It's been a couple of years since I first came up with this brilliant idea to put myself out there. To show my vulnerability, and expose a side of me I've always protected. Oh yeah, I tell you, that's a scary thing. Especially when you've hardwired your habits into thinking, feeling and being a certain way. 

I haven't stopped thinking about this outlet. Thought I have paused recording my voice and started writing my inner voice. I won't lie when I felt this realization flood me with great to me ideas, it developed a thunderstorm of emotions. I got scared. I got excited ... I was beside myself overjoyed. I wanted to do it all, everything all at once and get instant results.

Well, at some point we all have a moment where we realize it doesn't exactly work that way. 

And of course ... naturally doubt tried to challenge me, tried to scream over my voice of reason. Tried to alter my purpose. So I thought I should slow down and collect. Attempt some sort of organized delivery. Heh!

Then along the way life happened and well ... here I am. 

I didn't let fear get hold of me, if anything I used it in my power. I've learned if it's to be feared then it's because it's unknown to me and I should just go for it anyway. Even if it's just to see what happens. Amazing things seem to show themselves when I do!

I don't need to get into the details right now. But I wanted to throw a quick little, "Hello" out there. A little "I'm okay" and "I am happier with so many new to me realizations and I can't wait to better deliver them to those who care to listen, relate and talk about them."

I know when I started this new form of self expression I honestly didn't really care who listened. I only cared to share the broken pieces in such a vulnerable manner to catch the ears of those broken and lost like me. You are not alone. You are not the only one who feels this way. I know love is such an extraordinary feeling that I want so badly to share it especially to those who need to feel it the deepest within themselves.

Anyway, on the original note of wanting to just say hello. 

I hope you are having many joyful feelings through these holidays. And remembering to share more with others who might need to borrow one of your smiles too.

As for the past recordings posted, I don't entirely remember word for word what I have said. Self doubt has me very tempted to delete everything as though I can take it all back and start over. 

But since this is an unorganized gathering of thoughts and words expressed in the moment ... for now, I'm going to leave them. I know what my intentions were when I started. And I am still going forward with all these ideas.

The title alone, Mellowbury came to me with various meanings and has since grown a few more along the way. I can't wait until they have touched your heart and moved your soul too. 

I want to leave on the short expression my mind stuck on for a moment when I woke up this morning. "I can't help you until I've helped myself"

A thought I once believed to be greedy and selfish. But that was because I only understood a fragment of the depths in which that expression is truly meant. I learned the hard way, like most, that you cannot give from a place that you do not know where you're giving from. 

They have said it before me and I'll happily mention it again, the journey to love starts with loving thy self. I can't express love if I don't know how to express loving myself first. Sure we can act on what we think we know but sooner or later the truth in the understanding will reveal itself. 

You are the most important person in your life. To give is to know what and where you are capable of giving from. To love is to know who you are loving from. 💙

I have so much work to squabble I have been nothing but non-stop on my own mental battle. I am coming at my own pace but I miss you and it's time I livin' up this space. Haven't you felt the minutes from which you witness you're own growth from space to place? I do, too much too often that I don't even want to go back to relive those thoughts already processed yesterday. Thank you kindly for being random too. This world is our place and actively we need reflect in the moment not forgetting our future results from living day to day. More love, more random, more annoyance, something unique coming from my way. By love and glitch, I'm out in my own unconventional way. I sat idle trying to gather sequence, order and blah blah -over thinking what you'd want me to say. Wheeeww! I'm so glad I wasn't born to walk one way. I enjoy you like you should enjoy your dang good days!!! (Which is every waking one following yesterday, even if, by your choice, isn't feeling so good yet) Embrace the power of knowing it's still you who gets to own you today. I know it's easy to let others contribute to your moods and emotions will sway but not without effort does it have to ruin the one and only day like today. It's not another one you'll get as each minute walks you to the next and gone will be your moment to change it, smile or even wave and say hey. Just thinking out loud in the silent form. Good bye for now, until next active play.

So, having a new thing.... Suppose you just want it to be only yours. But you know it's meant to be available for the world too; lost at sea, I certainly do wish I could be. Shared with by only who are meant for me. Somehow I am given a physical body shock of everything all at once that even the best at feeling numb with their whatever subject choice most bothering- ignored. Yeah, that's what I mean. I can easily, all too well jump to cold hearted numb from 0-60 better than oh that sweet sexy Eleanor beast. 🤫 I do my best to sit silent, stay sweet. But rudeness, attitude, out right wrong already knows whom karma sends to meet. So take that small thought, let it brew. It goes in directions you'd never thought once you'd toy true! It's kind of fun, and for once I'm slowing down my pace running to the sun, where's the next cliff to dive? For we've definitely only just begun! 💙. It's all brewing.... The right choice words.... Will come better once I've paved my dirt roads?

Hi! Scatterbrained unorganized. Who cares. Hi! Just move along! Nothing to see here. 🙃🤫🤭🎶 Take care stranger!

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