2012 I found out that my grandmother (granny) was diagnosed with Dementia which is a strand of Alzheimer's. I thought life would be alright at time and really didn't understand what Dementia was and how it would affect my grandmother. As time went on my grandmother's memory started to get worse and eventually it became scary as she wasn't remember her families names, but knew who they were by their faces. From the start of Middle School I was taking care of my grandmother from the time that I was walking out the door to head to school to coming back home until my mom came in from work. It was mentally draining, stressful, and emotional, as well physical. I would have my moments where I would be in silence and just cry wishing she would heal or that God would take her pain away. But it never happened instead it became worse. While my grandmother was still living and battling Dementia on November 19, 2015 was the day that changed my life completely. On this day, I lost my Aunt which I called her "Aunt LuLu." No words could describe the pain that I felt that day hearing that she has passed away, the pain and sorrow that I felt that day I still feel to this day wishing things would've been different. 3 months after she passed I lost my Uncle which I called him "Uncle Steve." hearing those words "passed" made me feel like I had my heart ripped out of my chest and put in my stomach. I never understood death and I never understood God's reasoning for taking these 2 people out my life who I loved dearly. I been to lose myself and lose who I was a person I begin to have thoughts about not being her on earth which was sad, but at that time I wasn't thinking about anything else expect going. I continued to ask for help, I continued to pray and felt like no was listening. I ended up suffering from Depression and didn't know it until I started going to see a counselor and started talking about how I was feeling at that very moment. A year later my grandmother's Dementia became worse to the point where they eventually put on her on Hospice and allowed her to come home and pass at home instead of the hospital. It was hard seeing her transitioning and it was rough, but I knew at the end of the day she wasn't going to be suffering anymore and she was going to be free. She ended up passing away on May 25, 2017. Life now is even brighter I still don't go a day without thinking about each one of them as they were so dear to my heart. Last Year (2020) I felt like I wanted to start to mingle and get into a relationship for the better of my mental health and my physical health as well. I ended up meeting someone who I had met back in High School. I never imagined that I would be talking/dating this person again. Which was lesson for me and I should've known better than be a fool to run back to him. We ended up dating and things went left and my heart felt like I was put back in the same hole several years ago. I felt like he didn't care for me anymore, I felt unloved, I felt like I was alone, and on top of that I saw many red flags that God opened my eyes to see. I never imagined myself being in a toxic relationship, but I was and I fell for this love trap. Being in toxic relationship doesn't mean that you were in a physical relationships, but it could mean it was mentally toxic or verbally toxic for you. I was sexually assaulted in Middle School and never recovered from this as was always very cautious of telling my story or even letting anyone know my story. I have been a survivor of sexual assault for almost 12 years and recently in 2021 went on a podcast called "Beyond Surviving with Tammie" which I talked about my story and let the world be in on who I am as a person and let my story be know for the world to hear as well.
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