In this episode, Matt talks about why the age of consent should be 95 million, why we should all be lying to each other as much as possible and how being on your phone is actively killing everyone around you.

In this episode, Matt uses his iconic, soothing voice to talk about his medium rare index finger, why there are worse places to die than a McDonalds drive thru and why vegans are far more dangerous than we could have ever imagined. 

In this episode, Matt talks about the general population's rabid desire for garbage, why Michael Jackson needs to come back from the dead and set some things straight and why it's ok to ask Asian people if they plan on eating their pets.

In this episode, Matt carelessly gives away his grandmas secret Italian cookie recipe, tries to make light of a bunch of horrible events (he fails) and finally cracks the code to a perfect Vegas weekend.

In this episode, Matt talks about the downfall of his sad receding hairline, why getting married is less important than murdering people and why you better have a good plan before you decide to eliminate children. 

In this episode, Matt talks about his takedown of evil cat killing cousins, why going to college has become an activity for stupid people and why Katy Perry needs to stop getting into fights with disabled veterans. 

In this episode, Matt talks about his new vegan arch nemesis, why recruiting homeless people for a foreign coup is probably not a good idea, and how his childhood dancing partner became an internet meme. 

In this episode, Matt talks about the joys of pooping with the door open on Bourbon Street, why having a lemon shaped dingaling may be a key for financial success, and why women love to be asked if you can meet them.

In this episode, Matt talks about why the Secretary of Transportation needs a new throat, how Canada trained a lethal team of highly trained ostrich killers, and why a Lamborghini Huracan is a necessary business expense for your paving company.

In this episode, Matt tries on his new government mandated burqa, gives grandfatherly advice to young adults in need, and responds to allegations that he's an "alpha male with value."