Midlifery

Jeez - it really has been a year - over 366 days since the pandemic stopped being something "over there," and became incredibly bloody real to us here in the UK. The last year and relative isolation for so many of us has left us far too much time to ruminate and reflect - and all that time in one's own head with minimal distraction is not healthy. 

I'm on my umpteenth (15th) menstrual cycle since the pandemic began to directly affect my life, and I am FEELING it. Depression and anxiety are being fed by the news, I've managed to fall out with a good friend and my sister at a time when we really need to be supporting each other. My food intolerances list may have grown to include gluten - or yeast - or something else in all of the starchy foods that I love so much.

It has been a year of nothing and so much all at once and the mental health stakes feel particularly high now. Being middle-aged and going through alladat, plus being a woman, plus being a person of colour and being mostly on my own - makes for a truly challenging time. I know I am not alone in this - and you're not either. 

Go grab a cuppa and know that as lonely as it might feel some time - we are in this together. Please send feedback to [email protected] or drop us a note on IG @midliferypodcast

I'm back! Fed up with the pandemic, being isolated, umpteen periods in far less time than normal. It is hard to be motivated to do much of anything these days, especially record a podcast. Who's silly idea was it to launch a podcast in the middle of a pandemic anyway... oh wait, mine!

More musings on the challenges of the emotional rollercoaster that is midlife, with the added twist of being single and living alone in a pandemic. Yes, I have friends and family, but Zoom, FaceTime and WhatApp calls are just not enough. 

Basically, this. Just. Sucks.

So, I got thinking about this podcast, and who it's targeted at and who it's speaking to. I realise that I was trying to speak to everyone, and in doing that, I was beginning to speak to no one.

A rethink was needed, and this episode starts to address that. I thought about the wider inclusivity conversations happening in our workplaces and in the media around race (and gender) and realised that I was falling into the same trap as the companies I criticise on LinkedIn. I was trying to force inclusivity rather than foster it with my natural discourse.

This podcast if for people who are affected by menopause and the perimenopause a.k.a. all of us! The perspective is coming from a 46 year old former American (now Brit), mixed-race, child-free, divorcée, with two businesses, who doesn't drive, she (me) also drinks too much, smokes too much (during the pandemic at least), doesn't exercise enough (but is a lot more active than most), and really likes parentheses - you can often hear them when she speaks! There are probably loads more adjectives to describe me - but the aforementioned should give you a feel for where I might be coming from. I also swear - a lot - I have been behaved so far.

So yeah, change is afoot. It won't be a complete 180 today, but the direction of travel is definitely different.

Alas, I have no answers - only questions, but also share my own experiences with this smoke coloured beast called Depression. With so many of the symptoms of Perimenopause being similar and identical to those of depression can make this symptom harder to diagnose. From my small group of friends, the general consensus is that if you can't be bothered to wash your dishes, your clothes, your body or your teeth - there is a good chance that you are suffering from depression; while there are other signposts, it seems that the universal signal to my peer group is this lack of care to self and personal environment.

It is important that we talk about these things! We need to not be embarrassed or ashamed, we need to know that it is OK to ask for help. 

I am working to find guest so get in touch if you would like to come on air with me. Otherwise, please just send me messages as you have been doing with thoughts and feedback.

PS - I recorded this episode on my iPhone and think the sound quality is not as awesome as it should be. Also struggled to find my usual intro muzak - the horror. Hopefully as the depression starts to lift - normal service will resume.

Perimenopause kinda sucks. Perimenopause in a pandemic totally sucks!

We look at 4 symptoms: Anxiety, Mood Swings and Irritability (Depression did not get as much of a look in as I had planned). and how while these are ordinariy quite challenging - they can affect you more in the midst of a pandemic when nothing is "normal."

