Allowances. Are you paying your kids a weekly allowance to get things done around the house? Or are you using allowances as a tool to teach kids financial responsibility? Or both? Today's Yay or Nay episode is all about our current views and takes on paying our kids an allowance. 

Key takeaways:

• Defining paid vs unpaid tasks: Ensure your child understands the conditions associated with their allowance. Clearly distinguish between tasks they are paid for and responsibilities they have as part of the family. 
• Teaching responsibility first: Laying the foundations of responsibility first helps kids understand what is expected of them before they start doing things for payment. This instils a sense of duty and accountability as part of the family unit. 
• Preparing them for the real world: Having kids contribute financially in some form helps prepare them for adulthood, making the transition to financial independence less jarring and more manageable. 
• Educate about money: Talk openly about money and provide kids with the tools they need for the future. Teaching them about saving, spending, and financial planning sets them up for success.

What we discussed:
00:16 Intro
00:42 Are we a yay or nay?
01:01 What conversations we're having to teach our kids about money
08:22 Understanding flow-on effects of not completing their 'chores'
09:11 Teaching responsibility
10:54 Preparing them for adulthood
12:56 Having open conversations about money
16:50 Pitfalls of credit, afterpay and other money that's not ours
19:07 Outro

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Nhi & Dee 

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Sleepovers. Are you excited to get the kids out of the house so you can have a night off, or does the idea bring up all sorts of anxiety? In today's Yay or Nay episode, we'll discuss our thoughts on sleepovers. Did we have them as kids, and how have they shaped our view as parents?

Key takeaways:

• Knowing the hosts: Ensure you know the sleepover hosts well enough to reduce anxiety. Being comfortable with the host will put you at ease, allowing you to know your child is in safe hands.
• Modifying the experience: Consider attending the sleepover to help out or picking up your child early. This will allow your child to experience the social interaction and fun of a sleepover without the stress and anxiety. 
• Don't rush: Get all the details about the sleepover. Speaking with the host family to ensure they are aware of your thoughts and feelings about the experience will help make the experience more enjoyable for all.
• Open communication: Ensure your child has the ability to contact you if needed. Providing them with a phone will give them the independence to do so.

What we discussed:
00:19 Intro
01:38 Yay or Nay on sleepovers for Nhi
03:25 Yay or Nay on sleepovers for Dee
05:03 Important points to consider about sleepovers
09:02 How to keep your kids safe during a sleepover
10:51 Navigating being asked to attend a sleepover 
12:21 Declining an invitation
13:50 Keeping the communication lines open
15:38 Outro

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Did you believe in Santa growing up? Did the tooth fairy replace your tooth with money? 
Enter into the world of make believe where as parents we try to strike a balance between nurturing imagination while preserving the truths.
Join us as we reminisce about our own childhood experiences and explore how it's shaped the traditions we currently celebrate and pass onto our children.

Key takeaways:

• Being prepared: Speaking to your partner about how you'll tackle these topics might help to prevent disappointment for your kids. 
• Defining the holidays: Each family has its own unique way of defining and celebrating holidays. Whether you choose to embrace certain traditions, modify them, or skip them altogether, the important thing is to spend the holidays in a manner that aligns with your family values, rather than trying to conform to societal expectations of perfection.
• Not following 'the norm': It's important to recognise that not all children subscribe to the same beliefs or traditions. Some may not believe in Santa Claus, receive visits from the Easter Bunny, or encounter the Tooth Fairy, and that's perfectly okay. Each family's traditions and beliefs are valid and deserving of respect.

What we discussed:
00:19 Intro and Mother's Day recap
03:02 Delving into our upbringing and how that's shaped us as parents
07:35 Our friends first experience with the tooth fairy
08:17 Why Dee doesn't like Halloween
09:31 the buildup to Christmas
11:27 Are we lying to our children about Santa, or preserving magic and imagination?
17:39 The pressure of confirming to society and the expectations of 
19:14 What Nhi will do when her kids lose a tooth
19:56 Does being honest with your kids about these characters hinder their imagination?
22:09 Are there any other movie or TV characters that our kids believe in?
23:31 How we utilise these holidays to teach our kids life lessons
27:36 Outro

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Following our discussion last week, we've identified a few myths around mental load that warrants extra exploration.

Key takeaways:

• Proactive intervention: Addressing mental load early before it escalated to a point of no return might prevent irreversible damage.
• Unveil the invisible: Remember that mental load is invisible. The only way to shed light on it is by examining it and understanding its affects- specifically how it affects you.
• Resilience: Despite having effective routines, great time management and running a well oiled machine, mental load can still creep up and affect all aspects our your life.
• Communication vs nagging: If you are nagging or being nagged, there may be underlying issues with communication. Active listening can create a more supportive environment.
• Beyond the domestic home: Mental load goes beyond homelife. It can show up in many forms with work and societal expectations adding to pressures.

