"We all have those few key moments, those few key incidents that will not only stay with us stay with us forever but will change our outlook on somehting particular for the rest of our lives.

For me, it was the day I saw a magistrate in the family court burst out laughing when a hate-fulled defence barrister suggested that a woman I was supporting as a McKenzie Friend wasn't attractive enough for her abuser husband to want to rape her."

Memoirs of a McKenzie friend is a podcast series that follows the journey of Celina, a support worker and McKenzie friend, as she exposes the realities of our family courts and their associated organisations.

Through her journey of helping other people navigate the British legal system, Celina exposes the brutal treatment faced by litigants in person, victim-survivors of abuse and those economically disadvantaged by separation.

Welcome to the Family Courts - A secret and unaccountable sector that silences its victims from speaking out. A sector whose archaic laws ensure that the courts do not grow with the times. Their failures remain hidden, improvements are an impossibility, and the attitudes of most involved remain in the dark ages.

You will never look at our legal system and family court in the same way again.

Why I wrote 'Memoirs of a McKenzie Friend' - A note from Anjali

"We all have those few key moments, those few key incidents that will not only stay with us stay with us forever but will change our outlook on somehting particular for the rest of our lives.

For me, it was the day I saw a magistrate in the family court burst out laughing when a hate-fulled defence barrister suggested that a woman I was supporting as a McKenzie Friend wasn't attractive enough for her abuser husband to want to rape her."

Memoirs of a McKenzie friend is a podcast series that follows the journey of Celina, a support worker and McKenzie friend, as she exposes the realities of our family courts and their associated organisations.

Through her journey of helping other people navigate the British legal system, Celina exposes the brutal treatment faced by litigants in person, victim-survivors of abuse and those economically disadvantaged by separation.

Welcome to the Family Courts - A secret and unaccountable sector that silences its victims from speaking out. A sector whose archaic laws ensure that the courts do not grow with the times. Their failures remain hidden, improvements are an impossibility, and the attitudes of most involved remain in the dark ages.

You will never look at our legal system and family court in the same way again.

Who am I? I am white, I am black, I am brown, and I am much, much more.

I'm a Christian; I'm a Hindu. I'm a Buddhist. I'm a Sikh. I'm a Muslim. I'm a Catholic and human to the core.

I am every person who did what they were supposed to - leave and tell.

I am every person who was re-abused by the system.

I am every person who was disbelieved by the police before I even began to speak my truth.

I am every person who faced an unaccountable family court, only to be silenced by their orders.

I am 'anonymous us.'

And here are our stories.

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Let's begin with - What makes a perfect victim? 

I certainly didn't. But then neither did she, nor her, or him, or them.  

Dancing with the perfect victim trope - One of the first things that affect justice. 

What is abuse?

We meet Adowa, our 1st case study. She quickly found out that it didn't matter what her husband did to her; hit, strike, scream, shout, terrorise... as far as any family court judge would be concerned, as long as it wasn't a 'good beating', it was not proper domestic abuse. It was only a little smack. These little things happen in marriages. 

Let's meet Holly, who was lucky enough to meet the perfect boy, be in the perfect relationship, heading for the perfect future - if only she could see what was good for her. 

What makes a victim?

In episode one, we looked at the perfect victim trope. In this episode, we look at what makes a 'victim.' 

What acts are perpetrated count as abuse?

If there are no beating and bruising, is there abuse?

If there were no beating and bruises, could you even call to abuse?

You're stupid.

You're thick.

You know what you can be like

If only you didn't wind me up. 

But I still want to be with you. 

Are you lucky because I still want to love you despite all your faults? 

In a continuation of Holly's story, we unpick the behaviour of Ben.  

He's a lovely man.

He likes you.

He loves the bones of you.

All couples have problems.

Why are you creating problems? You're so Fussy.

If it were that bad, you'd have left. 

It couldn't have been that bad, or you would have left. 

But he told her he'd kill her if she left. 

So, how do you leave?