It is really important to take time out during these difficult time, but it is increasingly difficult during the pandemic.  I have tried to take time off with a brief escape to London and a shut off from Social media for ca. 48 hours - but even those were not as easy and carefree as I needed them to be. I have found myself on such a knife edge that I am am now seeking professional help - not everyone has that luxury - so I am hoping to find other ways to look after our wellbeing at such a naturally difficult time... in a blimmin' pandemic!

I will be a panellist at Embrace - Midlife & Menopause, and am looking forward to find out more about other women's experiences and also to find out more about what resources are available to us. This is a free event, so go on and register.

Leave us a voice message here - or drop us a line at [email protected] and let us know what's up with you, and anything you would like to see us cover on here. Hoping to tackle Depression properly in Episode Six. 

In Episode Four we take a look at the impact of multiple symptoms coming along all at once. Throw in the sighting of an ex with a new flame, almost two weeks of interrupted sleep, a life surrounded by boxes, an unexpected virtual meeting with a deceased friend's soulmate and a period - ONE WEEK AFTER THE LAST ONE FINISHED - and see how difficult it is for one to keep one's sh*t together.  Oh yeah - and a global pandemic, local lockdown and a proper mental health wobble. It is hard, there are no answers, but at least if we put it out there,  if we take into account that 1+1 can equal 5 when it comes to this fragile stage in our lives - it is more bearable.

No idea where I will be taking you in episode five. The next week will see me reaching out to some new contacts to find out more. The journey of my own perimenopause may inform the next episode - or it may be one of your stories that triggers the next set of musings. Feel free to leave a voice message at anchor.fm or email us at [email protected].

It was "National Daughter's Day" according to all of the social media posts last week. Seriously, like WTAF is that? I am someone's daughter - but all of my parents are dead (mom, dad and step-mom), and I opted against having children, so I have no daughters or sons for that matter, but it definitely got me thinking. 

This was not the third episode that I had planned, and even after recording it (I made 5 attempts and you are getting my best effort here kids!) I am still not sure it is what I intended. Basically I am giving you some food for thought. When I was growing up, I was told that my menopause path would follow my mother's... well, that was impossible, because she died before she hit the menopause. But then I started thinking about all of the differences between me and my mom and realised that there were probably so many, that the likelihood of us having twinning menopause paths was probably very slim.

In this episode I cover some of the more obvious differences between us and our mother's lives. One thing, which comes at the end and which I am particularly intrigued about is how trans men cope with this biological inevitability; do the drugs work, are they enough - or does nature dominate here? This same question can be put to those who have opted for HRT, though I believe fewer of us are going down that route these days.

As always, this is as much about me putting questions out there as to me feigning to having any understanding of what is actually going on in the midlifery chapter. Thanks for listening, and please email [email protected] or post a voice message with any questions or feedback on anchor.fm.

(*No, Your Beard Growth Is Not Covered Here) I worked to find something that hit the 34 Symptoms of Perimenopause, which is where my journey for this podcast started and found a suitable list here which managed to fill all 34 slots. Some of the bullet points felt a little redundant and there were some glaring omissions - most notably the irritating, wiry hairs that like to spring out on my chin nowadays and also the occasional acne flare ups that make anything in this girl's teens seem like amateur hour! There was no mention of the minging state of your irregular periods as your uterine lining flips you the proverbial bird on the way out - "Sayonara sucker - I'm not leaving quietly," it seems to say.

This is a bit of a grocery list - a quick(ish) rundown. I have to admit, I felt it was too much to cover in one shot - but I gave it my best shot. I would love to hear how these symptoms may be affecting you, or if there are anymore un-noted but totally real symptoms you want to let us know about. Leave us a voice message on anchor or email us at [email protected]

NEXT EPISODE: Content is still TBD - but we will return to a more informal conversational style - very likely we will delve into relationship territory next time. Possibly my midlife dating hell - or some of the not so smug married tales I keep hearing about. We could talk about the genuinely smug marrieds - but that might just be a bit too boring!

Thanks for listening!