“The idea that the family is a democracy and that children and parents have the same responsibility within the home completely ignores the developmental needs of the child ” - Mike and Alicia    A child’s temper tantrums are frustrating to parents, but we should recognize that they are often a result of a child’s deficit in communication, understanding, and emotional control.  Children simply have immature responses to situations of conflict.  Knowing this may help, but parents also need strategies to get through these tricky, volatile, and potentially embarrassing situations.  In this podcast, we get practical and give parents the Four D’s of temper tantrums.  Determine, diffuse, distract, and - when all else fails - Done.  In a world that says parents and children are equal, parents have no rights, and honor is a thing of the past, we would like to push back and challenge parents to instead embrace the sacred calling to form their children with love and wisdom.  Listen in and start a conversation with us and your spouse.   Key Takeaways:   Determine   Diffuse   Distract   Done   Couple Discussion:   When do our children have meltdowns? Why?    What are some strategies to proactively avoid tantrums?    How can we be more effective in responding to our children's tantrums?    

MFP 263: A Wise Parent’s Approach to Tantrums

Parenting is not a clean-cut, simple process for those who like to follow the rules. Family life is messy and unpredictable, but it is the greatest adventure you will ever have. We are Mike and Alicia Hernon, parents of 10 children ranging from 10 to 27 and we would like to invite you into some of the conversations we have had with each other about marriage, parenting, and Catholic family life. Our hope is that our conversation sparks a dialogue between you and your spouse that leads to greater unity and intentional Christian parenting in your home. Listen in to our podcast and start the conversation as we seek to lead our families to heaven. 

Visit us at https:///www/MessyFamilyProject.org for resources, guides, links and show notes.

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It’s easier to be patient after we come to realize how patient our Heavenly Father is with us.   Why is it so hard for parents to be patient with their children?  People who thought they were good and normal adults find themselves tearing their hair out over the things done by a child half their size and a fraction of their age!  One thing we tell parents over and over is that parenting is supposed to change you.  It is supposed to form you.  It is supposed to be challenging, so if you are struggling, that is OK!  But we do have some tips for you and some stories that we hope will help change your perspective on growing in this essential virtue for moms and dads.     Key Takeaways:   If you are impatient with your children you are normal!  Lean in and allow yourself to be changed as you grow in virtue   Children need adults to slow down and give them time to do things by themselves   Parenting takes alot of time!  Lessons need to be taught over and over.  There is no magic bullet.  Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.   We can learn to be patient by first realizing how patient God is with us.  We are disobedient, messy kids but our Father teaches us the same lessons over and over     Couple Discussion:    How would you rate your patience on a scale of 1-10?  How would you rate your spouse?  Discuss this.     What lessons in your life has God had to teach you over and over?  How has God been patient with you?    Which one of your children do you find it most difficult to be patient with and why?  Which of your children to you find it easiest to be patient with?  How can you learn from this?    

MFP 282: These People are Driving Me Crazy! Growing in Patience

“I now am taking this kinswoman of mine, not because of lust, but with sincerity.  Grant that she and I may find mercy and that we may grow old together.” Tobit 8:7   Summary Physical intimacy between spouses is a topic that is difficult to talk about, but one that is absolutely essential in Catholic circles.  You see, Satan’s plan is for people to have as much sex as possible BEFORE they are married and as little sex as possible AFTER they are married!  These lies and confusion need to be addressed in a way that is respectful but also practical for married couples.  In this podcast, we welcome Ellen Holloway of Vines in Full Bloom, a ministry dedicated to helping women and couples experience a joyful, satisfying sexual relationship within marriage. We discuss sexual pleasure, the different ways that men and women handle stress, the relationship between sex and prayer, the difference between “anticipatory” and “escalatory” foreplay,  and what to do when your libido is completely gone.  There is a wealth of valuable information for husbands and wives to hear and then discuss with each other.  Listen in and join the conversation!    Key Takeaways   Part of foreplay is being aware of your spouse throughout the day and letting them know you are thinking of them.    Being joyful in marriage means you have a willingness to build intimacy through unity with your spouse.     If you have no desire for sex at all at the moment, ask yourself, “What AM I willing to do?”   No one should accept zero libido as a lifestyle. That is not normal.    There are many similarities between how we view prayer and how we view sexual relations with our spouse.  We should be continually learning in both.    Our Heavenly Father made sexual relations to be pleasurable because He loves us and wants us to be happy.  Sometimes we don’t accept how overly generous our Father is!      Couple Discussion Questions   Take 5-10 min daily for a week to discuss sex with each other.     How often do we discuss our sex life?  What is holding us back from having this conversation?    Do I believe sex is a sacred gift from God? Why or why not?       Resources Charting Toward Intimacy podcast www.vinesinfullbloom.com Physical Intimacy download from MFP website. https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/physical-intimacy/