What we discussed:
00:25 Intro
02:02 Myth number 1: Mental load is a woman's responsibility 
05:29 Myth number 2: Mental load is all about chores
10:18 Myth number 3: Everyone's mental load is the same
12:10 Myth number 4: Metal load is not a problem, just woman nagging
15:59 Myth number 5: Mental load is easy to balance

21:21 Myth number 6: Mental load is not a workplace issue
25:19 Final thoughts
29:47 Outro

Shoutout to our friend Evelyn at Legacy Building Mamas. Tune in for weekly inspiration on balancing family, career, personal growth, and dreams. 

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Where do we even start.... how do you articulate something when its invisible? 
Mental load is like carrying a backpack everywhere you go. Initially light, it quickly fills with tasks, worries, and responsibilities—big and small. Each item represents a thought or task, some heavier than others, straining your shoulders as they accumulate. It's not just about the weight but also the constant juggling to manage them all, leaving you exhausted and overwhelmed. Today we are discussing how mental load shows up for us and what we've done to reduce the burden.

Key takeaways:

• Self care and boundaries: Setting boundaries and expectations is a great way to ensure you are practicing self care and not ensuring your mental load does not become unbearable
• Reflect on patterns: Reflecting on your patterns and personal experience can assist to find the root cause which can help to break down societal stereotypes.
• Regular check ins: Mental load gradually increases with life changes, such as becoming serious with a partner and having children. Regular check ins can help to ensure mental load doesn't creep up on you and leaves one partner isn't feeling overwhelmed.

What we discussed:
00:40 Intro
01:11 What mental load looks like for Nhi
01:43 What mental load looks like for Dee
03:41 Dee trying to describe the indescribable
04:30 Nhi coming to the rescue and articulating mental load better
08:16 What mental load really is and what frustrates Nhi
13:14 Outsourcing to reduce mental load 
14:45 How we reduce our mental load
25:18 The Sunday argument that highlights how men and woman think
27:22 The benefits of reducing mental load
31:37 The our childhood has impacted our perception of mental load 
41:19 Societal expectations, recognition and appreciation
44:22 Wrap up

Stay tuned for part 2!

Men's Brains and Women's Brains with Mark Gungor (Nothing Box)

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Retuning back to work, you're either dreading it or counting down the minutes. Does it seem like your world has been turned upside down as you prepare to re-enter the workforce after welcoming your little one? We've been there, and we're here to share our stories and the invaluable lessons we've learned along the way. Join us as we discuss the realities of finding balance between career and motherhood in this chapter of our lives.

Key takeaways:

• Balance vs harmony: Change your language to reduce some pressure of balancing everything perfectly (and potentially feeling like failing at it all). Life ebbs and flows and the same will be with work and home life.
• Communication is key: Returning to work means a change in dynamics at home. Communication will be key in  determining new routines and ensuring ownership of tasks are clear and evenly distributed. 
• Embrace the simplification: Although its unsexy, where practicable, simplify your life. Find ways to make the every day, mundane task simpler and easier to avoid decision fatigue and overall exhaustion. 
• Giving Self-Grace: Just as you needed time to adjust to becoming a mum, you will need time to adjust back into the workforce. Whether you are staring a new job or going back to your previous one, you need time to mentally readjust. Give yourself that grace- your future self will thank you for it.

What we discussed:
00:24 Intro 
01:30 When did we return to work?
04:14 Mum guilt 
05:52 Choosing career? 
06:50 The second time around 
08:00 Finding work / life balance? 
09:29 Taking on more of the mental load 
10:32 Questions to ask before you go back to work
11:16 Work life harmony
13:44 Communicating with your partner 
14:46 Feeling decision fatigue 
14:57 Simplifying things 
17:44 Challenges of going back to work 
19:28 Shifting from mum mode to work was tough! 
23:51 Mum brain! 
25:12 How does career goals and ambitions change once you kids?
32:48 Judgement or stigma from others 
26:35 Wrap up 

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School holidays.... Did that just send chills down your spin? Does everything get turned on its head when the holidays come around... again? We had just started school, started to get use to the routine and BAM, the school holidays were upon us! We're glad to report that we made it through - join us as we chat through how we dealt with the school holidays, our different approaches, and what worked and didn't! 

Key takeaways:

• Plan ahead- these things can sneak up on you, but being as prepared as possible in advance can can make the holidays run a little smoother.
• Lean on your community- Asking for help and accepting help when offered not only gives you a break but gives your child an opportunity to spend time with the people in their community.
• Allocate 1:1 time- Even though school holidays throw out the regular routine, keep some regularity by maintaining 1:1 time
• Parent guilt- There's no one size fits all for navigating the holidays. Not to mention the holiday experience evolve as your kids grows, with the seasons (indoor vs outdoor activities), with additional siblings and a number of different factors. Leave the weight of working parent guilt behind! 

