Mess On Me

Welcome to the first Mess On Me Q&A. You sent in your questions, and I answered them: how to change paths when you feel too old (you’re not), how to believe in your own writing, getting through a breakup, making friends, and restoring relationships that feel too far gone. I also talk about burnout, intrusive thoughts, crying at your first job, becoming your own muse, and how to feel your emotions without letting them steer.

This one is free as a sneak peek. From here on, Q&A episodes come out every other Saturday for paid subscribers. About two days before each one, I’ll post on my Instagram story asking for your questions, so send me what you want answered.

xx, Valentina

This week I talk about the wall I’ve felt between me and other people my whole life, and why I’ve stopped making autism my identity. I go through Romans 9:21, and Ben Sira 11 on being careful who you let into your house. I talk about the friendships I had to walk away from this summer, and why the love I give was never meant to be a transaction. We also get into the Proverbs 31 woman, pretty punishment, and how a season of isolation turned out to be the Lord’s doing.

If you want the full story behind this episode, read “The Wall of Jericho and Why I’m No Longer Making Autism My Identity.” It’s on here, with audio if you’d rather listen.

New episodes every Friday. Paid subscribers get a bonus Q&A episode every other Saturday, so send me your questions on my Instagram story.

xx, Valentina

As a 2e AuDHD woman and mental health advocate, I’ve spent much of my life helping, advocating, and showing up for everyone else. Being needed became a way to find purpose—and a way to avoid sitting with my own sadness.But in this season, God has been leading me into isolation so I can finally slow down and heal from the inside out. I’m learning what it feels like to face who I am when I’m not needed, not rescuing anyone, and not distracting myself with someone else’s pain. It’s uncomfortable, but maybe this is where the deeper healing begins.

For years, I let the fear of being hated dictate how I showed up. I minimized myself, held back my opinions, and played smaller than I was because I didn't want to be seen as arrogant or "too much." I thought staying likable was the safest way to succeed.In this episode, I talk about the rumors people spread about me, the experience of girls teaming up to try to bring me down, and the realization that no amount of shrinking myself ever stopped people from judging me anyway.The biggest lesson? If people are going to have opinions regardless, you might as well run the show. I share how I stopped seeking approval, embraced my leadership, and built success on my own terms instead of trying to make everyone comfortable. Today, I'm confident in taking up space, making bold decisions, and owning my abilities without apologizing for them.This episode is about letting go of the need to be universally liked, stepping into your power, and understanding that the people who are meant to support you will never require you to make yourself smaller.

In this episode, I’m sharing the truth behind why I walked away from being an influencer and what this new season of my life has been teaching me. I open up about the changes I’ve made, the people I’ve chosen to surround myself with, and how those relationships have completely shifted my perspective and brought so much more peace, purpose, and joy.

We talk about authenticity, trusting your inner voice, and what it means to stop performing for validation and start living in alignment with who you truly are. I’ve realized that we’re each called to a unique path, and when you honor what’s true to your soul, you become something that can’t be replicated. Trends can be copied. Aesthetic can be copied. Content can be copied. But soul can’t.

For most of my life, I knew I was different, but I didn't know why. After experiencing narcissistic abuse, a devastating psychotic episode, and years of confusion about my mental health, I finally received a late autism diagnosis that changed everything. In this episode, I share my journey through trauma, psychosis, healing, faith, and love, and how discovering I was autistic helped me understand myself in a way I never had before. What I once viewed as personal failures, flaws, or signs that something was wrong with me turned out to have a deeper explanation. Autism awareness matters so much, especially for adults who have been overlooked, misunderstood, or misdiagnosed. Many autistic people spend years masking their struggles and adapting to a world that doesn't recognize their experiences. Greater awareness can lead to earlier support, greater self understanding, and in some cases, life changing outcomes.

This week I am sitting with something I have been thinking about for a while. Why do genuinely good people make others uncomfortable? Not in a provocative way, not in a confrontational way, just by existing. We get into the mirror effect and the idea that purity has a way of reflecting back what people would rather not see in themselves, which says a lot more about the observer than it does about the person being observed. We also get into whether goodness is even as objective as we assume it is, because the definition of a pure soul varies depending on who is doing the defining and what they are working through internally. And then we have to talk about the people pleaser versus empath conversation because I think it is one of the most misunderstood distinctions out there. They are not the same thing. One is rooted in genuine care and attunement and the other is rooted in performance, control, and if we are being honest, ego. Personal stories, honest conversation, and takes I have been sitting on for too long.

We've been taught a lot about Christianity but how much of it is actually true? So much of what we've inherited from church culture is rooted in tradition, misinterpretation, and flat out religion rather than a real relationship with God and an understanding of His Word. This episode is about tearing that down and getting to what the Bible actually says.We're talking about spiritual law and how the unseen world operates on real laws that even witchcraft understands. We're talking about the blood of Jesus not just as a historical moment but as living spiritual currency that you can actively use in prayer and warfare. We're going into what the Bible really says about roles in marriage, because Ephesians 5 has been misquoted and misused for far too long. We're breaking down the difference between real Holy Spirit conviction and the condemnation that keeps believers stuck in shame. We're exposing how the idea of a picture perfect Christian is actually a form of idolatry. We're talking about how to practically hear the voice of God. And we're setting the record straight on the Catholic Church and why the misogyny accusations simply do not hold up.

In this episode, I talk about the quiet fear so many of us carry: the fear of truly being seen. In a culture that glorifies hyper independence, self protection, and obsession with the self, I think we’ve been taught that healing starts and ends with “loving yourself more.” But what if constant self focus is actually keeping us disconnected from God, from others, and even from who we were created to be? I explore the difference between healthy identity and self worship, why modern individuality can leave us isolated, and how true healing requires vulnerability, surrender, and community. I also unpack the difference between godly discernment and harsh judgment, and how the Holy Spirit convicts, reveals, and guides without pride or condemnation. I also talk about femininity, not as performance, passivity, or aesthetics, but what it really means to embody softness, wisdom, strength, receptivity, and spiritual maturity in a world that often misunderstands feminine design.

In this episode of Being Beautiful Gives You Brain Damage, I talk about the side of being “beautiful” that nobody really talks about — how isolating it can be, the abuse, projection, and constant gaslighting that can slowly disconnect you from yourself. I reflect on experiencing psychosis, being late diagnosed AuDHD and OCD after years of criticism and feeling like I could never meet expectations, and how so much of my life was spent shrinking myself just to make other people comfortable. This episode is about healing, nervous system regulation, getting rooted in God instead of other people’s opinions, and finally refusing to minimize myself anymore. I’m done apologizing for my presence, done dimming my light, and done carrying shame that was never mine to hold.