MPF 281: Your Intimacy Questions Answered

Parenting is not an inborn skill. It is something that we learn over time from trial and error and with help from others.    Summary Over the past 28 years raising our 10 kids we have made a lot of mistakes, but also learned from them!  In this podcast, we go over 12 tips that we have found make a big difference in the life of a family.  They are principles that we live by and how we have gotten where we are today.  None of them are rocket science - but they are things you may not have thought of before or realized how essential they are.  We have released this podcast before, but now we have a new perspective since our kids are older and now we have grandkids.  The great thing is, we have found that these tips still work!  As you listen, make sure that you choose 1 or 2 things that you want to implement in your lives starting this week.  Don’t try to do everything! Small changes over time have the biggest impact.  Listen in and join the conversation!     Key Takeaways   It is not your job to make your children into saints.  It is their job to make YOU into a saint!   You are irreplaceable.  Your children will only ever have ONE mom and ONE dad.  No one can do for your child what you can do.    Your children cannot be the center of your family.  They are part of a community.     Love requires boundaries.  But at the same time, remember that rules without relationship breeds rebellion.     Children need to be taught everything.  They don’t know the words to say to be respectful, or the way to respond when you ask them to do something.  Do not be surprised when they don’t do what you want right away.  Your job is to teach them.       Couple Discussion Questions   Do I find it easy or hard to embrace my authority as a parent?  Do I recognize my unique place in the life of my child?  How would I articulate my role?    How do I feel about my child making me into a saint?  What are ways I see them teaching me how to be less selfish?    Do we have a plan for discipline? Are we on the same page?  Where do we disagree?    

MFP 280: 12 Parenting Tips

Summary Most of us rarely have an opportunity to sit down and talk to a priest, let alone a bishop!  We were so blessed to have a conversation with not just a bishop, but an archbishop and one who loves the Lord, loves families, and who leads with the heart of a shepherd.  Join us as we talk to Archbishop Naumann of Kansas City who shares his story of growing up without a father and how his mother and family gave him the stability and security he needed to flourish and become the man God called him to be.  He provides insights to families in our conversation along with a good dose of humor and practical encouragement.   Key Takeaways   Family stability and security are essential for children to flourish and fulfill their God-given potential, as Archbishop Naumann's own upbringing exemplifies.   Archbishop Naumann emphasizes the importance of love, faith, and commitment within families as foundational elements for building strong communities and societies.   Practical encouragement and humor are valuable tools in navigating the challenges and joys of family life, as shared by Archbishop Naumann during the conversation.   Couple Discussion Questions   How can we emulate the stability and security that Archbishop Naumann experienced in his upbringing within our own family dynamic?   In what ways can we prioritize love, faith, and commitment within our family to strengthen our bonds and contribute positively to our community?   How can we incorporate humor and practical encouragement into our family life to navigate challenges and foster a spirit of joy and resilience?   Reflecting on Archbishop Naumann's insights, what changes or adjustments can we make to our family routines or habits to better reflect our values and priorities?   What lessons or inspirations can we take from Archbishop Naumann's story to enhance our own journey as spouses and parents?    

MPF 279:  What do Families Need?  Interview with Archbishop Naumann

Summary In this episode, Mike and Alicia Hernon explore the transformative impact of conversations with children. They emphasize the importance of fostering a family culture centered around meaningful dialogue. From toddlers to teens, discover practical strategies for nurturing curiosity, understanding, and mutual respect within the parent-child relationship. Don't miss out on this engaging discussion that highlights the profound influence of conversations in shaping both children and parents alike. For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/    Key Takeaways   Conversations form your children, but more importantly, it forms YOU   Kids will not always remember what you said, they will remember how they felt.    Conversations should be different depending on the age of the child   Conversations should be part of your family culture.  How the conversations happen, when they happen, and what you talk about.      Couple Discussion Questions   On a scale of 1-10 how good are we at talking with our kids?  How can we improve?    What is the most difficult part of talking with the kids? How can I get over this?    What assumptions do I make when I am talking to my children?     What are some topics my children would like to talk about?    

MFP 263: A Wise Parent’s Approach to Tantrums

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