Midnight Crisis

"Country roads, take me home"

- Nobody doesn’t know what a compliment is.

- We weigh up peeing in the pool vs peeing in the ocean.

- Ben can’t figure out how people are cleaning their showers.

- Ben wants every industry to adopt upside down bottles.

- Ben thinks he’s cracked the code to writing a hit song.

- Nobody shares her go to fun fact about wolves.

- Ben discovers he didn’t know what his own favourite animal or colour was.

- Ben does a deep dive on the dating history of Where’s Wally?

"All of the body-ody, the ass and titties"

- Ben refuses to say whether he attended Taylor Swift’s wedding.

- Doja Cat doesn’t show her boobs real hard.

- Nobody has questions about anal bleaching, unibrows and what your face is for.

- Ben’s got a plumbing problem and a mysterious wet patch.

- Nobody wants a pink light on her car for near emergencies.

"She might not be ready, on this stone cold summer night"

- We debate the hypothetical highs and lows of getting paid to masturbate.

- Ben recalls his time working at Big Al’s Pizza and Pasta.

- We deliberate about foot fetishes and the humble Aussie tradition of the shoey.

- Ben gets some harsh feedback at his girlfriend’s family reunion.

- Nobody startles her husband by warning him not to get startled.

- We argue about whether Ben should have waited for Nobody to arrive before ordering his burger.

- Nobody poses a question about the etiquette of getting drinks for the whole family.

- Ben 10 goes missing at the family reunion.

- We discuss getting sick on holidays and contemplate the need for adult diapers.

"I've got to leave, it's time for a show"

- We ponder the career trajectory of Thomas the Tank Engine’s Fat Controller.

- We discuss our recent health checkups and memorable teenage email addresses.

- Nobody is worried that Ben brought a spider back from Brazil.

- Nobody doesn’t want to live on the ground floor.

- Ben tries to sneak a tissue past airport security.

- Ben evaluates his chances of figuring out how to use an airplane seat as a flotation device.

- Ben discovers you can’t flush toilet paper in Brazil.

- Ben takes issue with the way Brazilians eat pizza.

- Ben visits the town of Valparaiso, where he gets quizzed about his girlfriend.

- Ben documents the bad drivers of Brazil.

- Nobody has a run in with a spider on the highway.

- Ben learns about the cutia, the tastiest of the Brazilian rodents.

- Ben unwittingly unleashes a scorpion on his girlfriend's household.

"And all the girlies say I'm pretty fly for a white guy"

- We play the Jeffrey Epstein and Luke Skywalker game.

- Nobody stumbles home after a visit the ophthalmologist that leaves her nearly blind.

- We discuss how a ‘top 30 headache’ can mean vastly different things for men and women.

- We reminisce about the early days of Facebook and Nobody’s most cringeworthy posts.

- Nobody has a new business proposal for desexing your pets on the go.

- Ben faces a dilemma while getting his car serviced.

- Ben dives into his group chat for the first ever ‘Darren’s musings’.

"The only time I feel I might get better is when we are together"

- Ben doesn’t want the obligation of dealing with your dead body.

- Nobody lost her grandma’s ashes.

- We plan Nobody’s funeral and her partners commiseration handjob.

- Nobody asks if you’d let a stranger with diarrhea into your house.

- Nobody outlines exactly what she’d use the superpower of ‘bowel vision’ for.

- Ben dreams up a way for Nobody to get rich babysitting.

- We brainstorm responses to the cute goodnight message Ben received.

- We discuss brother lovin’ in The White Lotus.

- Nobody is having a bad hair day and hasn’t had a haircut in many years.

- We swap Uber ratings and call for an end to the five-star rating system.

- Ben asks what is the best music to listen to during an MRI?

"I want someone to try, or let me down easy, easy tonight"

- Ben is confused by the condoms in airport bathrooms.

- We ponder what the inside of our nose smells like.

- The Toni and Ryan podcast is giving Ben a glimpse into a parallel universe.

- Nobody thinks our childhood town of Research would be the perfect setting for a small-town murder mystery.

- Ben has a run in with a mentally healthy gang of youths.

- We both get stuck in conversations with old men.

- We discuss our aversion to hugging our friends.

- Nobody has a café couch etiquette dilemma.

- Ben feels sorry for Stranger Things’ ‘Dipshit Derek’.

- Nobody buys exactly one kilo of bananas.

"I think I got to know your body"

- Ben thinks we need a name for the back of the knee.

- We discuss accidentally sending dirty messages to the group chat.

- Ben attends the Grand Prix and buys the world’s most expensive dental floss.

- Ben has some follow up questions about Nobody’s love of Ferris wheels and the World’s Fair.

- Prompted by the Toni & Ryan podcast, Nobody asks what percentage of each other bodies we have seen.

- Nobody keeps booking hotel rooms with windows to the bathroom.

- Nobody accidentally texts Ben a dirty Resident Evil meme.

- Nobody has a café etiquette question about eating outside food.

- We share our disdain for paid public toilets.

- Nobody visits an empty restaurant and gets put on display.

"All we are is dust in the wind"

- Nobody is done with personal growth.

- Someone is stealing Ben’s Fijian sand!

- Ben’s stomach starts speaking to him.

- Nobody wants to visit the World’s Fair.

"I'll take you to the candy shop. I'll let you lick the lollipop."

- Ben wonders if we should trust Trojan condoms and we brainstorm the politest way to say ‘raw dogging’.

- We launch our new brand of customised condoms.

- Nobody feeds Ben the worst candy he’s ever had.

- We cheap out on sunscreen and face the consequences.

- Nobody returns from Bali with dengue fever. Aka. The poor man’s Ozempic.

- Nobody claims she knows the speed of farts and can identify a farters gender.

- We dig into the winter Olympics aerial skier crotch controversy.

- We wonder what Jesus would have thought of hot cross buns.

- We cap off 2025 by answering the burning questions about Ben’s Christmas lunch and the Gävle goat.

- Ben invents ‘window towel’ and gets a new car.

- Nobody wants more people to adopt the ‘in person indicator’ move.