prove your worth to anyone. A boundary ensures your needs are met because unmet needs can have serious ramifications.

Physical and Emotional Boundaries

There are physical boundaries we can put in place, but there are also emotional ones that protect us. If you feel like you’re getting beyond your window of tolerance, setting a boundary will help you feel safe and regulate your nervous system.

Your boundaries don’t require anyone’s sign-off. Other people may not understand and it may even challenge them, but you can't take care of someone else's feelings while setting your boundaries.

People-Pleasing and Perfectionism

It can feel uncomfortable to set boundaries, especially for people pleasers or perfectionists. Brene Brown says, "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others." The point of a boundary is to take care of yourself.

Boundaries require practice; they are not walls and they can change. It's about deepening your awareness of what feels good in the moment and continually reevaluating.

Boundaries with your partner: Let’s say your partner wants to discuss business right when you're about to go to bed. You’re tired and not in the right frame of mind. A good boundary could be, "Darling, I know this is important, but can we discuss it in the morning when I'm more alert?"

Boundaries with your children: Kids love to push boundaries and it’s your prerogative to keep those boundaries firm or to be flexible. Whether you choose to stay firm on your boundaries, or go against them, make this a conscious choice.

Boundaries for personal time: Simple things like going to the toilet or taking a shower in peace can be crucial boundaries. Your personal space is important and setting clear boundaries will not only help you, but also model this to your children too. 

Start noticing as you go about your day what you need and when you start to feel pushed beyond your limits. Understanding these sensations will help you recognise when a boundary is necessary.

Find free printable affirmations and affirmation phone wallpaper graphics from RESOURCES at www.benitabensch.com

Let’s meet: Book a discovery call with me

Subscribe: Join my mailing list

Website: http://www.benitabensch.com

Freebie: Affirmation Email Series

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/benitabensch

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/benitabensch

I’m tackling a bit of a sensitive topic today and if you’re currently relying on that nightly glass (or two) of wine to unwind after a long, stressful day, it may even hit a raw nerve to hear me talk about why, and how, I gave up wine o’clock.

In Australia, we have such an alcohol fueled culture, which makes it harder to recognise the dangers of wine o'clock in mummy wine culture. It’s become normal to reach for a drink to cope, relax, escape, celebrate, socialise, drown your sorrows, and every other reason we find.

Sure, wine relaxed me in the short term, but drinking also came with a lot of guilt, poor sleep, and a bunch of other negative effects - hello hangover! And when stress showed up in my life, more alcohol did too.

So on Christmas morning of 2021, I decided enough was enough and I was going to stop drinking for 12 months, maybe longer. I'd been longing for the courage to decide for almost two years but before then, I didn’t believe I could completely give up. That morning, I felt immense relief and pride in myself that I had drawn the line in the sand.

Initially, I thought giving up alcohol would be all about willpower and making the conscious decision to stop. But while willpower played a role, I quickly realised that for lasting change, I needed to go deeper.

Going Beyond Willpower to Subconscious Beliefs

In August 2021, I started the alcohol experiment conducted by This Naked Mind to explore my relationship with alcohol. A light bulb moment came on day one of the experiment when I reflected on the question, “Why do I drink?”.

You see, you can use your thoughts and willpower to change your habits. But, this approach only scratches the surface. The real transformation begins when you uncover those deeply ingrained ideas that drive your behaviours. For me, there was a subconscious belief that alcohol was essential for relaxation and coping with stress, a belief that had to be reprogrammed.

When the subconscious and the conscious minds agree, willpower is no longer needed because you're no longer fighting against yourself. After doing the alcohol experiment, I realised that I didn’t even want to drink. My body didn’t like it, my mind didn’t like it and the benefits of being sober far outweighed the challenges. 

Giving up wine o'clock wasn't easy, but it was one of the best decisions I've made for myself and my family. It allowed me to find new ways to love and care for myself, without the crutch of alcohol. If you're feeling stuck in a similar cycle, know that change is possible. You can rewire those subconscious beliefs and find healthier ways to cope with the beautiful chaos of motherhood.

https://www.soberinthecountry.org/

Watch my video story in Sober in the Country's Amplification Project here

Find free printable affirmations and affirmation phone wallpaper graphics from RESOURCES at www.benitabensch.com

Let’s meet: Book a discovery call with me

Subscribe: Join my mailing list

Website: http://www.benitabensch.com

Freebie: Affirmation Email Series

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/benitabensch

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/benitabensch

A question most mothers will ask themselves at one point or another is, "Can I really do this?" Balancing motherhood, work, personal growth, and other responsibilities can feel overwhelming, so today I want to share some strategies that have helped me navigate a challenging few months.

