Free from binging and purging from Nov 1986 thanks to God

I did all the nasty things overeaters do. No normal suggestions helped at all.

When I am talking, I am not learning.

I have fallen in love with my Higher Power. and I believe he returns the favor.

My God was big enough to help me with the IRS.

Not all my dramas have happy endings but I do get through them and stay abstinent.

i had to take the first step before I joined OA. I knew I had a problem.

I have a daily reprieve. I wake up and the work starts. Te 12 steps are about Ego reduction.

Self help books, workshops or pictures did not help.

I went to my first meeting,saw God on the wall and walked out. I did not come back for a year.

I had amazing weight loss in the first 9 months. and realized I was on my way out without the steps.

Through grace I surrendered and became teachable.

The ones who helped me the most in the  beginning have passed on. I am their legacy and carry their message.

I experienced a great deal of challenges in my 1st 37 years. I now believe I was born an addict, regardless of my traumas.

Life has thrown me a bunch of more challenges. The steps help me survive  and flourish in the face of new adversity that I face.

I was pretty normal as a child, athletic 6'4".  Eating did not kick until my thirties going up to 360.

I had a family and kids, seemingly normal, however on my way home for a family dinner I would stop at multiple drive-thrus to pre-binge before going home to eat another dinner with dessert.  I could hide the nags but not the smell.

A diagnosis of diabetes and a need to  inject insulin sent me to a drive in.  Another 4 years before getting to OA.

When I left my job for a 'Sabbatical' to focus on my heath the reality was my overeating became my full time job.

Jan 1999  admitted my addiction and my recovery in OA began at 400 LBS

I eventually got a letter from my doctor indicating I was diabetes free.

Today I have a sponsor and I am a sponsor.

I put bows in my hair to keep focus on my head and not my body.

I did well with pay and weigh programs, therapies, diets, everyone worked once. I wanted to have my jaw wired shut.

I got up over 300 lbs after grey sheet helped me loose 40  lbs.

I did not understand the concept of alcoholic foods.

I bounced in and out of multiple 12 steps programs searching for the perfect program, the perfect sponsor etc. I would not surrender to anything completely. I manipulated everybody and everything to do it my way.

God is definitely doing for me what I will not do for myself. Ordering from a fast food the machine is broken. lots of times.

Today I am willing to look in a mirror and say 'Judy- I love you"  and mean it.

Today I have daily rituals for my recovery which keep me emotionally and physically stable.

3 Factions OA. Strict, Loose and in between. They all can work. The trick is to find what works for you.

I am a compulsive eater and compulsive dieter. I think I have lost over 2000 lbs

I quickly realized OA was much more than a weight loss program.

My current weight loss that I have maintained for 14 years is over 100 lbs and I am not looking for it.

Even after attaining my target weight I was not satisfied with me.

Who - Did I eat differently around someone. What - What food might be creeping in that did not serve me. Where- Were there slippery places where I tended to stretch the boundaries of my food plan. Always best at home. When - Was there a time of day that simply called me to eat. Why - What was I telling myself that was not true.

Today I eat to live rather than live to eat.

Growing up we did not have a lot of food so we ate all we could when we could.

Stayed thin through college and marriage until my first child. Then it was on.

I was tricked to going to my first meeting unwilling to acknowledge my issue initially.

Embraced the program slowly. Did not get a sponsor until after a year. I managed a food plan because of my health issues not because has surrendered.

Today I honestly work my food and my life with my sponsor. 

Today I don't eat over the choices I make Good or bad.

Providing service  whenever I can keeps my locked in to the program. Those I sponsors keep me grounded in the basics which is what I need.

I know the program works because it has worked for me and I have seen it work for others over and over again.

Even with multiple physical and mental issues it was in these rooms I finally felt safe.

I couldn't deal with my diagnoses and it took it toll bringing me into 3 programs. I would rather be an addict than have a mental issues.

I had to write a letter about why I hated OA. Pretty revealing.

Eventually I stopped blaming everyone else and accepted responsibility for my action. thus started my real recovery.

I use multiple outside experts instead of self diagnosing, self medicating and failing. 

I am embracing being a healthy woman, in a healthy body with healthy relationships.

I do service which keeps me in the center of the herd.

I work the steps and embrace the traditions to the best of my ability.

My emotions may jump around but they are authentic.

In program almost 40 years.

Both parents into their own addictions.

I could manage my food, it wasn't that bad . . . until it was that bad.

7-11 Was my downfall as i promised to start over every day.

I was leading a double life as psychotherapist and food addict.

In the beginning  (first 10 years) I made the group my Higher Power. so I left the program because I wanted to have a normal life. Back after 3 years.

Came back and ended up weighing and measuring for the next 10 years. Knew it well enough that I left the program.

Next time was a big book study. Finally got that my spiritual problem manifested with my food.

Today I have food neutrality.

I am still peeling the onion. It just never stops but today I appreciate it. 

I started early 3 or less. There were no boundaries and no safety. I just wanted to be loved but food  gave me that feeling.

I was a 'chubby' kid and felt shamed even at the doctor's office.

I was 6 with my  first diet. It became a way of life proving my unworthyness.

Food became the cause and the solution of my shame.

My dad dies when I was 16. He was the only one who i felt loved me unconditionally. Now I was alone and leaned into the food like never before.

16 - 49 in my disease.

Married  kids and food.

My last nine months was a sneaky brutal binge threatening every I thought was important.

I finally acknowledged I had a God sized problem I could not handle alone

I realized a food plan is an act of self love while a diet would be an act of self hate.

The gift of desperation kicked my recovery into gear. Moving me into the steps  for real.

Staying in the present where it is always Now O'Clock is critical.

Started with sweetened and condensed milk and our family was a member of the 'clean plate club'

When I left home at 17 it was Game on! 

I was not connected to my body and always shocked when I saw a reflection.

When my husband left I stopped drinking but food took over. 

At 60 I went to my AA sponsor about my weight and they suggested OA  in 2012 (287 lbs)

I got a food plan from a nutritionist. 

I would get a little time. one bite - - then more again.

Finally got solid abstinence Oct 2020. dealt with all the feelings I had suppressed mostly about me.

Today i know the phrase 'Not My Food'  and use it.