What we discussed:
00:39 Intro
01:26 Dee's best and worst things about the holidays (and holiday set up)
03:28 Nhi's best and worst things about the holidays (and holiday set up)
07:44 How we kept the kids occupied
11:48 What our holidays were like when we were kids
14:48 What screen time looked like during the holidays
17:58 Returning back to school
23:38 Advice on spending 1:1 time and before/ after school care
28:32 What we'll be doing next school holidays and general advice
31:41 Wrap up

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What do you do if your partner's parenting style conflicts with yours? Or, if you find yourself parenting in a way that you did not expect? Or... maybe you're the exact kind of parent you thought you would be? 🤔 

It's difficult to know what type of parent you'll be until you're in the thick of it, so even more impossible to foretell what type of parent your partner will be. Join us as we discuss our experiences of having partners who both have different parenting styles!! This is a follow up to episode 10 where we revealed our own parenting styles, and if we felt they were accurate or now. 

Key takeaways:
- It can be difficult if your partner's parenting style conflicts with you, it'll come down to communication and how well you and your partner can communicate and work through things
 - Working on yourself before you become a parent will help you greatly 
- Your parenting style is, in a way, an extension of your personality, but it's an extension that you've never experienced before so it's really hard to know what type of parent you'll be!
- Parenting does go beyond just you and your partner - your friends, your family, childcare - they all get involved. 

What we discussed:
00:18 Intro
00:42 Brief overview of the four main types of parenting styles
01:29 Nhi's husband's parenting style - What is the 'nature' parenting style?
02:36 Does Nhi agree??
03:42 Dee's husband's parenting style - another 'attachment' parent!
04:01 What is the 'attachment' parenting style?
04:50 Does Dee agree??
05:24 When parenting styles (kind of!) complement each other
07:12 When parenting styles are more like chalk and cheese
08:39 It's not always blue skies and rose tinted glasses
10:16 Advice to those who are about to become parents
10:36 Work on yourself BEFORE you become a parent
14:37 Some questions to ask each other
15:18 Amazing deck of cards to help you discover who you might be as a parent
18:10 Disagreeing with some things
19:11 It takes a village - parenting styles beyond your partners
20:41 Do others need to adapt to your parenting style?
23: 11 Juggling the kids, routines, and life
26:29 Any themes for conflict?
27:38 Pulling others up when their style conflicts with ours
29:14 Do others generally respect your parenting style?
31:13 Wrap up

Sources mentioned:
Parenting quiz (let us know what you get!)
Parenting.com

Parenting cards we discussed : Creating Humanity (We do really recommend these!!)

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Are our parenting styles a reflection of our personalities, or are they a byproduct of our upbringing? Parenting styles can differ vastly, and we were curious to know where we fit among them all. Join us as we take a parenting quiz, and we may uncover more than we bargained for.
We'd also love to know if your parenting style is the same as your upbringing. polar opposite or a reflection of the gaps you felt were missing from your upbringing?

What we discussed:
00:18 Introduction
01:02 The 4 main parenting styles explained
02:09 Dee's parenting style
03:26 Nhi's first impressions
04:51 A deep dive into Dee's parenting style
06:26 Nhi's parenting style
08:49 Dee's first impressions
10:14 Our thoughts before having kids
15:57 How our upbringing impacted our parenting styles
22:01 Parenting styles that oppose our own
30:23 Conclusion

Sources mentioned:
Parenting quiz (let us know what you get!)
Parenting.com

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By 'our first month of school', we, of course, mean our kid's first month. In some ways, though, it was just as much an adjustment for us as it was for our little ones (correction, our big school kids). Join Nhi and Dee as we discuss the transition within our families into this new life milestone.

What we discussed:
00:15 Introduction

01:15 Our aha moments with starting school
03:12 Debrief on the past month (Dee and Aiden)
06:00 Debrief on the past month (Nhi and Kenzo)
09:13 The dreaded school lunchboxes 
09:40 Before and after school care, where are all the kids?
10:32 Debunking where kids go
11:52 Making new friends (as a parent)
13:21 Impacts of starting school
13:46 Shout out to all the amazing teachers and educators
17:22 How how this milestone impacted us as mums (Dee)
20:39 Are we teething?
21:41 How how this milestone impacted us as mums (Nhi)
23:39 The change in our identities 
24:56 "Being a mum is a lifetime of letting go"
25:24 Dee's advice as new school mum
27:27 Nhi's advice as a new school mum
29:42 Conclusion

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