I recently went through 9 weeks of solo parenting while my husband was away, during which time I also had multiple gallbladder attacks, underwent surgery, and dealt with ongoing health issues with our children. Everything started piling up and it started to wear me down.

Signs of Reaching the Limit
Stress manifests in many ways—irritability, frustration, and heightened anxiety, to name a few. When I noticed these signs, in particular the feeling of resentment, appearing more frequently, I knew something needed to change. I was short-tempered, and my mental health was slipping because I wasn't making enough time for self-care.

Around three or four weeks ago, I hit a wall but it seemed that the only solution was to push through. During this time, the resentment and bitterness that I was feeling indicated to me that I was out of alignment.

Setting Boundaries
One of the first things I had to work on was setting better boundaries, especially during times when I was solo parenting and didn't have space away from the kids. I've worked hard to establish simple but effective boundaries like not being disturbed when I'm in the shower or on the toilet!

It's important to be brave enough to enforce boundaries, even if they seem trivial. For instance, I've told my children that my office and bedroom are off-limits for their playtime because I need these spaces to function effectively and peacefully.

Shared Responsibility
Resentment often comes from feeling that you're carrying too much of a load. This could be physical tasks, but it can also be the mental and emotional load of feeling responsible for everything.

I’m so grateful to have been recommended the Fair Play method by Eve Rodsky, which involves dividing household responsibilities more equitably. We went through the cards together to decide who takes responsibility for various tasks and it helped us gain clarity, understand each other and distribute the load more fairly.

Balancing Work and Motherhood
Lastly, I had to address my capacity for work. Like many mothers, I love my children more than anything, but my work also brings me joy and a sense of purpose. However, it's challenging to find the right balance. I've learned that I need to be realistic about how much work I can handle without compromising my well-being and ability to be a present, happy mother. Remember, it’s crucial to find joy and fulfilment in both your personal and professional roles.

What thoughts and feelings do you experience when you’re out of alignment? 

Find free printable affirmations and affirmation phone wallpaper graphics from RESOURCES at www.benitabensch.com

Let’s meet: Book a discovery call with me

Subscribe: Join my mailing list

Website: http://www.benitabensch.com

Freebie: Affirmation Email Series

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/benitabensch

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/benitabensch

Motherhood is a profound experience that brings about countless changes. For many women, it comes with a huge identity shift, sometimes even an identity crisis. Before having children, you might have felt like a confident, capable individual with a strong sense of self - but the transition into motherhood can come as quite a shock. A lot of women feel out of control, overwhelmed, isolated and like they no longer have a sense of self. 

In 2018, I hit a wall—an experience I term as "falling into the black hole." I felt lost, my confidence shattered, and my identity blurred. Transitioning from an ambitious career woman to a mother gave me so much joy, but it was also incredibly challenging. I was left grappling with the question— "Who am I now?" 

Who Are You Really?

Motherhood not only alters your routines but also your inner world and this transformation involves meeting and embracing a new version of yourself. The truth is, the roles we identify with—wife, mother, daughter, colleague, friend —don’t define us. 

You are not just the roles you play or the titles you bear. You are not merely your thoughts, physical body, feelings, behaviour, or career. When you strip all of those things away, you are a soul—a spiritual entity living a human experience. 

Navigating the Enormous Changes

Nikki McCahon, a leader in matrescence education, writes about the various changes women go through when entering motherhood. It’s not just a matter of things changing physically. In various ways, we all experience an upheaval in our psychological, relational, spiritual, cultural, career, economic, and political lives. It's no surprise that amidst all these changes, you might feel lost, questioning what you’re doing wrong. But know that these changes are part of an immense, transformative process and you are not alone. 

Reflect and Reconnect to Your True Self

If you’re struggling with your sense of identity in motherhood, ask yourself these questions:

When do I feel like me?

What do I love?

What am I good at?

What comes naturally to me?

Even amidst the chaos of motherhood, take a few minutes to journal or reflect on these questions. Remember, you are worthy and valuable simply because you are you. Your worthiness is never in question, even if your confidence wavers.

Connecting with yourself at a soul level, away from labels and titles, is vital. Recognise the need to update your self-image to reflect who you are now, not who you were before having children. Allow yourself to explore and remember who you truly are underneath the daily roles and responsibilities.

If you feel the need for support, consider seeking guidance from someone external to help navigate your way through these changes. Establishing a new direction and understanding your true self can be profoundly empowering. And above all, know that even in those dark moments, you have the innate capacity to reconnect with your essence and embrace this evolved version of yourself.

Find free printable affirmations and affirmation phone wallpaper graphics from RESOURCES at www.benitabensch.com

Let’s meet: Book a discovery call with me

Subscribe: Join my mailing list

Website: http://www.benitabensch.com

Freebie: Affirmation Email Series

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/benitabensch

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/benitabensch